technical21

I meant that marriage doesn’t save a person from himself (meant to be gender neutral, not specifically referring to boys). If he is not mature enough to get married, it’s not as if getting married will suddenly make him ready to handle the challenges of marriage.

I was just at a speech by a shadchan, and she said that a 22-year-old boy came over to his mother and told her that he was ready to start dating. She said to him, “Let me ask you something. Let’s say you get married, and your wife becomes expecting right away. The baby is born with many physical/mental problems. Are you ready to handle that, to support your wife, and to deal with the challenges that this poses?” The boy said no. A year later, he came back to his mother and said, “Now I’m ready to get married.”

Do you think that the average boy in his early 20s is ready to handle that type of challenge? For that matter, do you think most 19-20 year old girls are? But no one thinks about that before they get married.

RebYidd23- maybe it’s my personal preference, but it’s also not “Jewish” music. A teacher of mine from high school, who is a well-respected Rebbetzin in the Flatbush community, said that you can tell if music is Jewish by whether it inspires you from the waist up, or the waste down.

When it comes to songs with electronic music… enough said.

One thing Jewish music is NOT: this techno/electronic music that has become so popular. It grates on my ears.

mono1995- marriage is not something that saves anyone from anything. If a boy (or a girl) is not ready to get married and gets married anyway, he can do a great deal of harm. I have heard horror stories about girls my age who have married boys who were simply not ready to get married.

By the same token, I have friends who married boys who are 20-21. Obviously I don’t know what goes on in their houses, but it seems to me that the boys they married were ready. I believe that those boys are the exception, rather than the rule.

I would assume that parents know their sons and understand their maturity level. If a boy is mature enough to get married at a younger age, it seems to me that parents would not stop him from dating.

Another correction: does anyone know of a pool in the greater Flatbush area that has open guest passes and doesn’t require yearly membership?

I don’t know, when I was barely 20 I went out with a boy (? he’s not really a ‘boy’ anymore) who was 28 going on 29. I have been described as mature by most people who meet me, which is why the shidduch was redt. I was really uncomfortable with it from the outset, but people told me not to limit myself. So I went out with him once, and I was still uncomfortable, so I said no (he said yes).

My parents have an age gap of 10 years, but at this point I can’t see myself with someone more than 6 years older than me… obviously, it depends on the person, so I won’t put a hard cap, but I’m very hesitant to go out with someone who’s a lot older.

Oh, I’m not saying I would do it- just that I would not commit to such a job in the first place. It is completely unethical to give your word to something and then break that word- especially in this case, since the principal did not want to hire her and only did at the insistence of the girl that she would not leave.

The other solution- which, by the way, a friend of mine put into practice- is to remain in that city until you complete the school year. My friend married a boy who was learning in Monsey, but they found an apartment near where she was teaching so she would be able to complete her achrayus to her employer and her students. I was very impressed with her-and her husband for being a mentsch.

A few months back, I interviewed for a teaching position in a Bais Yaakov. The principal told me that she is very wary of hiring single girls, for the precise reason that they get engaged, get married and leave in middle of the year, and it wreaks havoc on the continuity of the students’ learning.

She told me that she wanted to make it part of the contract that the job is a yearlong commitment, but when she asked a Rov, he told her that the halacha is not on her side; a teacher is allowed to leave during the year. (I am not validating or contradicting the veracity of this- just repeating what the principal told me.) She maintained that it was still a matter of yashrus, and a teacher should not leave her students stranded like that.

She then told me that she had had this conversation with two single girls the previous year, both of whom had promised her that should they get married during the year, they would not leave until the end of the year. Sure enough, both of them got engaged and married within a month of each other, and they both moved to the same place. One teacher, keeping her word to the principal, drove in every day, even though it was quite a distance. The other one abandoned her promise and left in middle of the year.

The principal was naturally angry about this, and therefore asked me if, in the event I took the job and got married in middle of the year, I would commit to staying despite the difficulty. I answered in all honesty that I would hesitate to take the job in the first place under those conditions, but, if I would take it, I would absolutely 100% honor that commitment. I was brought up on the principles of yashrus and emes, lifnim mishuras hadin.

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DaMoshe-

Where did you find that Wikipedia page? I tried Googling it, but it’s not in Trump’s personal page.

Anyway, he seems to be self-contradictory based on the other things I’ve read about him.

I don’t think it’s inappropriate for him to tell me to my face that he’s saying yes. I was actually happy that I didn’t have to wait till the next day and agonize.

Dvash-

“Saying it like it is” and “bashing everyone and everything” are two different things.

The Fox moderators asked him some questions that he had no answers for other than attacking and bluster. As a woman, I find him offensive.

Would you want a president who might fly off the handle at any given second? Is that who you want in charge of American nuclear power?

Oh, I thought that was obvious from the fact that he said “I’m not saying no. I’m saying yes.” He called the shadchan from the car a minute later, and the shadchan called my mother with a yes. We went out two more times.

So I was on a date and it was going well. We were in middle of a pretty intense conversation, and then he drove up in front of my house. He said something like, “This is where I leave you,” and I got very nervous- I liked him and I thought he liked me, too… Anyway, I gave him a long look, and he said, “I don’t mean I’m saying no. I’m saying yes.” He got me scared, though…

PS We did not get married.

Donald Trump’s run for the Republican nomination is an infuriating farce. Not only has he made it his business to attack all of his opponents, he has not offered a single concrete plan for ANY of the major political issues! Who would vote for someone like that? Oh, only the majority of the American public who care little for issues and much more for rhetoric and bombast.

gavra_at_work

As a student in college, I have heard that line about virtually every field- and if not that line, then some other similar dismissive comment. It is very discouraging and confusing to a young, often idealistic student – or a student at any level – to have those lines thrown out constantly.

The bottom line is, today’s job market is not great. There are loads of naysayers out there. As long as you do your research and are making a reasonable effort at hishtadlus, the rest is left up to G-d.

When my younger sister was two and a half, she got a few shots by the doctor. After, my grandmother asked her about the appointment. My sister started describing what happened, and then she said, “and then he made a boo-boo and put ketchup on it.” 😉