Forum Replies Created
Thanks everyone for your answers. I really was at a loss so every bit of inside knowledge helps!
So could a $500 New Vilna shas in medium be acceptable? Or does the shas really have to be large? Like I said I’d love to get the best but really the most that I can spend is $500 at the max so if the size matters would it be acceptable to get a large Blum?
And thanks Jewishfeminist, I’d love to hear what he has to say!
cutie: funny, I checked it on my android now, and it’s not working for me either. on any app. although it used to. there definitely seems to be some problem here.
am yisrael chai – no problem!
yehuda tzvi – thanks for keeping us updated, I hope you have a refuah sheleima very soon, and that it’s only up from here
They all sound good. You should probably start with the swimming because that’s considered something you’re supposed to know for pikuach nefesh reasons. After that, just do whichever one you feel would be the most fulfilling, or whichever one will reinvigorate you the most. Only you know youself and what you have time for so it’s sort of hard to give advice. I say pick one or two of the “lesson” ones, and then you can fill in the rest of your free time with an occassional bike ride or with catching up on some reading.
Last year in Israel I stayed up all night going to speeches, and that was very meaningful. Then again that was Israel. This year I’m planning on staying up trying to learn stuff to help make Shavuos more meaningful, ’till I get tired. We’ll see how it goes.
I think the way to answer this question isn’t by measuring your level of frumkeit against that of the outside world, or against that of your childhood environment. If you’re a person who chases truth and does their best to live according to it, if you’re a person who takes tochacha and does their best to work on their middos, if you’re the kind of person who generally tries to do the right thing and push yourself to overall be moving forward, then should you ever be in this hypothetical situation, know that you *would* go towards the Torah and frumkeit. Many people see that Torah is truth, yet they can’t break away from their life – even though they know they should. These are the people who watch the frum world from the outside but don’t have the strength to pick themselves up and do what they know is good. If you are like these people, who sees the truth and sees the areas you should grow in but you can’t bring yourself to work on them, then it’s possible that you would hypothetically act the same way in the frum/not frum situation. Everyone has the power to become frum once they see the truth, it’s the ones who have the drive and the willpower to work who actually take the step and change their lives with it.
Here’s a thread that was previously started for her:May 20, 2011 8:58 pm at 8:58 pm in reply to: Best piece of advice you've ever gotten, that changed your life for the better #768868
ofcourse – Glad you found it meaningful 🙂
It’s something that I learned back in school and just never forgot!May 20, 2011 5:39 pm at 5:39 pm in reply to: Best piece of advice you've ever gotten, that changed your life for the better #768861
Not advice, but a lesson I always remember –
We all would like to think that during the times of Chanuka, we would have been in the small group of people who stayed strong and listened to the Maccabees. What was the difference between the masses of people who turned into misyavnim and the small group of people who didn’t? The ones who became misyavnim heard what the chochomim said and said to themselves: “Oh that doesn’t apply to me. I’m above that” etc, or “that’s a nice level, but it’s not for me”. They made decisions for themselves and thought they knew better. The small group that we all hope we would have been a part of were the ones who listened to the chochomim, no matter what they said, no matter how extreme it was or whether or not it applied to them. They followed blindly and they were the ones who were able to stick it out and stay on the right side.
This thought always crosses my mind when I start to doubt how much the words of the chochomim actually apply to me. Especially in these tough times, we have to cling to them, or else ch”v, we’ll be on the misyavnim’s side of Chanuka when this is all over.
Simcha b’mitzvos is the key to holding on to your enthusiasm and drive. After you do a mitzvah, no matter how easy it is or if you would do it already anyway or if you feel like you could have done a much better job – be HAPPY over what you did! Why shouldn’t you? It seems so simple but it’s really hard because the yetzer hara doesn’t want us to feel happy when we do mitzvos. Wonder why…
Where I live the price for the lowest gas is somewhere at about 4.19 now. And it’s inching up day by day.
apushatayid – so true
Wow, that is so hypocritical it’s not normal.
Yes, everyone should have the right to freedom in literally all aspects of life, to the extent that everyone should be allowed to marry gay. But the right to be Jewish, that’s different.
