SanityIsOverrated

Do what I do every time my world ends. Move on to the next place.

Thanks for the welcome! I’m here till I get a life. Which isn’t going to be for quite awhile at the rate I’m going, so get used to me:)

Maybe personalizing the prayers will keep your focus. Try to look at all the prayers before Yom Kippur. Insert tags to remind you of what YOU need to pray for in the places where you feel appropriate. It helps to bring the Tefillos straight to where your own heart needs it.

I like this one.

This works on groups of Jews as well. Any group of Jew that has a philosophy I’m not fond of, I try to see what it is they do that I do like. Everyone brings something good to the world. Find the good in people, so people can find the good in you.

TU731..- Not completely true. Modern can mean one is more in tune with technology. Maybe some look at it bad, but this world is here for us to use for the good. So long as we are doing so, then modern life isn’t against Halacha at all. Judiasm is amazing not just for it’s survival, but also for it’s diversity. Modern is not really a negative, just a different type.

Just to be clear, I’m not saying all modern concepts are good at all. Only if one is truly living their life according to Torah and Rabbinic standards, then modern is just a description. Like working, black hat, BY, MO, etc. What is really needed is a book on every type of Jew. There are so many groups, and groups within groups, that there seems to be a different type of Judiasm for everyone Jewish.

I’d assume wearing a yankees Kipa can be considered hazardous to your health. Don’t try to start a Machlokes in Shul!

Eat garlic?

BYM- Well that just answered my question as to your sincerity. You clearly assume Chazal don’t want women to get offended by Gemara, and therefore banned it.

Please don’t try to hide behind the innocent BY graduate seeking more understanding through Gemara. Such a girl wouldn’t bash Chazal like you just did. So what’s your real agenda here?

BYG- What are you looking for exactly? Do you want to know if YOU can learn Gemara? Are you asking why women in general can’t?

These are two separate questions, and should probably be addressed separately.

Then there’s your Hashkafik problem. Sometimes you seem to be leaning towards Gemara as a source for Hashkafa, and sometimes more as a textual manual. What do you want to gain from learning Gemara?

I certainly disagree with Gavrah-At-Work about your education level. We know that there are Hashkafa questions at every level of learning. You have certainly proved yourself well-educated and well-sourced throughout this discussion. The only flaw seems to be your assumption that you have studied everything. You clearly know a lot, but no-one can know everything.

There is also another distinction I wish to make between Gemara for women in general, and what you need. You have set yourself apart from the majority of other women, by your education goals and standards. So by your own admission, you don’t represent most religious women. For what it’s worth, I spent some time learning about all faiths in order to find what to believe in. It took some time, but eventually I did come back to Judiasm as the source, and most logical of the “isms.” You’re not the first woman to be searching for answers.

Lastly, I have one more point I’m hesitant to bring up. I don’t wish to trample on your self-respect or anything like that. There was another discussion in the CR about OTD kids and what schools don’t do and should do. Reading what you say brings a point for that discussion. So I’d like to ask you, if you’re so confused yourself, why are you you teaching? Would you teach science if you didn’t understand it? A teacher needs to be able to help her students understand. What are you doing in the education system?

I was being sarcastic, but completely honest at the same time. I’ve tried to have a life, but gave up. There’s just too many humans around. Maybe one day I will, if they ever let me out of psychiatric treatment. Till then, social media beware!

Let’s not kid ourselves people. If the Jews regained control of Har habayis, could we keep the peace there? How about we prove ourselves in our ability to get along now with the small bit Hashem has left us; The Kotel. Maybe if we can get along for the sake of Hashem’s Wall, He might be convinced we’re ready for the whole thing…

I remember when my friend called me erev yom kippur to ask for forgiveness. I hadn’t heard from her in months. She just upped and left without telling me why. We spoke then, and she seemed ok, telling me she hadn’t meant to hurt me, and did I forgive her. Then she never spoke to me again. I felt that she had called just to alleviate her own feelings of guilt. It’s been 4 years since then. Anytime I hear her name, it’s like an arrow to my heart. Understand, she had been my best friend. I have since learned she has Borderline Personality Disorder. It took me so long to let the anger go, but I’m glad I did. Having said all that, I hope you too can find the peace of mind to let her go.

@Shoppin613- Yay for calling! You should feel proud.

@sh613’s friend- I’m confused. Is she cutting or just talks about it?

Also, just because she’s in a sheltered environment, doesn’t mean she won’t think of doing it, or find out about it.

