cantoresq

A wig is holy? Why then did the Chatham Sofer, in his ethical will, prohibit his daughters from wearing one?

“In Jewish law there is no concept of Bankruptcy or Statute of Limitations. “

What of “Lo tonu et reiecha?” What of shmitat ksafim? How about minhag hashuk? and as has been pointed out minhag hamedina?

Who says it is? And if it is a holy language, is Ladino as well?

The answer lies in the motivation for the question. With what is the OP uncomfortable? Only s/he can answer that.

I won’t get into the clinical specifics of abusive marriages; it’s not my field. But as a matter of legal services, the community pays woefully inadequate attention to the matter. There are many good honest people caught up in horrific family situations. Those issues might include domestic violence, drug use, a spouse or fomer spouse who is no longer religious, dead beat parents who don’t pay child support and myriad combinations of those issues and others. One common denominator among all those people is that they desperately need legal representation, and unless they are very well heeled or have parents who are of significant means, it isn’t available. (Remember the old joke where a prominent attorney says he wouldn’t be able to afford his own services? That’s what I mean. The cost of the legal services to really help these people is that high.) People are suffering much more in these situations than they need to because they cannot avail themselves of the legal services that might alleviate some or most of the difficulty. Attorneys, who are willing to do their part, cannot however afford to represent too many people for free; as they are called upon to do. They have families as well as staffs who have families etc. But, as a matter of trying to do their part would be willing to discount their fees to help some of these people. We in the frum legal community, especially those of us who specialize in family law, have long noted this problem and are dumbfounded by the complete lack of community response to it.

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Me at my absolute, self actualized best.

I don’t have “a t.v.” in my house.

Following the guidelines quoted spells a disaster for frum Jews in the workplace. The fact is that in the 21st century, co-workers, never refer to one another as “Mr” or “Mrs” or “Ms.” I can definitely say that if I were to insist that my secretary call me “Mr. Cantoresq” and I were to call her “Mrs. Secretary” she would, at best think me laughable, and at worst a standoffish, insufferable fop and snob. Such a relationship with someone I entirely depend on to do my job is simply untenable. Perhaps such standards can be implemented in offices were everyone is frum and subscribes to the same Halachik standards of modesty. But that is not the overwhelming majority of work places. Indeed workplace modesty is important. But of at least equal importance is the need to avoid giving the impression that Orthodox Jews look down upon and disdain other people, or that Orthodox Judaism is misogynistic. (Remember our non-Jewish colleagues have not learned all about the beauty and respect for women tzniut is supposed to represent. They don’t get see us show out wives the highest levels of respect and deference. All they will see is an aloof man in a yarmulke who refuses to show them the basic respect of referring to them by name) As a general matter though, I avoid closed door meetings alone with my secretary, even though her husband works in the office next to mine. I do that in order to avoid closed door meetings with other women in the office. I have explained that I don’t like those closed door meetings in light of the laws of Yichud, and people respect it. I’m generally no longer a gossip (I used to be, but I’ve simply lost interest) and thus aside from the occasional joke I might tell I don’t participate in the office banter.

In all fairness to kids, it’s unreasonable to expect them to entertain themselves in light of the ever evolving standards of what constitutes modest behavior. What was deemed appropriate for most girls twenty years ago (i.e. ice skating, going to certain movies, going to the theatre or certain concerts etc) is, for myriad reasons which are irrelevant to this conversation, no longer allowed. But children and teens remain children and teens with normal and healthy curiosities about the world in which they live. They should seek to broaden their horizons at this time in their lives when they learn to think critically about the world. But given the plethora of adult imposed rules, they cannot be left to their own devices. As such, I think parents and educators have the obligation and responsibility to provide appropriate entertainment. The frum world has gotten very good at enunciating what entertainments are forbidden. Perhaps it’s now time for it to state definitively what is allowed and encourage our young to partake of it.

SJSinNYC I read Portnoy’s Complaint at 12. I’m not sure which would have been a better use of my time.

2006 Mercury Montego. I have seven payments left and plan to drive it until the wheels fall off and the transmission hits the pavement.

I have something much better than a game system in my house. I have friends with game systems. In truth, I’m still fighting the fight against getting one for most of the reasons expressed here. Additionally, with the exception of Wii Fit and similar programs. these systems promote more of the sedentary lifestyle that is killing us all. There is no safe outdoor equipment I would ever refuse to buy my children. Anything that encourages them to play and run around more is absolutely welcome in my home. To that end, we have a big swing set and a trampoline. All of my kids have bikes and scooters. Every summer we buy some sort of outdoor water contraption like a slip and slide. Next summer I’ll probably buy a basketball hoop if my oldest doesn’t go to camp. I’ll buy my kids most any book that is age appropriate, and doesn’t contain anything too blatantly contradictory of Orthodox Judaism. Same thing for board games, barbie dolls (for my daughter),Lego, Thomas the Train, Krazy Bones, action figures and even toy guns and all kinds of other chazerai that may serve to stimulate their imaginations. But I draw the line at game systems that add nothing constructive to their lives or intellects. I did however compromise and get my older kids Nintendo DS’s. They are a godsend on long car trips.

Having now checked the citation provided by Not as well informed as WIY, I am more convinced that I am correct. The Machzor Vitry clearly says that after benching, the bride would be brought to the men and seated opposite the groom. Then young men and boys would dance before the couple and sing their praises. That custom is better reflected in the practice in Modern Orthodox and some Yeshivish weddings where during the first dance the bride comes and sits next to the groom and men dance before them. The Machzor Vitry does not at all address the Chassidic practice of a man dancing with/before the bride while they both hold a gartel or sash. And BTW R. Gross does not use the reference to the Machzor vitry as a basis for the Mitzvah Tantz. Rather he uses the reference to strengthen his view that other women should not be present during the dance and that the mechitza should not be opened for the dance. What is the basis of the current chassidic practice? It most definitely is not the Machzor Vitry. I stand by my theory until someone provides a text proof that pre-dates the Besht, for the mitzvah tantz as practiced by Chassidim today.

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We give cash gifts to the mailman and paper delivery man. We give a gift card to our babysitter. I buy my secretary (without whom I literally cannot work) a gift.

Myfriend, your reliance one but one responsum of R. Moshe Feinstein is flawed in light of R. Broydes analysis of the entire corpus of R. Moshe’s statements on the subject. Moreover, R. Yosef dov Soleveitchik, R. Ephraim Greenblatt and R. Eliezer Silver are all matir.