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That is very normal, write or wrong, to feel sad when you see kids from his class or pass by his old school. I can relate. We are only human. Just try not to let it get you down.
I would assume that since the coffee room is moderated they would not let any comments in that are not tzanuah. Certainly there are those that would not feel comfortable here or anywhere else on the internet for that matter.
Write or Wrong, did the article mention any kind of proof of such a finding? I don’t think it’s true. Many people who were off the derech came back. Why torture yourself with reading such an article?
Popa, this is very funny! 🙂
I hope you can find someone in Israel to speak to in real life. Hang in there.
Hair Club for Kids is a not-for-profit branch of HairClub that offers FREE services to children who suffer from medical hair loss.
You could also try going to diniwigs.com, she has done wigs for children as well.
Good luck!
This is what I was afraid of, write or wrong. I hope they will still keep him in the program. If not, your son will hopefully have learned from that experience.
His school allows him to take off a week? Did he ask permission? Hoping he won’t get kicked out.
I am wondering why your husband’s father is upset, is it because he is supporting you financially and feels his money is going to the “birds”?
Refuah Shelayma to the poor thing.
troll, troll, troll
I am sorry that you are going through this. I too spent years thinking of the things I did that could have caused my kid to go Off the Derech and I spent years blaming the people who misunderstood my child.
I know now that it was time WASTED. It does nothing to help your kid. And he will pick up that you hate and blame “Haraidim” (I hate that term) as well.
Forgive me for being honest. Hang on, this is not over. Keep up your Tefillos. At least he is not home doing nothing, let’s hope he continues school. all the best!
I think it depends on the girl and her taste.
We once asked our Rov if it was muttar to have a dog. He said it’s muttar but in many frum homes it’s “not done”.
Having a pet dog or cat is an expense and a responsibility (and tons of work!) but it can be a very nice thing. It’s a great companion.
I would love a coffee room for women only. In order to join they could be sent a list of questions that only women would know the answer and then they would be allowed to join. If I don’t speak to other men besides my husband in real life, why should I be speaking to them via the internet?
Hi Write or Wrong, I just heard wonderful news. I have a friend in Israel who has a son who was in a very similar situation to your son. It was very hard but B”H after a couple of years he came back to yeshiva and I just heard that he is a engaged to a very fine girl. Be patient and keep davening!
Maybe his friends share with him or they steal money to support their habit? Again, I am sorry to worry you but keep your eyes and ears open.
I don’t want to alarm you, but maybe your son has a drug addiction and needs intervention ASAP? Maybe this is something you can discuss with your physician.
yes, but they did not have armed security guards, like Yenta is asking for. I don’t think public schools have armed security guards either.
I always worried about putting a lock on my daughter’s door because she was a very sound sleeper and if there was Chas V’ Shalom a fire then I would have to break down the door and it would take time when every second counts.
The rule in our house is that pets have to be in another room when shabbos nairos or chanuka candles are burning.
Of course not force into a job….you can’t force him to do anything!
There are worse things than cigarettes unfortunately. Maybe you could look into finding different job options for him. Maybe a friend of yours is an electrician or a plumber and needs a helper and would do you a big chessed by hiring him and getting him off the streets.
Has to be a dorm with very good supervision. And are trained and equipped to deal with kids that are off the derech.
By the way, what does your son do for money? He gets an allowance?
Write or Wrong: I am not thrilled with the idea of your son going into a dorm and picking up bad things from other boys. Be careful with that.
I thought he would start to come home at night when the weather turned cold.
No. don’t go to the police. yet. Get the names and numbers of all the witnesses in this case. Tell the “Talmid Chocham/abuser” that if he ever lays a hand on your son again you will be forced to go to the police. This time is a warning only, as you understand that he lost it. But if it happens again you will be forced to take action.
If you go to the police, the police will come to him and he will say that he acted in self defense, the boy tripped, etc etc. and make up all sorts of lies to avoid getting in trouble.
He will be upset and give your son looks in shul and your son will be afraid to cross the street. He, his wife, and children will tell everyone how awful you guys are. You have a son who throws rocks on shabbos, an older one who isn’t even frum, and you had the nerve to call police on them. You will be forced to leave your shul or chas v’shalom move!
No, I say don’t go to the police at this point. Don’t make a big machlokes right now. You want to remain in your house, your neighborhood, and for your children to live without fear of these bullies. If it happens another time, then you have evidence that it’s the second time. I would even hire a lawyer and present the so called talmid chocham a letter from the lawyer with names of witnesses with a legal letterhead, etc. but I don’t know your finances.
As for your son, I think you should give him karate lessons. And if the guy EVER starts with him again he will regret it. (I don’t know if there is a frum group for karate lessons or how much it is, but in america many frum kids do it).
Even if a kid does NOT go through any kind of bad experience with another frum Jew, it does not guarantee that he or she will not go off the derech.
Of course as parents we have to try our best but this is a gzar mishamayim.
Unfortunately there are many such “tzaddikim” that are tremendous Talmidai Chachamim but they abuse their wives and children at home.
