The little I know

ujm:

I hear your push for plural marriage. But I think that idea is pathetic. Perhaps, in earlier times, marriage was a valued commodity. As precious as it was seen, the idea of increasing the simchas hachayim was rational. And if implemented correctly, to insure that the parallel wives were not צרות זו לזו, it might even work well. But in today’s world, that is a fantasy. The public sees marriage as disposable, with little being done to preserve it. Small spats get enhanced by meddling families, sometimes even therapists, askanim, and rabbonim who project their lofty ideals, assist in the ending of a marriage. As they say, gittin has become an industry, and keep various people employed.

But someone, who was quite wise said, “I have trouble enough trying to manage and keep shalom bayis with one wife, now I should try it with two?” All we would get with your idea is additional strife. Better idea, love your wife, cherish her, recognize her as your shlaimus, and laugh together a lot. Competition is good for certain things. It is destructive for others. Here it would be a recipe for disaster.

If there weren’t suffering people out there, this thread would be comical. I read the OP and comments a few times. The idea that we can create community structures that will affect the problem is ludicrous. These takanos probably don’t even work on paper, and certainly not with any implementation. Our community has engaged in efforts to create takanos for all, and the failure rate of these is stunning. There are problems that can’t be legislated away. I am one of the sleptics that is aware that there are singles that struggle with finding shidduchim, but not a believer that there is a “shidduch crisis”. There are a limited number of people in the community that comply with these things.

The notion of fat girls was a bit funny, but that is not true for the girl that struggles with weight issues. And not all girls that might be considered fat can lose that weight. It is sometimes their build. That makes it the same as short boys.

The Chassidish – Litvish thing was no smarter. Those boundaries have become very fluid. Shidduchim that cross those boundaries are commonplace. But demanding that is neither smart nor effective.

These discussions are not always humorous, but are still entertaining.

One might think the streets are more dangerous than the sidewalks, but in BP, that’s not true. Kids, teens, and adults are flying down the sidewalks in all sorts of vehicles, bikes, motorized bikes, scooters, delivery wagons, etc. Accidents are common, and near misses occur every day. These vehicles and their drivers are not licensed, and none carry liability insurance. I have personally observed hundreds of near misses, and a couple of knockovers. There are some yeshivos that are actually encouraging their talmidim to use bikes to come to yeshiva, as they are more apt to arrive on time or early. That is a nice idea, but יצא שכרו בהפסדו. The risks are far more serious. I would love to see these vehicles banned completely. It’s not about helmets. It’s about public safety.

I read this with deep pain. While a 100% verified cause cannot be stated, there may wellbe a connection. The bullying is a highly stressful burden on a victim, and such experiences can indeed affect medical issues. Whether there was an underlying tendency to this is irrelevant. It is a teaching moment. And any school or yeshiva that fails to train staff for bullying is a yeshiva that deserves to be closed down. And when events happen, the obligation to utilize them to the max is priority. Learn a blatt gemora less, if that’s the cost.

Next, bullying is a deadly serious problem. It is also insidious. It is often that the bully raises the issue him/herself, claiming to be the victim, pointing to the true victim as the perpetrator. These situations must be investigated throughly. It is also infrequent that the yeshiva has the training and staff who can do this. Consultation becomes critical.

In some cases, the bullies are children of wealthy parents who support the yeshiva or school. These situations become sticky, as there is a financial incentive to support the bully, even at the cost of the life of another student.

Staff must be well trained to spot bullying. I believe the training program at Torah Umesorah includes this, and there may be others that can provide it. It is getting tiring and frustrating when we refer to yeshiva faculty as chinuch professionals when this crucial training is not in place.

yechiell:

I’m not ashamed of my screen name. I’m much less concerned about the “in jail or gaoing to jail” of Trump’s folks than I am about Biden’s. Fact remains that today’s courts that are involved in bring these cases and the judges presiding are politicized Bidenites. This is a travesty that the Democrats have inflicted on American politics. I am actually worried that Trump, whose first term in presidency was choked by the Dems obsession with finding a crime that they could charge Trump with. They first labeled him a criminal, then set out to find something. That crippled our Legislative branch of government. They finally managed to fabricate a dossier, and make a case that was eventually proven a hoax. When Trump returns to office, will he allow the government to be obsessed with retaliation? I would feel bad if he does, but I wouldn’t blame him a bit.

