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While Yiras Shamayim and learning are good attributes that a son-in law should have but for a long lasting marriage someone who has a good heart and gets along with people might be better. With the high number of people getting divorce it is important to have someone with a good heart and knows how to calm down the situation. Likewise someone who works has a lot to lose in a divorce and so is less likely to divorce and if there is one will give a get in fear of financial penalties. While a learner has no incentive to stay in the marriage or give a get as it’s all his wife’s money.
jhonny appleseed – Can you listen to a different type of music which doesn’t use curse words maybe Jewish music. Another solution is to try learning a book on Mussar while lying down in bed. You will be asleep before you turn the first page. If that doesn’t work take a baseball bat and stand it up so one end is on the floor and the other is about waist high. Bend over so that your forehead is resting on the end of the bat. With both hand grasping the bat and with your forehead resting on the bat go around the bat seven times. You will be so dizzy that you will fall asleep quickly.
Meno Are you eating the chewers? So why would they need a hechsher?
He must have been asking about the erasers and was asking do the eraser chewers need to see a hechsher before they can chew on the eraser.
moi aussi I am not a therapist/psychologist and have no knowledge nor training in this field. The only reason I said to give him a phone is so you can contact him on the island, to verify that everything is okay.
Has he been checked out by a doctor to verify that this problem is not caused by a chemical imbalance? Have you or anyone else spoken to Rabbium about a yeshiva that will cater to his needs. They know the boy and are better suited to find a yeshiva that will meet his special needs. His weighing 48 kg means he lives outside the US, and is 106 pounds, I was 125 ponds when I got married 34 years ago so he is not so underweight. I am now 185 lbs and the doctor wants me to lose weight so that is not a problem.
Have you tried giving him ice cream. You may have a problem with choosing his favorite flavor. I don’t know anyone that doesn’t like ice cream. This will put him in a happier mood and increase his weight. Also try to have him listen to happy music, this too will put him a happier mood. Try taking him to an amusement park, with exciting rides, this will show him how people interact while having fun and may awaken his social skills.
Please check with your medical provider who knows the boy before taking my advise. Likewise you may also want to seek the advise of a Rabbi who knows the boy before following my advise.
I hope it works but it is going to be a long process to get the boy to social interact so don’t give up hope.
Little Froggie – #4) Read my apology above!! In my case, on my part, as the one speaking (writing) since I didn’t know the boy it wasn’t Motzi Shem Ra and as to Lavender she would have been the only been guilty if she accepted it as Motzi Shem Ra which from her question was not the case.
#5) The condition to do it openly – because otherwise people would suspect you’re only gossiping. People are going to suspect you, and also the objective won’t be realized – for others to take note and do what’s necessary.
I disagree with you, if you are rebuking someone it has to be done privately so as not to embarrass them in public and lose your portion in the next world. I believe that if you rebuke in public (when others are around) the recipient is less likely to accept it as he will lose face amongst his peers, rather it should be done only in private and respectively. Even in a case that was 100% Motzi Shem Ra and you rebuked and you embarrassed your friend publicly, whitening the face of your friend, you MAY have lost your portion in the next world. I maybe wrong but I think the YWN Coffee Room is considered a public forum.
Please Note I am not an expert in this field nor am I trying to criticize anyone but merely trying to understand these laws The above comments are solely my opinion and should not be viewed as Halochah Lemisah, (Jewish Law) nor should that they treated as if they were brought down by Moses from Mount Sinai.
Little Froggie – Please for give me if I come across as criticizing you. it has been 30-40 years since I was in Bais Medrash and learning the laws of loshon horah. Now a days I learn the Daf and work and go to a gemarah shuir at night.
The conditions for permissible Lashon Hara (bein adam lamakom)
1)Firsthand knowledge Does this mean you actually saw or heard it, or is hearsay included.
2)Examine if it’s really wrong Does this mean you analyze the case and review the laws to insure that a sin has been committed.
3)Not to talk out of hatred This is intent which I think you wrote Point #3 is wrong, as you wrote, as stated openly in the Chofetz Chaim. It should also be noted that there shouldn’t be intent to embarrass or make fun of the person you are talking about.
