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It’s a serious study by well qualified PhDs in their field so criticizing it based on a very short web forum summary isn’t fair.
huh?
you don’t even give validity to the words of a “not adequately informed” shomer shabbos poster but a study by well qualified PhDs who are possibly frie, athiests or apikorsim should be taken seriously? that’s a new one.
take the car example. I know people who have gotten donated cars. usually they are cars that someone else is totally done with. it costs hundreds to transfer title, and, of those who I know, the cars required hundreds of dollars in repairs right away, with thousands over the next years. and then they couldnt afford it but couldnt ask for financial help to get another, functional, less costly car because they had already accepted a *free* one.
its really hard to know anything from the outside.
sometimes i wonder if it is better to stay small and let 90-100% go direct. have 10 small organizations with little overhead instead of one or two (in that area) with 35% going out.
I know what i would do with just the money spent on printing. but then again the printing is sometimes donated or sponsored. i think that really there are so many variables and specifics that it isn’t even possible to tell from a numbers sheet.
She worked in an agency that provided services to the community based on financial need. Through that, she and another baal chesed and a local Rav kept bumping in to people who where in desperate need, often for temporary reasons, but didn’t qualify financially. They had “too much income”.
The three got together and established a fund. They accepted donations and handed out cash. It was all done on the books and the accountant was another baal chesed in the community.
They distibuted food monthly and money for bills as needed. Tens of thousands, then hundreds of thousands. The once a year mailing to the community was done on paper and envelopes and stamps donated by friends.
Every penny went to tzedaka. And much of the volunteer work for packing and deliveries was done by gvirim and recipients who were happy to give back.
for over 20 years my mother ran a charity that gave 100% of the funds to tzedaka.
nooooooo
two people gave you advice to speak with your doctor, and instead you turn to the one person who said it didn’t work. if you are thinking of taking meds, try the advice of those who advocate for it, which is to let your doctor guide you thru it because it might be good for you.
i have seen it make people able to function, feel confident and succeed. there has to be someone monitoring you, if you have bad side effects you need to change doses or meds. but for someone struggling and finding it hard to believe they can be successful, it can be a game changer.
the last place you would find my husband is before any group anywhere (outside of our dining room) so he never chose the amud. And particularly with davening, he is of the few who feel that slower is better. Now he is in availus and he was relieved to find a minyan that already had someone with a chiyuv at the helm.
how’s the other new addition doing, the one you had ‘taken in’?
I disagree. For all i know there guy who sold it was the same one who couldn’t care less that he was carrying treif marshmallows. You have no proof this was an error of confusion, it could have been irresponsibility on his part, just like the shoppers.
popa- lol
ah – i think i found it.
apy – did you get word of this or is this you making an assumption??
This was probably further driven by the fact that this package was sold in heimishe stores too and some assumed kosher and checked for nothing. Never assume.
:0
do you remember who said that because I read it thru twice specifically checking for confirmation that i was sure i wouldnt find. could be i missed it but i am pretty sure i did not. i think it was telephone game, apy asked the above question, and someone ran with it.
if you really saw the bag, then you wouldn’t be making the statements you are making. youre smarter than that. unless you are just trying to be provacative, which would be odd.
Did people buy this candy in a large non Jewish supermarket such as shop rite or wegmans or in Jewish stores such moishes or season’s or the like?
this seems to be your “source” that it was sold at a heimish store. And your comments seem to indicate you are another one giving opinions about a physical layout that you have not actually observed (cuz if you did, your comments make no sense at all).
Joseph – it has not been verified that any heimish stores sold this candy and I for one dont believe they did. you are just throwing that in to make the consumer sound less responsible. And in addition to that, saying this candy has an OU on the outside is deliberately misleading.
No response regarding the marshmallows tho and the behavior of the store owner? was he just “duped” by his distributor? Can we expect other heimish owners to disregard information based on info from the people who make money off their purchases? I was hoping you would tell me he was wrong and more an exception than the norm.
I think heimish store sales are a totally different issue. A heimish store is claiming it only sells kosher, not that there are kosher components to its items. And if they claim to be only ch”y products, they would need to abide by that as well. People should expect to find only kosher items in those stores unless otherwise specified on the front door somewhere.
however (!) my first time in a “heimish”store (my first time in boro park) I saw a display of granny’s marshmallows back when they weren’t even pretending to be kosher. if I recall, it was a triangle k with gelatin listed in the ingredients. I told the ‘store guy’ that they weren’t kosher and he responded that he got them from the distributor who said they are. I argued with him about it, telling him how I know they are not acceptable and he wouldn’t budge. Since then, I always check labels no matter what joe schmo endorses it verbally.
a teacher who was always kind and caring changed drastically under the advice of the new principal who made it clear that it was his way or the highway. After one of our kids suffered at this teachers hand, and it was obvious the teacher was very uncomfortable with the directions he’d been given, I told him that if I was him I don’t know if I could sleep at night. I asked him how he decides that his job is more important than the talmidim he is teaching. Months later, on erev yom kippur, he sent me a letter that said that he hopes I am moichel him. He knows he didn’t do anything wrong, that he is who he always was, and that he is employed by ‘x’ and therefore does whatever he is guided to do.
