Forum Replies Created
For those people who have had the sleeve gastrectomy, how much weight did you have to lose? How much have you lost so far–in what length of time? How much down time was there when you had the surgery? Is your mind and your stomach full/satisfied with the lesser amount of food intake? Or are you limited in the amount you can comfortably consume only to want to be eating more?June 11, 2012 12:07 am at 12:07 am in reply to: What are the meaning of rainbow–did anyone see one on Friday? #879221
Tomim – I did say the brocha.
Moskidoodle – From my vantage point I only saw a large arc–not all the way across the sky and it was so-o-o pretty!
HaleiVi-You sound like the voice of gloom and doom. Lighten up a little!
Concerned Member – thanks for the scientific definition – I was wondering if from a Yiddishkeit perspective there is an underlying meaning to a rainbow.
Adam–hope in the zechus of your trying to get people to shut their cell phones off during davening that your friend has a refuah shleimah b’karov.
Learning is learning. Stop beating yourself up and dragging everyone else along with you for the ride. It’s getting kind of tired and boring.
What I really mean is give yourself some slack and please try to find some way to be kind to yourself. If you view yourself with such negativity, how do you expect others to treat you?
Please….. try your absolute hardest to make yourself have a great day!! 🙂
If I had such a high-level filter I probably wouldn’t even be able to access the Coffee Room. Are you kidding me?? A furniture website would be blocked?? Do you have any personal experience having purchased furniture from a website? I think I’d want to be able to see what I’m getting. Even with clothing, the companies make it look so appealing and then when you order it and it is delivered you realized you’ve just purchased the biggest shmattes that need to be shipped straight back where they came from! Hardly able to do that with a room of furniture.
Shul, levayas, chupahs, a bris, a pidyon haben ceremony or a shiur where someone’s taking the time and trouble to have prepared to present divrei Torah–it’s not just enough to put the phone on vibrate. It’s disruptive to see people responding and talking when the protocol is to be silent and attentive to the davening or the hespedim and kavod hames or the chuppah, or ceremony or shiur. And let’s not forget about all the texting.
Whatever happened to people just shutting off their phones when entering a venue where talking and texting is inappropriate and out-of-place.
No one has to be available all hours of 24/6 and if someone has such a pressing emergency that needs their full, immediate attention, chances are they wouldn’t be attending most of these functions anyway.
Breindy – Thanks!
Moderator – 18 – In Brooklyn
I don’t need the traditional type of massively huge, formal, ornate dining room sets that the local Boro Park stores seem to showcase. I don’t like those, they are too large for the space I need and I’m looking to get the best value for as little as I can get by with spending. I realize I would have to spend several thousand, but am not looking to go overboard.
To The Goq,
First of all–sorry for your recent loss.
When I was sitting shiva, there were people who left their ringers on and with the amount of fancy ringtones playing every time someone’s phone rang, I was beginning to feel I was at a party, not at a shiva house, and mind you I was one of the aveilim.
I love to laugh LOL 🙂 And even when it has gotten me in trouble–there’s nothing like a good belly laugh!!August 25, 2011 5:58 pm at 5:58 pm in reply to: shrin=physcologist. reason for this illustrious nickname, anyone? #802037
It’s the shortened version of the word head-shrinker which is slang for a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, pscychologist
I’m so sorry for all the pain and anguish you have suffered at the hand of your mother. Know that you have soul-sisters out in the world who’s hearts are bleeding for you and are championing your courage to get on with your life and come out of your nightmarish ordeal as intact and as sane as possible.
No one can and should ever judge you and do not allow anyone to play those head games with you. If anyone ever gives you the line, “You know you should understand… blah, blah, blah, ” I’m sure you’ve heard it all from the well-intentioned, but clueless peanut gallery–tell them very nicely and calmly that when they will be in your shoes and in your identical situation if they think they could do it any better then let them.
I think the best thing that you could have done is to remove yourself from the toxic and dangerous environment you were in.
I hope you have a strong support system to lean on and someone who can be a nuturing, mother figure to you and shower you with all the love that you deserve.
Wishing you menuchas hanefesh and success in everything you do.August 24, 2011 5:09 pm at 5:09 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801472
I am not looking to air dirty linen. And it is not my dirty linen even though I’ve caught more than a whiff or two of its stench over the years.
I have tried to be as general as possible so as not to divulge any details which would reveal the players.
I as I stated previously–I will actively search and hopefully find someone qualified to help me explore and resolve this in a private venue.
Now I hope that I will have enough self-control not to visit the Coffee Room until this thread disappears into oblivion and if can’t manage that and I take a peek, then I hope that I will exercise control to keep my hands restrained so as not to hit the keyboard in response. Wish me luck! 🙂August 24, 2011 4:56 pm at 4:56 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801471
To TOI and all the other posters who have used this line…
No one knows what happened ever… No one know what happened in private behind closed doors, etc. etc. etc.