4)Not to exaggerate the son Is this only regarding son but it’s okay to exaggerate about daughters? In my opinion an exaggeration that is sociable acceptable such as he is one of the best boys in the yeshiva is okay while he knows the whole perek of gemorah when he doesn’t isn’t.
5)Not to speak secretly I don’t understand. You are suppose to publicize it, that is tattletaling which is also prohibited.
Please Note I am not trying to criticize anyone but merely to learn the laws and the comments are solely my opinion and should not be viewed as Halochah Lemisah, as legal according to Jewish law.
I’m also not sure what the difference is – it sounds to me like immaculate conception and virgin birth mean the same thing – they just use one to refer to one and the other to refer to the other.
The only difference is that Christians refer the birth of Miriam the mother as the Immaculate Conception while they call the birth of JC the son to be the Virgin Birth. Both of them didn’t have fathers.
moi aussi -He wishes he could live on an island by himself where nobody would bother him, nobody would talk to him, nobody would offer him anything nor request anything from him.
I wonder if he will ever marry…
It seems he goes to minyan so that’s a start. It is not that hard to find an abandoned island. Give him a cell phone some food and a tent and leave him on the island for two weeks and see if he survives. Try to give him some independence such as letting him buy and cook his own food. I think part of the problem is that for most of his life people have dictated to him what he can do. He is rebelling and withdrawing inside. He may or may not also be depressed. His father needs to find a yeshiva that caters to this boy’s needs and make him happy. Once he is happy he will socialize. Once he socializes he will marry. You need to take it step by step.
How big is the eraser? How much oil could the chewer ingest? I think you should ask does the eraser require a hechsher? The erasers are usually smaller than an olive? Eraser are not considered to be edible and should not be a problem, although you should not go around eating or chewing them..
I feel funny discussing Christian theology, but immaculate conception has nothing to do with being “born without a father” that is a sepperate belief.
Immaculate Conception refers to the Conception of MARY not yoshke. (Though many Christians misunderstand this too)
No reason to do to much gogling. Wikipedia imagines well.
OK according to Wikepedia Immaculate Conception refers to the Conception of MARY and Virgin Birth refers to yoshke. I am sorry for using the wrong term for JC
Even if I am guilty of Motzi Shem Ra it can be atoned by Repentance and or Yom Kippur and or death and will have a portion in the next world. However those who embarrass their friends loses their portion in the next world. Accusing someone of Motzi Shem Ra surely qualifies as one who whitens his friends face (embarrassing a friend) and so loses their place in the next world. There are those who hold their portion is forfeited to the victim, while others hold that it reverts back to Hashem. In any case is accussing someone of Motzi Shem Ra worth the risk of losing you portion to the next world?
Little Froggie- L’toeles in itself does not make it permissible, there needs to be 5 – 7 conditions met. What are the conditions?
Lavender – I am happy that you are moving on and are not bitter about this. I hope and pray that you find your true love quickly.
Just to indulge in technicalities:
Regarding point #1, he’s probably correct, since neither him nor us know who and what. And as far as the girl who does, well she KNOWS not to believe nor trust someone who cannot possibly know anything. The Heading of this thread clearly states “Guys Please Explain This Behavior and because I gave a possible explanation, I am being vilified by the posters. Is it right?
Point #2 he’s probably also right, technically. He’s saying HE cannot be accused of motzi shem ra if it’s not certain there’s a falsehood. (no, of course he is NOT PERMITTED, but he cannot be ACCUSED of motzi shem ra.) If your standards for motzi shem ra are that you have to know 100% that what is being told is true. Then how are you allowed to ask Shidduch reference questions such as is the boy bipolar. As the only one who would know that is beside the patient and perhaps his guardian is is a medical professional who will lose their license to practice if they reveal any medical information to anyone else. If you asked a neighbor if the boy has mental issues by your standards you would be guilty of motzi shem ra.