I was surprised by the letter, i really felt him more pity than anger, and this letter just supported that. Does that sound like a sincere ‘apology’? Do i “owe” him michila? my guess is that it was to clear his own guilty conscience as I never responded and he never followed up to find out.
when a person is, in their mind, following shulchan aruch – but the honesty, integrety, responsibility, sincerity is lacking, is it really following the Shulchan Aruch? Did Hashem give us motions to go thru so that we can grow by osmosis, or does He expect us to internalize our commandments, complete them from within and without, and grow from the upheaval and rebuilding?
Avi – it is so exciting to hear someone say that! Every time i bring up hilary’s indictment, everyone in the room (my husband included) tells me i’m crazy, that she will NEVER be indicted because nobody will in the department will ever sign off on it. I can’t even wrap my head around that. even oj got indicted, he just wouldn’t be found guilty. I just keep hoping.
sure they can contribute, but members of society?
not many dogs grow up to be wonderful members of society
I hate dogs. They smell gross and are stupid. people who dont want to consider you because you own a dog probably also smell bad and are probably also stupid. Especially if their only reason for counting you out is because that’s what everyone else is doing.
Abba – no offense but if it was that simple it wouldn’t have been a question. A 95 pound able bodied child with no sense of danger may need to be safely “contained” in a bed that would require a lot more than a large crib or chairs.
One of my friends bought a bunk bed and had the safety gates people use at the top of stairs attached to one side. The other side was against the wall. It worked well for her son.
hatzlocho
thanks to you both!
flatbusher – I really feel for you. I think you are correct that there are people who ask mechila because they know they should but as I tell my children when they would apologize for things, unless you are going to try to do differently next time it is not a sincere apology. And from everything I have learned, you have no obligation to forgive, but even when you do, you don’t have to feel kind toward them or trust them. Mechila is to right a wrong, not clear a conscience.
Someone who caused immense pain to me and my family has yet to apologize, and continues on an ongoing basis to perpetuate the wrongdoing. (similar to pulling business away from a certain vendor for dishonest reasons, feeling really bad about it, but continuing to shop elsewhere anyway) Even if they ever asked for mechila (which is doubtful), I don’t think I could ever forgive them while they continue with the same hurtful behaviors.
You are worth too much to allow people to hurt you and mechanically forgive them. And if they don’t want “that type of time period”, then let them be more careful next time. Forgive them when you are ready, but meanwhile you can feel sorry for them that they weren’t more sensitive, learn from their mistake, and be wary of them in the future.
This is just based of that which I have learned, I hope it addresses your question.
MA – of all the things you have tried to shove down our throats, this has got to be the most insensitive, uninformed and inappropriate of them all. I surely hope your claim to being a counselor or any type of support person is untrue.
as you are new here I just want to point out that a lack of responses does not in any way mean a lack of interest. Many people read without posting.
May the child have a complete refuah quickly and without suffering.
or “all HaShem cares for is Ahavs Yisroel, the rest is nonsense” (ok nobody wrote that)
case closed
lf – in your push to confirm who we are careful not to befriend I believe you missed both my point, and the OP’s.
🙁
But we can’t focus on halacha as a way to decide who to look down our noses to. If someone who doesn’t cover their hair is sick in the hospital, if someone who shakes hands with women is in need of food, if someone who does not adequately cover themselves is in need of direction we are obligated to provide them. We are obligated to be respectful. We are obligated to say hello and greet them. We are obligated. We can focus on halacha when we chose neighbors and peers, when we accept meal invites and play dates, but when we are talking about the average community member who isn’t advertising open orthodoxy shiurim in their living room, we have obligations to respect and be respectful. Looking for reasons not to is a slippery slope.
(yes, this is per rabbinical direction)
You are so right, Hashem does hate the fights and the concept of Unity has long disappeared outside of pamphlets and fundraisers. Unfortunately, even tho you are correct that nobody is better, it is not correct that everyone can have their own ways of doing things. Things have to be done k’halacha. Not that it is for us to put down someone else’s avodas Hashem but the line between judging people and judging behavior has become quite invisible.
thanks. i found that article fascinating. makes you wonder what kind of depth can be contained within someone who believes that what you provide is the basis of life.
When Is a Person? Pre-Persons and Former Persons:…
This book offers about 200 questions that can be asked by proxies
when discussing the level of personhood in anyone they know.
These questions are organized around 4 capacities that make us persons:
(1) consciousness, (2) memory, (3) language, & (4) autonomy.
Here are some things my mother did while she was a “former person”:
*She let me hold her hand knowing I may never do so again
*She listened to us tell her we loved her and were grateful for the life she gave us
*She allowed us to ask mechila with a whole heart
*She shed a tear as we said goodbye
*She brought to mind all the things I still “needed” her for, reminding me to have hakoras Hatov to those people in my life who deserve it
*She reminded us how precious life is even though it is fleeting
I am sure there is more. I am also sure that many “full persons” fail to impart such critical and deep seated lessons to their children and students. Perhaps their “personhood” is not so full after all.
