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  • in reply to: OTD Child #1583295

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    Rafi: I’m no expert on these matters. I just chimed in to say I’m sorry you’re going through such a trying time. Hashem should give you all strength and courage to face this monster with simcha and the ability to do the right thing. May you emerge stronger and better with your son a chozer very soon. Hatzlacha.

    in reply to: @Chabad Shluchah Please Explain Why Davening To/Betten a Rebbe is Okay #1467097

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    Rso: You’re being too harsh. CS is young and has obviously not stepped out of her Chabad bubble yet. Her thinking her Rebbe is the greatest is normal. Any chossid would believe that about their Rebbe especially if they were born into it. I don’t think it’s fair to attack on that point.

    What’s scary is that she teaches, she claims. She’s clueless to the foundations and boundaries of daas yisroel yet is convinced that she understands the deep thoughts of the Rambam and the Baal Hatanya.

    in reply to: @Chabad Shluchah Please Explain Why Davening To/Betten a Rebbe is Okay #1464370

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    It’s fairly obvious that CS/SY cannot answer the questions. I believe that is because they don’t get it. This is how they were raised and don’t understand what is being asked. Every time someone questions a practice, they bring a proof that exacerbates the problem.

    CS: I’m not as nice as Daas Yochid. I don’t think that you originally made a mistake with semantics with that whole partner thing. I think you’re havana is messed up on this whole Inyan. SY said well. Go learn the ikkarim like the Aseres Hadibros and the 13 Ikrei Emunah first. You need to have that deeply ingrained in you before you will be ready to go on to anything else. Especially Kiruv and/or teaching.

    Edited

    in reply to: PANDAS #1459032

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    B”H

    in reply to: PANDAS #1458300

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    WTP: OCD is not the only symptom of PANDAS. Some of what you’re describing are very classic symptoms; the tic, clinginess, weepiness… Rage is atypical. Could be his way of dealing with all this. Could be something else.

    Why is your doctor wary of the pandas diagnosis if his strep titers were high and he is responding to antibiotics?

    in reply to: PANDAS #1457989

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    What is important to understand is that the OCD behavior is not easily recognized. People associate OCD with rituals that are performed over and over again. Actually, compulsions can often occur in a mental capacity and people with obsessive thoughts present with many psychiatric symptoms i.e., anxiety, depression,oppositional, impulsive, eating disorders etc. Oftentimes a child is terribly anxious and cannot express him/herself and consequently acts out for no apparent reason. They are frustrated. As much as they try they cannot quiet those ominous thoughts that are going round and round in their heads. And what’s more? A person cannot run from their own thoughts.

    Many times a child that has/had PANDAS has a tendency to it and any infection, be it viral or bacterial, not just strep, can trigger a reoccurrence. I can often predict such a child getting sick before actual physical symptoms based on their emotional behavior. Therefore, if it were my child, I would get hold of a good therapist that specializes in CBT or ERP to teach the child conditioning skills necessary to help them cope. It’s hard work but with siyata dishmaya there’s hope that psychiatric meds can be avoided altogether.

    I don’t know your child nor do I know if s/he has PANDAS or OCD. But from what you describe s/he’s suffering badly. The most helpful thing you can do is to try to understand him/her. Once you do, your halfway there. You can be proactive and avoid triggers to unwanted behavior until this all settles down thereby lessening the amount of discipline needed and lead to a better atmosphere at home.

    Most of all, refuah shleima bekarov. Make sure to take breaks when you can so that you can be strong for those that need you. Daven for guidance and Hatzlacha.

    in reply to: PANDAS #1457986

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    Oy, Health.

    Winnie: It’s very difficult to watch your child suffer while you feel helpless and unsure. Especially when that suffering causes negative behavior that is distruptive to family and social life. Hashem should give you the bina and the tools you need to support your child as s/he makes his way to a complete recovery, IY”H.

    I know your specialist and her mother very well and can assure you that you are in competent hands. While your own pediatrician raises valid points, you need to understand that PANDAS and psychiatric disorders are each a subject to study.

    I’ve seen several cases of pandas. Some with the associated tics and others with the psychological component. There was this one case I know about that was diagnosed as PANDAS by said doctor and was completely off mark. With proper treatment all cases of PANDAS I’ve observed were completely resolved. While some took a long time -like months to a year, others recovered with a regular antibiotic regimen.

