Zaphod Beeblebrox

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Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 98 total)
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  • in reply to: So I’ve been thinking… #2130752
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    We speak as one on this matter.

    in reply to: IS THE TINTIN COMIC BOOK KOSHER? #2130599
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @avira I didn’t say that dogs are assur. I said that little white dogs are assur. Anything smaller than a beagle is basically a really loud cat. Cats are animals commonly associated with witchcraft and are therefore maaras ayin.

    in reply to: IS THE TINTIN COMIC BOOK KOSHER? #2130535
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Personally I feel as though there are many bad middos to be learned from the Tintin books. It glorifies violence, verbal abuse, idol worship, kol ishah, drugs and alcohol, and little white dogs. All of the above are assur, and is therefore unsuitable material for anybody, much less children.

    There innumerable inappropriate elements throughout the series, all of which can terrible influence on impressionable young minds. The Thom(p)son brothers’ antics leave one with a mocking disdain of law enforcement. Professor Calculus exhibits a seeming ability to wreak untold havoc, even creating weapons of mass destruction, and get away with it on the pretense of a hearing disorder. What good can possibly emerge from that? Captain Haddock epitomizes a kiddish club gone wrong, yet is portrayed as quite the lovable rogue.

    Tintin himself is not much of a role model either. In the books (and the movie), he is depicted as quite a young man, appearing not a day older than 16. Where are his parents? What kind of chinuch is this? A child may very well put the book down thinking that they too can simply gallivant around the world with no repercussions.

    I hope that I have convinced at least a small portion of you of the grave danger this terrible series poses to our youth. If even one parent reads this, and does not allow their child to read the books because of it, I will consider this time well spent.

    (I have only included a small portion of the many terrible habits and ideas prevalent in the series. There are many more, and I’d be happy to share them with anyone who is not yet completely convinced.)

    in reply to: So I’ve been thinking… #2130512
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    speak for yourself

    Thank you mods! 🤩😎

    in reply to: So I’ve been thinking… #2129913
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @common who said I was dead? Or was that just wishful thinking?

    in reply to: So I’ve been thinking… #2129776
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @coffeaddict that is a profound though to think indeed.

    in reply to: Dear Zaphod-New Advice Column! #2106205
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @Yserbius123

    The answer is for the president to not actually have any real power. Instead the planet should be ruled by a man living in a cabin in middle of nowhere together with his cat. You can now vote for whichever lizard you’d like without having to worry that your vote will actually have any effect whatsoever.

    in reply to: Dear Zaphod-New Advice Column! #2106203
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @5Tresident is someone who really knows where his towel is

    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    My personalities can fight if one likes mountain climbing and one doesn’t. Or any other example.

    in reply to: We must stop the hostile takeover of YWNCR #2100220
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Sure. When I said my roommate was a cat I was trying to catch people off guard and make a mockery of something or another. Whatever you say.

    And he doesn’t speak his mind. He calls nearly everything out as trolling, which I would define as trolling. It was not intended to be offensive. It was intended to get him to stop calling me a troll. If he is offended I apologize. If I’m right then I have nothing to apologize for.

    in reply to: Chaveirim, Yidden, and Lomdei Toirah, be malveh me your Oznayim #2100039
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @rebeliezer

    It does. But it’s not ivrit is my point. Yabia was saying that at this point just speak Hebrew, but a lot of yeshivishe shprach is not in fact Hebrew. To quote Abie rotenberg, “ there’s a dash of Aramaic, a linguistic potpourriiiiii (chorus vechulu).

    in reply to: We must stop the hostile takeover of YWNCR #2100032
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @commonsaychel
    Wow! I’m so proud of you. You’ve finally taken the first step toward admitting that not everyone is a troll. Congrats. Although to be brutally honest, any thread centered on a dvar Torah by definition cannot be a troll post, because if it’s a troll post, it’s obviously not a real dvar torah. Let’s see if you can come up with just one more.

