Zaphod Beeblebrox

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Viewing 50 posts - 101 through 150 (of 180 total)
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  • in reply to: Chaveirim, Yidden, and Lomdei Toirah, be malveh me your Oznayim #2099904
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    K, let’s get through these comments. @syag, did somebody else actually do this? If so, I sincerely apologize for subjecting you to repetitive drivel. I will attempt to restrict myself in the future to only writing new and original drivel. If you could send a link to these other posts, I’d love to see them.
    I’m also wondering, did the other posts have a point, or were they just posts written in yeshivishe language? I actually do believe that it’s very hard to full grasp a ketzos, brisker rav, or reb shimon, without having a basic understanding of what a chalois and a cheftza is etc.

    To answer up @maskildoresh, you I obviously wasn’t arguing on reb Chaim Chas veshalom, it’s simply that the English language, not exactly designed for yeshiva bochurim, does not have the expressive capabilities necessary to fully express the difficult concepts we find in shas, which is how yeshivishe shprach came into existence in the first place.


    @daas
    , yes, the title is indeed a reference to the treifah and tumahdike play written by the boy Shakespeare. This is what is known as elevating the nitzotzos of kedusha from even the lowliest things, to turn the unholy toward a holy purpose, a concept reb Nachman discusses, among other baalei mussar. If that’s your reason for dismissal, you’re going to get sued for unlawful termination.

    @avira, please elaborate

    @coffee
    , …

    in reply to: Mods? Mods? #2099818
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Hey mods! In my most recent thread title, it says “ melaveh” when it should say “malveh”. Any chance you guys can fix that?

    For you, anything 🙄

    in reply to: Chaveirim, Yidden, and Lomdei Toirah, be malveh me your Oznayim #2099811
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Lechoirah it was a spelling mistake, lefi aniyas daati it bestama it meant to say malveh, ayin reb Julius lefi the chidushei shel Anthony daf mem ches bemahadura Basra, yesh ayin shum.

    in reply to: Who should I give my Mayseh money to? #2099757
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @commonsaychel

    I dare you to come up with 5 recent threads which are NOT troll threads. None of them can have been started by you. I’m curious to see what you come up with

    in reply to: We must stop the hostile takeover of YWNCR #2099755
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @commonsaychel

    You attacked me (completely unprovoked, I might add). I am not a troll. I’m a higher form of social satirist.

    in reply to: Big issue-please advise #2099670
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    K he just shredded my couch. Seriously people I need solutions!

    in reply to: Big issue-please advise #2097873
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Thank you to all that responded. Your support is much appreciated during this difficult time. I tried taking him to the pound but they wouldn’t accept him. I wonder why. They also have dogs there, which I’ve already mentioned is a problem.

    To those who suggested I throw him off something to show him that he won’t land on his feet, as of now I’d prefer not to commit murder, and if I throw him off something low the point may not come across as clearly. However, the situation is rapidly reaching a point where I feel as though I may have no other choice. Besides, apparently his arms are also his legs right now, so I’m not so sure my point would be proven at all. He’s also pretty fat, and to be honest I’m not sure I could lift him.

    Any further suggestions would be most welcome.

    in reply to: Big issue-please advise #2097869
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Although to be honest I don’t think he would let a silly thing like that convince, because apparently his arms are his feet now as well.

    in reply to: Big issue-please advise #2097868
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Thank you all for your help. I tried sending him to the pound but they wouldn’t accept him. I wonder why. I haven’t tried dropping him off anything (for obvious reasons), but the situation is rapidly reaching the point where I feel as I may have no other choice. If anyone has an idea that wouldn’t involve murder, I’d love to hear it.

    in reply to: Big issue-please advise #2097657
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    😂😂😂😂

    in reply to: The solution to the shidduch crisis in one easy step! #2097640
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Aha. We have a lamdan in the house. I commend you. However, we would only assume your theory to be true inside the previous model of polygamy, where the husband would take a second wife regardless of his first wife’s preferences. However, when the first wife is agreeable, there is no reason why they can not all live together in harmony. The second wife is for sure not an issue , as if she is agreeing to be a second wife in the first place it’s probably only because she didn’t have much success in the regular shidduch market, and she’ll take what she can get at this point.

    in reply to: Give the coffee room freedom #2097636
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @commonsaychel
    Being as my comment was directed at bigbochur and not you it would indeed be strange if you did respond. Although I must commend you on doing your homework and reading up on my post history before attempting to rip on me for absolutely no discernible reason. It’s nice to have a fan.

    Additionally, while a teenager I may be, I at least can spell like an adult, an issue which you seem to have trouble with. Please accept my most sincere wishes for your hasty and complete resolving of this matter.

