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The post goes to “Awaiting moderation” as soon as I submit it, so how can I edit it?
Do you mean once it’s posted? I haven’t seen an edit button – can it be edited w/o an edit button?
And how would I know when it’s posted so that I would know that I could edit it?
“But you guys are completely different.”
Next time, try to find someone like Meno.
Also see MTAB’s post – I just noticed it.
Ubiquitin – I don’t think it’s comparable. Kitniyus is a specific minhag which applies to the entire Ashkenaz world and which became halacha for the entire Ashkenazi world. Everyone, even the Sephardi poskim, agree that the Ashkenazim have to follow the Rema.
Chassidism, on the other hand, was a (hashkafic) movement within the Ashkenzai world that broke off (to an extent) from main-stream Orthodoxy, and many people are anti-Chassidus even today. As part of their movement, they may have taken on different minhagim, so if someone wants to break off from that movement and return to mainstream Orthodoxy, I can see where it may not be a problem halachically (and does not begin to compare to an Ashkenazi Jew deciding to eat kitniyus on Pesach).
A better comparison might be the son of a Religious-Zionist deciding that he is not a Zionist anymore and therefore stops saying Hallel on Yom HaAtzmaut.
Raddichio
Apple strudelWhat edit button? It seems to have disappeared althogether!
Midreshet Rachayl is a good idea as well. I was also thinking of that. I haven’t been involved with the school in years so I can’t tell you who goes there now. I think they used to have girls from approximately 19 or 20 and up, but I don’t know how many, or if they do now.
I’m surprised they described themselves as modern orthodox. Were they talking about the students or the staff? I wouldn’t have called the school modern orthodox, but I guess that depends how you define your terms. The hashkafa of the school/staff is in-betweenish. Seriously Frum, but somewhat of a range of hashkafos.
It’s the same thing. If it shouldn’t be done, it’s not a Mitzvah. “The claim has been said to be incorrect” When, where, and by whom was it said to be incorrect??!!!
Copymachine – +1. Those posts should be deleted as they are pure loshon hora.
Aren’t you Jewish?
“My question was about making such a blanket statement. I believe it is not a general rule and each and every situation needs to be brought up as a shaila when it occurs. Stating it as a blanket statement can be wrongly misleading and I asked for sources that would confirm or refute that.”
It is a general rule that if helping someone else will seriously compromise someone’s well-being, they should not do it.
How and when to apply this depends on the specifics of the situation, and a sheilah should be asked in each case if possible and practical, and when it’s not possible or practical, the person has to use his judgment.
I would have made that last point clear, but I was afraid of using up my word- count 🙂 , so I am trying to keep my posts more concise. I had also thought that it was clear because I think it wasalready mentioned in previous posts that this depends on the specific situation.
But I apologize if it wasn’t clear, and I hope it is now!
I actually just had a discussion about this concept with someone one Shabbos, and she brought up the point that it might be different regarding mothers.
Basically, there are different factors that would have to be weighed in each situation. One of them would be how damaging to the person it would be. And another would be what their responsibility in the situation is. There is a big difference between someone who has a responsibility or an obligation to the other person (such as a parent), and someone who is going out of his way to help someone out whom he is not specifically responsible for.
For example, I was very annoyed when I had a landlord who was refusing to talk to me (because I’m a girl) when I had to tell him that I had no water or I had to pay him the rent, etc. I thought that was ridiculous! If you don’t want to talk to a girl, don’t rent your apartment to her, but if you do, you can’t then refuse to talk to her!!!
So I made him talk to me, but he then he would constantly tell me how uncomfortable he was talking to me (which I thought was very inappropriate!)
“Enter Lomdus Patrol in 5….4….3….2…1….”
“Yeah, that’s a misuse of the term. If he knows he’ll be nichshal, maybe he shouldn’t, but then he’s in a bad place.”
I was assuming that we were talking about a situation where he knows he’ll be nichshal. And yeah, I agree he’s in a bad place. But otherwise, there would be no question.
I realized afterward I posted that I should have been more clear and I would have logged back on and clarified, but I didn’t have access to a computer until now.
But then again, I do try not to be judgmental about these things. I have friends whose husbands have hakpados that seem unnecessary and annoying to me, but I realized I can’t judge because I’ve never been a guy.
“It is not a mitzvah if it comprises someone’s emotional and physical safety.”
“I am not sure that is backed by halacha…..anyone?”
