Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Connecting to people. Connecting to Hashem. Having a self identity. Living selflessly, and understanding the value of self sacrifice. Although these aren’t specific Mitzvos, I think they all represent what has become nearly obsolete in today’s technological world. It’s a world filled with technology centered around making our lives easier, and bringing service faster and more efficiently. Middos are hard to maintain when we’ve become used to receiving what we want, when we want it.
So I would go with any Mitzva that is Bein Adam Lchaveiroh to combat out technology problem.
There is also a sense of publicizing everything and anything about ourselves and everyone that has become problematic today. I would therefore also go with any Mitzva that encourages privacy, such as not speaking Lashon Hora, and Tznius.
Who know’s what people will look back at and see as our struggle? Did they know that Shabbos would be seen as their biggest hardship to overcome?
Doubt I’ll see any of you, since I’m so anti social. If I happen to see an assumed poster on any of my rare excursions outside, I would probably bump into the nearest tree during my attempt to run the other way. The only thing you’d ever hear, is me screaming all the way home.
I’m proud of being a loser, if being a loser means I’m here:)
Is there hope for him? Yes. Especially if he has a desire to change.
Do you, or should you have a role in helping him? Not sure. Depends on your relationship with him. (mother? aunt? sister?) Whatever it is, he would do best if he has a mentor, and of course a secure, or better yet no internet system at all.
jbaldy22- There most certainly is a thing called internet addiction.
Although, I agree that it’s probably not what she’s referring to.
(A shopping or gambling addiction for example, that ONLY happens online is sometimes referred to as an internet addiction. These people have no problems when visiting a regular casino/in a mall.)
Sam2- really?
That’s really funny considering I’m supposedly descended from him. Wow. Thanks for helping me source that though:)
My clone >.>
I think real magic was lost when we lost our Nevuah or by Ruach Hakodesh. With the removal of one good, there was also the removal of a bad equivalent. I remember seeing this somewhere, but I have no idea the source.
Basically, the world works on a balance scale. Since we lost a good connection, the bad equivalent was removed. Magic today is more sleight of hand, and neurological twists. Of course, it is possible modern magic has it’s roots from ancient kishuf.
The problem with fighting gay marriage, is we should have started it long ago. Where were we when divorce was allowed according to law for ridiculous reasons? Why wasn’t cheating made into a punishable offense? How could we have allowed premarital relations. No my friends, this battle is over. We stayed neutral during most of the war, so how can we protest now when the state’s legal marriages do not resemble our religious ones anymore?
On another half related note, as much of an abomination as it is, how can we judge anyone with this teivah? I don’t hear any religious folk standing up and saying, “I am gay, but I choose to marry the opposite gender.” I don’t think our culture will be able to see it as a choice, until we somehow show them it is.
Nope. I wouldn’t even begin to describe myself as such. Please don’t get me mixed up with the righteous women in our generation. It will only serve as a dishonor to their incredible work.
Streetgeek- I didn’t notice you asked where I’m going next. Just to answer that, no idea. Wherever God takes me I guess. For the moment though, I’m actually going to be practicing living in one place for awhile. Just to gain some stability. My final destination though: Eretz Yisroel. Never been, but it’s where I belong.
Can not, and will not are two very different things. Can not is something that just is. Will not can be changed. May I ask what it is about mathematics that makes you so unhappy?
Personally, although it is not my field of interest, I do find mathematics fascinating in it’s perfection. The incredible ways that math and science interacts constantly increase my awareness as to the amazing world Hashem has given us. So to me, math can be used to serve Hashem as well as many other subjects.
VM- me too! It would rather be ridiculous. I am however, rather paranoid about these things, so I do point out the possibility as minimal as it is.
I resent the implication that only Nashim Tzidkaniyos wear the same black skirt. I wear the black skirt, but for ulterior motives. I’m too lazy to spend time choosing a whole outfit in the morning. It’s easier to just wear black. Don’t always assume it’s for a righteous cause!
There is always hope! You are not the first, and sadly not the last either with this problem. Don’t feel so alone or helpless, because you’re not. Many have become addicts, and there are many who have successfully fought the addiction as well. I knew one guy at 80 years old. There are programs out there, but as jbaldy22 said, a mentor is the best. Find someone trustworthy who can help you beat this, because you CAN beat it!