    As to your second, thought out, articulate, searingly logical point, I’m in complete agreement with you. To paraphrase my 8th grade rebbi, a troll is a troll is a troll is a troll. However, as I have quite reasonably pointed out to you on numerous occasions, I AM NOT A TROLL. As I have said above, troll posts are designed to be offensive and provocative, and my posts are neither. My goal is simply to inject a bit of humor into the conversation, hardly a punishable offense.

    I hope that now that I have explained this to you, you will cease and desist your dogged persistence in insisting upon my trollness. Perhaps you’ll even apologize, though I won’t hold my breath. Though Perhaps you understood this all along, and have some sort of personal vendetta against humor and satire, perhaps as a result of some childhood trauma. The possibility that your campaign against my posts is nothing more than projection is not one I’d rule out very quickly.

    And maybe, just maybe, the truth behind your words lies in the fact that in fact, the biggest troll here is none other than YOU. After all YOUR posts certainly fall under the commonly accepted definition of a troll post. They’re rude, offensive, unprovoked, and provocative. You insert them into nearly every conversation in the hope of accomplishing nothing other than to get everyone else upset. Did I discover your secret? I’m sorry for blowing the whistle on you like that. Don’t bother denying it, we all know the truth. We didn’t even have to think very hard to realize this.

    It’s just common saychel.

    in reply to: We must stop the hostile takeover of YWNCR #2099965
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    There’s no a.k.a about it. I am not a troll, and I demand an apology for being called one. If you’d like you can write on all my threads, in caps, that I am a social satirist (level 8), and therefore people should not respond.

    The New Oxford American Dictionary defines a troll (second definition), as, and I quote, “A person who makes a deliberately offensive or provocative online post.” Please explain how humor or satire falls under this category. Or, if you’d like, simply find any post that I’ve made that is trollish according to this definition.

    You also never responded to one of my previous posts, so I’ll repeat the challenge: find 5 recent threads, none of which can have been started by you, that are NOT troll threads. I’ll wait.

    in reply to: Supreme Court Ruling Over Gun Conrol #2099961
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    I’d say go with the Glock 17. It’s slightly smaller, lighter, and has less recoil. It’s extremely accurate. My personal faves however have got to be the beretta 92m or the sig sauer P328. Two of the best made pistols ever.

    If you want a little more power, I’d suggest going with a colt 1911 .45.

    in reply to: Chaveirim, Yidden, and Lomdei Toirah, be malveh me your Oznayim #2099934
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Speaking just Hebrew would be zionishdik, and not in the spirit of the yeshiviskeit we are trying to accomplish. But if you can find me one chiloni guy, who’s never stepped foot inside a Beis medrash, and he knows what Lechoirah means, then we will consider it.

    in reply to: Supreme Court Ruling Over Gun Conrol #2099935
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Yes.

    in reply to: We must stop the hostile takeover of YWNCR #2099905
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    What point? What case? What about an apology? Or, better yet, what about a sabbatical?

    in reply to: Big issue-please advise #2099906
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    you can say that mental illness is an oines, so great hes patur. My couch is still gone. How do I convince him that he’s not a cat?

    in reply to: Chaveirim, Yidden, and Lomdei Toirah, be malveh me your Oznayim #2099904
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    K, let’s get through these comments. @syag, did somebody else actually do this? If so, I sincerely apologize for subjecting you to repetitive drivel. I will attempt to restrict myself in the future to only writing new and original drivel. If you could send a link to these other posts, I’d love to see them.
    I’m also wondering, did the other posts have a point, or were they just posts written in yeshivishe language? I actually do believe that it’s very hard to full grasp a ketzos, brisker rav, or reb shimon, without having a basic understanding of what a chalois and a cheftza is etc.

    To answer up @maskildoresh, you I obviously wasn’t arguing on reb Chaim Chas veshalom, it’s simply that the English language, not exactly designed for yeshiva bochurim, does not have the expressive capabilities necessary to fully express the difficult concepts we find in shas, which is how yeshivishe shprach came into existence in the first place.

