Curious

This one’s for moish

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yossiea – good one.

I once saw an upcoming lecture advertised in the newspapers, titled “What are you doing for the shidduch crisis?”

My answer: dating

But yes, gotta agree with everyone else, daven!

Moish, like they say – It’s time for us to get off the sidewalks…

Hey ICOT – you’re off my nice list already! 😉

Anothr factor helping out in the chassidish world is that a husband and wife are not expected to be soulmates. She’s the mommy, he’s the tatty. He hangs with his chevra, she hangs with her chevra. It’s a much different relationship. In the olden days, women were married off to men who could support then. There was no “soulmate” idea either. It was understood that she was your “bashert”, and that there was no doing better. I’m sure they grew to love each other though.

Jothar, I think you’ve hit it on the nail. Nowadays, some chassidim still go with this system. Guy/girl sounds right, everything checks out and they just go for it. They make it work. They don’t focus on blemishes and what not. They don’t wait for the illusive fireworks. They simply make it work. And I do believe they’re just as happy.

Could it work for us? Maybe, but not so radical. But I do believe people need to realize that Mr. or Mrs. Perfect is not around. If the partner checks out in terms of middos, goals, personality, work on it to make it work. If you’re not sure, then date for a little bit longer while putting in effort to see if you can appreciate them for who they are and not what they are not…

Many people will stop seeing someone if they don’t feel “chemistry” after 2 dates. This is so ridiculous. It’s probably better that you don’t feel that chemistry right away – allowing you to be more objective for the more important overall picture of who that person is.

Hey c’mon qwerty – asdf’s enthusiasm can’t rub off on you?

Guy shows up at gal’s house, expecting to sit in, as was his usual custom. Knowing he’d sit in, he had walked over to the girl’s house (apparently lived nearby). After the parents greet him and they sit and shmooze a little, the young lady enters the room. So the guy starts talking to her, fully intending to get to know her right there in her dining room.

Girl’s father now realizes that the guy doesn’t intend to take his daughter out and he knows his daughter will flip. He gently suggests to the guy that perhaps the conversation will be more comfortable if they go out, maybe to a lounge.

Samrt guy gets the point and realizes he needs to take the girl out. But he doesn’t have his car with them. No prob, says Dad, I’ll call a car service.

Uh, I didn’t bring my wallet, dude answers, mortified.

Girl’s father had to give him money….

72, you’re so kind. ICOT, you’re so not.

😉

Good job everyone!

Nope teen, sorry.

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?Unused Letters:  ? ?B?C? ?E?F?G?H?I?J?K? ?M?N?O?P?Q? ?S?T?U?V?W?X?Y?Z?

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SJS – I’d do that in the winter too. Just make sure you both are properly bundled up.

striving – like oomis said, the fact that you thought about this puts you ahead of the game. Noone has a right to expect parents to support. If they volunteer that’s great, but no one can demand it or expect it.

That said, it’s feasible to start off with a guy learning full time if you have a little bit of money saved up – summer, side jobs, post sem real job, etc. As the need arises, if your salary is not enough, your husband can also take on a side job, be it in chinuch or something else. Having a part time job will in no way take away his title of ben torah, if thats what in essence he is.

About your profession – go for something that you enjoy and that is practical at the same time. Social work can provde a decent income. It’s not like you’re looking to go into a field that only provides minimal income. Ultimately, you want soemthing that you enjoy and that can be flexible enough when iy”H you’ll be raising a family.

On another note, I spoke to a Rav before I went out with a working boy. He very strongly told me that because someone is learning, that does not automatically make him a true ben torah. There are so many truly admirable working guys who are constantly striving to do the right thing. They may be working due to finances or because they never found themselves able to sit and learn for a length of time. A person is not only what they do, but more importantly who they are…

Hatzlacha!

moish – Don’t you have to go to PT after? Aren’t your muscles like mush now?

Thanks JM, I’m learning that the best way to remember and internalize what you haer is by repeating it to someone else, thus I found my way to this thread.

is that your aspiration?

Which part are you referring to – sounding like Areivim?

If so, no, though I do admire Arevim’s talent in communicating so well. I would never be able to match him.

Regardless, I am the last person to give mussar, I think I was talking to myself mostly 😉 (Realize I stay away from most controversial threads?)

moish: curious, but some things are technical. you needa learn them through

Agreed. I am far from a perfect person. There is so so much that I need to improve. Be it mitzvos between me and G-d, or me and fellow man. Just thinking about where I can use improvement makes me dizzy. So I’ve decided to pick one thing that I’d like to make a real effort to improve. In essence I am putting a lot of other faults/weakneeses on the back burner, temporarily (hopefully). However, as long as I am making some sort of effort, I know I’m in the right direction.

If I would decide to now learn hilchos brachos, hilchos shabbos, methods to improve prayer, techniques to combat laziness, etc.. I’d never start anywhere and I’d accomplish nothing.

Pick one thing, the smaller and easier the better. Success in a small area gives you confidence to succeed at something tougher.

…Gosh, did I just sound like areivim??

BTW, I use this psychology when I’m too lazy to run. I tell myself, just do 1 mile. Then when I finish that I feel so good, I try another mile, and then another…

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From CR Artist, Sr. to CR Artist, Jr.

Chofetz Chaim: A Daily Companion – Shidduch Supplement.

It is recommended that you decline to give information about a person you have dated.

To add some indoor stuff –

Liberty Science Center

Jewish Heritage Museum in Battery Park

New Roc City

Barnes and Noble

Ripley’s Believe It or Not

M

C

Joseph – why oh why did I know that I would get that comment from you. You’re so predicatable.

One of my non-religious Jewish co-workers suggested that we give out Pesachdik food for shalach manos so that we don’t end up dumping all leftover chometz at work right before Pesach 😉

Here’s my attempt to get Ashreinu and yoshi back:

Any of you monitor your HR while running?

When I use the treadmill, I check my HR every so often and it shoots up much higher than I’d like it to. I’ve tried running slower and it has helped a little, but my HR is still sustained at a much higher rate than it should be.

(You can check out Runner’s World for the desired HR zones)

a girl was walking with her date and suddenly her very very high heel gets stuck in the metal grate in the street.

That’s like walking with high heels on the boardwalk. It took me getting my heel stuck in between the slats each step, until I figured out how to synchronize my steps to avoid the gaps… 😉

Gosh I have so many but would not the boy in question to identify himself from my post 😉