oomis

Corn being able to be ground into flour, could mistakenly be mixed in with wheat, and mamesh made into chametz, so it was added to the forbidden list. At one time, so were POTATOES, because of the potato starch looking almost exactly like flour. But it did not last long, because it was SUCH a staple item in such abundant and cheap supply, that the people would have rebelled had it been assered. They would have had nothing to eat on Pesach. At least, this is what I was told.

SinglePicky – these are my own thoughts based on nothing more than my personal feelings on the subject. I think that by the time a girl is 30+ and not married, she has to give serious consideration to being open to the idea of a shidduch that might be with a formerly married man (whether widowed or divorced). Men who are of the appropriate age to marry a girl her age, but who were never married, tend to raise a red flag with me, because I cannot imagine that guys who are good guys would not be snatched up. No matter what anyone says, it is harder for girls to get married than boys, because ultimately, the girl has to wait to be asked by the boy. In the case of a 30 year old, I believe it is easier if there are no children coming with the marriage (especially if divorced), because that creates a tie to the former spouse or her family forever, and if widowed, it might be too much for a young woman to take on a ready-made family at age 30. If the girl is 35 or more, it would be more worrisome if the guy did NOT have at least one child.

I would not want to see a 32 year old involved with someone more than five or six years her senior, unless the fellow is really youthful and takes care of himself. But you know what – MY opinions do not matter, nor do anyone else’s. It is what the person in question’s comfort level is, that determines how she would feel about dating a formerly married man, with or without children, and whatever age. I think girls need to be realistic, and understand that as they age the pool of single, normal, compatible guys gets shallower by the year.

Best Ima, believe me, I was not hurt. I had many diverse and disparate reactions to that extremely inappropriate comment, but I considered the source, the woman’s advanced age, and her inability to censor herself (possibly the onset of dementia), and I wasn’t angry at all. I was flabbergasted, hysterically laughing, dumbfounded, and in disbelief that someone actually said something negative about my appearance while I was sitting shiva. But it was more the shock of hearing the second half of her sentence, because I was set up for it to be a great compliment, and then was sandbagged!

That’s ok, I cannot begin to tell you what happened at the shiva we sat for my mother O”H, when another “helpful” friend of the family informed me that my sister had been the ugliest baby she had ever seen and she did not know how to be able to genuinely wish my parents mazel tov at that time, seeing as her OWN baby was so gorgeous (and brilliant, and perfect, blah, blah, blah). You HAVE to keep a sense of humor about these things. In the great scheme of things, my sister and I are none the worse for wear, and it only reinforced for us the proper way to be menacheim aveilim. And btw, my sister was a GORGEOUS baby. I SAW her pictures, and my mom always told us stories of how the nurses in the baby nursery couldn’t stop holding her and putting bows in her hair. I was a preemie and not so pretty at birth until I gained some weight (but the woman was adamant that she was not referring to ME, but to my sister).

What you (and R’Krohn) say is true, but it is not always possible to let it just fly over our heads. Certain hurtful comments that are made when one is in personal distress (during a shiva, for example) cannot simply be glossed over. Others can, however. I think I may have mentioned once on this forum that many years ago when I was sitting shiva for my father O”H, an acquaintance of the family came in and went on and on how touched she was by all that she heard us saying about my dad, and then remarked that after hearing me speak, she realized I have so much in common with her daughter. Knowing that her daughter is an extremely articulate, brilliant, and lovely young woman I was momentarily awash in the compliment – UNTIL – she completed the sentence and said, “yes,you and my daughter both have a great deal in common. After my daughter got married, she also got heavy.” My sister’s and my jaws dropped, and then after she left the house we started to laugh non-stop, and I simply said, “Neechamtani, Mrs. So-And-So, neechamtani.” Now THAT was a shiva visit from shiva land!

I think I remember getting a flower called by that name in a bouquet. I’ll stick to the farfel.

I agree with you that people are not always openminded. But openmindedness goes both ways – to include being openminded about the fact that some people will simply NOT be as openminded as you feel they ought to be, and they should not be judged negatively for that. Some non-negotiables are very deeply ingrained.

