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Why shouldn’t she rush the process? It’s a mitzvah to get married, and the earlier the better. Rav Avigdor Miller zt”l encouraged girls to get married straight out of high school, at age 17 and 18. He speaks of this in his seforim.
Rav Miller also says that the husband should work and be the king of the home. If she will go work and be the king, and allow her husband to learn, she will need time to prepare.
One question I have about women not driving is that I find it funny that say you go to Macy’s or Lord and Taylor and find the chassidish women shopping and then you have the husbadn stuck in the store for hours doing nothing because he had to drive his wife.
They can take mass transit, or buses. For example (IIRC), there is a Chassidish bus that goes from Kiryas Yoel to the local outlet mall often.
As far as I know, the women and girls are NOT told that driving is a Tznius issue, just that it was never “oongenimen” (accepted) or “eingefirt” (instituted/introduced) by them. It seems to be a minhag that they uphold because “my mother din’t drive and her mother didn’t either….”
I like this answer. Chassidim in general try to be/live like it was in the Alter Heim (see: Straimels), and a woman was never the Ba’al Agalah in any of the Chassidishe Maissim (LOL), nor did they drive wagons in any case. The same position today would be the driver of the auto.
If you really want to know, I would suggest asking MSseeker (a Chassidish Lady), who could probably help you.
i dont think Chassidim have a Mesorah going back before the Talmud
You Kofer!!
Going to the doctor when sick; a Chiyuv (v’nishmartem m’od l’nafshoseichem), or a lack of Bitachon?
As with everything else in this religion, a Machlokes. The famous Ramban in Vayikra says it is a lack of Bitachon. Most other Rishonim (and the Pashtus in the Gemorah) disagree.
no they r not getting married. its like out of the question.
I know there is an “Ew” factor (my brother & my best friend! EWW!), but actually it is quite normal. There should be nothing wrong with them getting married (unless there is a Halachic issue).
Talk to your brother, and try to convince him to “go public”. Tell him you will claim to have been the shaddchan, and they will lose no face (even if they are only 17-18, they can still get married).
Then they get engaged, married & live happily ever after.
The End.
girls!!!! DON”T SELL YOURSELVES CHEAP!!!
And have no fear when you don’t get married and give up your Bashert because you “didn’t want to sell “cheap””.
theres sooo many AMAZING girls and theres no good boys around.
It is a buyers market out there, and those who are choosy won’t be bought.
Have no fear! Tell the guy that you have a rich uncle who will support!
Later, after they are married, you can inform that the uncle is not biological, but he will support anyway. His name is Sam, and he is one of the largest supporters of Torah in the world, if not the Largest. 🙂
Decide which is more critical, her job or your learning, and move from there.
Without the additional information as per what type of engineer she is, there is no way I can give additional advice.
When Moshe recieved the Torah and was told what would happen i’m the future did the information he was told include the fact that Bmei Yisroel would create the egel hazahav and did Moshe know he would break the first pair of Luchot?
Obviously not. Moshe Rabbainu did not receive the Torah in the form that we have on Har Sinai (Kofer!).
old man: That’s not how I read it, but I will apologize & respect your opinion.
As with everything else, it depends on intentions. See Gemorah Nedarim 10B (IIRC), Re: Nazir.
If yoshon is readily available nowadays, I believe that the Bach’s explanation can be rejected and I believe he would reject it also.
Obviously you have never read the Bach inside. See Yoreh Dayah Simin 293.
IMHO, Kilts are Muttar.
“Buy the house yourselves, and transfer equity to the children on a schedule”
That would also probably be subject to gift tax.
Not if the scheduled transfers are less than the cap
“as they pay the mortgage/rent.”
And if they get fed up with your controlling behavior, they can stop paying the mortgage and YOU will get foreclosed upon.
Possibly. Or they try to sell.
I feel sorry for your daughter and future son-in-law.
I agree that it is a horrid idea, but the solution happens to fit all of the OP’s requirements. Personally, I say let them rent and earn the down payment on their own. They will appreciate their new home much more if they actually paid for it. As I said earlier:
If I were the children, I would run from such a scenario (as it makes them dependent on you), but then again, I would (hopefully) be able to afford my own down payment at some point.
Since it is inconceivable from a theological point of view that Am Yisrael transgressed an issur d’oraiso for so long, the Bach came up with a way to deal with it. We did not pasken like the Bach, we simply accepted the Bach’s explanation.
WADR, that is not the way Klal Yisroel works. If the Bach held it was Assur, he would have said so. In fact, I remember going through that specific Bach, and do not remember any apologies offered.
It may be that Paskening like the Bach was a B’Dieved, but that Bach himself actually held what he claimed.
Who are you going to vote for?
and if you can’t vote yet who would you vote for?