Point #3 is wrong, as you wrote, as stated openly in the Chofetz Chaim. While technically you could be guilty of motzi shem ra even if you had no intent, you can not be punished in this world for a corporal or capital offense as you need to be warned to show clear intent. Since most of the prohibitions are negative commandment which are punishable offensives only if intent is shown.
If however you use my standards which is, if it is true it is Loshon Horah and if it’s false it’s Motzi Hhem Ra then intent maybe a factor. As R” Silber ZTL states in Oz Nidbaro vol 14 question 60, in a case of Loshon Horah where there is a Toeeles (reason) for Loshon Horah and would be permitted , if the intent is to embarrass or make fun of the victim them it is not permitted.
I have been accused of Motzi Shem Ra for posting in this thread that the guy may have commitment issues and the YWN has censored all of my posts defending my action. The reason I believe that it’s not Motzi Shem Ra are : a) Neither I nor anyone else know who the guy is, which is a requirement for Motzi Shem Ra b) In order to be guilty of Motzi Shem Ra it has to be proven beyond a reasonable doubt that the comments are false. The mere fact that there maybe other reason for the guy actions does not prove that my comment was false. C) There has to be intent to defame the victim, in this case I was only trying to explain his actions.
Is the YWN guilty of media bias and libel? Only the courts will tell.
yehudayona I think everyone will agree that you are not allowed to hack into someone email even if they are the government. Wikki hacked into the emails and gave them to others who then published them and you are viewing it from them. This is similar to the following case, if you bought you Esrog from a thief it wouldn’t be kosher, but if you bought from someone who bought from the thief it would be kosher because of the change of ownership.
yehudayona Abba_S, are you claiming that emails are not protected by Rabbeinu Gershom’s ruling? Rav Scheinberg ZTL disagreed with you.
As I said these emails were on government servers which means there is public knowledge, Rabbeinu Gershom’s ruling was regarding private correspondence which was only to be known by the two parties. Where and when did Rav Scheinberg ZTL (which one as he probably has a son and likewise had a father )write about reading leaked emails?
I am sorry Lavender had this experience with dating. This in my opinion but the case as described was a classic example of someone who can’t commit. The purpose of my comment was only to inform the public that there are people that just want to date but do not want marriage.
Based on the comments of some of the posters I think if they had lived in the times of the prophets they would accuse them of Motzie Shem Ra on the Jewish People.
Please note no one has to agree with any of my opinions and likewise I don’t have to accept your opinions either. I have been accused of Motzie Shen Ra. The only ones who knows whether whether it’s true or not is the guy, who nobody knows except Lavender and Hashem. This accusation of Motzie Shem Ra is based on the interpretation that because Lavender knows him it’s Motzie Shem Ra which I don’t agree with. If this interpretation is incorrect or the guy actually does have commitment issues then my accusers are guilty of Motzie Shem Ra.
lilmod ulelamaid _ I am sorry you feel that it’s Motzi Shem Ra. There is a Toyales a purpose for my comment. The fact that someone knows the party does not make the comment False and the fact that there was a purpose removes the prohibition.
minyan gal Interesting name, does it mean you go to shul for davening. Or are you a female minyan you know like one of those small yellow men in blue coveralls.
These emails where taken from government or corporate servers and are not protected by this prohibition. If you don’t want to read them then I guess you don’t read newspapers either for fear of hearing gossip or slander.
Ferd-You mean you never was at an auf ruf on Shabbos where they threw peckelach or candy at the Chosson, right? So are you saying that instead of peckelach which can be damaged and the food ruined, you would rather throw coconuts and issue helmets to the Chosson?
The guy has commitment issues. He just wants to date not marry. I doubt there is even a Rabbi involved he is just using the rabbi as an excuse to break it off.
yehudayona – Yakov the Patriarch & Shlomo the King had multiple wifes and at that time it was considered normal. What I am trying to say is that no one in today’s Western Jewish society would consider polygamy normal. As to others practicing it the Christians believe JC was born by immaculate conception. If that isn’t crazy what is?