    I’ll continue in another post. It’s getting lengthy.

    in reply to: PANDAS #1457801

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    Just curious: was any blood work done? Is your specialist a female pediatrician in Brooklyn?

    in reply to: Mesichists Explained by ChabadShlucha #1410129

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    Cs: I’m sorry you missed out on that point in Chabad chinuch. It was in grade school when a boy came late to class and the rebbi asked why he was late. He responded that he had gone to wait for Moshiach. Rebbi asked him if he doesn’t believe in Eliayahu Hanavi. I also know first hand that Bais Rifka high school in Crown Heights had the same field trip.

    in reply to: Mesichists Explained by ChabadShlucha #1410118

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    770: You’ll have to ask someone from vizhnitz about that but do they sing it for a Rebbe that was niftar and is in olam haemes?

    in reply to: Mesichists Explained by ChabadShlucha #1409659

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    Is there a way to join this elite/chosen group? If so how?

    in reply to: Mesichists Explained by ChabadShlucha #1409624

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    Off topic: I know there are/were times that the school took the children outside to wait for moshiach. Don’t you believe in Eliyahu Hanavi coming three days before Moshiach?

    in reply to: Mesichists Explained by ChabadShlucha #1409540

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    They could’ve tied it to him.

    in reply to: Mesichists Explained by ChabadShlucha #1409523

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    I don’t get it. Why didn’t he hold on to the handkerchief besof yamav? He would never have passed.

    in reply to: Exercising in a kosher way #1397333

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    Ajs4 has a very valid point. You need to focus on the trainer and specific muscle groups to ensure exercise is being done properly. You just need to look where your going when walking on the street and can ignore everything else around you.

    in reply to: How much unproductive time do you spend online each day? #1362333

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    Thank you for the clarification. I take it that the radical, twisted, insensitive views you spew on the other thread is also (bad) humour.

    in reply to: How much unproductive time do you spend online each day? #1361911

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    Joe
    I know that CTL can handle you himself. However, after reading your comments yesterday about being mekarev intermarried men and today your highly demeaning comment to CTL, I feel a strong need to protest.
    Your words on this site are no beacon of light, nor are they in any way an example of the commandment of v’ohavta lreyacha kmocha.

    I’m an astronaut and one of the most amazing sights from the ISS is watching how mounds of people are automatically repelled by your actions.

    in reply to: Anxiety, Bitachon, and Morons (Dah mah shetashiv l'moron) #1341690

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    Sorry, I don’t understand your comment.

    in reply to: Anxiety, Bitachon, and Morons (Dah mah shetashiv l'moron) #1341358

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    RebYid: Actually, it’s been realized that more often then not there is a very strong component of OCD in people with anxiety. It’s been misunderstood until now, but more professionals are learning to diagnose such cases as having obsessive thoughts or having OCD.

    Many times fears take on an obsessive nature. That’s when the compulsions/reassurances start.

    Overwriting is not in the script. Accepting the panic/fear without trying to suppress it is very therapeutic.

    in reply to: Anxiety, Bitachon, and Morons (Dah mah shetashiv l'moron) #1341356

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    Joe: Even if it’s the truth Reassurances don’t work. An anxious /OCD mind will always rationalize and rerationalize about why there is a real danger. Actually a person needs to realize that he’s not in control to take the first step toward healing. That’s not the same as telling someone they’re safe.

    An anxious person doesn’t necessarily need to be in any danger to feel anxious. They perceive danger even though people who don’t suffer from the disorder will feel perfectly safe.

    in reply to: Anxiety, Bitachon, and Morons (Dah mah shetashiv l'moron) #1341047

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    RebYid:
    It’s important to understand what OCD is. Compulsions are performed to find relief from the obsession. Reassurances are compulsions. Relief is temporary causing the obsession to return strongly which causes an obsessive compulsive cycle. Oftentimes compulsions are thought rationalizations seeking to calm an anxiety.