How about “If you lived in their district, who whould you vote for?” Some of us feel left out by the OP 🙁
Chodosh is an entirely separate Issur. Pashut P’shat is that it is an Issur D’Oraisa, even in Chutz L’Aretz. There are many complicated (and some not-so-complicated) reasons given for the Heter. Even though Pashut P’shat would be that it is Assur Mi’d’oraisa anywhere, Chalilah on anyone to say that the vast majority of Ashkenazi Jews have been violating an Issur D’Oraisa for the past 1000 years.
It is a Machlokes between all the Poskim (except perhaps the Rema) who say Assur, and the Bach who says Muttar. Klal Yisroel Paskined for hundreds of years like the Bach. There is a new movement to be Machmir like the other poskim, but the Halacha Pesuka does not change.
aries, Im sure you are advising the above goodheartedly and with the best of seichel and intentions, but
1- Financially it doesnt make sense for us to give money thats irreplaceable and might end up in places we dont want it to. You, by comparison, B”H, seem to be somewhat of a bank, lending money left and right as the need arises to relatives and friends. We cant and we dont.
2- Nor does it make sense for the couple to continue paying rent and paying up their landlord’s mortgage.
So, Im asking for the most tactful way to accomplish the goals in the most sensitive and least painful manner and with the least financial risk and potential for regret.
Buy the house yourselves, and transfer equity to the children on a schedule as they pay the mortgage/rent. Just make sure you get a lawyer that can write up the document correctly, and probably a Heter Iska as well (speak to your Rov).
If I were the children, I would run from such a scenario (as it makes them dependent on you), but then again, I would (hopefully) be able to afford my own down payment at some point.
Make sure to discuss with both of your children and get their input.
Good luck.
I’m trying to understand why the accepted way of life for the yerushalayimer yidden is that when it comes time for them to make chasunah they come to America to knock on doors can anyone shed some light on this matter?
Minhag. It has always been (since the Talmidei HaGra) that the Yerushalaim Jews collected for themselves in Galus, and were not self-sufficent. Of course, it was practically impossible to be self-sufficent in Yerushalim under the Ottomans. Even now when they can be self sufficent, they still do so because of Minhag.
you cant let on your matziv through public affection- but you can pass the phone.
Yes and no. I prefer not to discuss in a public forum, ask your chosson teacher.
The Rambam (forgot exactly where) says that anybody who does not believe in thirteen certain principles has no cheilek in Olam Haba.
And I’m not sure what you mean by “don’t bring “Apikores””.
Since when do these apply to a non-jew?
Mdd also said, “I did not write that GAW is an apikores — I wrote that his statement is apikorsus.” That strikes me as a distinction without a difference.
It does, because later on he agreed it was an inference (Diyuk) that he thought he could make in my Holy lashon, based on my stature as a Rishon, or at least a Talmid Chochom (of which I am neither). Since I admit the inference is incorrect, that makes his OP an incorrect interpetation (which is allowed, this is the CR). And I already said my words could have been misinterpeted.
LOL, its all good in my book.
in lakewood they ask you “are you willing to work”. Now if you ask me the average guy in BMG is NOT willing to work at all, so then most people are flat out lying when answering that question.
Sure they are! It just depends doing what, and how much time during the day, as well as how much they can make.
I bet if you would offer 1 hour a week (flex), 10K a week, sitting at a desk, they would take it.
Gavra-at work, please, also keep in mind that in earlier days it was not a shaila as the number of avreichim in EY was small, and even the frei Yidden did not mind it.
So you are claiming the Chazon Ish would not have asked for an exemption for Yeshivaleit if he knew how many there were now? That there should be a cap on the number of Kollel in EY, and the rest should be working and possibly joining the army?
(Are you sure that you are not MO? LOL)
GAW, I thought I could be medayek be’dvarecha.
That’s OK. As I pointed out later in that thread, I used words that could have been misconstrued, and I explained myself later on.
Thank you for thinking well of me.
GAW, a Talmud Chocham does not have to pay defence budget taxes because he protects himself. He also protects others. Not tangible?
Of course it is (as per the gemorah). What it doesn’t do is contribute to the continuity of the Klal, by having Poskim, Rabbonim, etc.
Without question (and my Rov agrees), our first priority should be the continuation of Yiddishkeit, and that is only possible if we have Gedolim & Rabbonim who are critical to the continuation of the Klal.
R’ Chanina ben Tradion’s wife vs. R’ Chanina ben Tradion. Who is correct?
As far as the Olam has to Pasken, R’ Chanina ben Tradion. They are the “Einei HaEidah”. Even if his wife is correct, she would need proof, which you have not offered.
mdd: None the less, incorrect. Don’t make a Diyuk where there is none, unless you think I’m on the level of a Rishon (In that case, you honor me greatly, and I accept).
Last time I borrowed Wolf’s extras I got in trouble. I will leave them for him, but thanks for the offer.
RSRH: I didn’t even go that far (although that could be argued).
What I did say is that we need Yeshivos that are specificly geared to creating those who “tangibly contributes to the k’hal through rabanus, dayanus, teaching, and psak”, and to not allow in those who will not “tangibly contributes to the k’hal through rabanus, dayanus, teaching, and psak”.
mdd:
MDD vs. Gedolim. Who is correct?
