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  • in reply to: Everyday Nisim that Hashem does for us #843247
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    Dont Worry Be Happy, your post made my week! I am warmed to hear how I made a difference to you. Hatzlacha!

    in reply to: Inspiration/Personal stories regarding Shidduchim #996490
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    BTGuy, I want to give you Hakaras Hatov, for bumping up this thread. I noticed it disappearing in the wildnerness of the Coffee Room, yet felt a tad awkward doing anything about it. And for those who subsequently responded-thank you too!

    I am -at the moment-still single, but B”EH when I get engaged to my Bashert, I plan on sharing the story and any inspirational and Chizzuk messages that have occured throughout the whole process. They say that in Shidduchim is where we see Yad Hashem and Hashems plan most revealed to us-through the entire trip! We just have to keep our eyes open.

    Stories I especially like is how it is obvious that Hashems Hasgacha was involved, even when the situation seemed bleak.

    in reply to: bad guy?bad girl? #842664
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    Just my 2 cents…

    I grew up in a pretty right wing family, however the schools I went to was not my style of learning. While it worked for others, it just wasnt for me. As well, as the fact that I was constantly questioning and did not feel I had any sort of stable base in Judiasm. So I pretty much rebelled, in my way and while not doing anything drastic, I did not completely believe in G-D, and did not keep most Halacha.

    It was only when I met people who were so passionate about Judaism and Mitzvot and Hashem that I felt I found what I was looking for. It wasnt dry, by rote or cookie cutter type. It was something much deeper, and always being a spiritual person, I was attracted to it. So I came back to Judaism, in more of a Baal Teshuva manner (which btw, I dont go for the term “FFB”. We all are Baal Teshuvas in some ways.)I was involved in a Kiruv organization and was so impressed at how people becoming Frum were Excited about learning and growing and taking on more Mitzvot! And I came back to Judasim in that way myself.

    So I am in the dating period and, while I am open to anyone, I do personally connect to boys who did not have a religious background and became frum as well as boys who became more Frum at some point in their lives-whether growing up more Modern, or growing up in my kind of background, with my experiences. I find that when one comes to it by themselves and creates their own unique path in life– and wants to grow with a passion, it feels more meaningful to me.

    in reply to: Everyday Nisim that Hashem does for us #843211
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    Its all within our thought processess and patterns. Our thoughts toward Hashem make a bigger impact than we think. If we truly believe that Hashem will answer a Tefila in the best way possible, then that is what reality will be. As they say, “Think Good and it will Be Good.”

    Ive tried that. Once I started focusing on a positive outcome after a Tefila and truly believing, as much as I can that the Tefila will be answered, it was.

    Note: Dont Daven for anything specific to happen, or if you do, Daven that it should happen– as long as its good.

    I agree with WIY, sometimes it may not be the right time yet. I have seen that so many times with regard to things I have prayed for. And in the end it is crystal clear. Dont give up hope!

    in reply to: A valuable lesson from Yosef Hatzaddik #842102
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    I liked that! Thank you for sharing.

    in reply to: Hishtadlut in Shidduchim #842048
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    Thank you, Think First. Its just hard since I am heading into my upper 20’s and my mother and some other relatives just dont think I am trying hard enough..:(

    in reply to: Best Sayings #842922
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    Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow..

    in reply to: HaKaras HaTov -Vital for Good Marriage? #841005
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    Thank you Middle Path! You compliment is valued and appreciated. Same for you Oomis. I try, but naturally being a fast paced person, it takes some work to slow down and take time to really internalize and appreciate what the other person has been doing.

    SilentOne, I think that what you are describing is someone who has an Ayin Tov/a good eye, who naturally looks toward the good of other people and toward the good of what they do as well. Someone who is a positive person will notice the positive attributes and actions of others. And, will also naturally appreciate others as well.

    In terms of Chizzuk, I would guess its a two way street. Make her feel appreciated for what she does and for who she is as well. If she does anything for you, at all, no matter whether it is needed by you or not; if she has good intentions, thank her very much for that. And the best formula-in my opinion, is to constantly seek out the good in each other and bring it to the other person’s attention as much as you can, with it being natural of course. Again, this relates to having an Ayin Tov.

    in reply to: HaKaras HaTov -Vital for Good Marriage? #841000
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    I am in Shidduchim and I thank you for this thread. I feel that Hakaras Hatov is integral in any relationship, be it parents, teachers, and friends and especially in a marriage. I can imagine what its like for someone to work so hard or even do an “easy” favor and then feel unappreciated. Appreciation of one’s spouse I feel is (one of) the glue that holds a relationship together and fuels both people involved to continue to put in their best.

