gefen

Syag: ur the only one reading this message, right? It’s just for you. Nobody else is allowed to read it, k?

So, anyway, have I got a juicy story for you. Here goes….. 😉

Vogue; K- so I found ur thread. “Bais Yaakov high school, starts their school day at 8:30 and ends at 4:30. Girls are not allowed to have internet in their homes, I have heard from my friends there that the administration there is on the opposite extreme and doesn’t always notice, or attempt to deal with issues girls have. They have significantly fewer options for uniforms. On Rosh Chodesh, you are allowed to wear any white shirt you want, there are restrictions on colors you can wear outside of school, and some other rules.”

I cannot speak for what you said about Hannah Saacks as I don’t know too much about it or their rules. I certainly don’t know what happened with your friend there.

But I can tell you about Bais Yaakov. The girls are allowed to have internet – however it should be with parental approval with a note signed by them. Of course it’s even better if there are filters on the computer. They do not allow television in the home. Regarding the administration – they do attempt to deal with any issues the girls may be having. I have heard many stories regarding their involvement. The only requirement for Rosh Chodesh attire is TZNIUS. I don’t know what “other rules” you are referring to. All I can say is that my daughters loved the school and were very happy with the teachers, administration, and of course the friends. I don’t believe there was any brainwashing there.

Vogue; In which thread did you speak about the girl from chicago? Can you please post the link? Thanks.

SaysMe: +1000000000000000

scrisis: I am sick of hearing about these kinds of “shadchanim”. They have no business being in this business!!!!! How cruel and insensitive. I would love to have the phone numbers of some of these so called shadchanim. I would not hesitate to call them and give them a piece of my mind! I know someone who was also told “don’t call me back until you lose 50 pounds”. This girl happens to be working very hard on herself. The last time I saw her, she looked so nice – she was dressed very well, had just the right amount of make up on, her hair was done very nicely, etc. – yes still had a few pounds to go – BUT SO WHAT!!!???? Do these shadchanim tell the boys to lose weight? I doubt it!

And by the way – are these Mr. Americas always going to look the same? What will 5 or 10 or 15 years down the road bring? His hairline might be receding (OMG) or he might put on weight from his wife’s wonderful cooking, etc. And what about the girl? She may be a size 2 now and look like a model. What happens after the first few kids?

Now a word to the dear shadchanim – Just buy a bunch of Barbie Dolls and give them out to these amazing boys. There! Problem solved.

Hey – I just heard this joke on Shabbos.

My complaint as a woman who is overweight, is that whenever I go into the “women’s” section of a store, I find the styles outrageous!

What? Do they think just because I need to lose a few pounds I have absolutely no sense of style???? (btw- i actually used to be quite thin – from childhood through my early 30’s. So i don’t think my sense of style would have changed with my increase in weight. ATTENTION DESIGNERS- Please!!! Don’t give me oversized floral print tents! There is nothing remotely pretty about them, or most of the other styles you put out there for us. OK?

There is one store that actually has decent clothing for the larger size woman. That’s dressbarn. They have the same styles in both sides of their store. Yes sometimes a style may have to be modified a bit for the larger sizes, only because it would look horrific otherwise. But in general I can find something there.

Rainus – I didn’t know men had such problems also. I have seen large sizes for men. And as far as style goes, there’s not much you can do with a white shirt and black pants.;) So I wonder why there is such a problem in Jerusalem. Keep looking. I’m sure you’ll find something. Have you tried on line shopping? Hatzlacha.

crisisoftheweek: I definitely do believe in the power of a gadol. There is a lot we don’t understand. They are on a much higher level than any of us could imagine. I have heard so many stories (yes-true stories) that show this.

MDG: “Their vast Torah knowledge and deep Yirat Hashem brings them to spiritual heights we cannot understand.” +100000000

chalilavchas: I don’t usually read long posts, but I read yours. It’s an amazing post. I agree with everything you said.

This is so so sad!!! Not just sad – it’s so so SICK!!!

When will this all end? What will become of this girl and all the others he molested? It’s just horrible!

DaasYochid: Ok. I get the part that if someone wishes to convert w/o even accepting one halacha, the geirus is invalid. But we really don’t know the whole story with this particular woman. Maybe it’s hard to take upon herself everything at once, but she does have intention to cover her hair eventually (if indeed it wasn’t really covered to begin with- as people mentioned- some sheitels are really hard to tell). If this is the case, then what would be the status of her geirus? Kosher or not?

BTW – this is quite an interesting topic.

Health “Until then my posts are the ending logic.” You sound pretty sure of yourself. Why are you the one to decide? You mean nobody else’s logic can be right? I don’t know if you saw my previous post, but I did say that I neither agree or disagree with you. (you had said that if I disagree with your posts, I should post a logical argument against them.)

So I am just wondering – If you saw a married woman who was born Jewish, and she was not wearing a sheitel (or any head covering), would you not consider her to be frum? Would you not consider her to be Jewish? I am talking about someone who does keep Shabbos, kashrus, etc. I don’t mean a frei person.

IMHO – if someone converts via a recognized orthodox conversion, that person is Jewish. Of course assuming he/she had the right intentions at conversion – ie: keeping the mitzvos. I know you will say that the woman you saw is not keeping the mitzvos because she isn’t covering her hair. There have been and are so many frum people who did not and don’t cover their hair. I don’t think it takes away from the fact that they are Jewish and frum.

Can you honestly say you keep every single mitzvah that you are supposed to? I don’t know if any of us can. That’s why there’s teshuvah. That’s why there’s the davening we have on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kipuur.

myls87- are you modern orthodox as some ppl are assuming? or are you more right wing than that or perhaps yeshivish but not quite the lakewood type? that would probably make a difference in what community you look into.

Health- I did read your posts. Maybe I have to read them again. But could you just give me one example from any of the posts of what you mean by “Illogic”? Then maybe I can understand when I re-read the posts. Thanks.

Health – To quote one of your posts, “You should learn that there is a Chiyuv of Danning s/o L’caf Zecus.” So maybe be dan l’caf zechus this lady in the restaurant. Just sayin’…..

morahmom – “Sorry, but you’re wrong. Not that I myself hold that this is ok, but many women show some hair while covering the rest and it blends in. Trust me – you would never know.” I agree totally. Sometimes it is very hard to tell.

Another thing. Maybe this woman is just not comfortable covering her hair yet – IF she even plans to at all. But that’s really none of our business.

Bustercrown – I feel very sorry for what you are going through. I hope things get better for you.

Some posters told you not to come here for advice, rather you should go to a Rav and therapist. I don’t think you really came here for us to tell you what to do. You probably just want some support and friendship, which I hope you are finding here. This is a good place to come for that. We can certainly give our opinions but the ultimate decision is yours, of course with the help of Rabbonim, professionals, family, friends who know more of your situation.

Also – some posters said you should absolutely not divorce. Of course, ideally, one hopes to stay married and “live happily ever after”. But guess what – this is not a fairy tale. Things happen. People divorce, unfortunately. No – I’m not advising you to do so. I’m just saying that sometimes that’s the only choice when all else has failed.

As far as the children go; is it better for them to see their parents unhappy and arguing or better for the parents to go their separate ways and have the kids spend hopefully good quality time with each one? Not an easy decision!

Only you (and those close to you) know your whole situation and hopefully will make the right choice for you and your children. I wish you all the best. May you have the strength to see this through.

Keep in touch here. We care about you.

nishtdayngesheft- LOL! 🙂

Nanny: Engaged in what??? 😉