Zaphod Beeblebrox

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Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 150 total)
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  • in reply to: Beeblebrox Inc. Returns #2172499
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Btw Mods, what’d you think of my poem? Loved it!

    in reply to: Anti-Semitism refuted by Non-Jewish Philosopher #2172537
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    I wasn’t saying that Sartre and Kierkegaard were solely responsible for wokeness. But existentialism is very into the subjectivity of everything, which gave rise to moral relativism, in which there are no absolute moral wrongs, which is a defining characteristic of woke philosophy. If you’d like you can check out “Subjectivity is Truth”, by Søren Kierkegaard, and Essays in Existentialism, by Jean-Paul Sartre, to see what I mean.

    However, I would agree with you that the present philosophy of the left is probably not what they had in mind, as the left is straying more toward moral absolutism, in which there are objective truths, albeit quite a twisted version of it (for more information on this, you can check out a research article done by people from the University of Toronto, entitled College and the “Culture War”, in which they bring proofs that this is now the case). I merely meant that their work laid some of the philosophical foundations for the advent of modern wokeness, as without first saying that everything is subjective, thus eliminating the commonly held perceptions of what defines a moral wrong, it would be impossible to get to the current twisted absolutism practiced by the left, where they now have created their own definitions of what constitutes objective morality.

    ChatGPT was not consulted in any way in the writing of this post.

    in reply to: Beeblebrox Inc. Returns #2172530
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @amiricanyeshivish
    I do give lessons. I’m not sure what it is you’re trying to learn, but I can probably show you how not to do it, at the very least.

    Not really sure what your second question means, it’s simply my name. I am Zaphod Beeblebrox I. My father was Zaphod Beeblebrox II, and my grandfather was Zaphod Beeblebrox III. It’s a very old and disreputable family name.

    in reply to: Beeblebrox Inc. Returns #2172488
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @participant
    You’re very welcome! Thank you for using Beeblebrox Inc., and we hope to see you again. Your support is much appreciated.


    @n0mesorah

    The position of Thread-Bumper is currently open, due to some recent staffing changes. If you’d like to apply, please send your résumé’ to any address, in a Manila envelope marked Langley, PGGB. The postal service will take care of the rest.

    Additionally, that’s not at all what sophistry means, but I’m guessing that was the joke. If it wasn’t, well, now someone’s being critical of your posts at last.

    in reply to: Anti-Semitism refuted by Non-Jewish Philosopher #2172492
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Yeah, yeah, very nice. Sartre was also one of the founding fathers of existentialism, which is one of the primary philosophies of wokeness. Our world is going to pieces, and he has a lot to do with it. So excuse me for not caring to much that he once said something smart.

    in reply to: Beeblebrox Inc. Returns #2172486
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @ujm
    You know exactly what time we get dismissed, Rebbi. I thought we agreed that you’d stop cyber bullying me if I didn’t tell the Menahel that you drink behind the dumpsters during recess. I’m putting thumbtacks in your chair tomorrow.

    @hashemsaysno
    Mom, stop calling my Rebbi a criminal, it makes classes very uncomfortable for me.

    in reply to: Teen Violence in Lakewood #2172233
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Not sure why people decided that there isn’t a market for secular studies. Many lakewood parents send their kids to yeshivas without secular studies DESPITE the fact that they don’t offer it, because they are often very high level places, and places where their kids can really grow in yiddishkeit. Many such parents send their kids to GED programs outside of yeshiva. If a top yeshiva had secular studies they would still get a large crowd. A prime example of this is Yeshivas Emek Hatorah in Lakewood, also known as Rabbi Weinberger’s Yeshiva, which offers secular studies, and still has a huge crowd of top bochurim applying every year.

    in reply to: Shalach Manos – Is Bourbon a food? #2170995
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Bourbon and scotch have no nutritional value. They are, however, made from things that do have nutritional value, which is what I think you meant. If it is, then arak is sometimes made from rice, and I think the agave plant is edible as well. 96 wouldn’t be considered a min, because the roiv of it is pure alcohol.