No, Biden’s crew are getting away with murder. The prosecutors and judges are Democrats, and they will never charge them with anything. The Bidens have been corrupt for years, with Hunter being the symptom that finally emerged. There not being Bidenites in jail is not because they are not crooks.

Agreed. Every Bochur should be known well enough by his Rosh Hayeshiva/Mashgiach to be able to guide him to advance in ways that create security for him. Working is clear as a Torah value, and the preoccupation with the “learning boy” is not the Torah ideal. There are plenty of bochurim who are successful in their learning, and are also motivated to pursue it. They should be bentched with lots of hatzlocho in their venture. There are also many who cannot find success that way. And they should be supported in their pursuit of a career. If the community rejects them as misfits, they are more apt to abandon a lot. If we encourage their pursuit of their career as shomrei mitzvos, we will see the fruits of that.

Every Baal Haboss should be koveya ittim, and should value Torah. They should never be told that their choice of a career means they have no connection to Torah. This issue has graced the pages of the CR for years. I am convinced that I am correct, but I always encounter naysayers.

One quote is the gemora that Rebbi Nehoro’i said, “אין אני מלמד את בני אלא תורה.” This is then interpreted as if he was disagreeing with the other tanaim who addressed learning a trade. Not at all. The true pshat is that he knew his son well enough to know that the full time learning was appropriate for him. Note that he never instructed the others to demand that of their sons.

There may be things worth stigmatizing someone about. This isn’t it.

The NK of today has zero connection with that of years ago. They are not recipients of any mesorah, and I doubt there is even a family connection. Regardless, they give us every reason to question their ancestry. Are they even Yidden? They have certainly engaged in horrific forms of chilul Hashem, and they have caused great harm to all of Klal Yisroel. They should be ostracized in every way. Not given entry to our batei midrashim, not accepted for shidduchim, and otherwise isolated from our community. Yes, their children should not be accepted in our yeshivos. Don’t get swayed when reading communications from tzaddikim of long ago that spoke about NK admirably. This isn’t the same group at all. This one is an enemy to Klal Yisroel.

Sam Klein:

There is a hybrid of multiple factors here, and there is no single answer that holds merit. It is the synergy of many issues that has this painful outcome.

First, our population has grown, bli ayin horah. Even if percentages had been the same, the actual numbers would be higher.

Second, we know of more divorces today because of the rapid, effortless communication that provides these troves of information everywhere.

Third, today’s divorces get lots of press. You may inquire from those involved, whether via rabbonus and batei din, or via court, lawyers, and litigation. The intensity of divorces has skyrocketed. Each such case ends up costing lengthy and bitter battles in either the beis din arena or in the court. This costs fortunes, and there is an industry that is enriched by this.

Fourth, there is an undercurrent that affects individuals and even helping organizations that is prominent. It is a culture that has its roots in the western societies. One feature of this is victimhood. While cases of abuse and domestic violence certainly exist, there is a rish to claim the victim status, whether it is true or not. Our world gives royalty and power to one claiming to be the victim. The other individual is either defensive by definition, or needs to protect him/herself from being buried by falsehood and baseless accusations.

Fifth, divorce, by definition, involves negative emotions. While the strategies used might be irrational, they are driven by negative passion. So we see things as baseless claims, demands and corresponding withholding of financial support, custody battles, and use of children as pawns in malicious and vicious wars.

Sixth, we have grown much more entrenched in a throw away society (in עברית, known as חד פעמי). Unrealistic expectations in marriage with poor skills to manage relationships can lead to the decision to simply toss it away. While not every struggling marriage can be repaired (and some should not be), many can. It requires much work. Aside from the actual work, there needs to be willingness, capacity to compromise, and the curtailing of the ego that blocks this.

