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“How is it racist to call a girl a woman or a boy a man? Has this ever been used in a racist context?”
Why is the other way racist?
“CTL, can a woman your age call or refer to 30 and 40 year old males as “boys”?”
I do, and I’m not even his age.
Someone asked an Israeli what he would do if he won the lottery. He said, “I would use some of it to pay off my debts.”
“And the rest?”
“The rest (of my debts) will have to wait”.
JA – + 1 Quintillion! I am very glad I am no longer in high school, and I wish I had never had to go in the first place.
My high school class had a reunion for a significant # of years since graduation. They were supposed to have another one the next time there was a significant number, but they didn’t in the end. I asked someone what happened, and she said that they realized that it was too difficult for a lot of the girls to have to relive their high school experiences.
High school is torture. These are the worst years of your life. Life gets better after this – that’s a promise. Right now, you just have to get through it. You don’t have to feel like it’s easy or wonderful – it’s not.
Just keep reminding yourself that you are the biggest hero for getting up and going to school each day. You are accomplishing something much harder than what almost anyone in the world does each day.
A friend of mine told my daughter’s teenager that she thinks that high-school kids are the biggest hero. They have a much harder task than anyone else! No one in their right minds would willingly choose to put themselves in such a situation.
When you are an adult, you can choose the field you want to go into and you can choose your job. When you are a teenager you have no choice and you get stuck with a job that no one else would choose.
I am totally in awe of you that you keep pushing forward and going to school no matter how hard it is for you!!! You are a true hero!!! Don’t listen to the posters here who are knocking you – you are faced with a challenge that is probably much greater than anything they are faced with, and you are doing a great job!
Kol hakavod!!!!!!
Huju – we are talking about someone who might not be able to get a high school diploma, so there is no reason to make her feel bad about it (if that’s the case). I also don’t think there is any connection between stupidity and getting/not getting a high school diploma.
oh well, I started to get excited that I finally have someone to play chess with..
I guess so, but this is an example of a machlokes that only has one legitimate answer 🙂
“Johnny, what will you do when your older and in the real world? You wont always get what you want.”
She’s in the real world right now, and she’s not getting what she wants at all.
Im Yirtzeh Hashem, as you get older, JA, you WILL have more opportunities to get what you want AND need.
It’s an unfortunate reality of life that teenagers are pretty stuck and don’t have too many options, but the older you get, the more opportunities you will have, b’ezras Hashem. Just try to make it through the high school years. Life does get better.
“I did ask; hopefully the answer will come soon.”
Shkoyach!! I’m very impressed. Not everyone would have asked.
“Where in the Shulchan Aruch does it say that it is forbidden for a Jew to hear apikorsus?”
I’ll leave that to the resident Talmid Chacham/googler/source provider to answer.
LU: “Single boys are called to the Torah differently than married men?”
Joseph:”Yes.”
That’s really interesting, because when I used to work in a school for intellectual baalei teshuva (who were often from liberal left-wing backgrounds), the students sometimes thought it was chauvinistic that adult females were called girls. We had to explain to them that it had nothing to do with chauvinism since adult males are called boys.
The thing is that by boys, you can also use the word “guys” which has no female equivalent.
So it’s interesting to know that with boys/men, people also make clear differentiations between marrieds and singles. AND these are halachic differences, so they are much stronger and more meaningful.
Which proves that it has nothing to do with chauvinism.
It’s racist to call a girl a woman and a boy a man.
“Go ask a competent posek.”
Ditto. And make sure to be prepared beforehand with a clear explanation regarding why you think you need to take this class and what your options are/aren’t.
Maybe also try to find other Frum people who took the same major in the same college and try to find out what they did.
And choose the competent Poseik wisely. On the one hand make sure that he really is competent – don’t just go to some liberal Rabbi who will give you the answer you want. At the same time, it might make sense to go to someone who is at least somewhat familiar with the college world and would be able to give you advice that is both halachic and practical.
Uh…most people have jobs, but job ? parnassah.
Parnassah comes from Hashem period. You have to do hishtadlus, but it’s not the hishtadlus that brings the parnassah.
And the point of saying Parshas haMon is not to be a magic trick or something. The point is to increase our bitachon and internalize the concept that parnassah comes from Hashem.
Being aware that parnassah comes from Hashem is what brings parnassah.
And that is the point of saying Parshas HaMon. Really, we are supposed to say it every day, but if that’s too hard, at least it should be said once a year.
“And sorry for being such a nag. Hope you’re not playing me (and all of us) though… I’m not good at chess.”
What? Where did chess come into this?
“Bochor would be more appropriate. That’s how they’re called to the Torah.”
Single boys are called to the Torah differently than married men?
I like being called a girl. I find “woman” to be offensive.
“Lilmod, how can you “officially” be a NJ resident if you’ve lived overseas for years?”
I have a few alter-egos, as you know…..
I would imagine it wouldn’t look so good on a shidduch resume….