Of course it is. חייך קןדמים You are never (or at least rarely) supposed to do something that compromises your safety. That is something that I have asked sheilas about numerous times.
A therapist I know told me that she asks all her sheilas regarding her patients to a certain Rav who is known to be very machmir in general, and she is always surprised about his answers (he is usually very meikel in his answers to her). When she expressed surprise, he said that emotional health is very important.
My question was about making such a blanket statement. I believe it is not a general rule and each and every situation needs to be brought up as a shaila when it occurs. Stating it as a blanket statement can be wrongly misleading and I asked for sources that would confirm or refute that.
This is so weird – it will take me time to get used to this system – it is so strange to see all these blank comments awaiting moderation. I think I actually like it, but it will take getting used to!
“Suppose you don’t have tefillin and only your neighbor’s wife is home? You have to knock on the door, ask for the tefillin, and put them on. And deal with your nisyonos. You can’t not do mitzvos because you have nisyonos.”
If he really feels that it would be a problem for him, it is assur for him to knock on the door, and a bigger Mitzvah to skip putting on Tefillin. In this case, putting on Tefillin would be a “Mitzvah haba al yidei aveira”.
Syag – thank you for sharing your story. I found that very enlightening. I would never have thought twice about such a thing, but it shows that you really do have to be careful.
(Which, btw, is why I said that I might be wrong and didn’t think that LB should necessarily follow my example).
This also could be about LB and not about the guy. Remember she is baalas teshuva and maybe she is trying not to talk to guys and maybe she feels she needs the extra gedarim. These are the kinds of things people have to figure out for themselves.
It’s not about avoiding Mitzvos. Tznius is also a Mitzvah. There are ofen contradictions between different Mitzvos or middos and in each situation a person has to figure out the right thing to do.
Tznius and Chesed often contradict each other since they are opposites in some ways. In some situations a person has to go with chesed and in some situations it would be assur to do chesed at the expense of tznius.
If a guy sits next to me on a bus, it is a lack of chesed to stand up and it risks embarrassing him, but most of the time it is the right thing to do (and I know that for a fact from experience). On the other hand, it has happened at least once that I didn’t get up and I think it was the right thing to do in that particular situation.
First of all, she’s not a he so he can’t be catholic, although she can be catholic but not Catholic.
Are you facing the entrance?
What in the world does it mean to subscribe to a thread?
PBA – I meant that maybe I’m wrong for not feeling uncomfortable knocking on his door, which is why I didn’t tell LB to follow my example. Maybe my tznius sensitivities aren’t what they should be.
“So I guess the question is, are we talking about the creepy guy or the frum guy.”
This is the type of thing that a girl might not be able to put into those type of terms. She might feel uncomfortable in a certain situation but not willing to label the guy as creepy even to herself (even if he is). That is why she has to rely on her instincts.
Also, the guy doesn’t have to be creepy in order for it to be a problem. She is a single girl living next to a single guy. That situation is awkward and very b’dieved to begin with and necessitates extra gedarim.
It once happened to me that a single guy moved across the (very narrow) hallway from me. I was very uncomfortable even though I had no reason to think he was creepy. When I heard he was moving in, I decided that I wasn’t going to talk to him. When he moved in, I was hanging laundry outside and he started talking to me as he passed by. I tried not to be too friendly (while still being polite) so he would get the point.
I just skimmed through the responses on this thread. I think DY chopped the issue the best here:
“There is no clear rule for these things. It depends on who is person is. If you’re not comfortable, there’s probably a good reason for that. Even if you are, maybe you shouldn’t be.”
The issue,(as I understand it), isn’t about halacha. It’s about comfort levels. When it comes to tznius, a lot of things are not black and white issues but rather are about comfort levels. Girls need to trust their feelings when it comes to tznius and shouldn’t be made to feel bad when they are uncomfortable with a particular situation.
Personally, I would have knocked on the door, but I’m not LB. It’s also possible that I’m wrong.
What’s a keymaster?
And what’s the difference between the new CR and the old one? (just logged into it for the first time)
According to Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, women are supposed to tie their right shoes first since they don’t wear Tefillin.
“But you guys are completely different.”
That doesn’t sound good.
I hope this isn’t the guy with the tattoo who you were giving rides to who is not Frum enough for you.
It probably depends what you mean by credit card shtick. I would imagine there are some things that are yoshar and some that aren’t.