    in reply to: Beeblebrox Inc. Returns #2170927
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @huju
    I’d like to point out that when I saw your post, it made me mad. Who are you to presume what is and what isn’t funny? Now, by writing that, you offered up the opportunity to rant about subjective humor, which means that now there is something to rant about, which that by virtue of writing your post, you have rendered your post incorrect. Yeah. Think about that. Ponder it. How’s that for sophistry.

    in reply to: Beeblebrox Inc. Returns #2170933
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @n0mesorah
    Personally, I appreciate the mods very much. I appreciate anyone who allows me to disseminate my thoughts to a wider audience, and the mods definitely fall into that category. For that, I thank them. In their honor, I have composed this short poem.

    O Mods,
    Thine courage doth shame the most valiant
    Of Men, For
    Were it not for thee,
    The masses should fall into silence,
    And I would be obscure.
    O Mods,
    The sacrifices that thou
    Hast made(th)
    Shall be regaled for aeons yet to dawn,
    For thou are lionhearted,
    Verily.
    Courage!
    Thy banner,
    Gloriously unfurled,
    Blown,
    Battered, by the gales of vituperative indignation.
    Salute!
    Pay heed.
    For the way of the Mod
    Is wisdom,
    Yet lonely is his Path.

    in reply to: Beeblebrox Inc. Returns #2170934
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @catchyourself
    There’s a law? That explains so much. Although it would make sense that I’m above it. I’m far to froody to be bound by the restraints applicable to mere Man, Vogon, other assorted anthropoids etc. To be honest, from my angle, being above the law doesn’t seem so terrible at all.

    in reply to: Beeblebrox Inc. Returns #2170928
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @samklein
    No. No no no no no, no no no. I refuse to stoop to the level of those who pretend to be original thinkers, and are instead having their words spoon fed to them by a computer program that doesn’t even understand what it’s saying. Those people are sheep. I am not a sheep. You wanna know how I know that? Because I have thumbs, that’s how. Sheep don’t have thumbs. They’re too lazy to even type the URL in themselves, they just yell at Siri to tell AI to write something for them. Stupid sheep. People who use AI in any way other than facetiously are the reason that the world is as messed up and generally lazy that it is. They will cause the apocalypse. They will destroy the world with their stupidity. I will not be complicit in such a stupid ending to the world.

    in reply to: Beeblebrox Inc. Returns #2170932
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @yechiell
    Before I get into it, I’d like to point out one thing. You didn’t forget his name. Nobody forgot his name. I’ve met people who don’t speak English, who’ve never even stepped foot in America, and who have no access to internet or media, and they know his name. So what’s up with that? Cut the garbage. Additionally his hair is not orange. His hair is blond. I know what orange hair looks like, believe me. Orange hair is the best hair, better than all the other hair colors, I’m telling you. There are millions and millions of people who wish that they could have orange or red hair, but they can’t. His skin, however, does have a bit of an orange tint, I’ll grant you that.

    Ok. Whew. Against my better judgment (yeah right), here we go. There was a time when he was exactly what this country needed. He was arguably one of the best presidents for the Jews in recent history. And now he’s toast. Over, done, kaput. Something after the election snapped and he became bitter, even more self centered (somehow), and most importantly, wildly vengeful. He’s unstable. If he were to regain power today, then he probably wouldn’t get a single thing done, because he’d be too busy exacting revenge on every person who he ever thought wronged him. He would make a terrible president. Additionally, after keeping the company that he has recently, it’s easy to see that he is slowly becoming more and more right wing. You can’t just apologize and explain everything away.