It probably would neither help nor hinder for the types of jobs I would be looking for. Actually, it’s more likely to hinder than to help. But it’s good to know about it – you never know when it might come in handy.
Thanks for the info, CTLawyer.
Thanks for the reminder! I remembered a few weeks ago, but then I forgot that it’s this week.
Thanks so much! Tizke L’Mitzvos!
okay, I just checked – you actually joined 3 whole days after me
LB – newer than me? I think we joined around the same time. But it’s definitely not Joseph – the moderators delete his posts sometimes.
I don’t think LF has ever had a post deleted or edited that I know of.
Yeshivish people usually say “ladies” for married females, and “girls” for unmarried females regardless of age.
MO usually say “women” for married females and for older single females, and “girls” for younger single females.
Not Frum people say “women” for any married and single females over a certain age (I’m not sure what that age is, but definitely once someone is post-high school they would be referred to as a woman in the secular world).
Basically, not-Frum people don’t differentiate based on marital status, Yeshivish only differentiate based on marital status, and MO only differentiate up to a certain age. (not sure what that age is – it probably depends on whether they are MO Machmir or MO liberal or MO middle of the road).
I’m trying to figure out if it’s something I would want to do. What would be the purpose of my being part of it?
“It is like the National Honor Society or Phi Beta Kappa. It recognizes ability and achievement.”
And what is the purpose of that?
“The local chapter in New Haven meets occasionally and sponsors speakers on academic subjects”
I have no interest in that.
“and promotes its members to volunteer as tutors for public school students.”
ditto.
Could I even be a part of it if I live in Israel? (officially, I’m a NJ resident).
If I wanted to be a member, how would I go about it? Can I use my SAT’s scores from 1,000 years ago?
CTLawyer- what does that have to do with putting “ladies” before “gentlemen”?
okay, but that could be true of anyone. Maybe your wife posts too.
But his wife doesn’t post – only he does. And he could have started after they were married.
lol. I was assuming your name was Yirmi or Yaakov.
Why would anyone thinks that Joseph owns the place? Isn’t it obvious that It’s Little Froggie who does?
Excellence – we’re not comparing ourselves to Goyim.
Actually Ladies and Gentlemen is backwards (see all the “Ladies First” threads)
“I would say over 80 percent of world wide judaica stores sell them. Abominable.”
What?!!! Where do you live? I’ve never seen such a thing. Of course, I don’t usually frequent the Tallis section of the Sefarim store, so I wouldn’t notice anyhow. But I find it hard to imagine that any of the Sefarim stores I go to sell such a thing.
That is so sad! But then again, any store that sells such a thing is probably not a store you would want to go to anyhow. Who knows what else they have!
winter
tub’shvat
freezer opens
shidduchim
chasuna
appears
placate
You know, I was thinking, it would be really funny if I get engaged to someone (IYH) and find out that he’s in the CR. I wonder if that has ever happened to any of the CR posters?
DY – I only saw your post after I started my thread. I guess great minds think alike.
Cool!
My name was in the Parsha two weeks before – or at least a word with the same shoresh as my middle name – I don’t know if that counts.
And my niece’s “name” is in this week’s parsha, but according to Rav Chaim Kanievsky Shlita, it’s not a name anyhow, so maybe it doesn’t count.
And neither of us has a birthday any time soon.
“You are My Sunshine is similar to This Land”
wow – I’m so tone deaf, I never noticed. To me, all songs sound the same. Especially if I’m the one singing.
I had a friend over once who kept insisting that I sing zmiros with her. I kept trying to explain that I don’t know how to sing. She was like, “if you can walk, you can dance; if you can talk, you can sing.”
So I finally gave in and started singing. As soon as I opened my mouth to sing, she was like, “you’re right, forget it.”
CTLawyer -what is the point of being part of Mensa?
DY – what Simcha do you get a mazel tov for and how did Midwesterner know about it?
Anyhow, mazel tov!
Gut Voch to everyone in the Yeshiva World!
Joesph: you asked “Who ever asks for a potential shidduch’s mother’s high school diploma?!”.
Iacisrmma: “I know it will surprise you but their are people out there who ask these absurd questions.”
I didn’t get my high school diploma until 17 years after I finished high school. NO ONE ever asked me if I had a high school diploma. Not shadchanim, not employers, not the seminary/college I went to, not the heads of any seminary programs I taught in.
I failed dikduk and Safah the last semester of high school, and the makeup test was after the day I was making aliyah and my school wouldn’t let me take it earlier so I had no way to take it. (and yes, the irony of failing dikduk and safah right before I made aliyah did not escape me :))
So I always assumed that I didn’t have a high school diploma because of that. I wasn’t sure if you actually need dikduk and safah for a high school diploma, but meanwhile, I was in EY and had no way to find out, and I never needed it anyhow. No one ever asked me if I had one because they just assumed I did.