The other examples you cited, are of course extreme ones, and anyone who nixes a shidduch because of the way the father of the boy or girl goes to work, is an absolute fool. Stacked dishes or brought individually – THIS is what people care about? If they really do, then their kids are gonna wait on the shelf a LONG long time. And if people truly feel this way, then it is up to their rabbonim to set them straight about what is really important. I wouldn’t want my daughters or son to have such a shver and shviger who set store by such nonsense. I would question what type of children they raised with such shallowness.

Thanks, Mod 80, for your extensive research!

BTW, what is amaranth? I never heard of it.

Truthsharer, you are right about the obvious. And I also have heard that many rabbanim are not keen(wah!!!!) on quinoa 🙁 for Pesach because it resembles chometzdig or kitniyos grains. I have never had it for Pesach myself, but if my Vaad approves its use and the local stores under the Vaad sell it (prepared), I would consider getting it, because it IS nice to have an alternative to farfel, and it IS very healthful.

Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum (there IS one in NY, isn’t there?)

You have to be careful with quinoa, as some brands are NOT acceptable for Pesach. I think that Trader Joe’s sells one that is (American Harvest?)and the reason for the problem (so I was told) is that some quinoa is grown near grain fields, and there is a fear of cross pollination or something, so that mamesh a grain of wheat could get mixed in. Since chometz is not botul b’shishim or anything else, one needs to get quinoa that is only grown by itself, or with other kosher for Pesach vegetables.

Mod 80, My husband never used to go to sleep on Shabbos afternoon, either. He claimed it was the best time to watch his children, so I could finally get some sleep. Now THAT’S a great husband. (Now, after many years, our kids are grown, and he sleeps for a very short while, then goes to shul to a shiur). What a guy!

OY, I am SO sorry, Best Ima. It’s like telling someone who has a developmentally disabled child that they were “chosen” because they are so special. No one would ask to give birth to an unhealthy child, no one would ask for the “Zechus” of losing a child with a pure neshama. People say such things when they cannot think of things to say, and that is why when one goes to pay a shiva call, we are ot supposed to speak at all until the aveil says something first. And then, we should limit our comments to expressing our sadness at their pain and loss, and if possible, to say something uplifting from our memory banks about the niftar. Otherwise, it is best to keep one’s mouth firmly closed and possibly be thought a fool, rather than open it and remove all doubt.

Thank you all, now I am adding FISH to the list of foods that make me nauseous. 🙁

It’s interesting, but I have never ever heard of it, and I have many friends from chassidishe families. Is it a particular chassidic group?

“i would like to break some news to you that when a school says NO PHONES, they mean no cellphone USAGE in school, they are no saying that a child shouldn’t have a cellphone. “

I think both sides have made their points. The original question was not whether or not there should eb cell phones in school, but whether or not the principal was out of line to randomly check the boys to see if they were complying with the rules. Bottom line, the rules are supposed to be followed and may be enforced.

Mods, how about giving some thought to closing this thread already. It is played out. Ad nauseum.

EDITED

“The rt uv spllng haz gottin lawst as ppl txt echothr and hav stpd spkng.

I’m stil trying to figure out lol,ppl, sos, txt, u2, too many acronyms.”

nd thts y I h8 txtng.

So HIE, you are saying (and correct me if I am wrong) that despite the fact that the school that your kids attend SPECIFICALLY has told the kids they may NOT have cell phones in school, that the kids are so non-compliant (as kids usually are when they think a rule is “silly”) that they actually had to make yet another rule that if they are caught with a cell during a test, they will get a zero? If they were regularly checking the kids at random, the cell during a test would probably not happen. A dishinest kid is a dishonest kid, no matter which rule he is breaking. ANd make no mistake, if the rule is no phones allowed uin school, and he has one, he is just as dishonest as the cheater on the test. We don’t get to decide which rules may be broken.

How do you propose for parents to be “on top” of what their son is texting, especially when he is not with them? There is no callback for deleted texts (and anyone texting stuff that he shouldn’t be, is probably deleting them after reading them). BTW, exactly WHY is texting so crucial? Having the cellphone should be enough, if getting in touch with parents or others is the purpose. Texting should not be done during class, so what purpose is served by it, as opposed to calling someone? Anyone capable of taking the time to check and read his text messages, also has sufficient time to speak on the phone for that same amount of time. The bigger question is – how did MY generation survive without cell phones? Somehow we managed.