Seven, outsiders need to be blocked from the interfering roles. Many who may be well intentioned, tend to interfere, providing advice and direction. Support is not the same as guiding, recommending, or suggesting to someone in marital struggle to take divisive actions. These individuals might be family. Others can include askanim, whose claim to be volunteers and focused on the spreading of peace in Klal Yisroel is a tragic lie.

Eight, the role of those who prepare children for marriage, including parents, mechanchim throughout yeshiva and school years, and chosson and kallah teachers is of primary importance. This role was once much less involved, and focused on only detailed issues including halachos. Much less effort was devoted to the formation of a cohesive bond, with the requisite communication and emotional connection. That doesn’t work today, for a variety of reasons. Much more needs to be in place for a couple to smoothly create their home and build it as a מקדש מעט.

I bet there are more issues to add to this list.

Cascade:

Your statement is a generalization. It is often true. Just as often, it is not. Having witnessed (or experienced) the negative effects of divorce, there is tremendous motivation to avoid and prevent it. The challenge is that we reach conclusions because of the label “divorce”, and fail to evaluate the situation to determine the true dynamic.

We must be extremely careful with regards to the “bashert” or the zivug of bas ploni l’ploni. This is the default that is created for every one of us, male or female. However, as the gemora states, this can be undermined or altered. The concept of “bashert” allows in place obstacles. Let’s examine a simple non-shidduch related example. We are told “מזונותיו של אדם קצובין לו מראש השנה.” Our parnosoh for the year is predetermined in our din on Rosh Hashanah. If that is taken at face value, we can all retire on Tzom Gedalia. Our income will find its way to us. Who needs to work? Sounds a bit bizarre. Well, that’s because it is.

The Gemora tells us that a zivug that is bashert can end up elsewhere through tefilah. It stands to reason that if we stop attending to a “shidduch” system, we might not be available to actually meet and marry the one that is “bashert”.

Our Chazal were not placating us, but nor were they telling us to spend our time on the couch waiting for the blessings to shower upon us. This is similar with parnosoh and shidduchim. We must engage in our efforts and hishtadlus. When we “hang it up”, we guarantee that it won’t happen. This is not the failure of Ratzon Hashem ch”v. It’s ours.

I feared this. The direction of the comments has deviated from the applicability and meaning of labels into a debate about chassidus. If the parsha of Korach means anything to us, it needs to be the lesson about refraining from machlokes. I haven’t an issue with different approaches to Avodas Hashem, regardless of their similarity or contrast to mine. If someone has reasons to serve Hashem differently, go ahead and do so. Don’t attack the mesorah of others if you don’t understand it.

CS:

I note your conciliatory tone in the last few comments. I remain stuck on a few things you mention that are still indicative of lack of knowledge here. So I will clarify further.

You draw attention to the trend observed today that there is hyperfocus on trauma and victimization. I agree that this is overdone. I also note the early works of Sigmund Freud in which a great portion of the focus of psychoanalysis was about childhood trauma inflicted by parents. Current thinking has removed that obsession. With full recognition, there remains a huge amount of victimization, and there is nowhere enough resilience to brave such situations. Part of the increase in trauma is directly related to the decrease in resilience.

You are correct that Torah contains every element needed to build self worth, and that this issue is central to many of the conditions brought before therapists. If we had the means of transmitting this to others, we could go far. This is expounded upon in many of the books from Rabbi Twersky. There are other books in the Judaica marketplace (many might be long out of print) that address the role of Torah in therapy or as therapy. I name Rabbi Bulka from Canada as one noted author. And many of our most recognized and revered Baalei Mussar were vocal on this. With sadness, I note that such approaches to human behavior lack the popularity deserved. And even among Rabbonim and other community leaders, this is not the rule.

