Ofcourse

willi “the lower divorce rate (which has btw risen tremendously in recent years) has more to do with the fear of the resulting stigma than with being happily married”

You think the rate of unhappiness and issues is high or higher in the Chassidish community? Be assured that is not the case at all. I’ve heard from a Rov who involves himself in Shalom Bayis issues in a Litvish community, that almost every marriage has its very serious issues. I dont think we can measure whether there are either more or less in the Chassidish community to the “T”. As far as the stigma, there is a stigma regarding divorce for example -its effect on children’s lives, their self esteem and Shidduchim in Litvish communities, just the same. Gimme a break.

Brooklyn Yenta, “when they take the money, but don’t follow through on the service, they are stealing and will have to give a din vecheshbon”.

Does this apply when a Shadchan calls to convince and cajole multiple possibilities who all reject the idea?

pba, this is an every day scenario, where Matchmakers on a website, who despite not knowing the singles, match profiles, with great attention to details therof, and spend hours doing this. You have to commit to a minimum of hours online, to be a Shadchan on the websites Im familiar with. They often compare notes with other Matchmakers about what the singles want and need, past experiences, aside from the hours spent online making matches. While some Matchmakers put in way less hours and some put in more, only those who do this work understand what this work entails.

Among which other professionals/laborers are there individuals who are willing to work, and give of their time and effort for free? Let’s start suggesting that when someone badly needs anyones services, people should offer their services with a full heart for zero.

If this is anyone’s fault, it’s the difficulty that Shadchanim face when dealing with many singles, especially guys (sorry guys), but some girls as well, who feel they have to date upwards of 100 individuals, similar to those who have to taste 100 flavors of ice cream, before they find the “right” one. It has never been proven that those who dated more/longer have happier marriages.

AC, “If there was a receipt, the answer should have been an undisputed, qualified, 3000 dollars”.

What did she say- that the wig in question costed $500 with extras, bringing the total to $3,000?

Im just guessing, perhaps she felt a little uncomfortable admitting to the public that she’s selling $3,000 wigs (thinking IRS). Let only those who have not commited the tiniest of sins in that area, judge….

I dont believe for one minute that Georgie would lower herself to lie for ANY customer, best or not best. The employees must/would have overheard many conversations during the time that Heidi discovered that her wig was irrepairably damaged. Her employees know the truth, she could be found out easily! Many others know the inside story, from close-up, as well. What would Georgie gain by defending Heidi (and not only defending her, but defending her so publicly)? I think for anyone of Georgie’s public persona to feel there’$ value in lieing in public, theyd have to be getting way more than the amount in question, $3,000. Nonsense!

pba, you’re right, anyone who marries someone for the benefit of the klal is an idiot!!! Ive described clear advantages to the couple and longevity of the marriage, that happen to also benefit the Klal.

Hands down, Rabbi Jonathan Rietti. I cant believe he hasnt been mentioned. He handles serious matter brilliantly, sensitively and with humor!

Why be negative? Let’s focus on what CAN be done with some determination. The CR is a good place to start, we all feel for the older singles.

AZ, imho, that was brilliant!!!

Also, I think every Shul should have an assigned Shidduch person, either male or female, who is voted in by the entire Shul, who doesnt let up until every single is married. Good fantasy, right?

AZ: (Im using caps to distinguish my answer from your questions/statements)

1. how would you or the other singles know who shadchanim have set up.(VERY EASILY WHEN SHIDDUCHIM MATERIALIZE OR THE SHADCHANIM OR SINGLES SPEAK OF IT FIRST-HAND)

2. of course (no pun intended) the big names get attention…. but to brush with the broad strokes you are using is simply incorrect and unfair.(THATS YOUR OPINION. TO BE HONEST, I HAVE TO SAY THAT I LIKE WORKING WITH WELL KNOWN FOLK TOO, BUT I THINK FOR EVERYONE)

3. try getting a list from the shadchanim “on the right” of the shidduchimn they have made in the last 2 years. I think you’ll be quite fascinated. (IF I COULD OFFER NAMES HERE ID PROVE MY POINT. WHILE THANK G-D ONLY ONE SHADCHAN REPEATEDLY PUTS FIRST TIME CALLERS ON HOLD AND NEVER RETURNS, THE CONDESCENDING TONES ARE SHARED BY MANY AFTER ASKING THE SUMMER HOME QUESTIONS, ETC.)