The world today…..
aries – lol
adorable – Don’t worry if you feel like your name isn’t really special, it’s not like all everyone can do in their lives is live up to the strict definition of their name. Like I said before, I think each person is supposed to live up to their name in a different way, and we probably wouldn’t even see it if we were doing it. And I’m sure your grandmother didn’t do too bad a job with the name either…
This doesn’t have to be morbid unless you take it to be –
The only thing everyone’s screaming in gehinom is “PLEASE JUST GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE!! JUST GIVE ME ONE MORE SECOND IN THE WORLD!!!!!!”
It’s more mussar than chizuk, but if you can manage to think about it now and again it really knocks you back into the right perspective.
Sender Av: Maybe you should look at the 613 in your name in the way that Bnei Yisroel are told to keep the 613 mitzvos… through achdus. Maybe the 613 in your names means that you’re supposed to, on some level or another, help bring people in klal yisroel together, so that one day we’ll all be able to collectively keep all 613 mitzvos. That may be an easier goal to reach. Not to have to keep them all yourself, which is impossible, but to be someone who helps bring the 613 mitzvos about by bringing Jews together.
I feel like if I ever think of my name, it’s not something that gets me down; if anything it gives me chizuk, that I must have something in me that the person who originated my name exemplified and represented. If she had my name and acted a certain way (and she surely lived up to her name), that means I have the potential to in some way be like her. That makes me feel good, not frustrated. No one really knows all the hidden meanings of their name and how specifically it will apply to them in life. Not all the Sara’s or all Moshe’s in the world are alike in some obvious way, and they can actually be complete opposites. That means that there’s obviously a deeper, unseen level to our names that only Hashem understands the manifestation of. I plan on just living my life to the best of my ability, and hopefully somewhere in there I fulfill what Hashem wanted me to fulfill out of my name…
Just goes to show how fake this whole thing with people feeling that they can only be friends with their “type” is. Here, where no one knows people in person, they just get to experience everyone’s personality in an unbiased way, everyone likes each other. Even if people disagree, I doubt they DON’T like each other, they just disagree and they accept that and move on. But out in the real world all the stereotypes and assumptions and personality/family/frumkeit related biases and social expectations create huge walls that are really just so invisible and meaningless if we would just wish to see through them. Everyone should realize that we’re all Jews here, we’re all family; we should act like it… At least the coffee room makes a pretty good attempt 🙂
I went to them once, it was amazing. Their hachnosos orchim is truly out of this world. Not only do they give food, they give really good food, really good quality food, and in abundance too. They just give and give and give. There’s no cap on it. What I also really liked about going was that the rebbetzin actually gave a dvar Torah. That’s something you don’t usually see at a meal, but it was nice, and she had a lot of good things to say. Also, they went around the table and had anyone who had something to say speak. It was amazing getting to hear what all different types of Jews on all levels of frumkeit had to say. It was really nice. And the warmth of their chessed is just overflowing the place, you feel it.
I think everyone walks out of a Machlis meal amazed.
Wolf – I was wondering when someone would comment something like that… Anyway the fact that Hawaiian only has twelve letters doesn’t mean reading can’t still be hard. I’ve never learned Hawaiian so I wouldn’t know, but it is still very possible that it has weird letter sound rules like English.
Sacrilege – I meant like the fact that two letters together make one sound… in Hebrew, whatever letter you see is what it is and always will be, it doesn’t change based on the next letter, like ch, sh, th. Also no one letter represents two different sounds – like for example the “th” in “the” and “thin”. Even pay and fay and shin and sin – they have dots in different places so based on that you know what the sound is. Like you don’t have to know the word to know what the sound is, as you do with the word “thin”. And I don’t know but maybe it’s just me, the fact that there are two letters that make the same sound never confused me when it comes to reading… Maybe others have had different experiences with it.
I admit you do have to learn what all the sounds make, that part is not neccessarily easy, but all the first graders seem to do pretty well at it eventually, and then once you got that you don’t have to learn any more, reading wise. Language is a whole other story 🙂
So IcheSrulik and HaLeiVi does that mean that according to the Rambam it’s only referring to their avoda zaras, and not the actual sun moon and stars?
btw Wolf and Zach your pictures are awesome! They’re the reason for my question… You can take gorgeous pictures with the sun, but if doing so is an offshoot of avoda zara… then that’s slightly a problem! I’m considering selling some of my pictures and some sun ones are really nice… it would be so sad to have give em up.