    Learning to acknowledge the obsession or fear, Accepting it and not reacting to it with compulsion/reassurance is a big step towards healing.

    in reply to: Anxiety, Bitachon, and Morons (Dah mah shetashiv l'moron) #1340973

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    No. Actually having her father there might help her with her exposure. While walking with her father she would need to imagine different types of scary scenarios to try to bring up her anxiety level. Initially, her anxiety would be worse but eventually she will acclimate. If done correctly, that little girl will soon be walking on her own to school. However, if she was just using her father as a constant reassurance, she’d likely to grow an increasing dependence on him. (This is true if a person has anxiety. I’m not sure its applicable to someone who has a rational fear.)

    A basic component of this type of therapy is a person’s commitment to accept uncertainty and be willing to take risks so that he can live normally. I’m no scholar, but perhaps this is how you answer the question.

    in reply to: Anxiety, Bitachon, and Morons (Dah mah shetashiv l'moron) #1340895

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    The most modern way of dealing with anxiety is exposure and acceptance. Most of the time if not all of the time anxiety is a form of OCD, or obsessive thinking. Reassurances don’t quiet or calm an anxious mind they just pose opportunity for “that scary voice” to argue back with vengeance. When one accepts the fact that it is ok to feel afraid despite it being uncomfortable it is then possible to face fears head on. Full exposure to scenarios or thoughts that would normally produce high anxiety for periods of time will condition the body to normal response.

    People that are anxious by nature will probably always have a tendency towards anxiety. Learning to accept it and cope with it is key to leading a life untethered to fears.

    Bitachon is a belief, an actual cognitive thought process. Anxiety is very real and most times physical. It can be caused by chemical imbalances or times of high stress. There are times that a person can feel anxious without even knowing what they’re anxious about. Physical reactions are not controlled by logic. That’s like talking yourself out of a fever.

    in reply to: Mazal Tov to the family of CTLAWYER #1333398

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    Mazal Tov! Asach Yiddish nachas.


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    Mazel Tov. First I would like to wish you and your wife much happiness, health, prosperity and lots of Yiddish nachas from all of your offspring for many more years. It’s a beautiful milestone we all wish to achieve.
    I don’t think it as old. I think it’s a beginning of a new era for you – the golden years. How each person ages is individual.
    One of my grandparents were old since the beginning of time. Another grandmother is an nonagenarian and is quite young. She shops, cooks, cleans, vacations, excersizes and far outdoes any of us with her mental capabilities. (Does that make her great great grandchildren old?)

    in reply to: Eating in the store before checking out #1305752

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    The Jewish owner of the supermarket where I live has made it known numerous times that he certainly allows people to open snacks for their kids before it’s paid for. Someone once mentioned to me that he also allows them to eat a loose rugelah. Though I never heard that directly from him and I’m not sure how I would pay for it without weighing it so I don’t let my kids have any prior to checkout.

    in reply to: Abortion politics #1286031

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    Why would someone go through the entire pregnancy and pain of childbirth for a child they didn’t want anyway?

    in reply to: Voting thoughts #1285300

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    Mammele: That’s right.

    in reply to: Voting thoughts #1285244

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    Avram:
    Absolutely. There are a whole lot of people that are afraid to earn too much and lose the safety net. In NYS you can’t buy the benefits that you get for free on Medicaid.
    Someone I know calculated it and realized that if they were to go to work, they would lose $40,000 annually just from losing their benefits. (I don’t think they included copay and deductibles.)

    in reply to: Food game (second letter) 🍲🕹️🅱️ #1229122

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    Oranges

    Radish

    in reply to: Hamentaschens: Open or Closed? #1226074

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    You mean there are people out there who don’t enjoy hamentaschen?

    in reply to: Single vs double hole tzitzit #1225890

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    *talis gadol (thanks spell check for your running commentary)

    in reply to: Single vs double hole tzitzit #1225889

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    Ubiq: they have one hole on the Tallis gadolinium to avoid appearing “holier than thou”. (Pun intended)

    in reply to: Obamacare today in the jewish world #1191858

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    Coverage for all is not something Pres. Obama invented. It is the most basic logical proactive thing for a person to do in an uncertain world. It is the foundation on what all insurances are built on. By forcing companies to cover people with preexisting conditions you’re eroding that base.

    That 19 year old is old enough to vote. Old enough to work. Old enough to join the army. But he’s not old enough to get coverage for himself?