4. here’s a little secret. shadachanim focuse on the girls whom they can get dates for, afterall they are in the business of making making shidducim. if a girl and her family are easy to deal with they will look out for her regardless of the family standing. (THERE I AGREE WITH YOU SOMEWHAT, I TOO HATE COMPLAINERS AND WHINERS,OR PEOPLE WHO WANT THE SHADCHAN TO BE THERAPIST, BUT YOU NEVER GET TO COMPLAIN OR WHINE OR LET IT ALL HANG OUT IF YOU QUICKLY GET PUT ON HOLD OR HUNG UP ON)

5. if you’ve set up hundreds of couples in the last few years, KOL HAKAVOOD. you would certainly know the work that goes in to getting it there. (i find it hard to beleive that you’ve set up hundreds of dates and have made one shidduch. something doesn’t sound right.) (SHOW ME WHERE I SAID I ONLY MADE ONE SHIDDUCH??????? YOU MIGHT HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD WHERE I SAID I MADE MY F I R S T SHIDDUCH AS A NEWLYWED)

AZ, I still admire you, though, bec of your efforts with the age issue.

BPT, I appreciate your ideas, but any girl showing up alone at a Shul where she has no friends or relatives, is in my eyes, a little strange. Not wanting to paint all of them with a broad stroke, but the girls I personally know who do that, come from very problematic homes.

I’d never mention a name, but I cant help but wonder the numbers of how many others have fallen victim to the seemingly sweet “Can I put you on hold, please” and never gets back on the line (to first time callers) – Shadchan. That is such a turn-off to parents and singles. I’ve heard that Shadchan does it again and again to different first time callers, to abruptly cut short the conversation, after summing up the caller. This wastes peoples’ time and saps their confidence and energy.

BPT, B”H! May you be zoche to implement it and have the Zchus to bring forth many Batei Neemanim b’Yisroel!

I made my first Shidduch as a newlywed, many years ago, with singles, ten years older than myself, who almost gave up on getting married. There is almost no greater pleasure.

WIY, to begin with, despite the fact that all the Heimishe newspapers have covered the subject of Shidduchim ad nauseum, none have offered a Shadchan list with phone numbers.

I think the primary problem is that (with few exceptions) Reb “John Doe” doesnt have any Shadchanim to call who will return his call. Networking at the supermarket and talking to everyone about your child doesnt bring enough results. The Klal sorely needs regularly available idealistic Shadchanim, who are eager and happy to work for the whole Klal, whose numbers they can easily find.

The Klal is over-endowed with volunteers willing to walk the corridors of hospitals many hours of the day, to help strangers (when they’re already sick), but a lack of volunteer Shadchanim to help prevent people from getting sick. Just a thought. Perhaps Gedolim have to be encouraged to attend to this issue.

so right, re: “Modern Yeshivish is a step down from Yeshivish (but a step up from Modern Orthodox.)” I beg to differ!

As a Matchmaker on a Shidduch website employing that terminology, I can tell you the clear differentiation.

Yeshivish: Those who went to Yeshivos for example Torah Temimah, Lakewood, and for girls Bais Yaakov, and similar, who dont want TV or Movies, and other items of secular origin/outside influence.

Modern Yeshivish: Those who went to Yeshivos for example Torah Temimah, Lakewood, and for girls Bais Yaakov, who do want TV or Movies, and other items of secular origin.

Modern Orthodox (Machmir, Middle of the Road, Liberal…): Those who went to YU/Sterns type schools, some of whom want no TV or movies (Machmir), etc and some of whom do. MO Liberal, a very small percentage of YU/Sterns type, is to the left of the MO spectrum, allowing pants for women, etc.

There are many YU/Sterns people who do NOT want TV and Movies, etc (even if they dont wear the Black Hats) and the percentages are increasing about as much as Mod Yeshivish people (most often with Black Hats) who DO want some form of videos, etc.

Hope that helps.

rebbitzen, people say with the baby boomers in middle age now, the best careers are health related. Why not ask around what jobs in health care with potential you can get with the least additional education?

I strongly suspect that when your cooked loaves looked shriveled, they have been in the grocer’s freezer longer than the others. They’ve possibly suffered some sort of freezer burn.

When I can read the papers without someone recognizably Jewish accused of serious crime.

*The innocent smile on Moshe Cohen’s face and his speech,….

Please allow me to explain that Moshe Cohen, amush, is the child, who lost his mother a month ago, and stirringly addressed the crowd at the Shluchim convention in Brooklyn this Sunday night.

Moq, you cant be responding to my posts. I havent said that there are no valid reasons for throwing kids out of schools, Im saying that therapy doesnt yield anything but minimal results, so a school having money or lack thereof for therapists has little bearing on a kids behavior and whether he/she stays or goes.