Mdd:
Since I didn’t say that, and something for Klal Yisroel doesn’t mean no benefit from learning. That was your own incorrect implication, which, had you read the next post, you would have known was not correct. You should reconsider.
I expect an apology and/or a retraction.
GAW, what is going on in EY is a major Chillul HaShem.
OK, prove it. Who are you to say what the Gedolei EY do is a Chillul Hashem? (of course, you may be R’ Dovid or R’ Reuven in disguise. I somehow doubt it).
I did not write that GAW is an apikores — I wrote that his statement is apikorsus.
That is true.
And it is not just my opinion, it is an open Gemora!
It is not. Even you said it was only your own implication.
I am still waiting for an apology.
Interestingly, belief in Hashem is not one of the Zayin MItzvos, I think. Not believing in Avoda Zara is, however. (Correct me if I am wrong).
If one does not believe in God, they have no chelek in Olam Habba. Nadda, nothing, zilch.
Source? And don’t bring “Apikores”.
Any “good” that they do in their lives is worthless.
Patently false. Even Rashaim get Schar in this world, so that they need not be rewarded in the next.
By a spouse, there are harchakos. One should not point out or make it obvious that Harchakos are not being held of at the time, as it is a lack of Tznius. (I believe R’ Forst mentions in his sefer, and this was taught in Chosson classes).
By a child, even an adult, this does not apply.
gavra, are you realy using a “psak” (I’m not sure its a psak, as opposed to a general principle, a “klal gadol” that cannot be applied to concrete situations without further evaluation) from the leaders of Israeli political parties to justify a practice by individuals who do not constitute a political party in the United States?
I am using it to justify, yes.
Name one Gadol who was/is on food stamps.
And which psak from any Gadol are you quoting which says “that Limud HaTorah overrides any concern regarding what others might think”.
The Degel HaTorah & Agudah parties in Israel, who claim to do nothing without approval from the “Gedolim”.
THe Agudah (and specificly the Roshei Yeshivos of a certain town) in the US, who is willing to “approve” of someone who votes for Toeiva Marriage, because they give/vote money to Yeshivos.
Now granted, there are those who disagree (Rav Miller was one, Rav Shteinman may be another, and my guess is that Rav Moshe, Rav Yaakov & Rav Ruderman would have been appalled), but it doesn’t seem to be the norm in this day and age.
even people who don’t believe in G-d can be moral, have values, and get fulfillment from helping others.
Exactly. They do it because they “get fulfillment”, or feel good about themselves (not that I have issue with it).
There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t
PBA: Goes to the question if food stamps are ???? ??? ????? ??? ???????? ?????
GAW, firstly, I indeed often do not have the time to read very long threads. You should have been more careful with what you said. The onus is on you.
Shtus V’hevel! You accuse someone, and then agree that you did not read what he said (especially if I admitted there that I could be misinterpeted)? I await you asking Mechila.
If you want to discuss that post
1: Ask mechila
2: Do so in the other thread.
It seems we can add the Rambam to the growing list of MOs.
Depending on your definition. Without question, the Rambam was a Charad L’Dvar Hashem.
Whether one – especially a kollel avreich who is supposedly spending long days immersed in God’s Word – wants to conduct their life based solely on whether or not they are violating the strict letter of the secular law is another question entirely.
The Gedolim have Paskined that Limud HaTorah overrides any concern regarding what others might think. After all, Limud is what protects the USA & Israel (Netrei Karta), not the Millitary (Cheruvei Karta). Kollel is cost beneficial.
Who is entitled to food stamps? Is it for anyone who isn’t making enough money, or specifically for those people who are trying to find a job but can’t do it
Anyone who qualifies, whether willingly or not.
Here are the posts, in case you asked.
mdd, I await your apology.
This implies that if one only learns forever, he does not benefit Klal Yisroel.
I believe you owe me K’nas. I did not say that, and explained later that your point was not true. How about actually reading the whole thread, or it that too hard for you?
Every word of torah learnt is mikayim the world. i think kiyum ha’oilam is a pretty hefty contribution.
I completely agree.
If a woman lives by herself people might end up talking that she was Mezaneh -whether true or not.
If she lives with others (roomies, parents, etc.) that is excluded? From the Lashon of the Rema (Ta’amod B’lo Ish), as well as the Rambam in Hilchois Issurei Biah, it would seem that is OK (certainly with a parent).
Also, being that it is a machlokes HaPoskim, I don’t think you will find any Rov who will say a girl has to marry. (Of course, if one is the such that in general is Machmir, they can do so as well here).
If a Yid gets food stamps legally, but something appears unseemly to an objective outside observer, it is Chillul HaShem and Eiva(causing animosity).
IN that vein, I hope you don’t take any tax deductions?
You do?
Tax avoidance is not evasion. Neither is an irrevocable trust, or gifts to minor children, as long as it is done legally.