Now your son will know the hard fact of life. That just because someone is dressed in black and white and all yeshivish does NOT mean he is a ben Torah. He is going to find that out sooner or later and better he find that out while he is still under your roof and in your comforting arms.
Again, I am sorry that he went through an awful experience. Kol Hakavod to both of you for dealing it in an adult manner.
And keep on davening!
I was thinking the same thing, Syag Lchochma. It has to be very clear that this man does NOT represent frumkiet in the slightest!! I hope this man does not daven in the same shul as Write or Wrong. I can only imagine what her son would feel like to daven near this mentally impaired individual. If it were my son I would keep a very close eye and make sure this guy stays very far away from my son.
There are so many Gedolim in Israel, maybe you could bring him for brochos and chizzuk to a Gadol. Just an idea.
Write or Wrong, your story is very sad and your son will always remember what happened. I can remember very clearly the awful lemuday kodesh teachers I had when I was young who embarrassed me in public. Boruch Hashem I was blessed with wonderful teachers later on in life.
Unfortunately this is how life is. How about kids who have been abused by parents and teachers. How difficult it must be for them. But as they grow older they hopefully understand that these people are mentally ill and are very wrong.
We must show our kids our love and support especially when experiencing such terrible things. And we must daven and say Tehillim for our children to have good role models and be surrounded with good people.
I am wondering if your older son who is off the derech had an experience that made him so angry at charaidi people. There is so much anger there.
You must be patient, eventually he will grow up and mature. They don’t stay that way forever. He is just very into himself right now.
Have you ever considered your son sleeping in his own room? I don’t know if that’s possible in your house, but maybe that is why he avoids sleeping there? Just an idea. Because he seems to be there during the day when his brothers are out of the house.
Mazal tov on your upcoming simcha. hope it will go smoothly. As far as sending your son to a dormitory style yeshiva, it may be a very good thing for him. hatzlocha rabba.
I guess you feel that since you dropped everything to wine and dine your son and buy him clothes you feel hurt that he can’t even let you know where he is when he is not home.
Your son is at that very selfish rebellious age. But he does need you and deep down I think he feels badly that he is hurting you. You need to be very patient, with time they do mature and grow up! Do NOT allow him to ruin your upcoming simcha!
We continue to daven that things will improve very soon.
my kid would have no problem explaining. I think many OTD kids have much to say on the matter.
because of the power situation I made the choulent on the stove instead of my crock pot.
We asked our Rov and he said it is muttar to have a dog but it’s just not “done”.
Hi Write or Wrong, I still am following this thread although I don’t always have what to contribute. I hope and pray that things will get better ASAP and that his new yeshiva will work out.
The best thing that everyone can do for write or wrong is to daven. And give support. Advice is tricky to give because we don’t know you personally and we are not in Israel, although I thought some posters did give wonderful advice.
I hope they don’t close this thread it is chizzuk for mothers of OTD children.
Hang in there Write or Wrong.
Put a lock on the fridge and cabinet doors. And rid the house of nosh and things that tempt you. I know, easier said than done.
How is it going, Write Or Wrong?
actually I heard a tape in which Rabbi Miller mentioned dog behavior, he was a gadol and spoke very matter of factly, I loved it.
oomis, but how do you find out the details of the divorce, each side has a different story, the guy thinks he is right and the girl thinks she is right! What questions can someone ask to find out the truth?
“What’s really disturbing is that everyone isn’t living in E”Y already.”
Yes, we need moshiach to come already. But we are discussing seminary in Israel, not living in Israel.
Not everyone can afford to go to seminary in Israel and there are plenty of people that send their daughters to local seminaries.
So you think that your son’s being off the derech is all your fault? Join the club. We all feel that way. But eventually I came to the realization that everything is in Hashem’s hand, for some reason this is the way He created my child. I have to constantly work on my bitachon.
I spent a couple of years feeling guilty and hashing over everything and how I reacted and the mistakes I made. It only made me feel like a failure and enormous guilt. But then I stopped and started looking at all the good I did. I was very devoted to this particular child and did so much and money and time was of no object when it came to this kids health and well being. My husband is an extremely kind and devoted father, my kids adore him.
What I’m saying is that not everything is in our control, Hashem is the only one who is, and we have to daven for His rachamim that everything will turn out for the good.
I hope this helps you.
By the way, I love Aries comments. excellent. Good Shabbos and hang in there.
You don’t have to wait. You win by telling YOURSELF that you are a fantastic mother. That is why I keep telling you to nourish YOURSELF, by going to a shiur for chizzuk, doing a hobby, going out with your husband, etc. whatever you need. Don’t wait for your son’s approval. He will love and approve of you eventually but you first have to love and approve of YOURSELF. Don’t let him control your emotions.
You are his MOTHER. not his friend. always remember that.
Sounds like he is very manipulative. In order to get what he wants he threw your note in your face, figuratively. At this age they ALL think that their parents are horrible.
Also, now that the yomim tovim are over, try to go to a shiur that will give you chizuk. I just came home from a ladies shiur and it was amazing and I was thinking how I could have really used this shiur when I was going through what you are going through.