“Everyone is entitled to be stupid, STOP abusing the privilege!”
“I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was mistaken.”
“There is always death and taxes, however death doesn’t get worse every year.”
“Let me know if i say anything that offends you, i might want to offend you again later.”
“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving isn’t for you.”
“DEATH- the #1 killer in the USA, tell your friends.”
“Guns don’t kill people, gaping holes in vital organs do.”
“Don’t ask too many questions of God, He may say, If you’re so anxious for answers, come up here.”
“May those that love us, love us. And to those that don’t, may God turn their hearts. And if not, turn their ankles so we may know them by their limp!”
That’s also part of the fun of online. You never know who you’re talking to, and where it can lead. For all we know, someone could be using this conversation for a study about religious Jews. (do we make money/pay taxes?)
I do like to stay vague, so I can remain anonymous. If anyone asks honestly though, I’ll respond as sincerely as I can.
As for moving- it’s mostly been my own personal choice. It’s tough on the social life, but it has allowed me a wider view of different communities.
My question is, how could watching help me serve Hashem better? If it can, then I’m sure watching such a film is okay. Otherwise, I’m just trying to rationalize it, because I’m not ready/willing to give up watching films.
From what I’ve gathered, the purpose of life is to recognize ourselves. Who we are with both our strengths and weaknesses. Then break free of those bonds. Many of the Mitzvos bring constant awareness to what we do. Being human, many feel limited by their genetics, emotions, and background. God gave us the freedom to choose. We can choose to be ourselves, or we can choose to be greater.
Being Jewish, we are the Keepers of the Torah. Not a simple job. We have been entrusted to carry it through history. Faith has kept It alive even now. Today, we live by the words that continually expose the Torah as a blueprint for mankind.
That’s how I personally translate my Judaism, and how it defines my life.
So how does this work practically speaking for you? Find what speaks to you. If writing brings you purpose, then that should be your goal. The only one you should want to be a success for, is your Creator. I know it can be difficult when the family looks at you as a failure. The question is, do they care for your happiness, or only for your success? What use is it being at the top if you are unhappy? Still, it need not go to waste. Perhaps you can use your mathematics degree for a temporary job while you go back and train as a writer?
(I also went to college for something miserable. However, I’m hoping I can use my skills to get a decent job so I can pay my way through a degree for something more suited to me)
Life is what you make of it. I hope this can help you somewhat.
I second both these motions!
I’ll tone my sarcasm down just for a bit.
My social life mostly does take place online, but not just because of my lacking social skills. As I have moved around a lot, my good friends are all long distance. So I keep in touch online, and through the phone. Recently though, I was spending way too much time online instead of focusing on my current relationships. I’ve been improving, although I’m still a long way from living life the way I would like to be.
Most of my sarcasm does hold an element of truth within.
How moving would help evade the IRS, I do not actually know. I’m not to fond of shortchanging the government either, so I would not recommend it even if I did know how. (Some Jewish moral/principle thing I have)
Also, I want to say how incredible it is that you have the courage to say something. I know that must have been such a hard decision, so you have my sincere admiration for taking this step. It’s a major step, and I hope it leads you to finding the peace of mind you truly deserve. Remember, this is not your fault, and you do not need to suffer like this!
Please get help! This is not the kind of thing you should be going through alone. It only makes you feel more guilty and ashamed of things that are not your fault!
You cannot control, nor are you supposed to be responsible for your father’s behavior. The only one you are responsible for is yourself, and this includes your health. Cutting may feel good temporarily, but the scars remain forever. The best thing you can do is find someone healthy you can talk freely with, whether it’s an anonymous hotline, or a school therapist. These people are here for people like you (and me. and everyone who suffers silently while pretending everything is normal)so you can talk and see that you’re not alone, and there are ways to help you.
Also understand that when you’re personally involved in a situation, not to take a speech aimed at the general public as applicable to all situations. I do not know the speech, nor am I sure of what Rabbi Wallerstein was referring to, but I know he would never blame your father’s addiction on you. If his speech really affected you, perhaps it would best to speak to him for clarification with specific details of your situation.
