Zaphod Beeblebrox

Btw Mods, what’d you think of my poem? Loved it!

@amiricanyeshivish
I do give lessons. I’m not sure what it is you’re trying to learn, but I can probably show you how not to do it, at the very least.

Not really sure what your second question means, it’s simply my name. I am Zaphod Beeblebrox I. My father was Zaphod Beeblebrox II, and my grandfather was Zaphod Beeblebrox III. It’s a very old and disreputable family name.

@huju
I’d like to point out that when I saw your post, it made me mad. Who are you to presume what is and what isn’t funny? Now, by writing that, you offered up the opportunity to rant about subjective humor, which means that now there is something to rant about, which that by virtue of writing your post, you have rendered your post incorrect. Yeah. Think about that. Ponder it. How’s that for sophistry.

@catchyourself
There’s a law? That explains so much. Although it would make sense that I’m above it. I’m far to froody to be bound by the restraints applicable to mere Man, Vogon, other assorted anthropoids etc. To be honest, from my angle, being above the law doesn’t seem so terrible at all.

@yechiell
Before I get into it, I’d like to point out one thing. You didn’t forget his name. Nobody forgot his name. I’ve met people who don’t speak English, who’ve never even stepped foot in America, and who have no access to internet or media, and they know his name. So what’s up with that? Cut the garbage. Additionally his hair is not orange. His hair is blond. I know what orange hair looks like, believe me. Orange hair is the best hair, better than all the other hair colors, I’m telling you. There are millions and millions of people who wish that they could have orange or red hair, but they can’t. His skin, however, does have a bit of an orange tint, I’ll grant you that.

Ok. Whew. Against my better judgment (yeah right), here we go. There was a time when he was exactly what this country needed. He was arguably one of the best presidents for the Jews in recent history. And now he’s toast. Over, done, kaput. Something after the election snapped and he became bitter, even more self centered (somehow), and most importantly, wildly vengeful. He’s unstable. If he were to regain power today, then he probably wouldn’t get a single thing done, because he’d be too busy exacting revenge on every person who he ever thought wronged him. He would make a terrible president. Additionally, after keeping the company that he has recently, it’s easy to see that he is slowly becoming more and more right wing. You can’t just apologize and explain everything away.

Fine. So why is continuing support for him Bad for the Jews? Because everything has got to be bad for the Jews for some reason. It can’t just be objectively bad, oh no, that’s not good enough. Whatever, I’ll make an effort. Two reasons. First, it’s a bad idea for us to support someone who hangs around with neo-nazis. If you can’t figure out why, you’re dumb, and I’m not wasting my time explaining it. Second, there is no chance at all that he will win the general election. None. A small chipmunk could run against him, and that small chipmunk would win in a landslide. I don’t care if he has Gandhi as his running mate. It’s not happening. So, let’s assume we all support him, and then he loses to someone who will undoubtedly be very far removed from him. Now the whole world sees us as the type of people who publicly support someone who is widely considered to be racist, misogynist, sexist, and narcissist(ic), along with any other word ending in “ist” that you care to mention. And that looks very bad for us. Because now we are viewed as those things. And they already don’t like us very much, and this gives them further excuse not to like us, which is something we don’t want because they make the laws, and have more guns. Chipmunk for Prez.

@yserbius123
Sophistry is not bad. Just because you don’t appreciate it when you can’t refute someone’s clearly wrong argument, that doesn’t make it a bad thing. Because who said that they’re wrong in the first place? If you can’t refute somebody, maybe they have a point.

Additionally, I’m not going to argue against one of my favorite hobbies. Sophistry is essential to the development of the logic and reasoning portions of the brain, and even if it wasn’t, I really enjoy it.

And don’t even get me started on what’s Bad For The Jews. If you ask the right, people, apparently every single action and event is Bad for the Jews. Politicians? Bad for the Jews. Money? Bad for the Jews. Lack of money? Bad for the Jews. Movies, other people, dogs, cats, scientists, chassidus, misnagdim, drinking, sobriety, media, lack of information, Bad for the Jews. Need I go on? Too bad. I’m not going to. Everything is Bad if you’re a pessimist. Dr. Zaphod’s prescription: don’t be a pessimist.

Hello, all. Due to unforseen circumstances, we have been unable to comply with your demands at this time. We apologize most deeply, and hope that the problem will soon be solved, allowing us to once again be your preferred company for idiocy. We thank you for your patience, and we would like you to know that we appreciate your continued support.

(A rant will be forthcoming as to the exact nature of this problem. It’s very ranteable.)

@zen

It used to be mostly harmless. But ever since this metal dude starting following me everywhere, it’s become more and more risky. I have to turn him off to make sure he doesn’t talk to the plane and make it commit suicide. You laugh, but it wouldn’t be the first time. It’s honestly made really nervous on past flights. That’s when I first came up with pan galactic gargle blasters. A couple of those, and you’ll never panic again.

To all those who are wondering where I am, I’m currently boating on Damogran on my way to France. Can’t tell you what’s gonna go down there yet, but stay tuned. I have a major announcement. The signal will be a wild whoop in major thirds.

@ dontmindme again, there was nothing wrong with your post. Please reread my previous post on this matter for further clarification as to my intent.

And if you really think that the things I am writing are any less intelligent than other threads and that my threads are a waste of time then:
A) you haven’t been reading other threads very carefully.
B) you’ve never made actual use of your time, so you don’t realize that if you’re wasting time then you’re wasting time, and
C) you don’t have to open my threads.

I duly apologize. It will not happen again. But actually, I wrote that before I changed my screen name. And have written other serious posts. If you look hard enough you’ll find them. Like, really hard.

Additionally, my “which Sesame Street character are you” thread was done in complete sincerity.

@zen
This time I wasn’t flying Vogon interplanetary. But some of the stewardesses were just as bad. Not exactly a heart of gold if you know what I’m saying.

Thank you, that’s very kind.

Amen. May that time come speedily in our days.

Yes indeed, we all miss pba (at least, those of us who remember who he is). But there actually was such a thread a while back started by one of the mods, no less.

@coffeeaddict
If my son was common saychel I would have been in aveilus a long time ago.