But I think I got from here that it really is a problem? It’s too bad… especially considering that if it is avoda zara then I’ve been doing it all these years! Yikes!!
Thanks everyone for answering!! 🙂
thanks… fan of pd what do you mean by half circle?
Make it diet 🙂
Use crystal light
Eat salty things (if remembering to drink is your problem)
Carry water around with you and then maybe just because it’s around, you’ll see it and drink
Esa Einai and Yehi Shalom by Shalsheles, Tov Lehodos, Vezakeini and other Baruch Levine songs (also Vehu), tons of Shwekey songs (Vehi Sheamda, Mama Rochel/Shma, Rachem, Im Eshkacheich, etc.), Ilon, Acheinu, Yaale V’yavo, Hamalach hagoel
I’m blanking A LOT but these are what came up on the top of my head…
I didn’t read all the above posts so I hope this hasn’t been said yet.
I think that we sometimes we get so caught up in the idea that “davening is for us” that we forget that this doesn’t mean that we should be at total liberty to decide whether we want to do this good thing or not.
Think for a moment before you start to daven about how much you appreciate everything Hashem did and does for you all the time. Take a minute to reflect over and remember how much you owe Him and how much a part of your life He really is, even when you’re not paying attention. He has kept you alive until now, he provides for you, He has given you a loving family… for everyone it is different, and we all have millions and millions of things to thank Him for. Just think about a few of those things, or one or two or three broad categories, and then start to daven. This helps me sometimes when I need to just try to pay attention. It helps me realize that I owe Him so much so the LEAST I can do is give Him a good davening, and show Him that I do know it’s all from Him.
It’s a real avoda though, good luck.
Vayachanu is 3 weeks, it’s mostly LA girls. It’s directed by the colorful and opinionated english teacher at the Bais Yaakov of LA. There’s one main big activity of the day and the rest of the time is pretty much free/chill time. It’s pretty small – 30-50 girls coming out of 8th-12th grade. Its in big bear which is basically mountainous area, and it’s right on a lake.
I also have so much trouble with meforshim, and it’s so annoying. I never did well with them in high school and now I’d so much like to be able to open up a sefer in hebrew and learn a bit, because somehow it’s just more meaningful in lashon hakodesh. I have a mussar sefer in only hebrew and I’m trying to labor through it with an english-hebrew dictionary but it can get so slow with me looking up every other word that i almost feel like it isn’t even worth it. Though I marvel and feel good about myself when I finish a page or two, and I’m happy I’m trying it this way. But I hear basyisroel94 when she says she wants to learn how to read meforshim. While I’m sitting there flipping through the pages of the dictionary I WISH I would have worked my heart and soul out in high school memorizing vocab words and reading more and more and more mefarshim until I “got” it.
The thing is, with all these interlinear Rashi translations – those just help you understand that Rashi that you’re reading, but it doesn’t teach you HOW to “do” meforshim. I wonder, is it just something that some are good at and others are not and will never be? Or do we just have to work harder? And if so, how, exactly?
It’s alllllllll about sensitivities people.
Sometimes we Jews tend to get a bit too caught up in muttar/assur’s. I think it’s the yetzer hara’s way of keeping us from ever becoming chassidim for Hashem (and I don’t mean shtreimels, I mean going above the letter of the law) – and forever keeping us on the most basic level of yiddishkeit.
To each his own level and his own pace, but you at least have to be aware that these sensitivities are true and valid, and hope to one day feel them enough to keep them.March 8, 2011 5:24 am at 5:24 am in reply to: Women & Girls Out There: I Really, Really Need Your Help!!!! #747829
Oh ok, well in that case! Glad I could be of service. And btw, thanks for opening this thread, I’ve heard some really nice stuff here I might have never come across.
Oh, and I would love to offer comments on your recent question but I thought about it and I guess because I haven’t really come across it I pretty much have nothing to say… but I would be interested to hear if anyone else did
Just wanted to wish a public shout out of good luck to everyone.