HIE, it matters not at all whether or not the child uses the phone. He is not allowed to have one in school, so the fact that he chooses to blatantly flout the rule, shows he is not trustworthy.

I don’t know how old most of the posters are who are in support of the students, but most responsible parents and grandparents of my generation at least, are tired of kids thinking they can do anything they want, and will deviously go about doing those things, then cry “foul” when they are caught in the act. You can choose to unproductively defend them all you want, but they have no rights, except those that the Yeshivah confers upon them. I have said repeatedly, IT IS NOT A DEMOCRACY – it is PRIVATE SCHOOLING!

Would you argue the same point if the rule related to the wearing of white-only button-down shirts and the student came in wearing a plaid, or perhaps a different solid color. Maybe blue shirts are JUST as nice as white. Maybe the student LIKES blue shirts. Maybe he NEEDS to wear it so he can feel a sense of personal identity. WHO CARES????? The rule is white button-down shirts, so that’s what a student who wants to attend this school has to conform to. If not, there’s the door.Find a different school.

Understand that nobody makes rules about cell phones just in order to make kids miserable. Clearly there has been a problem (and cheating through texting on the phone, has been found to be one among many problems), and it is responsible of the principal to ensure that the problem is resolved. We don’t know what the original situation was that prompted the random searches, but it had to be that too many students were non-compliant with the rules, and a stop had to be put to this.

Mybat, you just brought home a forgotten memory from my own childhood, when my little brother said virtually the same thing. He saw someone walking with their (black) baby in the carriage and he called out loudly, “See Mommy, there’s a chocolate baby!” I think he was about four years old.

Some kids do NOT have any friends or relatives at whose homes they could stay bein hazmanim. It is one thing to spend a Shabbos by a friend of a friend, but expecting to be put up for a few weeks is really an imposition on someone’s generosity. So going home becomes a necessity, if all the other students are going home. That does not reflect poorly on their inability to be away for the year.

To say to someone still single at 25+ years that she is not davening enough (or talking too much loshon hara, or not doing enough chessed, or giving too little tzedaka, etc.) is unimaginably cruel, a real onaas devarim. Some people need to learn the lesson that their own words may come back to haunt them, someday, and therefore they should be very circumspect about what they say to people who are in a tzora. And saying that they “mean well” is a copout. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they are unconsciously flaunting their own good fortune in telling someone something “for her own good.”

YDKN, I agree with your second sentence totally. If not going to college has not hurt you financially, socially, emotionally, etc. then clearly you are successful in your endeavors. Many young men are not, unfortuinately. And I really hope you are among the Fortune 500 success stories as well (I am NOT being sarcastic – I really wish this for you). I feel education is important for many reasons, but primarily education is supposed to prepare us for making a living in the future, and anyone who can make a good living without that education, is ahead of the game.

Oh, please, this is getting silly. Snot-filled tissues????? If turning your pockets inside out is cause for extreme “public humilitation,” then there is something either wrong with what is in your pockets, or you are way too sensitive (and I know teens ARE sensitive, but come on). “Release of bodily fluids” ????????? We are not talking about public lashings. Get over yourselves, kids and don’t do stuff that flouts the school rules, so these “unpleasant” tactics will not be necessary, as they apparently seem to be.

YDKM, you are right, you are probably somewhat biased because you didn’t go to college. Truthfully, most college-educated girls prefer the same in boys, unless they really want only a learning boy. Girls AND boys need to be educated. I don’t agree that it isn’t so important. If all Jews felt that way, we would have no frum doctors,lawyers,. accountants, businessmen, teachers, etc. And we SORELY need frum people in those professions, if only to keep the rest of the world on their toes. I do agree that higher education is NOT for everybody. Some people cannot hack it and others may be getting into a profession where the education is irrelevant, i.e. working in their family business, where it is more important to learn the business from inside itself. But the truth is, nothing is certain in life, and it can only benefit the person who is better-educated than the one who is not.