    Everyone wants to feel appreciated and valued.

    Thank you. This is something that I want to work on and be aware of. And thank you Oomis for the example regarding your son on dates. This will open my eyes more to acknowledging the effort that boys put when it comes to planning the date, and so much more.

    in reply to: Does such a guy have a chance of getting happily married? #840630
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    It’s interesting, since I am one of the more outgoing girls, and yes, I can be quite talkative. However I do find myself drawn to more quieter guys. I find that there is a lot going on beneath the surface and if we give them enough time and respect, it will come out. I also enjoy having one on one conversations more than group talk and I feel that I like bringing out those who may be more quiet and hear their original thoughts and what they have to say. They are inclined to be modest and unassuming and I appreciate people who are great listeners as well.

    However if this is someone who really cannot say a word in a conversation or respond at all, I would say that it may be a good idea for him to speak to someone and work on developing himself in that area. There can be a variety of factors causing this which can be worked through.

    in reply to: I am truly embarrased. #824965
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    Maybe she could be Jewish, but not observant. Hmmm…Either way that seems like someone who was bought up well.

    in reply to: Working with Non Jews #823157
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    To everyone: Thanks for the replies! All are appreciated, and noted.

    @Oomis-One of the things I dont like about cybercommunication-especially when we are all strangers, is that the intention or expressions behind the words-and the person is missing.

    I have no problem being a mentch 🙂 (If I can brag;) In the past, before I became more religious, I was very close to Non Jews, we would chat about personal things, we would get together purely socially, and we would have close friendships. However as I got more religious, I picked up on the fact that there are certain boundaries in our relationships to the Umot Haolam, and to be honest, I am not sure how “close” I am allowed to get to the Non Jews at work, especially when we are all (Jews +Non) are sitting around freely conversing. Halacha can be grey here I think, however I feel that I dont want to trangress by doing what I may not be allowed to in terms of closer relationships. Hence my OP.

    in reply to: Working with Non Jews #823152
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    The place I work at is a well known Jewish organization. It just happens to be that they employ Non Jews here as well and since we are working at a group home for 8 hours a day, (in a non office and an interactive setting), we work pretty closely together.

    in reply to: How many time did you "one and done" based on looks? #818034
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    Really, it all boils down to what is truly attractive to the boy in question. What I feel very strongly about -is that personality is what attracts people to each other. Not superficial looks (although they can help -to a point). So where does doing the “one and done” without getting to know the other person on a more deeper level come into play?

    in reply to: How many time did you "one and done" based on looks? #818033
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    Bpt-

    Pressing the Like Button on that last post. Or the Love Button. Your call.

    in reply to: Mazel Tov! #1223800
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    Dealz this is awesome news!!! Especially now that I am thinking back to our short exchange in one of my threads I put up, and now I see you are engaged. This just made me super happy and I’m glad that I have a tiny part in this(!) May you both have only Tov and much Blessings from Hashem as you build your new Bayis!

    in reply to: Lesson of bitochon in SHIDDUCHIM… #814032
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    And breakups/rejection can be really tough. Good thing to pray for Rosh Hashana- that Hashem should guide us to our true Bashert with revealed Blessings and Clarity on the way. And that we avoid the heartache that comes from breakups.

    in reply to: Lesson of bitochon in SHIDDUCHIM… #814031
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    Chup-I got it.

    in reply to: Lesson of bitochon in SHIDDUCHIM… #814025
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    Very interesting. I was in a very slightly similar situation regarding the dating experience you had (albeit with many more differences.) One source of consolation is that Hashem is pulling the strings. Which leads me to have pure faith that He is leading me to the right one-and you as well.