I have worked very very hard on these small areas of bein adom lchavero. I only mention them because they are so small that we don’t even realize the mitzvah in them. I get my energy to do it by keeping in mind the idea that I can be mikayemes mitzvah in little ways throughout my day.
1) I read a story about a rav who would pick up garbage from the hallway floors to make the custodians job easier. I’ve taken it upon myself as well.
2) emptying containers of liquids before throwing them away so the garbage isn’t any heavier than it needs to be.
3) making sure to tell my kids I love them even when I’m really not in the mood to say so.
4) being dan l’kaf zchus in situations where it is to my detriment.
5) saying yes when my kid asks for a ride without making him feel like a burden.
good point, if you never heard it it must not have happened. thank you, as always, for being so diligent in negating most of my comments.
i just sent Gd my email. when should i start expecting those messages?
the professionals don’t really know the parties involved and have a ‘business’ investment in the shidduch even if it is just a smidgen in the back of their hearts. That hardly compares to a friend, neighbor or relative who knows you, sees a possible connection and wants to see you married because s/he cares personally about you.
The shidduch resume is not “you”. It is a souped up brochure made to advertise you like a piece of real estate. If i read thirty resumes and then meet thirty girls i would doubt i could match them up (especially if they all cut and pasted from the same friends). But if you talk to thirty close friends or relatives, you will be able to spot the subject a good portion of the time.
If you want a professional, feel free, but people shouldnt act like it is sacrilegious to not want one. it doesn’t mean we are meeting people in pool halls. it means we are also using shadchanim but we feel more secure about the suggestion and the sincerity of the presentation.
and if you doubt it, go ask a professional shadchan how she presents someone who has alot of so called flaws. She can tell you how she polishes it up a bit, changes small facts as appropriate etc. They will not deny it. its a sales pitch. i’m not buying a car. they tell girls who dont like make up to wear it anyway. they tell them to wear certain styles even if it isn’t comfortable for them. I heard a shadchan once insist a girl dye her (minute amount of)grey hairs. It’s like a horse show. But if YOU do NOT feel that way, then continue on. It is just irritating to hear the odd implications that it’s “unyeshivish” or invalid.
this thread is silly. I took biology in a city college and they never mentioned evolution. I took anatomy and physiology I and II and every class the teacher would exclaim, “How can someone say there is no Gd?”. And she was a secular Jew. I took the equivelent of two different degrees and didn’t have to take anything questionable. When we were given choices of projects to do in one class, I don’t even remember which, involving the history of the earth, I told the teacher straight out that I would be basing my report on the views of the Torah, not text books and he said that was great.
Maybe some people DON’T have that experience, but there are plenty who do. It is not only possible, it happens all the time.
I have a copy of Kehlas yaakov signed by the Steipler Gaon tz”l
(I know that doesn’t help you but i couldnt help bragging about it)
ca – i knew that my fried food obsession was based in spiritual reasons
well?
“I wasnt making any point (at least I dint mean to)
I was sharing a humorous piece of satire that all can find funny (even if disagreeing with the practical application)”
thank you for clarfying that – i was breaking my brain trying to figure out what ‘point’ i missed
this is totally not typical and is not indicative of anything but i can’t resist.
i have a friend who is cognitively impaired. she is highly independent but i dont know for sure she could handle marriage. Unless it was to someone like her with supervision/mentors perhaps.
years ago she got engaged to a man from a different state who seemed to be more capable and mainstream. when i heard he wouldn’t travel to our town i was worried that he may not be “safe” for her but was assured this was looked into and it is just wonderful. they bought her beautiful clothes and promised her the world. Eventually, the engagement was broken.
i don’t know who made the final call, but she told me she found out much later that he couldn’t travel because of the ankle monitor he had to wear until his trial for shooting someone in self defense.
i don’t think he claimed it was new, i think he was inventing a way to have the same thing in our day. and it totally doesn’t shock me that it was invented by a jew but of course being from chicago i would expect no less.
thank you oomis! to you and yours as well! (although they were already iincluded in the brocha to klal yisroel it cant hurt to get another one)
what shidduch crisis?
hadn’t a clue
shaichus?
skripka – you got me so curious. what made you change? and what’s nicer this time, the name or you?
zev – it is sad that you would believe that. i am not for guns, and i am strongly against smartphones and i have to tell you there is no crossover between them. Having a gun can be compared to riding a bike without a helmet, if you’d like. both are very physically dangerous practices that i also think of as stupid but a person can still go their whole life without getting hurt by either.
smartphones is a totally different kind of danger. And it isnt even worth getting into a conversation about it because people don’t tend to be honest on this subject but i dont believe (based on a bit of personal research) there are many people out there who havent stumbled or suffered in SOME way, be it pritzus or bittul zman.
The two are not even comparable and your attitude that it is not really a “problem” sounds very illustrative of someone who would like it not to be.