HOWEVER, what you are failing to recognize is that the the woman in this case is using any and every opportunity available to her for mudslinging, maligning and displays of inappropriate behavior to her adult children and her friends.
The issue at hand is not what occurred in the marriage–the issue at hand is that the woman cannot disassociate herself from a situation which is OVAR ZMANO! and it is having far reaching ramifications.
It is interesting to see how the thread continues to take on a life of its own because of how readers choose to interpret what they are reading to make it more palatable to their understanding.August 24, 2011 4:39 pm at 4:39 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801467
Thanks for sticking your neck out for me. It’s commendable, but don’t put yourself on the chopping block for my sake.August 24, 2011 4:27 pm at 4:27 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801466
The reason why so many reactions you are getting is not to believe the husband was such a tzaddik….
I didn’t use the word tzaddik. If the reader came to the conclusion that a caring, decent person is ‘perfect’ and a ‘tzaddik’ they drew their own conclusion from what they read.August 24, 2011 4:23 pm at 4:23 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801465
Divorce is the death of a marriage and with that said couples who have made the difficult decision to go this route should seek and acquire the necessary techniques and measures to effectively bury their hatchets.
In a case where there are adult childre who are living their own lives independently, there need be minimal if any interaction whatsoever.
Public badmouthing, mudslinging, maligning or any related negativity toward the former partner in their now defunct relationship is indicative of a deficiency of the party of who engages in that behavior.
A person who has a confidante or therapist and feels the need to rant can vent and direct their anger and frustration to that designated person. Hopefully if they choose to utilize the therapy to the fullest extent, in time (s)he will be able to deal with their emotions.
Someone who has a Rov can seek rabbinical advice or decisions in cases when the situation warrants it or consult with the Rabbi if (s)he has sheilahs.August 23, 2011 10:53 pm at 10:53 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801449
Thanks for your time in sharing.
I do not have direct contact with this woman and am not receiving direct hits from this person–I suffer from the residual fallout.
If I had direct dealings you could easily tell me to avoid this person. I can’t go and hide in a cave. That seems to be the only way to avoid being subjected to the garbage she dishes out. I am not actively or inactively involved with her. Her devastating effects are very far-reaching.
What you and everyone else are basically telling me is to avoid living life to the fullest in my community. I’m tired of having to live on the fringe to avoid her wickedness and evil eye and I mean that literally. Have you ever been stared down by a vicious, evil person whose gaze pierces through the innermost part of you and makes you feel vulnerable? I hope you never do!!
As I stated previously, in order not to divulge any details that would possibly reveal too much, I realized that I must explore this in a more private setting.
Again, I thank you for trying to shed some light on this situation, but your story has no comparison whatsoever to the situation at hand. I draw no similarity between the two cases.August 23, 2011 10:34 pm at 10:34 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801448
While you may be trained as a coach I am going to agree to disagree with you in much of your response because you simply are not privvy to the particular situation at hand.
In the interest of not divulging too much that would possibly reveal who the players in this scenario are, I have decided that this is not the forum to handle whatever issues don’t sit well with me and will address my concerns and obtain the necessary guidance with someone in a private one-on-one venue.
Thank you for your efforts anyway, maybe we’ll be able to discuss a topic that is less sensitive to me in a different time, place and thread.
You are a brave and courageous soul to share your personal, heartwrenching story so that someone can take a page out of your book and learn from it.
You were a victim of circumstance and with Hashem’s help, YOU rose above it. You worked very hard on yourself to allow your inner beauty and your sterling middos to shine so that people know the essence of who you are.
Your day will come when you will find the special woman who will complement you, and together, you and she will soar to even greater heights as a couple building a bayis ne’eman b’yisroel against all odds.
Hatzlocha in all your endeavors…. Keep smiling and continue showing the world what a special person you are.August 23, 2011 9:30 pm at 9:30 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801445
I’m am not qualified to help this person, I am not a marriage counselor and I surely don’t have any commonality with this messed-up person who has no control over her impulses and acts like an impetuous 2 year old without any regard to the damage and fallout she is creating in her immediate family and future doros.
I am responding to you out of courtesy, but have pretty much made my final assessment in a previous post several hours ago.
Thank you for your contribution to this lively discussion.
Be well.August 23, 2011 8:46 pm at 8:46 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801443
Adorable–Perish the thought–am definitely not husband #2 and have no aspirations to ever want to be associated with her.August 23, 2011 8:27 pm at 8:27 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801442
“I think it would be fair to say that if the coin had been reversed, and the OP had been complaining about a vindictive ex-husband, rather than a vindictive ex-wife,…”
Our society is accustomed to hearing about men who act in a totally respectable manner in the public eye, yet when they enter their private domain lash out at their wives and I imagine that’s the perspective of those who were trying to bash me were coming from.