The prohibition against polygamy for most Jewry has been in affect for over a thousand years although the prohibition could have been permitted 776 years ago. If the greatest Rabbis in the past 7 centuries didn’t overturn this prohibition suddenly some poster on the coffee room is suddenly going to overturn it.
It is not going to happen I don’t care how great you think the Rabbis and Rabbinuts who post on this thread are. Nobody in his right mind wants more than one wife at a time.
The question is will having more wives increase the Jewish Population, which in turn will hasten the Guellah (Coming of Masiach) or not. Will he come before all souls that need to be born are born?
RebYidd23- Plagiarism happens to be illegal. Only if the copyright owner sues, otherwise it’s no different then speeding which most times you don’t get caught.
Just think twice before you say anything.
Correction “If you are talking about the music most Jewish music is copied from goyish music.” My statistical sample may not have been accurate and I should have said a significant portion of Jewish music comes from Goyish music..
Most music you hear now a days has been converted to electrical impulses by a microphone and then converted back to sound waves by a speaker. So from a Halachic standpoint is music actually music? This maybe relevant regarding prohibitions enacted in remembrance to the destruction of the temple.
Can you also fulfill this Mitzvah by having children who will take care of you in your old age? Smoking may kill you but a decrease in the mortality rate due to glorifying the single lifestyle will kill the Jewish People.
You need to stop listening to Goyish music and watching movies. Your cursing is due to your environment, change back to Jewish music and a frum environment and you will stop.
Wishing you the best. Hopefully you can be reconciled bur be prepared mentally for the divorce.
I don’t think you can as you it’s probably Muktzah.
You need a good divorce lawyer to try to save some of your assets If it goes to Civil Court.You need to be prepared as you wife can spring it on you at anytime. Maybe the next time you both are in a marriage session or in the Bais Din you say you realize the marriage is over and offer the house and some money with a trail separation for a year. The Bais Din can handle custody and the financial aspects and the Civil Court will rubber stamp it if it’s reasonable and everyone agrees. If she can live on her own you will be divorced in a year but if she needs you as an ATM there will be no divorce.
Just look a round and use your arms to block it. You are not going to get a hole in your head you skull has to be very brittle maybe just a poke in the eye. You know neither the father nor the son is liable for damages according to Jewish law.
I am not sure I understand this when referring to Russian Roulette are you referring to a gun with a single bullet place against your head or just walking blindly into traffic.
Also if you are saying it is prohibited to overeat, when does the prohibition take effect at the first bite or after he is full. If it’s at the first bite is he suppose to starve, a starvation diet is not healthy. People die of starvation. If it’s when he is full how do witnesses know when he is full, if he himself doesn’t realize it. Maybe his weight problem is caused by a chemical imbalance.
Ask the Mod to send her an email that we are worried about her
Sit next to their husband
GoFish The quote is give me liberty or give me death. Are you from the south
I don’t believe your wife wants a divorce after 25 years all she wants is behavior modification. But that said, there is no magic formula to keep you and your wife together if she really wants a divorce. If you are scared she is considering divorce you may want to speak with a divorce attorney he will be better able to advise you, but if your wife files for divorce she can get half of the family’s assets and she can get as much as 75% (very rare) of your income for alimony and child support. This will have an impact on your family’s quality of life. Depending on the age of you children you may need to have a family conference explaining that you and your wife are breaking up so some expenses have to be eliminated so if the divorce goes through vacations will be eliminated, Ivy League education will be replaced by state college if possible, for example. This will serve two purposes it will inform the children that a divorce is coming so it wouldn’t come as a shock. It will also tell them the ramification of a divorce. Also say that the divorce is not your idea. This may convince your wife to continue the marriage at least until all the kids have finished their education.
flatbusher – The Pasuk refers to Guarding your body from Danger. Smoking and overeating may kill you after years of doing it but getting hit by a car can kill you instantly, so you can fulfill the pasuk by crossing at the crosswalk with a green light and looking both ways.