    As always, I thank you for your wonderful contributions to the conversation. For truly you do uplift the level of said conversation, by virtue of your wit, intelligence, and complete and utter disregard for context. It’s been a pleasure.

    in reply to: The solution to the shidduch crisis in one easy step! #2097631
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Really? And why is that?

    in reply to: Visiting Israel #2097623
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    There is an old lady by the Kosel who dispenses brachos in exchange for tzedaka, I’ve seen many people have crazy things happen after being blessed by this woman. One story I can relate first hand is that apparently the intensity of the bracha she gives you is directly correlated to the amount of money you give her. One of my friends only had a shekel on him so she told him “you should have a nice day”. And he did!!!

    in reply to: The solution to the shidduch crisis in one easy step! #2097617
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @menstch1
    I never said that finances was a reason to do it. That would be dumb. We do not like to be dumb. We would therefore not do it for that reason. I said that it would solve the shidduch crisis (as clearly stated in the thread title), and you questioned how it would work financially, to which I answered, I thought quite reasonably, that the cost of living, which rises exponentially with each member of the family, would quite simply be offset by the additional income brought in by said members, allowing all the wives with all their kids to be supported comfortably.

    This would especially be true if, as would most likely be the case, not all of the wives have the same amount of children, and a system would be established where the total income of all family members is split equally. If you have other reasons why this wouldn’t work I’d love to hear them, but I’m sorry, finances just isn’t one of them.

    in reply to: Give the coffee room freedom #2097616
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    “as far as I know the most intelligent thing you’ve said is ‘you are a troll’.”

    Aha. So you agree that calling you a troll is an intelligent statement, meaning that you agree you’re a troll (though not a very good one), and yet you still expect people to take you seriously and not assume that any specific post from a self declared troll is in fact a troll post in that scenario as well, but rather that this time it’s actually something smart. Yes, that makes total sense. I see now.

    in reply to: The solution to the shidduch crisis in one easy step! #2095274
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @mentsch1
    Your whole premise is based on the fact that women are needed in the home. However, if there is more than one woman, they are not all needed and the others are free to go out and work, thus bringing in a substantial amount of additional income.

    in reply to: The solution to the shidduch crisis in one easy step! #2094694
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @mentsch1 money won’t be an issue because now there will be more people bringing in a salary

    in reply to: The solution to the shidduch crisis in one easy step! #2094455
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    The point is, figure out the heterim, work out the details, make a couple of asifas to explain how important it is, and presto, no more crisis. Anyone who can’t find a shidduch easily can just double up!

    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Hey would you look at that, Gary’s an intellectual. Who would’ve guessed?

    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    This tempest in my mind
    Doth from my senses take all feeling else
    Save what beats there

    -Lear, King Lear
    William Shakespeare

    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Are you insinuating that I have multiple profiles? I’m deeply wounded

    in reply to: JOKES #2068496
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Similar to the prison joke:

    A newbie is in prison and he hears one guy yell out 29! And everybody bursts out laughing. Another man gets up and yells 96! And everyone again bursts out laughing. So he asks the guy next to him, what’s going on? The man replies, these guys have been in here so long that they just have numbers for all the jokes.

    So the newbie gets up and yells 134!

    The whole place goes nuts with laughter, people are falling off their chairs, it’s crazy. The newbie turns to the guy next to home and asks what on earth just happened?!

    With tears of laughter still running down his face the guy replies: we’ve never heard that one before!!

    in reply to: Renaming the Republican Party #2061474
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @ujm +1

    in reply to: profound question #2059603
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Ubiqutin if you’re talking about me, that really wasn’t my intention at all, I happen to find conversations like this interesting. I just wanted to know if cs was saying he’s going over to the dark side. If he was, this probably wasn’t the best way to do it.

    in reply to: Is it time to leave America #2059605
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Not even sure where to begin here. Like many other people, I too experienced an anti Semitic attack, nothing too serious, just some crazy people yelling at me a couple of times in stores. Guess what? I dealt with it. I had absolutely no problem getting in these peoples faces and standing up for myself, and I felt safe while doing so. And In every case, management and spectators had my back. You can wax poetic about Israel all you want but the facts are that when there, I feel a lot less safe simply walking down the street, or going on the train, because there I actually have to worry about getting stabbed or pepper sprayed, or getting a rock thrown at me or what have you. And I know for a fact that while many of you would strongly stand up for yourselves in America, in Israel you’d be scared to witless to do anything but run. Anyone who disagrees must be either extraordinarily brave or dumb. So much for the let’s move to Israel it’s safer argument.