The same goes for people who can’t understand that there are divorced fathers who were not at fault and were not to blame and have been totally shut out of their children’s lives.
Of course the statistics in divorce situations are usually stacked against the women, but there are the rare instances where the men get the short end of the stick. The exception–not the rule.
Thank you for understanding.August 23, 2011 8:14 pm at 8:14 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801440
I realize I don’t know everything, and as so many of the responders have not failed to let me know that I was not privvy to the intimate behind closed doors details of their lives, nor would I have cared to, but I know more than enough from the fallout and aftermath of their sham of a marriage.
Discretion is not one of the virtues of this woman. She has no compunction to air her dirty linen in public as long as she can look good in people’s eyes while attempting to besmirch her EX.
If what I do know was not easily verified by reputable sources it would be another story. but as hard as it may be for some people to accept, the limited amount that I know is way, way over the top.
There are some people who through their life’s experience understand that this woman’s behavior is totally unacceptable–that she should have sought therapy and to have put her life in order before entering a new stage of life. And once she remarried, she surely shouldn’t have been carrying ill feelings of her EX husband into every situation. This gets carried over into her interaction with her adult married children (and who knows how much the grandchildren are subjected to indirectly) family simchas, Yomim Tovim, weddings, bar mitzvas, shul, aufrufs,social situations etc. As we all know–the world is a very small place, especially when trying to avoid an unpleasant situation.
Believe me, I know many, many divorced people and I have NEVER, EVER come across the likes of someone like this. It is EXTREME.
I have not divulged details that would identify who this person is and that was not my intention. I didn’t do it for the sake of loshon horah.
I thought I might get some perspective and to gain a better understanding of the workings of someone who is totally not in my realm. I’m not in much of a different space than I was previously. I didn’t learn anything much other than perhaps that this may not have been the ideal forum to introduce this topic on.
Thank you and hoping that this may prove to be a learning experience for someone.August 23, 2011 8:11 pm at 8:11 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801439
Adorable–Thank you for trying to soften the blows of Aries ranting. You seem very sweet.August 23, 2011 6:57 pm at 6:57 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801436
Aries…Maybe you are too attached to the situation you are dealing with and you can’t look beyond your client’s history. That’s one case scenario that you are being made aware of from the perspective of what you are being told.
If it is bothering you so much, then don’t bother to respond. I guess this touches more than a raw nerve in you.
A poster has a right to express him/herself and if you are a coach allow me to enlighten you: Your lambasting attitude won’t get you very far in your professional endeavors.
This post was introduced as a discussion–and you are attempting to make it a personal attack against me.
I am not one of the players, I seek counsel and take mussar from people whose values and opinions I respect and lastly I don’t need to qualify or justify myself to you one iota.
Have a nice day.August 23, 2011 6:45 pm at 6:45 pm in reply to: Earthquake in Brooklyn! (and surrounding out-of-town places) #801335
First time for me too! My office chair began moving and it felt weird. I know it’s on wheels, but it was moving and I wasn’t. Then the window treatments were moving and I thought it’s a breeze. Then the foundation of the building was shaking–and only then it occurred to me that this might be an earthquake! Just as soon as I realized what’s going on, the quake stopped. Thankfully nothing happened and I hope that no one else who experienced this sustained any injuries or damage.
Whew… I’m relieved!!August 23, 2011 5:13 pm at 5:13 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801432
…Another reason for her attitude is perhaps jealousy, assuming the first husband went on with his life and living a normal life ….
Husband #1 definitely did better the second time around and doesn’t have to blantantly advertise it. He is adored and respected by his second wife’s entire immediate and extended family.
I may not be quoting this entirely correctly, but I had heard that a person merits their zivug rishon according to one’s mazal and a zivug sheini according to one’s deeds. So there are situations where one eventually gets what’s coming to them although the road to get to that point is very long and winding. I imagine that in this particular instance husband #1 got more of what he deserved in a second wife.
Imaofthree–not discussing an EX in a bad light is a very difficult standard to undertake, but the payoff is priceless. Your friend who undertook this definitely deserves a lot of respect. Taking the high-road is virtuous!!
As for help/therapy–my experience is that there are people who strive for improvement and others who are shallow, in denial, and are so full of themselves that there is no room in their lives for anything but themselves and the drama they create. They wallow in their mire and emit toxicity like a contagious disease. Those types almost never seek help–how unfortunate that sometimes the people who need therapy the most are the ones who are oblivious to it or think they are above it.
Moshiach please come- Thanks for the idea, but it wouldn’t work for us. Besides, once the place would be fixed up we would constantly be at risk to lose our investment. Been there… done that… No thanks!