The vast majority of Jews are not smokers so they don’t fulfill it by not smoking. Otherwise everyone should get credit for not eating ham. As far as excising in order to combat overweight, that too is dangerous look at all the medical emergencies during marathon races. Being overweight causes the heart to work harder resulting in heart problems. So Rav Moshe answer concerning smoking, of G-d watches out for the fool applies to overweight too.
Other examples of fulfilling this pasuk are wearing a seat belt while driving, not speeding, not talking on the phone while driving.
yekke2-What should I do if I get a call in the middle of Seder, and its my wife calling me to come kill a spider that’s scaring her?”
I am a simple Jew, a lot depends how scared she is and what type of spider it is. It can be a matter of life and death if the spider is poisonous or if the wife can be scared to death example she has heart conditions. Tell her to leave and lock the house/ apt. and go to a friend or neighbor. Once she is in a SAFE environment and calmed down then you can tell her about the importance of your learning and she will understand.
Joseph I understand what you are saying but you have to realize that you can actually discourage them from davening at that minyan and possible at all. Once they don’t come daily to minyan next they start missing minyan on Shabbos and then they go totally OTD. You want to correct the problem, try to Mekariv them by respectively asking them why they are late or leaving early, it could be they have trouble getting up and maybe if you would called them 15 minutes before davening starts they maybe able to make it on time. Or if there is enough of them you can make a separate minyan for them so they can daven the whole davening.
Look both ways before crossing the street.
Not every animal kills for survival. There are animals that are herbivorous and other that only eat dead animals such as vultures and buzzards. That being said animals bought or raised as pets should not be let out into the wild as they can’t survive on their own.
If you are talking about the music most Jewish music is copied from goyish music. If you are referring to the lyrics that is problematic.
Shanghai during the war
Unless you have aisle seat and you have to let them in or out I don’t see why it’s your business when someone else davens.
I don’t think your wife want an actual divorce she would have filed for divorce sooner, all she wants is behavior modification, which marriage counseling should help you with. If there is a civil court divorce than the spouses are already living separately and the only thing the get is going to do is allow them to remarry someone else. If there is no civil court divorce there is nothing preventing the wife from moving out and filing for a civil court divorce. You can fight the civil divorce but she will be granted the divorce. Eventually you will realize you have irreconcilable differences and you will grant her a get and move on with your life.
lilmod ulelamaid – If marriage is a “Mitzvah Kiyumis” and R’ Moshe held that the Rambam held that Yishav Eretz Yisroel is also a “Mitzvah Kiyumis”. If you are living in Israel you have taken on the Mitzvah of Yishav Eretz Yisroel, to populate the land of Israel, and to populate the land you need to marry someone. Also the reason they want to draft the Yeshiva Bochurim is because they want them to SHARE THE BURDEN for protecting Israel. If this is true shouldn’t you also Share the Burden for giving birth to the next generation of Yidden.
Also a person who isn’t commanded but fulfills the Mitzvah gets less credit than the one who is commanded to do so. Thus according to you the wife who goes through the pain of childbirth gets less credit than the husband who didn’t feel a thing unless you count sympathy pain. I don’t think it’s fair.
A Bas Kol comes from the heaven 40 days before a child is born (it’s a song now) saying so & so is married to the daughter of so & so. A girl by remaining single is causing her male counterpart to remain single also, nullify a Positive Commandment Obligation.
PLEASE NOTE: I am not trying to pressure you into marrying anyone. I only want to understand the logic behind your train of thought. Please forgive me if I have offended you in anyway.
Yiddish is spoken by Charadim which is the fastest growing segment in the Jewish population so I tend to doubt it going to die anytime soon. It’s only dead in the Choloni community where only the old Russian immigrant who are dying out and some hard core socialist are the only ones speaking it.
What about Motzei Shem Raw that when you tell something that is false?
lilmod ulelamaid-“I was raised with the concept of sticks & stones may break my bones but names will never harm me.”
That’s a completely goyish concept.
The concept is that if attacked by sticks and stones respond harshly quickly but if it’s verbal ignore it because here in NYC it can escalate to violence quickly. This concept is for dealing with goyim not Yidden and I have two son and I go to all the PTA meetings and never had a report of any fighting in yeshiva.