    Fine. So why is continuing support for him Bad for the Jews? Because everything has got to be bad for the Jews for some reason. It can’t just be objectively bad, oh no, that’s not good enough. Whatever, I’ll make an effort. Two reasons. First, it’s a bad idea for us to support someone who hangs around with neo-nazis. If you can’t figure out why, you’re dumb, and I’m not wasting my time explaining it. Second, there is no chance at all that he will win the general election. None. A small chipmunk could run against him, and that small chipmunk would win in a landslide. I don’t care if he has Gandhi as his running mate. It’s not happening. So, let’s assume we all support him, and then he loses to someone who will undoubtedly be very far removed from him. Now the whole world sees us as the type of people who publicly support someone who is widely considered to be racist, misogynist, sexist, and narcissist(ic), along with any other word ending in “ist” that you care to mention. And that looks very bad for us. Because now we are viewed as those things. And they already don’t like us very much, and this gives them further excuse not to like us, which is something we don’t want because they make the laws, and have more guns. Chipmunk for Prez.

    in reply to: Beeblebrox Inc. Returns #2170930
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @n0mesorah
    I don’t know why you seem to be under the impression that I have the time or interest to go through your countless ramblings. You want disrespect? Well, that’s something that has to be earned. You can’t just walk up to somebody and say “hey you, with the two heads, roast me”. That’s not how this works. This isn’t the laugh factory. Do I look like a comedian? Maybe you’d know the answer to that if you got your head out of the sand, and stopped burying yourself in your absurd notions of ridiculous entitlement. Stop burying your head! It makes it hard to see.

    Furthermore, when you say that posters are shying away from criticism, you imply that there is criticism to be made. Who are you to insult yourself like that? That’s my job. Stick to your job, whatever on earth that may be. Stupid entitled millennials. There, I called you old, is that insulting enough for you? Are you happy now, you diseased masochist? The sheer arrogance. Gosh.

    in reply to: Beeblebrox Inc. Returns #2170926
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @yserbius123
    Sophistry is not bad. Just because you don’t appreciate it when you can’t refute someone’s clearly wrong argument, that doesn’t make it a bad thing. Because who said that they’re wrong in the first place? If you can’t refute somebody, maybe they have a point.

    Additionally, I’m not going to argue against one of my favorite hobbies. Sophistry is essential to the development of the logic and reasoning portions of the brain, and even if it wasn’t, I really enjoy it.

    And don’t even get me started on what’s Bad For The Jews. If you ask the right, people, apparently every single action and event is Bad for the Jews. Politicians? Bad for the Jews. Money? Bad for the Jews. Lack of money? Bad for the Jews. Movies, other people, dogs, cats, scientists, chassidus, misnagdim, drinking, sobriety, media, lack of information, Bad for the Jews. Need I go on? Too bad. I’m not going to. Everything is Bad if you’re a pessimist. Dr. Zaphod’s prescription: don’t be a pessimist.

    in reply to: Beeblebrox Inc. Returns #2170925
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @participant
    Thank you for your continued patronage. But I’m not gonna give you money for saving my life. If you’re only gonna save me for money, then you’re entitled to no monetary compensation. What kind of world are we living in, where people are only looking out for themselves? Where everything is a pro vs. a con? Where one actually has to stop and think before helping someone in need, in order to ascertain precisely what personal gain he will derive from it? It disgusts me. I’m vomiting. Truly, we all need some serious introspection into what has led to this sorry state of affairs. We must search deep in our collective souls, so that we may rectify this horrific shortcoming.

    I hope that answers your question.

    in reply to: Rants on Demand #2168176
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Hello, all. Due to unforseen circumstances, we have been unable to comply with your demands at this time. We apologize most deeply, and hope that the problem will soon be solved, allowing us to once again be your preferred company for idiocy. We thank you for your patience, and we would like you to know that we appreciate your continued support.

    (A rant will be forthcoming as to the exact nature of this problem. It’s very ranteable.)

    in reply to: Hi #2159935
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Sure.

    Hi. |hī| used as a friendly greeting or to attract attention.

    Origins: natural exclamation: first recorded in late Middle English.

    in reply to: What really needs doing in E. Israel #2159932
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Two things: first of all, there are currently TWO light rail stations in close proximity to zhvill-mir, namely the shimon hatzadik and shivtei Yisrael stations. Adding another station at the midway way point would cause a tremendous time waster for everyone.

