Zaphod Beeblebrox

@avira I didn’t say that dogs are assur. I said that little white dogs are assur. Anything smaller than a beagle is basically a really loud cat. Cats are animals commonly associated with witchcraft and are therefore maaras ayin.

Sure. When I said my roommate was a cat I was trying to catch people off guard and make a mockery of something or another. Whatever you say.

And he doesn’t speak his mind. He calls nearly everything out as trolling, which I would define as trolling. It was not intended to be offensive. It was intended to get him to stop calling me a troll. If he is offended I apologize. If I’m right then I have nothing to apologize for.

@commonsaychel
Wow! I’m so proud of you. You’ve finally taken the first step toward admitting that not everyone is a troll. Congrats. Although to be brutally honest, any thread centered on a dvar Torah by definition cannot be a troll post, because if it’s a troll post, it’s obviously not a real dvar torah. Let’s see if you can come up with just one more.

As to your second, thought out, articulate, searingly logical point, I’m in complete agreement with you. To paraphrase my 8th grade rebbi, a troll is a troll is a troll is a troll. However, as I have quite reasonably pointed out to you on numerous occasions, I AM NOT A TROLL. As I have said above, troll posts are designed to be offensive and provocative, and my posts are neither. My goal is simply to inject a bit of humor into the conversation, hardly a punishable offense.

I hope that now that I have explained this to you, you will cease and desist your dogged persistence in insisting upon my trollness. Perhaps you’ll even apologize, though I won’t hold my breath. Though Perhaps you understood this all along, and have some sort of personal vendetta against humor and satire, perhaps as a result of some childhood trauma. The possibility that your campaign against my posts is nothing more than projection is not one I’d rule out very quickly.

And maybe, just maybe, the truth behind your words lies in the fact that in fact, the biggest troll here is none other than YOU. After all YOUR posts certainly fall under the commonly accepted definition of a troll post. They’re rude, offensive, unprovoked, and provocative. You insert them into nearly every conversation in the hope of accomplishing nothing other than to get everyone else upset. Did I discover your secret? I’m sorry for blowing the whistle on you like that. Don’t bother denying it, we all know the truth. We didn’t even have to think very hard to realize this.

It’s just common saychel.

I’d say go with the Glock 17. It’s slightly smaller, lighter, and has less recoil. It’s extremely accurate. My personal faves however have got to be the beretta 92m or the sig sauer P328. Two of the best made pistols ever.

If you want a little more power, I’d suggest going with a colt 1911 .45.

Yes.

Hey mods! In my most recent thread title, it says “ melaveh” when it should say “malveh”. Any chance you guys can fix that?

For you, anything 🙄

@commonsaychel

I dare you to come up with 5 recent threads which are NOT troll threads. None of them can have been started by you. I’m curious to see what you come up with

@commonsaychel
Being as my comment was directed at bigbochur and not you it would indeed be strange if you did respond. Although I must commend you on doing your homework and reading up on my post history before attempting to rip on me for absolutely no discernible reason. It’s nice to have a fan.

Additionally, while a teenager I may be, I at least can spell like an adult, an issue which you seem to have trouble with. Please accept my most sincere wishes for your hasty and complete resolving of this matter.

As always, I thank you for your wonderful contributions to the conversation. For truly you do uplift the level of said conversation, by virtue of your wit, intelligence, and complete and utter disregard for context. It’s been a pleasure.

There is an old lady by the Kosel who dispenses brachos in exchange for tzedaka, I’ve seen many people have crazy things happen after being blessed by this woman. One story I can relate first hand is that apparently the intensity of the bracha she gives you is directly correlated to the amount of money you give her. One of my friends only had a shekel on him so she told him “you should have a nice day”. And he did!!!

“as far as I know the most intelligent thing you’ve said is ‘you are a troll’.”

Aha. So you agree that calling you a troll is an intelligent statement, meaning that you agree you’re a troll (though not a very good one), and yet you still expect people to take you seriously and not assume that any specific post from a self declared troll is in fact a troll post in that scenario as well, but rather that this time it’s actually something smart. Yes, that makes total sense. I see now.

@ujm +1

Not even sure where to begin here. Like many other people, I too experienced an anti Semitic attack, nothing too serious, just some crazy people yelling at me a couple of times in stores. Guess what? I dealt with it. I had absolutely no problem getting in these peoples faces and standing up for myself, and I felt safe while doing so. And In every case, management and spectators had my back. You can wax poetic about Israel all you want but the facts are that when there, I feel a lot less safe simply walking down the street, or going on the train, because there I actually have to worry about getting stabbed or pepper sprayed, or getting a rock thrown at me or what have you. And I know for a fact that while many of you would strongly stand up for yourselves in America, in Israel you’d be scared to witless to do anything but run. Anyone who disagrees must be either extraordinarily brave or dumb. So much for the let’s move to Israel it’s safer argument.

As for the omg we’re all gonna be wiped out if we stay here sentiment, sorry to burst your bubble but the average citizen isn’t as dumb or hateful as you might think. You just don’t see them on the news, because a bunch of people jumping up and down yelling slurs at Jews makes for much better footage. Most of the none Jews I’ve met have seemed genuinely interested in Jews and our culture, because they’re intelligent to know that that the idiotic diatribe they see on cnn can’t possibly be even a fraction of the bigger picture. This isn’t just middle aged business men btw. These are the college kids everyones convinced are getting brainwashed, and the young professionals who are actually employed taxpayers who’s say actually means something. So yeah, we aren’t in danger of extinction here, and I’m not just saying that cuz my head is in the sand.

On a more humorous note, none of the feared pogroms and whatnot could ever happen without the backing of a person very high on the power totem pole. Assuming a person like that does come into power, here’s how the scenario plays out. If it’s a democrat and all of Hollywood is clamoring for blood, every redneck with a gun would be out in force, if not to protect us, then simply to oppose them. And if a republican is the one yelling, every millennial democrat with a chip on their shoulder will attack them with everything they’ve got, if only so they can livestream it and prove to all of tik-tagram that they love all people and are fighting injustice to whatever burnt out slogan helps them sleep at night. In short, take a chill.

I think there is a way to do it using chrome. However, trust me when I say that you are not going to find any useful information.

@participant do you feel better now? Let it all out. Don’t hold back. You’re in a safe place. Shh. Hush darling. Everything’s gonna be just fine. Zaphod’s got you. There now. Shh.
In all seriousness though, I feel for you, I really do. I sometimes encounter similar people (in a similar setting), and I just want to pinch them in the teeth. You hear that Greg? I’m talking about you. No one wants to hear about your dogs ophthalmologist appointment. We really don’t. Just be quiet. (I’m not joking this guy is like a seeing eye person for his dog. It’s ridiculous. Just looking at this guys face gives me a headache.)
@participant, you in all honesty have my deepest sympathies. I know what your going through. I truly feel for you. Stay strong buddy. We’re rooting for you. May you not get arrested for assault and may all your Gregs get lockjaw.

@ejmrbro: I’m glad you’re having fun because thanks to you, few people outside your circle of cronies are.

edited