    As for the omg we’re all gonna be wiped out if we stay here sentiment, sorry to burst your bubble but the average citizen isn’t as dumb or hateful as you might think. You just don’t see them on the news, because a bunch of people jumping up and down yelling slurs at Jews makes for much better footage. Most of the none Jews I’ve met have seemed genuinely interested in Jews and our culture, because they’re intelligent to know that that the idiotic diatribe they see on cnn can’t possibly be even a fraction of the bigger picture. This isn’t just middle aged business men btw. These are the college kids everyones convinced are getting brainwashed, and the young professionals who are actually employed taxpayers who’s say actually means something. So yeah, we aren’t in danger of extinction here, and I’m not just saying that cuz my head is in the sand.

    On a more humorous note, none of the feared pogroms and whatnot could ever happen without the backing of a person very high on the power totem pole. Assuming a person like that does come into power, here’s how the scenario plays out. If it’s a democrat and all of Hollywood is clamoring for blood, every redneck with a gun would be out in force, if not to protect us, then simply to oppose them. And if a republican is the one yelling, every millennial democrat with a chip on their shoulder will attack them with everything they’ve got, if only so they can livestream it and prove to all of tik-tagram that they love all people and are fighting injustice to whatever burnt out slogan helps them sleep at night. In short, take a chill.

    in reply to: profound question #2059401
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    This is indeed most profundedly profound. And just out of curiosity, by making this thread, are you saying you’re on board with the theme of stupid thread topics? Forgive me, I’m not good with other peoples satire.

    in reply to: How do I search for topics in Decaffeinated Coffee? #2057880
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    I think there is a way to do it using chrome. However, trust me when I say that you are not going to find any useful information.

    in reply to: Israelis call it Chamin #2057660
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Sure but that doesn’t mean colors will 😀.

    in reply to: quiet when people are working #2057632
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @participant do you feel better now? Let it all out. Don’t hold back. You’re in a safe place. Shh. Hush darling. Everything’s gonna be just fine. Zaphod’s got you. There now. Shh.
    In all seriousness though, I feel for you, I really do. I sometimes encounter similar people (in a similar setting), and I just want to pinch them in the teeth. You hear that Greg? I’m talking about you. No one wants to hear about your dogs ophthalmologist appointment. We really don’t. Just be quiet. (I’m not joking this guy is like a seeing eye person for his dog. It’s ridiculous. Just looking at this guys face gives me a headache.)
    @participant, you in all honesty have my deepest sympathies. I know what your going through. I truly feel for you. Stay strong buddy. We’re rooting for you. May you not get arrested for assault and may all your Gregs get lockjaw.

    in reply to: Israelis call it Chamin #2057622
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    One of the biggest yesodos b’sugyas cholent is the color. A cholent lacking pigmentation is actually against Halacha, as I prove in my never to be released kuntris entitled A.C.U.M. Or Al Cholent U’Mesorah (it’s named after a title for goyim as a way to rub in their faces the fact that they are missing out on what’s widely considered to be among the foremost physical pleasures in all the known universe in their faces).
    Anyway, white meat in cholent can cause disfiguration in it’s appearance, which according to some poskim is a punishable offense and which everyone agrees makes your cholent pasul. As to the racism charges, apparently white on white violence isn’t a big deal. Just ask Whoopie Goldberg.

    in reply to: Mods, I know Im a handful, but I have lots of fun here #2057537
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @ejmrbro: I’m glad you’re having fun because thanks to you, few people outside your circle of cronies are.

    edited

    in reply to: Israelis call it Chamin #2057523
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Nah white meat in cholent just seems wrong

    in reply to: Why Whoopi Goldberg’s asserion was hurtful #2057441
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    See, but what I don’t get is, if race is defined solely on the basis of color, then
    a) there are no black Jews,
    b) there is no such thing as a African American albino (google it), and therefore they must have been kidnapped which spreads the cultural stereotype of black crime,
    c) all light skinned African Americans are actually tanned whites or Latinos and are therefore guilty of cultural appropriation whenever they celebrate black culture, and d) I’m not related to about half my family who have dark skin, because how can we be related if we’re not even the same race?

    in reply to: Its hard to be a redheaded goth #2057422
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Your sympathy is appreciated in during this rough time. May we soon merit to live in a world where all goths are treated as equals.