When I came back to the US 17 years later, I needed a high school diploma for id purposes (to transfer my old driver’s license), so I called my high school, and asked if they had it. They were like, “We don’t have copies of diplomas.” So I said, “not a copy. I never got the original.”
They thought I was nuts asking for a diploma from 17 years before, but they checked, and lo and behold, it was there!!!
Apparently, I had graduated after all and never knew it! Apparently, you don’t need dikduk and safah in order to graduate high school.
When my diploma arrived with my principal a”h’s signature on it, and my friend saw it, she was very confused. “Isn’t_______ dead?” So I said, “now she is, but she wasn’t when she signed this 17 years ago!”.
I also suggest that everyone who is writing JA off as a defiant teen reread JA’s op carefully. She writes that she is trying to decide if she should put in the effort to make up all her failed tests since she will not get her diploma anyhow.
I strongly recommend that everyone who posted here read Shimon Russell’s article in this past week’s Mishpacha.
“Jhonny………………You are sounding like a defiant teen. Nowhere in my post did I talk about someone not wanting YOU.”
She’s not a defiant teen. She’s going through a really rough time, if you’ve seen her previous threads. In terms of this specific issue, see my post above.
In general, she needs all our sensitivity right now, and for us to lay low on the criticism. She is going through a hard enough time as it is, and I don’t think we even know a tenth of it. It’s really rough being a teenager nowadays.
This last point is meant for everyone.
Thank you in advance for understanding.
DY – I think that her point is that she is unsure if she will be able to get her diploma no matter how hard she tries. And if it really is something that she can’t do then she should not feel bad if someone doesn’t want to marry her because she is not someone whom she’s not.
As a general rule, it is not a good idea to make life decisions based on shidduchim. If something is right for you, then the guy you are meant to marry will want someone who did/didn’t do that thing.
JA’s decision must be based on what’s best for her period!!! I also don’t think she should even be worrying TOO much about future ramifications in terms of seminaries,colleges, and jobs. That is too much pressure right now.
JA is faced with a tremendous challenge right now – making up all of those midterms is going to take a lot. The first question is if it’s something she can do or not. Since she failed them the first time, why would she necessarily pass them the second time? Unless she failed because she didn’t put enough effort into it and she can put in that effort now. But if that’s not the case and she is just going to fail the second time anyhow, why does she need the pressure of feeling like she has to something that she can’t do anyhow, and that her whole life is ruined?
I think that getting a GED (as Akuperma and RebShidduch suggested) may be a very good idea if getting a high school diploma is really not a realistic option for you, JA.
But I don’t think you should discard the idea of getting a regular high school diploma too fast. If it’s something that really is a possibility, something that will take effort but something that is possible, then it’s a good idea for one reason only – you will feel really good about your accomplishment, and the commitment and effort and unwillingness to give up will serve you in good stead in the future and make it easier for you to stick to things in the future, whatever your future may hold, even if it’s being a Yiddishe Mama who spends all her time cooking and baking.
The first thing you need to figure out is if and how you can go about accomplishing this. I think you need to do the following:
1. See if you can figure out why you failed these tests in the first place
2. Figure out what can be done differently this time that would enable you to pass (this could involve your doing something different or a change or modification in the test itself).
3. Ask your social worker what she thinks you should do.
4. Speak to your principal or mechaneches. Tell her exactly what tests you failed and why. Tell her that you really want to get a high school diploma and ask her how she thinks you should go about it. Ask her if there is anything she can do to help you to pass.
5. If after discussing it with your social worker and pricipal/mechaneches, and thinking it through carefully, you decide it’s not realistic, go for the GED.
“Had you seen my last post before now?”
no, sorry, I just saw it now. Probably wasn’t posted yet when I wrote my last post. I was responding to LB.
okay, now I understand, thanks.
I thought it meant that someone thought they were doing something kind but because they didn’t really put enough thought into it, it wasn’t really so kind.
Like maybe leaving coffee outside the door instead of inviting the meshulach or worker or whoever it is into the house to eat like a mentch at the table. (although maybe they were concerned about a yichud or safety issue).
Anyhow, now I understand, thank you.
I think the title should be changed. Its meaning could be misunderstood, chas v’chalila….
And apparently it is possible to have titles changed, albeit with the haskama and assistance of the moderators.
The meaning is clear enough, and is explicit in the first post. -100
LF – I think it would be best if you stuck to DY’s idea below. That is always the safest way to go (and to be quite honest, I’m a little nervous about the type of bracha you’d give me based on your last post 🙂 )
can’t go wrong with this one:
“One, nothing happens without permission and approval from Heaven.”
True. The holocaust also only happened because Hashem wanted it to. It doesn’t mean we should be happen about it.
In this case, all the more so, since we are talking about aveiros. We can’t be happy about our aveiros even if Hashem enables us to do them.
LB – what do you mean? They are not allowed to be there in the first place!
Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t kill an ant or mosquito or spider or cockroach or snake or skorpion if you found one in your house!
You are definitely allowed to do so according to halacha!