Ask a Rav, but make sure you ask a Rav who is known for his yashrus.
DY – who’s Yoisef HaTzadik? Joseph? Where does it say he’s a member?
RY – what’s silly?
When did the CR come back on? Was it while it was Shabbos in EY and that’s why I missed it? Was that done on purpose????
I think the way the timing works is that for example it shows up as 1 hour until it’s 2 hours (meaning if it was 1 hour and 59 minutes and 59 seconds ago, it would say 1 hour).
By that logic, it makes sense for it to show up as 0 seconds until it reaches 1 second. Nowadays since the posts are going up automatically, that can happen in theory.
Thanks LB for the opportunity to post my favorite food! And also thanks for educating me on the correct spelling of schnitzel!
schnitzel
chocolate
“You really are a gentleman.”
Agreed!
Joseph, she’s mentioned before that she is in the process of becoming bt. Even though she sounds like she is already quite Frum.
in any case, I don’t think it’s assur to make a joke about it.
The Solar year was created by Hashem. On the other hand, the idea of referring to March as the third month of the year can be problematic according to a Ramban in Parshas Bo which I learned many moons ago.
I don’t think there is any signifigance to the way the months are split up, so the fact that it’s the 14th day of the month is meaningless as far as I know (although not problematic the way the third month is). But I could be wrong.
Just as assur as it was before. Those facts don’t make it mutar.
btw, even though you may feel worse in the short run, and maybe even much worse, I think that eventually you will be much happier. Sometimes the very things that are very hard at the moment (and maybe even for several moments) ultimately make us much happier.
Also, I do think that if not talking to boys makes you so unhappy, you should try to figure out why you feel this way and what you can do to stop feeling this way. Wanting to talk to boys is natural, but you should not feel depressed when you don’t.
LB – I’m impressed. I can’t even pronounce most of those – LF must be at one of them.
nothing now. But my grandparents a”h used to live there before they moved upstairs.
“Does that mean that I am LU too?”
Cool! That would explain the posters who don’t like it when we talk to ourselves (I mean each other :))
how long have the keys been in the door now? Are they still there?
Can you ask someone else in the building to tell him?
rebshidduch – sorry but your question was not phrased accurately so I don’t understand it. Can you try again?
Is this what you meant: “Is it okay halachically for me to hang out with boys because it will help me to not feel bad as well as to not feel embarrased about the fact that I am single?”
There’s also LaGuardia. Is that in Florida? I don’t think I’ve ever travelled anywhere by plane besides EY, NY, and Florida. I have had some airport stopovers – Prague, England, Moscow, and Poland (but I don’t remember the airports’ names since I didn’t leave the airport).
I’ve been living in EY since I’m 17. Why would I need to go anywhere besides the US?
Some people are makpid on Chalav Yisrael themselves but don’t impose it on their children since they consider it a chumra and one is not supposed to be machmir on others.
oh, :).
btw, the Rabbanim mentioned are not MO either (at least some of them aren’t to the best of my knowledge). They are Rabbanim (perhaps Gedolim) for the Modern Orthodox.
Guess it’s not Kennedy or Newark or Ben Gurion…I don’t think I know of any others so I can’t help you.
btw, you don’t have to know how to pronounce it in order to write it.
Mazel Tov! That is great news!
My friends and I approached a well-known Gadol for a bracha when we were at a Shabbaton that included a singles’ component. He asked us why we weren’t at the singles’ melave malka taking place right then.
He told us that he was at a chasuna and he had 20 girls lining up one side of the mechitza for brachos and 20 boys lining up on the other for brachos. He said, “Why are you talking to me? You should be talking to each other.”
I also know of at least one Gadol who gave us his haskama to a singles’ Shabbaton.
My assumption (although I could be wrong) was that they were referring to singles over a certain age. In the first example, I think we were all in our 30’s at the time (there was one girl whose age I’m not sure of, but if she wasn’t in her 30’s, I think she was close).
For one thing, a 20 year old hasn’t really given the standard shidduch system a shot, whereas the girl in her 30’s obviously has and may need something different. For another, a girl in her 30’s is (hopefully) on a completely different maturity level, and as I wrote before, there is a big difference (most of the time) between a 20 year old talking to a boy and a 30 year old talking to a boy.
Actually, most of my political knowledge comes from the CR. Good thing it’s not my job to write political columns.
I don’t see a contradiction; would you like to point out where you see one?