I can relate volumes of stories of individuals seeking rabbinical guidance on personal matters and suffering more than before. It is not for naught that our Chachomim established a line in our Viduy of יעצנו רע. That was set into place long before the advent of psychology.

It is a mistake to portray the mental health field as basing all pathology on the client being the victim of someone else’s cruelty. That may be a common lay perception, but it is no more respectable than the proverbial comment of the psychiatrist asking, “Do you love your mother?” I haven’t a clue what your personal experience of therapy was. If it was a primitive as your generalizations, I feel sorry that your time and money were wasted. There are good therapists and some lousy ones. There are some good rabbonim and some who just don’t have it.

You point to a valid distinction, that therapists create their career to give an allotted time to their clients. Rabbonim typically do not have that structure. A frequent result is that the Rov responds to the presenting problem, seeking to give advice, and figuring that compliance will resolve the problem. However, it is rarely true that the “presenting problem” is the real issue. That becomes a decoy, and addressing that misses the point. We have merited having some Rabbonim, including many of the Gedolei Yisroel, whose insight was stunning. They read through the individual immediately and got to the real crux of the matter. Without training or a Divine gift, this is not a “given” for a Rov.

I welcome a course to train Rabbonim to be more proficient in providing services to their kehilos. Personal problems, marital, individual, parental, etc. abound, and the reality is that many in our community will approach their Rov before seeking professional help. If that Rov could recognize what falls within his domain to help, and what needs consultation and referral to a professional, there would be much to celebrate.

I note your remark about Torah as an alternative to living as a survivor. I disagree. Torah gives us many reminders of our status as survivors of golus Mitzrayim, referring openly to the suffering there as well as the geula. But we are survivors. What you might have meant to say is the status of victimhood. That is a horrible place to be. And even for someone that underwent severe trauma, remaining the victim is prolonged torture. The goal of treatment is to help the individual rise from that to the status of survivor. That is actually a lofty status, and one the Torah openly guides us to recognize.

Avram:

You have a point that CS and I are addressing different scenarios. Perhaps. Meanwhile, CS has taken the liberty of presenting a position in which professionally trained therapists are imparting goyishe values, anti-Torah to their clients, and are to be reserved fpor only certain cases. And adding that the average Rov is well qualified to deal with all but a few severe situations. These accusations are not just offensive but patently untrue.

There is a valid point the tri-state area of the northeast has sizable numbers of frum professionals, which is not the case OOT. The significance of this disparity is somewhat less in the era of teletherapy. There are unvetted therapists, though I am not sure what the vetting process might be and who would oversee this. I would safely say that a great many of the frum mental health professionals in the tri-state area regularly work alongside rabbonim and are thus vetted. And one might also hear from these rabbonim of those professionals who should not be patronized. So I characterized “true” professionals as not having been in that last category.

I completely believe that Torah can nurture healing and health. That is not a novel concept, nor is it a matter of debate. I applaud anyone that can utilize Torah in all of its facets to bring about improvement in anything. I do believe that Torah is the root of all knowledge, whether the sciences, or anything else. But that doesn’t guarantee that one can extract all of this from the Torah. Much of that is part of the hidden aspect of Torah, and we are stuck deriving this from the sciences. And we should bear in mind that some our greatest have lauded the discoveries of science. I call attention to the Rambam, and to the Ramban, who spoke of this openly.

I have grown to be amused by the generalizations about psychology that are touted by those not trained in the field. Such things as the “selfish approach”, and the imposing of goyishe values on clients. Conclusions and generalizations of this sort are foolish, and reflect a dearth of information.

I am quite thrilled that CS was able to find relief and strength in Torah, whether emunoh, bitachon, whether sifrei mussar, chassidus, or Rabbi Twersky’s books. Those are wonderful resources. But they will not help the masses of marital and psychological problems, even with rabbinical guidance. The need for professionals, as recognized by the greatest rabbonim among us, is far greater in both magnitude and volume than the rabbinate is equipped to handle. As I noted earlier, the Rov might serve well as a first responder. Some situations should remain in front of the Rov. Others should be moved on to the professional. And the treating therapist, if frum, is likely a good stop to assume the case in its entirety. Regardless, most of those I know have a Rov ready for guidance should there be a need, and many are regular “chavrusas” of rabbonim, utilizing them in a supervisory capacity. I once heard Rabbi Twersky say (I think it’s in one of his books) that Moshe Rabbeinu stopped at 10 (Aseres Hadibros). Had he continued, number 11 would have been “Thou shalt not generalize”.