Whatever is going on with this girl, it sounds really bad for her. I wonder if she chose her loneliness, or didn’t know how social life works. (neither do I for that matter. That’s why I spend my life on the internet) So what can you do? Davening you know. Open your heart to see how she needs compassion, not judgement. Remember, Hashem wanted you to feel the rejection of a friend. (I don’t know why, but it is for your benefit) She was only His messenger. Now how will you respond to His test?

I never went to seminary, and I turned out perfectly insane. But I think that had more to do with the Bais Yaakovs I went to. Moral of my story…not sure yet.

Shopping613 friend- It can be a personality thing. I know people who are afraid to face their loneliness, so they deny their need for friendship. Perhaps she feels so alone, that she needs to convince you (and herself) that it’s true. Before she saw you all the time. Now she doesn’t, and that in itself may be so hard to face. I’m sorry this hurt you so much. Sometimes people are so deep in their own pain, they don’t even realize how much they hurt others, or they convince themselves no-one gets hurt. She may be embarrassed about her family’s different minhagim, but it may be something else entirely. I would say she’s probably in denial.

So what can you do? Understand that there is a deep pain in her, that has nothing to do with you. Accept that she is who she is.

Shopping613- I’m still trying to figure out which parts are from you, and which are from your friend. Don’t wait for a phone call. For all you know, you’re friend is wishing you would call her because she’s too embarrassed or something. Never wait for people, when you can do yourself. (You can’t change how others act, only how you do)

Both of you- Don’t panic. Hashem takes everything into consideration. That you want to forgive is a huge step in the right direction. Rosh Hoshana isn’t a deadline. It’s not like forgiveness isn’t acceptable after Yom Kippur. Hashem knows your future choices as well. He takes it all into consideration.

I think when the thought no longer bothers me, I have forgiven. When I could look at a situation that hurt me so much, and think look how it helped me grow. When someone mentions that person’s name, and instead of thinking of how much they hurt me, I wonder how much hurt they have in their life to act like that. I recently read an article by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan. From what I understood, he was saying how everything in our lives are meant to happen. The good, and the bad. Everything is part of Hashem’s plan to shape your life so you can fulfill your mission, and become a better person. So when someone does something against you, they are only a messenger. It’s sad they chose to be, but their judgement is in Hashem’s hand. Learn from the bad, but don’t waste your anger on it.

Also, I think the anger at how the friend won’t apologize, is just an added anger at your friend. you sound like you’re still quite upset at the whole incident. If you weren’t, why make such a big deal over whether your friends ask for forgiveness?

For the friend who cut off ties, I had that. You can try the 3 times to apologize (Sincerely. Even if it seems so irrational, just apologize for whatever you may have done, and explain that your friendship means so much, that such an ending hurt. Be prepared to let your friend go, but ask for forgiveness. )

You’re lucky in a way. You have the self-esteem to at least know that it’s wrong, and not helpful. Maybe you’ll get a good teacher. Have you ever had at least just one school faculty member that made you feel good? It just takes one, to be able to find out why this happens. (In my experience even in the bad schools, there are good teachers. In the good schools, there are also bad teachers.) There are good positive people in the world. Don’t give up hope!

Having been there, I can say that it make take time to forgive. It certainly took me many years before I could start that process. You don’t have to forgive them now. Focus on your own struggles, and finding ways to deal with them. Personally I think you shouldn’t waste energy on people who do things wrong. Way too many everywhere.

If you truly do want to understand, try to consider the job of the Mechanech. They are responsible for so many, and there isn’t a single right way. Every child is different, every situation is different. Children don’t come with instructions. Many will simply apply general rules to everything. While this works for many, it also destroys the ones who are left. One important thing I have learned through life, is very rarely are people evil on purpose. Most probably they assume that somehow this will help you. Sounds crazy, but that’s what happened to me. From my point of view, I tried extremely hard to do everything right, yet every teacher would comment at the least, or bordered on abuse for what they perceived to be my lack of effort. Now I am in a different place in life, I can understand what happened. I saw my struggles. I didn’t see what my teachers all saw. A bright student who constantly slept in class, looked bored, and rarely did homework, or studied for tests. I really did seem disinterested. Today, I can see there was a 3rd factor that was at work. A home factor that wasn’t visible to anyone, even me at the time. So what my teachers thought would encourage me, tore an already battered child. I’m not sure if I have fully forgiven everyone, but I’m on the road. What has helped me heal, is knowing that I can do something about it. I can’t change my past, but I can talk about it, bring awareness to these issues, and maybe things will change soon.