I sold mine on ebay awhile back. Best decision ever.
I usually say no matter the time of day, “Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, good night. Well that just covered your whole day. Enjoy!” Then I walk out, because I’m allergic to most kinds of social conversation.
The IRS hasn’t caught up with me yet. I keep moving. >.> Not that I actually earn anything considering I spend too much time online to have a real life…
Why did you skip my question?
How do you know you know everything?
rebdoniel- Being a teacher you seem rather biased. Considering your own attitude just in that post, I would assume you were part of the problem as well in that classroom. “(in the black hat world, I suppose smoking isn’t seen as a sign of deviance, since plenty of “frum” men smoke”
With such a negative attitude towards the black hat community, what were you doing teaching there? Your attitude cannot be so easily hidden in a classroom, and students pick up on these things. You’re completely judgmental of their lifestyle, and yet surprised that they didn’t like you/ didn’t bother trying for you.
superme- How can you know she means it to be nasty? Can you mind read? Many times, teachers say things for tough love reasons, and it backfires. If you can’t know her intentions, try giving her the benefit of the doubt. It’s more for your benefit, as it can help ease the stings.
ikno- Her family’s flippancy towards pants, does NOT mean it’s not a cry for help! I’m kind of confused how you reached this conclusion. How does her family’s religious standards equal a stable home environment?
My thoughts are that maybe her cynicism towards you, may not be because of your role as an educator of values, but your role as an adult. If she’s had emotional neglect from her parents, she may have learned to be cynical to any adults so she wouldn’t have to deal with the pain.
(example: parents rarely home, or if they are, pay more attention to phone then to her)
There also may be abuse that goes on in the home, and cynicism to all adults is her way of blocking it out.
Now for some criticism. You asked for help with a problem child that you admittedly don’t know how to deal with. Yet, anything that was written in this forum with a hint of criticism, you seem to take as a personal attack on your entire career. People are questioning everything, including what you yourself contribute to her life. Understandably, people are going to question what you have done so far, your style, your education, etc. It’s to help this girl, which as her teacher should be your goal as well. Perhaps try ignoring any personal affronts, and just look at the criticism as an opportunity to self reflect on your own behavior/outlook.
Two things I can suggest:
1) Find out what she gains by her outburst. Why does she do it? Is it attention seeking? Is it for social admiration? Is it frustration?
2) Remember, whatever you have done up until now hasn’t worked, so it’s time to switch methods. Maybe she only responds to tough love. Maybe this is the only way she can get any attention at home. Gotta run now. Maybe I’ll look at this again later.
Well, I already found out my future
Are you sure they meant it so hurtfully? Sometimes people say things cynically in order to make light of something. Being cynical myself, I know people have been hurt by words I’ve said, but this never was my intention! More like my sense of humor gone awry.
Redleg- I think it’s more of a mixture today. In an attempt to generalize the learning the learning, only the average student benefits. The ones that can’t keep up, and the ones that want to proceed faster with more depth end up frustrated with this system.
Basically, it’s how our teachers are educated that might need some work if we want any change in the system so they can learn to work with the individual as well as educating an entire class.
What I’m having for supper. This way I won’t spend so much time choosing
“Would God approve?”
“How would I feel if everyone I knew saw/heard that I do/say this?”
“Is this how I want Jews to be represented?”
Sometimes when I’m trying to determine what’s right or wrong, I ask these questions to myself. I can usually tell by my reaction as to if it’s a good idea or not.
Guess what people, elitists are everywhere; religious observance not withstanding. It’s a Jewish trait. It’s part of our genetics. Every Jew has an opinion, and every Jew is convinced HE is right.
I have personally seen it in so many communities of many different religious beliefs and observances. What we need is some Jewish pride, and that includes the diversity that goes along with being Jewish. There isn’t one right way to live, we got 600,000 ways. Everyone has a different mission, with different Nisyonos. Stop judging, and focus on your own issues. Recently I’ve been working on pointing out the good factors from any individual/group that I disagree with. Sometimes just in general, pointing out the good in people who’s values are different then mine, and knowing I can’t judge them because they’re nisayonos and purpose is different then mine.