    @daas, yes, the title is indeed a reference to the treifah and tumahdike play written by the boy Shakespeare. This is what is known as elevating the nitzotzos of kedusha from even the lowliest things, to turn the unholy toward a holy purpose, a concept reb Nachman discusses, among other baalei mussar. If that’s your reason for dismissal, you’re going to get sued for unlawful termination.

    @avira, please elaborate

    @coffee
    , …

    in reply to: Mods? Mods? #2099818
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Hey mods! In my most recent thread title, it says “ melaveh” when it should say “malveh”. Any chance you guys can fix that?

    For you, anything 🙄

    in reply to: Chaveirim, Yidden, and Lomdei Toirah, be malveh me your Oznayim #2099811
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Lechoirah it was a spelling mistake, lefi aniyas daati it bestama it meant to say malveh, ayin reb Julius lefi the chidushei shel Anthony daf mem ches bemahadura Basra, yesh ayin shum.

    in reply to: Who should I give my Mayseh money to? #2099757
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @commonsaychel

    I dare you to come up with 5 recent threads which are NOT troll threads. None of them can have been started by you. I’m curious to see what you come up with

    in reply to: We must stop the hostile takeover of YWNCR #2099755
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @commonsaychel

    You attacked me (completely unprovoked, I might add). I am not a troll. I’m a higher form of social satirist.

    in reply to: Big issue-please advise #2099670
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    K he just shredded my couch. Seriously people I need solutions!

    in reply to: Big issue-please advise #2097873
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Thank you to all that responded. Your support is much appreciated during this difficult time. I tried taking him to the pound but they wouldn’t accept him. I wonder why. They also have dogs there, which I’ve already mentioned is a problem.

    To those who suggested I throw him off something to show him that he won’t land on his feet, as of now I’d prefer not to commit murder, and if I throw him off something low the point may not come across as clearly. However, the situation is rapidly reaching a point where I feel as though I may have no other choice. Besides, apparently his arms are also his legs right now, so I’m not so sure my point would be proven at all. He’s also pretty fat, and to be honest I’m not sure I could lift him.

    Any further suggestions would be most welcome.

    in reply to: Big issue-please advise #2097869
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Although to be honest I don’t think he would let a silly thing like that convince, because apparently his arms are his feet now as well.

    in reply to: Big issue-please advise #2097868
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Thank you all for your help. I tried sending him to the pound but they wouldn’t accept him. I wonder why. I haven’t tried dropping him off anything (for obvious reasons), but the situation is rapidly reaching the point where I feel as I may have no other choice. If anyone has an idea that wouldn’t involve murder, I’d love to hear it.

    in reply to: Big issue-please advise #2097657
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    😂😂😂😂

    in reply to: The solution to the shidduch crisis in one easy step! #2097640
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Aha. We have a lamdan in the house. I commend you. However, we would only assume your theory to be true inside the previous model of polygamy, where the husband would take a second wife regardless of his first wife’s preferences. However, when the first wife is agreeable, there is no reason why they can not all live together in harmony. The second wife is for sure not an issue , as if she is agreeing to be a second wife in the first place it’s probably only because she didn’t have much success in the regular shidduch market, and she’ll take what she can get at this point.

    in reply to: Give the coffee room freedom #2097636
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @commonsaychel
    Being as my comment was directed at bigbochur and not you it would indeed be strange if you did respond. Although I must commend you on doing your homework and reading up on my post history before attempting to rip on me for absolutely no discernible reason. It’s nice to have a fan.

    Additionally, while a teenager I may be, I at least can spell like an adult, an issue which you seem to have trouble with. Please accept my most sincere wishes for your hasty and complete resolving of this matter.