    On a positive note, we have now developed CGT, or critical goth theory, which we hope will be a useful tool to bring us closer toward equity for all of gothkind.

    in reply to: Israelis call it Chamin #2057455
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @gadolhadorah, why do you think all those things are issues? It’s because of the disrespect so many yidden have for cholent. Cholent related issues are among the most serious issues our dor has ever faced. Only once these problems are resolved will we ever see the end of all our other issues.

    in reply to: Its hard to be a redheaded goth #2055875
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Lol I think I might have to change my screen name… Problem is, then I would have to change my bio as well, and frankly I don’t want to.

    in reply to: Its hard to be a redheaded goth #2055761
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @ymribiat is that in response to my screen name or is it just a thing of yours? I’ve noticed that you’ve written that on other threads as well.

    in reply to: Poll: How many user names does ejmguy have? #2055693
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    I’m pretty sure these are all the same guy.

    in reply to: This is what I’ve been waiting for #2055556
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @ejmface: thank you for inspiring this post.

    in reply to: Do we not discuss twitter here #2053091
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Dont sully my good name with your keyboard.

    in reply to: Do we not discuss twitter here #2052963
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    I’ll be honest…taking an ambiguous comment and getting people to respond about something completely different… respect.

    in reply to: JOKES #2051055
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Why doesn’t Poland have an ice hockey team?

    They all drowned during spring training

    in reply to: Protecting the innocent and false accusations #2047160
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @a_a_a nearly every incident that I have heard of happened with an older kid abusing a younger one. Why would putting a young child into contact with MORE potential abusers be beneficial in any way? Especially when you consider the fact that these children, placed in a scenario that calls for limited interaction with kids their own age, would logically have far less social skills, which in turn would lead to a sense of low self esteem thus making them bigger and easier targets than they ever could have been in the traditional classroom setting.

    in reply to: Get Over Ended Shidduch #2047060
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Tequila

    in reply to: Protecting the innocent and false accusations #2046945
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @a_a_a can you please explain what on earth you are talking about/what you are trying to say? I am so very lost.

    in reply to: Protecting the innocent and false accusations #2046885
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @n0m, First of all thank you!
    I actually wasn’t thinking about serial predators when I wrote that, although I did take them into account. Most of the incidents I was referring to actually happened between children with no adults involved. The older kid who did it in one case was not a serial offender but rather the exact scenario of seeing a vulnerable younger kid and not being able to resist the temptation. If there would’ve been cctv present he never would have dared, but he managed to find a blind spot. Thankfully the victim was somehow mature enough despite his age to come forward, because his parents drilled into him from a young age what to do ch”v in this exact scenario. If more parents acted like these ones, perhaps this wouldn’t be as big a problem as it is.

    in reply to: Protecting the innocent and false accusations #2046725
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    To me it seems that putting windows and glass doors in therapists offices wouldn’t be very conducive to productive sessions. Although the risk of anything untoward happening is significantly lowered, many people, especially children with low self esteem, would not be able to openly express themselves in a more open area where anyone can just look in and watch. The idea of cctv in every room seems like a much better idea, but only if there’s a trusted person outside of the school or office who is administrating them. Cameras are pretty much useless if an abuser can simply delete or doctor a recording at will. People need to know that if something happens they will be held accountable, with no way of covering this up.
    However, just cameras may not be enough. When I was in school they had cameras in every conceivable place(to the dismay of students trying to get away with things), and even with these precautions I still know of several incidents that happened just in the last few years, and I’m sure there’s many more that I don’t know about. Cameras have blind spots, and a determined predator will always find and exploit them. IMHO, the best possible precaution is to do more than destigmatize these issues in adult circles, where everybody is already pretty aware, now more than ever, of what can happen. The real issue is the children. If children will be afraid and unaware that this can unfortunately be a common occurrence, they will never come forward and the cycle will continue. Parents need to have conversations with their children, uncomfortable as it may be, and educators should speak openly about it in their classes. Schools should have assemblies discussing the issue frankly which will also serve the purpose of hopefully instilling fear in predators as well as spreading awareness.
    I don’t expect anyone to take my suggestions into account, it’s too uncomfortable and ‘if we talk to the teachers we can stop it’. Those people need to man (or woman) up and do what needs to be done, before more of our innocent children are hurt.

    in reply to: Conspiracy theories #2044351
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    The world is flat, or at the very least it used to be flat but some powerful sonic wave in space caused it to curl up into a ball, and every year it uncurls a little more, which is causing global warming.

    Brought to you courtesy of Kyrie Irving and Al Gore

    in reply to: Jewish Celebrities #2038034
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    First of all, I think we have different definitions of what a jerk is. Second, we’re obviously not talking about the ones who are rabid leftists. There is an extremely famous actor of jewish descent who votes republican and is a conservative. And there are ones like Adam Sandler who publicly takes pride in his Jewishness, forget about the Chanukah song, there’s a video on YouTube of him publicly shaking lulav!

Viewing 50 posts - 101 through 150 (of 180 total)