    Im not sure about the dream. Personally many dreams I had were just random subconscious throughts, however I heard that a dream is what you interpret it as. This seems to be you interpretation and I guess that if its a possibility that his sister was hurt, is there any way to contact her? That may be an interesting thought. Especially since it seems that quite some time has passed by.

    in reply to: Cleaning Lady Horror Stories #1020256
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    My cousins live on a street named Olympia Lane. Their cleaning lady’s name is Olympia. And Lympia means “to clean”.

    in reply to: Roadblocks in dating? #811087
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    Wow, Dealz- thats amazing!! I give you a Bracha that if the guy you are dating is good for you to marry, Hashem should give you clarity and revealed Blessings!

    Thanks for the Chizzuk 🙂

    in reply to: Roadblocks in dating? #811085
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    In terms of other people-I decided that I would not tell anyone about my dating relationships until I get engaged I”YH, with the exception of close family and possibly people who helped set us up. In the past I could be dating someone and it could be going well, but once I would let on to someone that I am in a relationship, whether its after the 1rst, 3rd or 12th date, somehow the relationship would be over. At this point I want to keep it a big secret from everyone and when the right time comes they will find out.

    in reply to: I don't really belong in the CR #811930
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    Hi MiddlePath,

    Its a hard call to make. On one hand, I hear what you are saying about certain posts causing you to feel out of place and on a different page than the OP. Is there any way to discuss how you feel about certain opinions offline? Sometimes its also hard to see how people come across by the written word…one reason I value face to face communication more than anything.

    On the other hand…I, and I am sure others look foward to reading what you write. You have a unique sensitivity and maturity that comes across in what you write, that we enjoy reading.

    in reply to: Do Married Guys Do Laundry? #1074864
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    Admittedly I am one of those random people that like doing household chores…laundry included 🙂

    in reply to: Davening for ….. and is it good? #811240
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    Firstly, thanks for taking time to reply!

    I think I will clarify a bit deeper. (I tend to think myself in a muddle but thats not bad…right?)

    First, can one Daven for something in particular if he has the right intentions and feels that it will be good for him? For example: to help himself improve his Middos, become spritually closer to Hashem, to be able to give more money to Tzeddaka, be able to give good advice, get a certain job he feels would be able to help a lot of people, marry a person who has great Midos and Yirat Hashem-and then specify particulars-and then say “if its good for me, please grant it”

    Also, I must admit I am curious-what does “if its good for you” mean? Isnt anything that Hashem does good? And can anything be good if used or happens in the correct way? (Can Hashem change things for xyz to end up being good, even if it wasnt originally the case)

    How can one know what to Daven for or what is truly good?

    Which brings me to my next question-why cant someone Daven for something in specifics (shidduch, job, etc.) if he only has good intentions in mind for mentioning it.

    Wow. That was a mouthful. Thanks in advance!

    And extra points to Yossi Z. for his original points offline 🙂

    in reply to: Roadblocks in dating? #811082
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    Thanks for the posts and time you all took to reply. CR 1, I will check ot out. Thanks for the direction.

    in reply to: Roadblocks in dating? #811075
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    Thanks for the replies 🙂

    What I am wondering really-is does that concept exist? (My original first paragraph.)

    in reply to: Why Do the Women Get the Better Shmorg?! #820835
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    Um…most weddings I go to have a mixed Shmorg 😉 (Not to mention mixed seating but that is a different story.)

    in reply to: Gown Gemachs #811271
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    Thank you Carl 😉

    in reply to: Gown Gemachs #811266
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    I second this post. Thanks in advance!

    in reply to: 9/11 memories #1178188
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    I remember thinking what a beautiful day it was that morning. And my sis announced that today was her birthday. Around 9 AM, my class heard siren after siren without let up. We didnt know what was going on until the principal announced it on the loudspeaker. Everyone was pretty much flooding the payphones to call home and get the details. I watched it on TV, the towers crashing down. All was so surreal. Not something we would ever imagine to happen.

    My heart goes out to the innocent souls who were taken too young and to their innocent families.

    in reply to: Kiruv Rechokim #807880
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    Good Points everyone! I think for now I will just focus on building a normal, healthy relationship with her, since I like her as a person a lot, and she has a great character.

    In the future, I may revive this thread to keep y’all posted 🙂

    Thanks all!

    in reply to: Kiruv Rechokim #807876
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    Heres the only thing. I am afraid of it backfiring-especially since I work with her everyday. I want to know the way I can do it without seeming at all that I have an agenda.