CS:

I read your subsequent comments as well as your rejoinder to me. All I can say is that you are digging yourself in deeper. There are realities that you may choose to deny, but they are nevertheless fact. The current training for rabbonim (there are few exceptions) does not include giving advice for personal problems. In fact, there are several mechanisms in place to reduce the ineffectiveness of rabbonim in this regard. There are several institutes that offer training for rabbonim to assist them. The reality is that many people will approach their rov and/or rebbetzin with such issues. And they need to be capable of guiding them appropriately. Yes, there are situations that they can probably handle. But they are first responders, and must be equipped to guide them to the right professionals and resources. The Agudah under guidance from the Moetzes Gedolei Hatorah takes this position. Many of the chassidishe rebbes are connected with various professionals. Even many roshei yeshivos are similarly connected.

Your complaint about your doctor operating outside his domain – that’s plainly foolish. Your doctor was pointing out that your stress level is affecting your health, and that a practical approach is to destress. Many doctors do that, and it is well within their domain.

Your diatribe against the frum mental health professionals being basically goyish trained that deliver those values to their clientele is a malicious accusation and one that is beyond false. I suggest you prepare a method of asking mechila of the hundreds of mental health professionals that are yere’im and shleimim, dedicated to promoting Torah value to those that you cannot help. I bet you can find a therapist or two whose values you might question. I know a mashpia or two who are menaces to the Klal, and certainly NOT what the Rebbe ZT”L had in mind when he brainstormed that idea.

I suggest you speak to several of these frum mental health professionals. Visit their conferences, attend their shiurim, and even test them on their Torah knowledge. Then see what the Gedolei Yisroel say. Once you’ve done that, express your opinions. A bit of truth wins over the conjecture and grandstanding.

It is clear from the teshuvah from Reb Moshe ZT”L that this is not a matter of halacha. It is, however, a question about yashrus. And the question is whether there is an “inyan” to wait. If one follows the dialogue that Gedolei Yisroel have had about this, one would easily see that there is a question that is not about halacha, but about what is fillting and proper. And there are different opinions on this. Some address that the subject of younger ones not marrying before older siblings is the tzava’ah of Lavan, and we are not obligated to do that. Others say that anything that makes another person feel bad is something that should be recognized and dealt with in a manner that considers the perceived offense. One should seek guidance on such matters, but the “poseik” is not the quality one needs to seek for this. The “moreh derech”, with the wisdom to guide one in personal matters is.

The Brisk Myth

The assumption by the OP and some commenters is that Brisk is the top yeshiva. By deductive reasoning, one should expect our Gedolei Yisroel to have Brisk on their resumes. Sad to disappoint, but they do not. Now, this is not a put down for Brisk. It has a reputation, not because it produces the most superior products, but because it is one of the most selective. If it’s hard to get admitted, it must be top. The same logic is the doctor who only takes appointments months in advance. If it’s that hard to get an appointment, it must be a better doctor. Well, that’s a myth.

Brisk follows a derech of learning that is great for some and not so for others. Rav Chaim ZT”L was Sar Hatorah. He was as capable as anyone to learn with depth. But that was not his derech. And his learning was not inferior. It would be pretty audacious to minimize his Torah learning since he neither attended Brisk nor did he use their derech.

If we refrain from this form of “identity politics”, we might avoid serious pitfalls.

It is a mistake to confuse the Gemora that addresses the child who is not a talmid chochom with the contemporary concept of OTD.