    Second: your whole thing is that the Israeli government should take the transportation needs of chareidim into account. But they are currently trying to build a light rail line through bar Ilan, which would make transportation in a predominantly chareidi area exponentially easier, and they have been met with nothing but anger and protesting throughout the process. So why would they go out of their way to try and make transportation easier for a community that clearly would rather not have it?

    in reply to: The CR Black Hole #2158305
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @HaShimeesaysno

    That’s so weird, he told me yes.

    in reply to: Who’s better Yossi green or MBD #2158308
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Personally I’ve never been such a fan of Yossi, while MBD is the premier jewish talent. I never really connected to Yossi’s songs, while MBD really rocks my neshoma. Not even a close call by me.

    Additionally, I once met Yossi’s grandson (really interesting guy. Like, really, really, interesting.), and he told me that while his grandfather has worked extensively with MBD, Yossi himself wouldn’t compare himself to the great MBD, saying quote “I couldn’t hold a solitary candle to such an insanely talented artist”. Do with that what you will.

    in reply to: Stupid Planes #2158311
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Then why did you? Shoitah. Let me tell you something about yourself that you probably don’t know: you’re not a cat. You’re the human equivalent of pickle Rick, if pickle Rick was a poorly evolved Vogon meshed with a particularly ugly ravenous bugblatter beast.

    in reply to: Quick Quote from Alexander Lukashenko #2158312
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Why would he be a mamzer? His parents were technically legally married (I think).

    in reply to: Quick Quote from Alexander Lukashenko #2158313
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Why would he be a mamzer? His parents were technically legally married (I think).

    in reply to: Stupid Planes #2157875
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @zen

    It used to be mostly harmless. But ever since this metal dude starting following me everywhere, it’s become more and more risky. I have to turn him off to make sure he doesn’t talk to the plane and make it commit suicide. You laugh, but it wouldn’t be the first time. It’s honestly made really nervous on past flights. That’s when I first came up with pan galactic gargle blasters. A couple of those, and you’ll never panic again.

    To all those who are wondering where I am, I’m currently boating on Damogran on my way to France. Can’t tell you what’s gonna go down there yet, but stay tuned. I have a major announcement. The signal will be a wild whoop in major thirds.

    in reply to: What is Delta Airlines Cancellation policy #2157873
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Why would you pose this as a question if you already know the answer? Unless you’re just an over enthusiastic follower of the Socratic method.

    in reply to: Quick Quote from Alexander Lukashenko #2157870
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @shimonnodel

    First hand accounts actually indicate that Riddle was never in full control, nor was he ever actually a ruler. However, he did control much of Britain from behind the scenes, so I suppose you are somewhat correct.

    Modern historical accounts will drone endlessly about his villainous acts, but we all know history is written by the victors, in this case a group of mindless cult members under the sway of a dead man and his sycophantic lieutenant. In truth, Riddle was a fearless leader of his people, a true kanoiy dedicated to bringing the growing trend of widespread assimilation to a halt, as well as stopping unlawful geirus. His acts of bravery and dedication will be remembered for many generations to come. RIP Riddle. Yehi zichro Baruch.

    in reply to: Stupid Planes #2156266
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    What do you think?

    in reply to: We must stop the hostile takeover of YWNCR #2156267
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    PUBLIC DISCLAIMER: I do not have any connection to hashem says no. He was not the cat I was referring to. Although he sounds like he might be experiencing a similar issue.

    in reply to: BIG PROBLEM NEED HELP!! #2156268
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    You don’t have a dog. You’re scared of dogs because you think you’re a cat.

    in reply to: Have Seminaries outlived their purpose? #2156269
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    My sister is reading this over my shoulder, and would like you all to know that she is insulted and vehemently disagrees with all of you.

    As a former seminary graduate myself, I would like to make it known that I agree with her.

    Also, she told all her friends about this thread, and they too would like to make their disagreement known.

    in reply to: Let’s all argue about something stupid this time #2155907
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @pawpatrol No, I do not mean fruity. I mean froody. As in, ‘Hey, you sass that hoopy Zaphod Beeblebrox? There’s a frood who really knows where his towel is.’ “Froody” being the adjective form of “frood”.

    in reply to: Stupid Planes #2155911
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @ dontmindme again, there was nothing wrong with your post. Please reread my previous post on this matter for further clarification as to my intent.