    Also, I started the conversation. She used a Jewish sounding word, so I asked her “Are you Jewish?” She by nature is very talkative and open, so that was when she started telling me the other things. However when I asked her if her sons girlfriend is Jewish, she seemed a tad nervous about that question, and didnt see anything wrong with her being Catholic.

    I think its a great idea to give her reading material and gifts near the holidays, as I have done with co-workers in the past, however I am not sure how open to that she would be.

    in reply to: Question Regarding Monetary question #805980
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    Thanks for all the replies, and that was big Chizzuk for me. It has also changed my mindset regarding this situation and giving Tzeddaka.

    Thank you!

    in reply to: Some chizuk… #805654
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    Thats beautiful! Thanks so much for posting. I especially love the last line-“This is when you must call out to Hashem with your whole heart, and He will give you that big push to the finish line. All you have to do it jump up, reach out to Him, speak to Him from the deepest place in your heart and He will help you to the finish line.” Definitely resonates with what I am going through.

    One of my favorites-“Think good and it will be good.”

    in reply to: Dating Other Posters #1207765
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    BombManiac- ^_^ (Laughing)

    in reply to: photogenic, is everything ok? #805606
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    OK, MP. Done! 🙂

    in reply to: Dating Other Posters #1207756
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    Hehe Haleivi, I like that post 😉 I do have a feeling that MiddlePath may be much younger than me, however if that is the case, I have some amazing younger girls up my sleeve…

    in reply to: photogenic, is everything ok? #805605
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    Hi Middlepath,

    Thanks for the check-in! Yep, very busy, but cant complain B”H.

    I was checking in my email a few times to see if I got contacted-on how to contact you-although, no luck! Mods are probably quite busy, however that contact suggestion is excellent! Thanks!

    And on the way, I will check out some of your music. I love music!! ^-^

    in reply to: photogenic, is everything ok? #805602
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    Hey Middlepath! B”H my life is hectic (as usual) so not as much time to go on here as Id like to but thanks for checking in! I am all for contacting you/being put in touch with you/etc,

    Mods any way you can put us in touch? I know you have our contact info and you see these posts 😉

    MP, you are lucky you live in Midwest cus Irene is sure giving us a run for our money now!

    in reply to: photogenic, is everything ok? #805594
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    Bumping up…MiddlePath, hope you saw my reply!

    in reply to: photogenic, is everything ok? #805590
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    Hi MiddlePath,

    Dont worry-totally not the case! I have just been quite busy, and just spent 3 days without the internet! I dont usually post that often yet…still in the category of the lurker. Anyways, I appreciate your concern-that is very thoughtful of you. And no reason to be embarrassed-its all good intentions, no? 😉

    Anyways, now that I have you, I still would love to contact you. However, still not sure how…Mods?

    in reply to: How Did You Break Your (Musical) Fast #796983
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    Ok, I am still addicted to AKA Pella Platinum-does that count?

    in reply to: Spending Shabbos Nachamu Where? #797144
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    Partying it up in West Hartford!!!

    in reply to: Mazel Tov! #1223653
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    And my bro became a chassan last night…wait kylbdnr, do I know you? 😉

    in reply to: Mazel Tov! #1223652
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    Mazal Tov kylbdnr-The Lucky guy!! May you guys both have only Tov 🙂

    in reply to: "AHAVAS CHINOM!" #795456
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    Look for the “Neshama” part of every person you encounter, or already know.

    in reply to: I don't deserve her #795428
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    MiddlePath you sound like a really great guy. Any girl would be lucky to have you- Wish I could help set you up!!

    in reply to: I don't deserve her #795400
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    Middlepath,

    Unfortunately I dont have much time, but I want to respond. I am going off my instinctual impression from reading your post.

    I think that by being nice by not showing your feelings is not being nice to yourself. You deserve to show her what you are really feeling. And if she is a genuine person, she would want to see how you genuinely feel. You have a right to feel hurt. 100%. I dont think you should walk away without a fight. Of course not to seem desparate or needy, but with your self worth intact, just communicate how you are feeling and if you can ask her how she came to terms with her decision. It may be foward but it will feel much better afterward. Tell her how you connected. How good of a person she is. Again, do this from your heart. Keep us posted! We are rooting for you here.

    in reply to: Chemistry-or not? #794362
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    Aries, You are 1,000% on the mark. If only everyone can read what you have said and take it to heart.

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 53 total)