    As always, I thank you for your wonderful contributions to the conversation. For truly you do uplift the level of said conversation, by virtue of your wit, intelligence, and complete and utter disregard for context. It’s been a pleasure.

    in reply to: The solution to the shidduch crisis in one easy step! #2097631
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Really? And why is that?

    in reply to: Visiting Israel #2097623
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    There is an old lady by the Kosel who dispenses brachos in exchange for tzedaka, I’ve seen many people have crazy things happen after being blessed by this woman. One story I can relate first hand is that apparently the intensity of the bracha she gives you is directly correlated to the amount of money you give her. One of my friends only had a shekel on him so she told him “you should have a nice day”. And he did!!!

    in reply to: The solution to the shidduch crisis in one easy step! #2097617
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @menstch1
    I never said that finances was a reason to do it. That would be dumb. We do not like to be dumb. We would therefore not do it for that reason. I said that it would solve the shidduch crisis (as clearly stated in the thread title), and you questioned how it would work financially, to which I answered, I thought quite reasonably, that the cost of living, which rises exponentially with each member of the family, would quite simply be offset by the additional income brought in by said members, allowing all the wives with all their kids to be supported comfortably.

    This would especially be true if, as would most likely be the case, not all of the wives have the same amount of children, and a system would be established where the total income of all family members is split equally. If you have other reasons why this wouldn’t work I’d love to hear them, but I’m sorry, finances just isn’t one of them.

    in reply to: Give the coffee room freedom #2097616
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    “as far as I know the most intelligent thing you’ve said is ‘you are a troll’.”

    Aha. So you agree that calling you a troll is an intelligent statement, meaning that you agree you’re a troll (though not a very good one), and yet you still expect people to take you seriously and not assume that any specific post from a self declared troll is in fact a troll post in that scenario as well, but rather that this time it’s actually something smart. Yes, that makes total sense. I see now.

    in reply to: The solution to the shidduch crisis in one easy step! #2095274
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @mentsch1
    Your whole premise is based on the fact that women are needed in the home. However, if there is more than one woman, they are not all needed and the others are free to go out and work, thus bringing in a substantial amount of additional income.

    in reply to: The solution to the shidduch crisis in one easy step! #2094694
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @mentsch1 money won’t be an issue because now there will be more people bringing in a salary

    in reply to: The solution to the shidduch crisis in one easy step! #2094455
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    The point is, figure out the heterim, work out the details, make a couple of asifas to explain how important it is, and presto, no more crisis. Anyone who can’t find a shidduch easily can just double up!

    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Hey would you look at that, Gary’s an intellectual. Who would’ve guessed?

    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    This tempest in my mind
    Doth from my senses take all feeling else
    Save what beats there

    -Lear, King Lear
    William Shakespeare

    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Are you insinuating that I have multiple profiles? I’m deeply wounded

    in reply to: JOKES #2068496
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Similar to the prison joke:

    A newbie is in prison and he hears one guy yell out 29! And everybody bursts out laughing. Another man gets up and yells 96! And everyone again bursts out laughing. So he asks the guy next to him, what’s going on? The man replies, these guys have been in here so long that they just have numbers for all the jokes.

    So the newbie gets up and yells 134!

    The whole place goes nuts with laughter, people are falling off their chairs, it’s crazy. The newbie turns to the guy next to home and asks what on earth just happened?!

    With tears of laughter still running down his face the guy replies: we’ve never heard that one before!!

    in reply to: Renaming the Republican Party #2061474
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @ujm +1

    in reply to: profound question #2059603
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Ubiqutin if you’re talking about me, that really wasn’t my intention at all, I happen to find conversations like this interesting. I just wanted to know if cs was saying he’s going over to the dark side. If he was, this probably wasn’t the best way to do it.

    in reply to: Is it time to leave America #2059605
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Not even sure where to begin here. Like many other people, I too experienced an anti Semitic attack, nothing too serious, just some crazy people yelling at me a couple of times in stores. Guess what? I dealt with it. I had absolutely no problem getting in these peoples faces and standing up for myself, and I felt safe while doing so. And In every case, management and spectators had my back. You can wax poetic about Israel all you want but the facts are that when there, I feel a lot less safe simply walking down the street, or going on the train, because there I actually have to worry about getting stabbed or pepper sprayed, or getting a rock thrown at me or what have you. And I know for a fact that while many of you would strongly stand up for yourselves in America, in Israel you’d be scared to witless to do anything but run. Anyone who disagrees must be either extraordinarily brave or dumb. So much for the let’s move to Israel it’s safer argument.