    By raising the age you’re also creating a scenario in which companies are losing out on a large amount of policies which translates to premiums. Which means loss of income. So now a struggling growing family is asked to cover a large group of young singles who are perfectly capable of working and contributing to their own wellbeing.

    More later. Maybe.

    in reply to: Obamacare today in the jewish world #1191857

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    You’re right. Every time an administration, republican or democrat, passed regulation on healthcare our policies were negatively affected. As a avid shopper for health insurance over the years. I watched the dominoes fall one by one.

    However, there was no larger more significant challenge at one time to our healthcare than the one Obama passed. (In recent history)

    Over the past couple of years I know of at least 5 good doctors in different fields that stopped practicing, stopped taking insurance or closed their practice to new patients because of the obamacare environment.

    (A famous pediatrician whose medical malpractice insurance wasn’t covered by patients insurance payments. That pediatrician now takes cash only. A high risk OB who now takes cash only because insurance companies would send payments of $800 for full term deliveries. A vey well liked internist who closed his practice to new patients because of compensation.)

    in reply to: Obamacare today in the jewish world #1191850

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    so by your own logic, cobra is too expensive for the individual so introduce Obamacare for the entire nation?(Much more expensive). If someone falls on hard times and cannot meet the cobra payments they can sign up for Medicaid which is also considered continuous coverage.

    in reply to: Obamacare today in the jewish world #1191849

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    Ubiq:

    It’s simple. Insurance is a business. Those that sell the insurance are in it to make money. They make that money by collecting premiums from everyone not just from sick people who keep hitting them with large claims. By continuing to regulate the industry the government will only exacerbate the problem further. Every time a new law is passed that reduces possible income or creates a scenario in which huge claims are expected, premiums increase significantly. The cost then gets passed on to the consumer.

    Obviously, some regulation is necessary but what Obamacare has done is not only obliterate the free market but put a significant strain on healthcare as we knew it.

    To answer some of you previous questions:

    Why hasn’t that young man had continuous coverage? Everyone should be covered even the young and healthy. Does nobody believe in being responsible for themselves?

    Do you believe that health insurance should be unaffordable for the majority of Americans because some immigrants might not be able to obtain coverage?

    in reply to: Obamacare today in the jewish world #1191841

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    Whoa. Ubiq. You’re all over the page with this one. I feel like we’re playing broken telephone.

    Point is that companies will find a reason to drop coverage or not pay a claim.

    My argument is that Obamacare doesn’t make sense. I don’t have time to elaborate now. Maybe later.

    Point about cobra was to provide interim health insurance for people that are between jobs.

    in reply to: Obamacare today in the jewish world #1191837

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    Ubiq

    That’s the nature of any insurance business. They won’t pay unless pressed to do so. Did you ever try to file a claim with a car insurance company? Especially a third party’s? How about homeowners?

    Small example: health insurance company refused to cover a regular delivery. Patient had coverage and premiums up to date. Company delays compensation for no reason until patient’s attorney threatens legal action. Suddenly doctor’s and hospital fees plus interest are covered.

    I’m sure you are aware of similar scenarios happening all the time. More regulation won’t help.

    Insurance companies try to get away with paying as little as possible or nothing at all. Most of the time patients don’t realize and pay a larger copay or deductible than necessary.

    (Did you miss my post about cobra?)

    in reply to: Obamacare today in the jewish world #1191834

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    They still find reasons to drop them or not to pay a claim. That’s the nature of business. Nobody is dying to loose money if they can get away with it. No amount of laws will help.

    That’s where cobra comes in.

    in reply to: Obamacare today in the jewish world #1191830

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    Ubiq:

    Prior to Obamacare, insurance companies would legally need to cover anyone that provided proof of continuous coverage.

    That is the point of insurance. you pay premiums even though you don’t have bills now so that they’ll be there for you in the event that you do.

    in reply to: Obamacare today in the jewish world #1191829

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    CTL:

    It is because of people like you that DJT got elected.

    Fact of the matter is that health insurance premiums went up drastically since the Obamacare bill was signed into law. I experienced it, my neighbor experienced it, and it happened to everyone I know. The benefits are not worth the premiums and the good doctors that some of us are used to using are not accepting insurance anymore. Where I live you can’t get half decent out of network benefits even if you are willing to pay enormous premiums.