We are witness today to families who raise many children to successful lives as ehrliche Yidden and talmidei chachomim while there is one child that just isn’t. And many of the Gedolei Yisroel have noted, אין בית אשר אין שם מת. The issue is pervasive. As much as we need to examine ourselves and our communities to identify the contributing factors, we need to recognize that parents are being given a Divine gift from Hashem – a child that has “special needs” of the spiritual type. If I have a child like that, HKB”H is telling me that He wants me to deal with it. It’s my nisayon and mission in life. Of course, I would want my child to follow in my footsteps, to carry on the heritage of my parents and ancestors. And I davened 3X daily asking for that. Hashem answered my tefilos. He said, “No.” He showed me that He had another direction for me. He wanted me to love the child that was not following my example.

Now that we are completing Chumash Bamidbor, we have covered the majority of major events that occurred during the 40 year trek, from leaving Mitzrayim through the end of the travel to the edge of the Yarden. We are now fully informed about the troubles, ממרים הייתם מיום דעתי אתכם. We read the stories of the eigel, asafsuf, mei merivoh, Zimri, Korach, and more. Throughout these times, HKB”H never missed a day of providing sustendance for Klal Yisroel, מן, בארה של מרים, and the embrace of the ענני הכבוד. Hashem was the loving provider, despite the most blasphemous and ungrateful Klal Yisroel during those times. We were OTD, yet had all the perks of the loved child. Shouldn’t we model that?

n0:

You point to fundamental flaws here. I suggest that, among other factors, yeshivos have converted chinuch from a spiritual venture that is predicated on continuing the chain from Matan Torah to the next generation into a business. Yes, there are financial issues involved in running a yeshiva, from paying bills to payroll, etc. And much of what we parents observe is the extreme efforts to provide the money for the operation of the yeshiva, far more than the dedicated efforts to assist every yochid to excel and reach their own unique potential. We witness a system obsessed with discipline and rules, outshadowing the love that a rebbe needs to have for a talmid. You are correct in drawing attention to the lack of partnership between parents and yeshiva faculty. It should be there, a strong connection that every talmid witnesses. But it’s not all the fault of the parents. How often is a talmid punished for cumulated “aveiros” where parents had no idea until after the fact.

After all the comments here, no two bochurim or yungerleit are identical in their capacities in learning. They differ in styles, their poattern of their learning כוחות, and trying to cookie cut them is irresponsible. Each one needs to develop according to their unique set of skills. I heard that Rav Chaim Kanievsky ZT”L was asked to leave a yeshiva ketana at a young age. The Steipler Gaon ZT”L took his son, and arranged for a melamed that would fit the type of learning that Rav Chaim pursued with his incredible hasmodoh. That produced the Gadol we were fortunate to see. Yes, Rav Chaim was a dropout from a system that could not educate him according to his set of skills and assets.

What an interesting question! I have a better one. What’s the truth about the person inside the kapote? Is he truly someone of stature, a talmid chochom, a tzaddik, a role model for all of Klal Yisroel? When we meet our Maker after 120, we do not ascend with velvet collars nor with the numbers of followers. Our generation is obsessed with chitzoniyus. How tragic that we ignore the rerality of our Divine purpose to fulfill the Ratzon Hashem and the gloify Him in all we do. So we are busy glorifying ourselves, and pretending that all this is holy.

And I have observed people seeking something essentially davening to Reb Shaya ben Reb Moshe. That reeks of Avodah Zarah, deifying a tzaddik. I have difficulty seeing this tzaddik tolerating being made into a G-d.

Such practices are not unknown to the chassidishe world, where their leaders are put on a pedestal far greater than a leader of a flock and a teacher of Yiras Shomayim. We can be all for the respecting of Gedolim. Making them into deities is not Ratzon Hashem. There have been tzaddikim that openly criticized those chassidim that did this.

My two cents

I have no hesitation about parents being involved and conducting the research. As a structure, that’s fine. However, I must emphasize that this investigation often focuses on trivia, and often produces heaps of bias and frank lies, rendering all the efforts meaningless. And unless the boy and girl themselves have amazing people skills and midos with a hefty dash of Syatta Dishmaya, we have created a potential divorce with its fallout.