Just like men’s mitzvah is torah, ours is tznius; it’s the hallmark of what women are and what they stand for. If we keep that in mind hopefully we’ll be able to keep our heads on straight throughout all the cute *almost perfect* clothes we’ll encounter and remember to dress our best all the time. Hatzlocha everyone!March 7, 2011 6:27 pm at 6:27 pm in reply to: Women & Girls Out There: I Really, Really Need Your Help!!!! #747827
mytake: thanks, and your honesty with yourself also gives me chizuk. But though I wish I could get credit for your chizuk from the jumper story, that was actually observanteen…
rebdoniel – well said. It’s too bad not everyone feels that way…
eclipse props on only sticking to this thread I know it must be tempting to post elsewhereMarch 6, 2011 10:03 pm at 10:03 pm in reply to: Women & Girls Out There: I Really, Really Need Your Help!!!! #747822
Ofcourse: I think we gotta ask the men on this one.
The best I can say on this is that if a woman who is naturally pretty is really keeping to all the halachos and sensitivities of tznius, she has done all she can and from here on out it’s up to the men to see her for what her dress says she is, and nothing less. Then again, I may be wrong as maybe there is always something you can do.
The average/not too pretty woman I guess should really just focus on the “Tznius is for yourself” aspect, if she really feels that it doesn’t make a difference to men what she wears. Even though I feel that it always does. It’s never good to lessen men’s sensitivities to parts of our bodies that should be covered, no matter how attractive or unattractive they may be. If a great rav saw an ugly lady’s ugly knee, don’t you think he would still cringe and look away?
Oomis: I just saw your comment to looking2grow. She said in one of her posts that she wants to lengthen her skirts because sometimes when she’s sitting or getting out of a car she feels her skirts can ride up and get untznius. If her skirts become untznius when she is in everyday positions then those 2″ inch below the knee skirts are NOT tznius for her k’halahca. So how can she keep wearing them for kibud eim??
looking2grow: I have an mp3 of a really good tznius shiur I heard in sem by R’ Osher Zelig Rubenstein. It was pretty powerful (it was actually the very last shiur we heard in sem) and he did mention mothers a bit. If you’re interested I’d love to send it to you with the mods’ help.March 6, 2011 8:56 pm at 8:56 pm in reply to: Women & Girls Out There: I Really, Really Need Your Help!!!! #747817
observanteen: I also had something like that recently… I found this really cute weekday dress that I loved because it was sophisticated and cute AND totally tznius too. It was a conservative color, good length, and it fit me well without being tight at all. Ecxept… it had this visible zipper going down the back a little lower than I would have liked. It took me a half an hour in the dressing room to realize that if I’m spending this much time deciding there must be something wrong. It was so sad…
msseeker: thanks! And that’s really interesting, I never thought about it that way. You almost forget how strong men’s yetzer haras are and that, even though it may seem unfair, it is our responsibility not to be their aveira. I would just like to add that although our tznius definitely affects men, it affects US even more. If we live our lives trying to dress tznius for everyone other than ourselves we’ve missed the point.
ZeesKite – it’s possible that most people aren’t posting on this thread because when people thank Hashem they usually thank Him and not the YWN Coffee Room 🙂
Either way, here I go…
Hashem has given me LIFE, and a chance to keep getting mitzvos and do teshuva for my wrongdoings. I hope I can keep that in mind when I go about my daily life.
And if you think that’s corny and expected – we just had a tragic young death in my community, and it’s really had me thinking. Hashem is giving us life every second we’re here, we can’t waste it!! Life is precious. We have to use our time here and everything else that Hashem has given us, to do all the good we have the opportunity to do. Before it’s too late… because you never know…
I went to CL, and I loved it. I had friends who went to Meohr and loved it. They’re pretty equal schools I think as in the “level” of girls. Many people in CL applied to Meohr most of my friends in Meohr applied to CL.
I think they’re both great schools. I have heard that CL got a bad reputation which saddens me because it is an awesome school, with a really inspiring and caring staff. I went in with an ipod with nonjewish music and movies, and Rabbi Bulman had us all bring in our ipods in he and made me delelte them, which at the time I was so mad about because I had this whole philosophy that I was going to stop doing it on my own… anyway now I am so thankful he did that because I would have never been able to stop on my own like I stopped now.
When I was there, there was a huge mix of girls, I really wouldn’t know what “type” CL girls were, because we had a few girls who were secretly sneaking off to boyfriends but then we had girls who were really yeshivish and could have easily gone to Bnos Chava and others. The mechanchos are all awesome and such sweet women that you can really look up to, and all the teachers were also great. There were many differenet “types” so everyone had someone that they got obsessed with.