    You, however will prove me wrong and quote statistics about how many more people are covered now.

    AKA. Out of touch.

    I am not as educated as you are. I don’t have access to data and polls. I dont have time to create spreadsheets or read opinion articles. Nor can I present an argument as well as you do. I am a struggling middle class American who knows that my wallet can’t take any more beating. It is people like me who voted Trump.

    in reply to: Condemnation of Jerusalem Parade #1164374

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    Syag, your comments on this thread particularly show strong strong values. The respectful tone and clarity in sensitive form are an inspiration. Thank you.

    in reply to: Typical Hillary hypocrisy #1155399

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    Ubiquitin

    I’m uncomfortable with both of them. While one may sound better than the other, they both have a very obvious racial tone.

    Another point is, once Hillary makes her gender an issue, I get to decide if it is a positive or if it counts against her. Until then, I am very happy to compare both candidates based on their executive qualities.

    Feminists love to do that. They claim they deserve the same consideration as their male colleagues, i.e. They can be just as good and sometimes better. Yet when they are treated equally, they want differential treatment because “I’m a woman”.

    One last point, we already elected a black president into office because of the historic implications and you see where that got us. Now we’re going to elect a president because she’s a woman? For all those that love being part of major events that will go down in history, our generation will certainly be known for our stupidity of historic proportions.

    in reply to: Sardines #1209129

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    Otm much?

    in reply to: Ritalin, Focalin, Concerta, Adderal #1154749

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    Health

    “If you’re involved in Chinuch, please get yourself a real education about ADHD.”

    If you’re involved in Chinuch, please manage your classroom as if all the students have ADHD.

    There are good books out there that have many helpful tips and tricks to accomplish this. Those that use these methods make great teachers. Some of the material also gives you a good understanding as to what these kids go through.

    in reply to: Ritalin, Focalin, Concerta, Adderal #1154748

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    29

    I wish I was unfamiliar with the process.

    Who is supposed to decide what a person should/not be able to do? The board of Ed? The principals? The teachers? People were not created to sit and study the entire day. Until recently most people did not.

    That being said, I agree with you that people need to cope and they should use medication if they find it necessary. To deny the meds if needed and helpful, would be terrible. But, like the doctor said, if there would be better resources and less students per teacher (more flexibility in classroom management), this child would not need medication. (Obviously not a blanket statement).

    If we manage to isolate the weak skills we should then work to strengthen them. That would be beneficial. There doesn’t necessarily need to be a leap to medication.

    Momma

    I understood the test to be very boring. While it may be accurate in measuring attention span, it can’t determine if adhd (or very short attention spans) is a disorder.

    in reply to: Ritalin, Focalin, Concerta, Adderal #1154744

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    Momma

    The test you’re talking about tests for attention span – you’re right. But that doesn’t prove if ADHD is a disorder or not. Can you tell me how many activities in regular life require you to sit for 15 minutes waiting for a certain letter to flash while doing nothing else. I believe most people would either fall asleep while doing that or get edgy.

    I’m not entirely opposed to use of medication. In modern times a child needs to go through the school system. In my opinion they need to do that happily. I would try other educational methods (I’m not suggesting supplements necessarily) first. You need to have resources available to make it happen.

    in reply to: Controversy In Israel – Woman says Sheva Brachos #1180884

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    I always wondered what the purpose of the rabbanut is in terms of forcing a kosher marriage onto all couples in Israel. It creates a whole host of issues including being unable to ascertain the kosher status of a Jewish child. Why not let it go. Everyone who wants to keep the Halacha knows where to go.

    I’m not taking a stance. I’m trying to understand the consenquences.

    in reply to: Ritalin, Focalin, Concerta, Adderal #1154735

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    Not because I say so. They came highly recommended by referral agencies and principals. Some of them head the board at prestigious hospitals and they cost a small fortune since they don’t accept insurance. That’s not to say they’re not good doctors. Most of them are wonderful people and truly want to help. They are just human and mistakes happen. It doesn’t help that modern medicine is far from understanding the human brain. As a lot of them will admit that medication could frequently be trial and error.

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