    And if you really think that the things I am writing are any less intelligent than other threads and that my threads are a waste of time then:
    A) you haven’t been reading other threads very carefully.
    B) you’ve never made actual use of your time, so you don’t realize that if you’re wasting time then you’re wasting time, and
    C) you don’t have to open my threads.

    in reply to: Help! #2155912
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    After the way you spoke to your aunt Brenda last week? Not a chance.

    in reply to: Let’s not get our hopes up #2155914
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    I duly apologize. It will not happen again. But actually, I wrote that before I changed my screen name. And have written other serious posts. If you look hard enough you’ll find them. Like, really hard.

    in reply to: Dental Insurance #2155921
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @CTLawyer
    Wow! I will actually be in Budapest as well sometime mid-March. Maybe I’ll be zocheh to meet you! (I get the impression that you’re the type to wear a name tag.) Just look out for the guy with a covered birdcage on his shoulder!

    in reply to: Let’s not get our hopes up #2155924
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Additionally, my “which Sesame Street character are you” thread was done in complete sincerity.

    in reply to: Let’s all argue about something stupid this time #2155209
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @PawPatrol
    Yes, tomatoes are indeed fruit. And yes, that does make ketchup a smoothie. And no, that does not mean you should be drinking ketchup. And yes, that does mean that ketchup is froody.

    in reply to: Stupid Planes #2155208
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @zen
    This time I wasn’t flying Vogon interplanetary. But some of the stewardesses were just as bad. Not exactly a heart of gold if you know what I’m saying.

    in reply to: Stupid Planes #2154575
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Gut voch to all.

    @yungermanS
    Because then I would still be walking, and shabbos would probably not have been as enjoyable.

    in reply to: Stupid Planes #2154501
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Thank you, that’s very kind.

    in reply to: Stupid Planes #2154470
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @dontmindme, I have an even better idea. YWN should start putting spelling/grammar restrictions on posters. If you can’t post coherently, then don’t post.

    (I am not saying that your post was incoherent. I am saying I just think it would be a better idea in general. If an 8 year old can post coherently, there’s no reason for us not to let him to. There’s plenty reason for his parents not to let him to, but not us.)

    in reply to: Help! #2154469
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Amen. May that time come speedily in our days.

    in reply to: Stupid Planes #2154468
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    I am not going to Maine. And I am not going to Eretz Yisrael either. But I will be going there on Monday. And aisle seats are only OK if the person by the window has good bladder control.

    in reply to: Let’s all argue about something stupid this time #2154149
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Yes indeed, we all miss pba (at least, those of us who remember who he is). But there actually was such a thread a while back started by one of the mods, no less.

    in reply to: Telshe Cleavland or Chicago #2153632
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Yes but the Telshe Cleveland campus (btw it’s actually in wickliffe) is also right next to a gigantic church from which bells can be heard tolling at every hour. Could lead to some bad hashpaos. Perhaps that is what the OP meant when he called it less shtark.

    in reply to: Mods? Mods? #2153592
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Hello Mods. My mother taught me that it’s polite to start a conversation by inquiring after the other persons welfare. So, how are you doing?

    With that out of the way, could you pretty please change the word “brochure” in my last post to “bochur”? Thank you very kindly. Have an easy fast, and have fun dealing with the twenty or so Jan. 6 threads that will surely pop up in the next few days. For that alone, you are heroes.

    in reply to: When should bochurim start dating? #2153499
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    If there is a heter to wait until 24 (I heard 25) if one is learning, then what is there to really argue about in regard to bochurim being required to get married earlier? A brochure is someone who by definition is learning. Unless it just means any young man, but here on yeshiva world I don’t think we classify such shkutzim as Jewish, let alone bochurim. Just to clarify, by we, I mean you.

    in reply to: Help! #2152494
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    @coffeeaddict
    If my son was common saychel I would have been in aveilus a long time ago.

    in reply to: Help! #2152362
    Zaphod Beeblebrox
    Participant

    Yes, @ymribiat, pan-galactic gargle blasters have been most instrumental in helping me get through this difficult time. Your knowledge of my culture makes me feel less alone, and for that, Zaphod thanks you.

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 150 total)