They moved to a dorm this year and I know many things changed, so in relation to that I can’t tell you much but feel free to ask me about it and I’ll try my best to answer!
I can’t say much about Meohr because you can never really know a school unless you went there, but I do know that it’s an amazing school, they have a really big shana bet program because everyone wants to come back after 🙂
Good luck deciding, it’s really tough!!
*ps I didn’t get into meohr so I didn’t have to decide between the two. but I did get into another school so I know how crazy it is, you feel like you’re deciding your future and you have no idea how to decide. again, the best of luck!!!!March 6, 2011 5:33 am at 5:33 am in reply to: Women & Girls Out There: I Really, Really Need Your Help!!!! #747813
I know it’s all been said already I just felt the urge to comment anyway…
I feel like a lot of people look at tznius as so much less than what it really is. Of course there’s the halacha, but that’s just the stepping stone to try to get you to feel tznius so that you can act tznius and be tznius, in all senses of the term. It’s hard to be a tznius person in your actions when your clothing is telling you that you’re not that type of person. It’s hard to believe that adding an inch to your skirt can help you feel like a better person but I’ve experienced it and I’m sure others can attest to the fact that it’s true. Even the dumbest and tiniest changes you make in your clothes makes a difference in your self perception.
I once learned (and I think it’s so true) that with tznius, if you just feel that for some reason, something may not be 100% right, YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT. Don’t doubt that little feeling inside of you that’s telling you that MAYBE there’s something wrong. It’s tough because although the halacha guidelines may seem so strict at times they feel SO vague. “Okay, I know I can’t wear tight clothes – but is this even tight? I shouldn’t wear something that makes me stand out too much – but please, I’m going to stand out if I DON’T wear this. Or, Come on, no one’s going to be looking at me when there are so many people dressed worse than me on the street.” etc etc etc. We paskin for ourselves every day when we get dressed. That one piece of advice has helped me decide not to wear something many a time. You have to listen for a little voice inside your head telling you “no”, and if it’s not there, then you know you’re good. If you do hear it, LISTEN TO IT. And that’s a must.
looking2grow – I’m sure your mother is an amazing person but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have more sensitivities than her in some areas. Don’t doubt that sensitivity that you have, because these sensitivities are your (and everybody’s) real key to tznius.
derech – exactly.
Then again, how can mitzvos and our inborn rachmanus contradict? If one has to have the upper hand on the other, then the mitzvah must “win”, no? So is it really a battle, or am I just not able to see the harmony?
Maybe they don’t realize how close you were to your grandparent?
Maybe they had in mind to ask you about it but it slipped their minds because they were busy and would feel weird asking now, so far after the fact and having waited so long?
Maybe they feel that what they did really was enough, and have no idea that they left you feeling like you do?
I’m sure there are many different possible reasons, but that still doesn’t really help resolve it.
I actually also find myself right now feeling upset at someone for something they didn’t do, and wondering if I’m being too sensitive. I’m still trying to figure it out, but as hard as it is to accept, I’m starting to think that maybe I am. Although I am pretty certain of the other person’s reasons (forgetting – which can be one of the most hurtful reasons), I do have the obligation to judge others favorably, and who am I not to fulfill this Torah obligation? It’s really hard and I’m still trying to figure it out, but as of now I think that whatever the other person’s reasons, this is not one sided and I have my own responsibilities to pay attention to here. Maybe Hashem made them forget on purpose so that I can be tested in how good I am at really fully and truly judging favorably, forgiving, and forgetting? You never know.
Thanks! And anytime! (that is, anytime I have something to say)
Thanks again! I always heard that splitting up money was better but I never really understood why. So thanks for trying to explain it to me. I appreciate it! I feel a little more at ease now.
Sometimes that happens to me too, yes. Then I find myself shocked back into remembering that, “Right, Hashem controls everything. Sorry about that. Thanks Hashem.” Sometimes, when I find myself getting haughty about something I quickly realize, and thank Hashem for giving me what I have, and then stay a little bit nervous for a couple of minutes looking out for poles and sharp knives.