Commonsense–If I had my druthers I’d move far from Boro Park. However because of the logistics (too complicated to go into details) this is the location we need to be in for the time being.
Thanks Kapusta for your sensible advice. I’m finding that more and more ads in Hamodia, etc. are brokers placing the ads. With rents going as high as they do nowadays, I don’t have the disposable cash to spend an extra month’s rent to pay the commission.
Call me Frum – Our children and grandchildren all live in NY–our parnossah is also in NY. While it would be a dream come true to make the move… it’s not in our immediate plans.
While you are justifiably very upset, may I suggest that you be as calm as possible when presenting your situation. If you will speak when you are extremely distraught you may be ineffective. If you feel you won’t represent yourself in a good light, maybe have someone speak to these people on your behalf.
Since you only experienced the problem after this recent washing, you might need to speak to the owner of the salon who washed your wig and hear what she has to say. You may also need to speak to the person who sold you the wig as she would likely be the representative between you and the wig company.
Unfortunately after 3 years you may not have much if any recourse in terms of replacement. Hopefully they will examine the wig carefully and will be able to rectify the problem (even if they charge the cost of the repair)so that you will be able to have continued use from your once beautiful wig.
Good luck!August 23, 2011 2:45 pm at 2:45 pm in reply to: Divorced and Remarried Woman–didn't cut her losses #801427
Hacham–you have accuarately summed this person up in one word! Couldn’t have said it better in such a forum.
Yatzmich–Very true, but a person who is in total denial and is driven to show the world that she is “right” would never get it.
Always here – Kudos to you for taking the high road!!
Am Yisroel Chai– You’re projecting… As I explained–it’s hard to believe but factually true. No person is perfect, but the scales are totally tipped in the husband’s favor in terms of attitude and behavior. You just don’t want to believe that there are such evil, toxic people lurking in our society.
A Heimishe Mom–I think you have assessed this quite well. She should have had therapy and she should still have therapy. But if a person thinks that everything they do is 100% proper and correct and would never submit themselves to scrutiny then they’d never be a candidate for therapy.
Mikehall–Loshon Horah is very complicated and goes far beyond the immediate person to whom it is directed. Then you go on to the fallout from the second level and beyond of its recipients
Mommamia– Too late to have let go when one doesn’t deal with their issues in the appropriate time and place. The havoc she wreaked and the damage she has done is irreparable. And the husband wasn’t and isn’t abusive. Was he perfect? No!! Because no human being is perfect. My perception of her is the reality of who she is and the monster she created.
And just to satisfy your curiosity–I am not the first husband and thank Hashem that I am not related to as Hacham aptly coined her–the witch–in any way shape or form.
I can understand that you were totally fed up after having been subjected to this loudmouth for 90 minutes.
But after you did it, did you look at the big picture and realize that while you blew off some steam that essentially you stooped to her level?
I guess then the onlookers GOQed at you!!
I think you most likely know that your reaction was inappropriate, and perhaps you are looking for validation despite the fact.
The hair may be knotted very loosely and if extreme caution is not taken when being washed, it could cause excessive unknotting of the hairs. From my limited experience, only someone who is an expert should be washing your wig. It needs to be washed while pinned onto a head and definitely no harsh brushing or combing when the hair is wet.
I have seen in some beauty salons that the wigs are washed by the hired help who work at minimum wage. They use inferior shampoos and conditioners and use excessive force when handling the wigs.
In my opinion, unless the person who does the washing has any sort of knowledge of the value of what they are handling and that extra TLC needs to be given to an expensive wig, they are not handling it properly. An actual sheitel macher who washes a wig knows that if she won’t take proper care of the wig that she will end up having to deal with the repercussions. I would tend to believe that the minimum wage worker couldn’t care less.
I hope the salon who did the washing will resolve your issue satisfactorily.
Good luck!August 4, 2011 5:28 pm at 5:28 pm in reply to: Where is it best to advertise a desirable 3 bdrm apt in BP? #794156
Would you provide more details about the apartment?
You might consider posting it in shuls in your neighborhood.
(I know a middle-aged couple who are looking for a 1st or 2nd floor apartment — in excellent to very good condition for a rental price that won’t break the bank. Kitchen should have 2 sinks. Prefer to have a porch, extra bathroom and with central air/heat it’s a plus.)
If the specs meet these people’s needs then we’d need to see how to put them in contact with you.)
Good luck in your search!
Someone fantastic for you to consider!! Very affordable prices!
Shear Illusions by Chani – she’s a NYS licensed cosmetologist – highly qualified, does very professional, artistic work–cuts and styles sheitels and haircuts, colorist, takes the client’s request into consideration. She works on girls and women of all ages who wear all different types of hairstyles. She’s here for the summer and centrally located in Boro Park. Email her for a consult/appt.–you’ll be very happy: [email protected]