Just what questions are being asked? How about useless ones like, “Tell me about the boy’s or girl’s personality.” Or “What levush does he wear?” “Why did he/she go to that camp?” Or another favorite joke, “Does he plan to sit and learn?” After answers to such questions, we know nothing that addresses preparation for marriage, or we have pat answers that are uninformative or plainly dishonest.

Do we know how either party deals with adversity or challenge? Are they groomed for lives of dependency, as our kollel system preaches? Do the kids have a spiritual connection or are they just robots with compliance to the community and a helping of chumros to impress others? Do they resolve conflict, or are they apt to find petty disagreements as threats to their dignioty or sense of control?

It is often that a boy or girl have life goals that differ greatly from the parents’ aspirations. Even with proper research, we are set up for conflict and trouble. No, I don’t believe kids generally do good research. But parents are not a whole lot better. The divorce rate in our community has jumped much higher than it’s ever been. One of many reasons is the dearth of accuracy in information available to the two sides. And without a huge amount of Syatta Dishmaya, it would probably be a lot higher.

Since peyos are being sported as a mitzvah, it is proper to treat them accordingly, with proper respect. If one has peyos that are oitherwise not neat, unkempt, and messay, then it is preferred that he do something to curtail that. Whatever works for him is acceptable. Behind the ear, curled, whatever. Different patterns emerged according to goegraphic location or other factors. Chassidim have a pattern of mimicking their rebbe. Otherwise, I’m not so sure there is any great significance to this trivial detail. I do not consider someone with front peyos more frum, more chassidish or more anything else than anyone else. It is time we pay attention to other things that are far more relevant than to trivia like this.

ujm:

Save your accusations for those who deserve it. I do NOT condemn anybody. The Torah world today uses the Mishna Berurah as its basic guide to Shulchan Aruch. Yes, halacha often has dissenting opinions, and אלו ואלו דברי אלקים חיים. No one challenges that. I am not worried about those whose drinking is simply and only to follow halacha. I utterly abhor those who get wasted just because they consider it a mitzvah and are honestly doing it for their own hedonistic reasons. And those who believe that they are being “machmir” are nothing better than fools. Ad delo yoda does NOT mean to lose one’s mind. That is a blasphemous translation, and is found nowhere is our poskim. שכרותו של לוט is referred to in the Mishnah and the Rambam as תועבה. I am not against the mitzvah to drink on Purim. I am against its exploitation, and the extremes of drunkenness should be shunned by everyone with a Torah value system. That’s what I condemn, and I do so because our greatest Torah leaders of many generations have done that.

So when you’re ready to make accusations, fiind someone who is blasphemous for a target. Meanwhile, the mitzvos of Emunoh (as in אנכי ה’ אלקיך) remain in permanent status, and I will NOT obliterate my ability to think and be mevatel that fundamental mitzvah.

There is a story of Reb Zushe published in several of the reputable collections of chassidic tales. Reb Zushe came into a town as Rebbe, and was invited to lead a meal in his honor. As he weas served the food, he turned the plate over onto his kaftan. The hoist was horrified, apologized for the mistake, and sent for another portion. This, too, Reb Zushe dumped onto his bekeshe.After the third such event, the host begged Reb Zushe to explain to him why he is doing this. Reb Zushe explained that several years before, he and his brother Reb Elimelech were traveling through this town, and they were unable to find anyone wishing to provide them with even a morsel of food. Reb Zushe related that after several days of painful hunger, he davened, and HKB”H made two nipples grow in his mouth, one providinig him milk and the other honey. That miracle was needed for his survival. Reb Zushe told him that he is now here in this same city, and being showered with honor. Reb Zushe says, “I am the same Zushe that no one would feed. All that is different is my attire, the bekeshe. This food is being brought for the bekeshe, not for me. So I am delivering it to its target.”