You’re not alone. I guess it’s the last avenue where Hashem feels He can still in a sense hit us with a bolt of lightning right after we do something wrong. Personally, I feel pretty cool when something like that happens. Like I’m good enough that He feels like He can communicate so clearly to me in this way 🙂
Then again, if I wasn’t busy believing that I’m the one who creates good for myself, then He wouldn’t have needed to shock me back, so it’s all relative!
Thanks for the answers!
I guess my question now is this – I understand the “split” philosophy and I totally agree with it, in a way, but then I also still feel like now, instead of really making somewhat of a difference in someone’s life, I’m just adding to a drop in the bucket and hoping that 500 other “me’s” will finish the job. Is this a correct way of thinking or is it really probably my yetzer hara keeping me from giving as many people and as many different causes as possible? I’d like to think it’s coming from a good/thinking place but I’m totally open to someone proving to me how it’s not. I just feel bad that if I have a certain amount put aside and something comes up that I really want to give to, that I feel like I can’t give everything because I feel like I have to “split it”.
You get credit for what you work for; what you put in some amount of effort into to produce. BT’s get credit for braving the yetzer hara of staying not frum, and FFB’s get credit for braving the yetzer hara of becoming not frum. I heard once that a major baal teshuva was once asked who he thought had it harder, and he answered that without a doubt it’s the FFB’s, because BT’s got to see the non-jewish world and they saw first hand how empty and ugly it is, but to FFB’s it looks like a glittering world of happiness and fun. In a sense, it’s so much easier for FFB’s to want to run off to the non-jewish world, because they don’t know what it really is.
There’s nothing wrong with trying to stay in a place where your yetzer hara doesn’t have a chance. You don’t have to give him a chance. There’s a reason Hashem wants people to learn Torah so badly. Barasi yetzer hara, barasi torah tavlin. It’s not a fantasy world, it’s a very real facet of the world and one that Hashem wants us to be a part of as much as possible. It’s definitely the real world. It may feel too good to be true but it’s real alright. (And if you’re worried that you’re not in the real world because you never feel the yetzer hara and then what’s the point, perhaps it’s the yetzer hara that’s trying to get you to second guess your learning now?? This is just food for thought and not ch”v an accusation)
The real question is, do you want to keep learning, but are worried that you will never grow up and be responsible that way, OR are you in some way afraid to commit your life to a reliant parnassah? Neither is wrong or right, but you have to decide where you’re coming from before you can come to a decision.
It’s hard to give personal advice because as ‘i can only try’ said, to learn or not to learn depends on each individual person. But I think that if you feel yourself able, you should try to stay for as long as you can and see where it takes you. Don’t ever be embarrassed of doing what’s good for your spiritual growth. It’s tough because no one likes to feel like they’re on the receiving end of things. But if you do enjoy being in yeshiva and you feel that it’s good for you – stay. It’s a hard thing to end up regretting.
Good luck whatever you end up doing.
More than once when I moved the turning part, the whole lamp would move, like it would slightly rock a little at the first push. I tried being careful with it but sometimes it moved anyway. So now I’m afraid to use it. Rather sit in the dark or leave certain lights on than risk moving the lamp again. Not worth it. So I have one, but it’s stashed away somewhere.
Anyone ever have that problem too or is it maybe just that mine was defective?
I didn’t apply to Bnos Chava, but just wanna tell you about interviews in general –
Don’t worry, be yourself, try to show them the best side of yourself. I think that really what seminaries are looking for is to see if they can see you fit into their seminary. They know what type their seminary is and they know which girls would do well there and which wouldn’t. If you think that you would fit into Bnos Chava and do really well there, then just relax and be yourself. Just try to show off your mature and knowledgeable and yearning to grow side as much as possible 🙂
(Then again, I applied to a seminary and the interview went so horribly I literally walked out embarrassed of all the things I messed up on and did wrong, and I had a friend who had a really good interview with them. And I got in, and she didn’t. Getting accepted to or rejected from seminary is totally in the hands of Hashem, it has nothing to do with logic, as far as I’ve experienced.)
the key is to set it to some uneven number like 3,4 or 7, because when you look at your watch quickly you may not have the time or patience to calculate the exact time so you end up rounding to the safe side, which gives you an extra minute or so.
And also what PB said, especially when you’re in a big rush, sometimes you forget that it’s fast.