He may not have been my Rabbi, but I can still recognize his greatness in all he has done. Without him, The worst thing we can do is more finger pointing. Right now we need to find more Zechusim for ALL of Klal Yisroel. Don’t look at what wasn’t done. Just notice how many did do something. Even if he wasn’t their Rabbi. Even if they had crazy schedules. Even if they were at work, school, or even busy at home. We may be far away, but even here in America we were affected. Baruch Daayan HaEmes.
Jews are awesome. Survivors through everything, we have incredible endurance. An extremely diverse group with members in every level of society, still we manage to work together. There are so many types of Jews, that it’s nearly impossible to classify us. Yet, we still walk under the same banner. We are Jews, and it’s time to be proud of it!
There is the problem of people misinterpreting what Gedolim say. Many things are taken out of context, rearranged, or missing key points. I recently heard a story (I don’t know if it’s true, but it shows the point) of a Rabbi being asked which is more Tznius; short skirt, or long flowing pants. He replied that he couldn’t answer, because people will only hear that he allows pants. Also, many things have to be seen on an individual basis. Blanket statements can hurt complicated individual cases. No matter what, considering how diversified our Jewish nation is, someone always seems to take offense at anything said. Maybe if we stop pointing fingers, and were more receptive to building on our own lives, Gedolim could help us more.
In Rome, there was an acceptable form of suicide known as a “virtuous death.” When one committed suicide with logical reasoning, it was considered honorable in their society. Under these or similar circumstances, it’s easier to see why such a suicide could be Assur.
Sh613- That sounds really sad if she’s happy where she is. Why not allow her to stay if she feels she can do it?
Having a mental disorder doesn’t mean one has no sense, or opinion. Especially in light cases. There are many high functioning/capable people with mental illness who can do fine on their own if given a chance. As they say, many famous influential people have/had mental disorders. When a friend or family member is diagnosed, it’s important to research the disorder, and find out how it affects them personally. Every case is different. Ask her/him how you can help. Just by being supportive and understanding you can help relieve symptoms. Assuming they’re deficient, or thinking they can be constantly normal is the worst thing you can do. In some cases, it can worsen their symptoms.
I like that quote!
It’s true an individual can change the world with one realistic goal at a time. Personally, I have yet to figure out how I can do that.
Shooting for the stars can be an escape, but without it, we’re limited. People don’t know their own potential. That’s why it’s important not to be encumbered by what we accept ourselves to be. It may be who I am today, but no-one knows how far they can go tomorrow. Don’t get lost dreaming of stars though. You may miss the ship when it takes off.
Do both. Have realistic goals set, but don’t think the sky is the limit.
I plan on changing the world in a positive way. Till that’s possible, I’ve got my regular life goals. Of course, I’m too busy trolling online to pay attention to either of my goals 🙂
Also, if you respect the opinion of Rabbis in general (obviously many of us end up getting annoyed with one Rabbi or another, but I’m referring to the general consensus of Rabbis), then you have nothing to fear. No Rabbi as of yet (that I know of) has been completely convinced of it being necessary. Some just agree that it’s ok for an individual to choose it. (from what I understood in the Mishpacha article)
I actually kinda like the burka. There’s something very spy-like about it. If I thought it was ok, I’d wear it just to feel like I’m up to something secretive. >.>
Maybe to test if you will pay attention to your own prayers.
Live Right- How did Sara Imeinu travel then?!!
life points for undertaking any chesed activity!
lakewood01- consider your problem from a different angle. Do you have a problem with just God in general? Then, complain about the multiple Tsunamis, earthquakes, and other natural disasters that can be attributed to Him. The holocaust was a man-made ‘disaster.’ So I ask, do you have a problem with God creating humanity? Do you think it would have been better for God to take away free will from humanity? Or to not create them at all…?
I’m not surprised by Rabbi Miller’s harsh stance. Emotionally, it may be near impossible to take in the responsibility for the holocaust, but perhaps it is time. How else will we learn the lesson of the holocaust? To ignore it, can bring more calamity upon us chas vshalom.
up to 20 kids…