    As for the omg we’re all gonna be wiped out if we stay here sentiment, sorry to burst your bubble but the average citizen isn’t as dumb or hateful as you might think. You just don’t see them on the news, because a bunch of people jumping up and down yelling slurs at Jews makes for much better footage. Most of the none Jews I’ve met have seemed genuinely interested in Jews and our culture, because they’re intelligent to know that that the idiotic diatribe they see on cnn can’t possibly be even a fraction of the bigger picture. This isn’t just middle aged business men btw. These are the college kids everyones convinced are getting brainwashed, and the young professionals who are actually employed taxpayers who’s say actually means something. So yeah, we aren’t in danger of extinction here, and I’m not just saying that cuz my head is in the sand.

    On a more humorous note, none of the feared pogroms and whatnot could ever happen without the backing of a person very high on the power totem pole. Assuming a person like that does come into power, here’s how the scenario plays out. If it’s a democrat and all of Hollywood is clamoring for blood, every redneck with a gun would be out in force, if not to protect us, then simply to oppose them. And if a republican is the one yelling, every millennial democrat with a chip on their shoulder will attack them with everything they’ve got, if only so they can livestream it and prove to all of tik-tagram that they love all people and are fighting injustice to whatever burnt out slogan helps them sleep at night. In short, take a chill.

    in reply to: profound question #2059401
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    This is indeed most profundedly profound. And just out of curiosity, by making this thread, are you saying you’re on board with the theme of stupid thread topics? Forgive me, I’m not good with other peoples satire.

    in reply to: How do I search for topics in Decaffeinated Coffee? #2057880
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    I think there is a way to do it using chrome. However, trust me when I say that you are not going to find any useful information.

    in reply to: Israelis call it Chamin #2057660
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Sure but that doesn’t mean colors will 😀.

    in reply to: quiet when people are working #2057632
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @participant do you feel better now? Let it all out. Don’t hold back. You’re in a safe place. Shh. Hush darling. Everything’s gonna be just fine. Zaphod’s got you. There now. Shh.
    In all seriousness though, I feel for you, I really do. I sometimes encounter similar people (in a similar setting), and I just want to pinch them in the teeth. You hear that Greg? I’m talking about you. No one wants to hear about your dogs ophthalmologist appointment. We really don’t. Just be quiet. (I’m not joking this guy is like a seeing eye person for his dog. It’s ridiculous. Just looking at this guys face gives me a headache.)
    @participant, you in all honesty have my deepest sympathies. I know what your going through. I truly feel for you. Stay strong buddy. We’re rooting for you. May you not get arrested for assault and may all your Gregs get lockjaw.

    in reply to: Israelis call it Chamin #2057622
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    One of the biggest yesodos b’sugyas cholent is the color. A cholent lacking pigmentation is actually against Halacha, as I prove in my never to be released kuntris entitled A.C.U.M. Or Al Cholent U’Mesorah (it’s named after a title for goyim as a way to rub in their faces the fact that they are missing out on what’s widely considered to be among the foremost physical pleasures in all the known universe in their faces).
    Anyway, white meat in cholent can cause disfiguration in it’s appearance, which according to some poskim is a punishable offense and which everyone agrees makes your cholent pasul. As to the racism charges, apparently white on white violence isn’t a big deal. Just ask Whoopie Goldberg.

    in reply to: Mods, I know Im a handful, but I have lots of fun here #2057537
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @ejmrbro: I’m glad you’re having fun because thanks to you, few people outside your circle of cronies are.

    edited

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 98 total)