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What bad things? What qualifies someone as a talmid chacham in today’s world? Is is much worse to marry a talmid chacham than a Cohen for me?
MDG – what do you mean “one of them could die?” That is a very extreme statement, please explain.
There are not many cohenim, leviim around, am I really supposed to limit dating to only them? I have heard it is ok for me to marry a Torah scholar.
It’s a free service that provides forms for guests at a wedding to fill out for shidduchim. The website says: “Couples gather their friend’s shidduch information at their wedding . . . The newlyweds use the information to set up their friends.”
It seems like a nice idea, but I don’t know if anyone would really use it.
Thanks everyone. There are some great answers here. Keep ’em coming!
That’s what you got from my post? lol
Yes. The problem is people are too quick to divorce instead of working through their problems.
I should hope so. But can we please stay on topic? Thanks. 🙂
Yes I have contacts. I’m just not sure which shul to choose.
I wish workers had more rights. I feel abused. I have no psychiatric problem, other than some anxiety which all of us have. This is so frustrating. The world is not what it should be and the nice ones get run over! lol
Thanks yytz. You would make a very good therapist! I know I have to always keep working on myself, but it is frustrating that if other people worked on their middot more, I wouldn’t need to work on getting thicker skin so much. I feel like I am being punished for crying, which is the way my body relieves stress. I guess I have some genetics that make me get stressed out easier than others, but I don’t really want to medicate myself for crying. I want to be stronger, but I also wish I could be rewarded for all my hard work to become a dr so I can help people and for being so nice and caring, but instead I am being told I need to change b/c I don’t respond well to criticism (usually when it is given in a cold way). Why did G-d give me such sensitivity? It feels like a curse.
yytz Thank you, that was the most beautiful advice and really helped a lot.
Thank you for the advice everyone. I’ve thought of some ways to help cope – like keeping a photo or siddur in my pocket to focus on when I feel I am about to break, or trying to go to the bathroom before I feel the stress coming on and breathing deeply. But how do I get over the embarrassment of my already too many breakdowns though? I feel alone in this problem, like I’m some kind of freak who can’t handle life. 🙁
Thanks for all the replies everyone!December 17, 2012 3:26 am at 3:26 am in reply to: Does a Divorce indicate a Family lacked Shalom Bayis? #913364
What is the purpose of the Talmud allowing divorce over burnt food? Do the rabbis really want so many divorces and such pressure put on women?
Thanks uneeq, great input!
Derech HaMelech, when I asked for pros/cons I was hoping for others’ own thoughts, not to be shown my own thoughts which I already know. I would love, however, to know why it is that you PERSONALLY think Facebook is a sin.
Is FaceTime any better than skype?
Why is it a bad idea?
torah613613torah: May I ask how old you are? I used to want all those things too, and I’m not saying that you should ever settle or cut yourself short, but, at the same time, you do need to understand that in reality, it may take 100s of years, scouring country after country, to find just one man who comes anywhere near what you described! I originally made this post to ask people not to describe their perfect man, but their perfect mate – the one who is perfect for them, flaws and all! Flaws make us human.
Thanks for all the thoughts guys. And to aurora77, don’t give up on finding your ‘perfect mate’ 😉 . . . and for what it’s worth, I think adoption is a beautiful thing.
Thanks for your reply, it was really beautiful! I like what you wrote very much, and now I know I think I am looking for the right things.
Hi classicalmusic, What is it, specifically, about her having a facebook account that you find bothersome? B/c you may be walking away from your bshert for a bad reason here, if you ask me.
I’m confused, do women have an obligation to get married? I thought we don’t because only men have to have kids.
I always figured this was because women more naturally want to marry anyway.
It’s complicated, but yes there were hints.
adorable, i think you don’t want to date because you have a view that marriage is like a trap in which you won’t have the same freedoms you do now. Maybe you could visit some (happy) families for Shabbos and see how happy the women are – yes there are struggles that come with motherhood/marriage, but the best things in life come with struggle. You don’t have to start dating right now, but I think it’s important you talk to happy wives/mothers so you know what you may be skipping out on.
haifagirl: Have you lived my life? Have you walked in my shoes? I don’t judge your pain. Please don’t judge mine.
I find it difficult to find someone with the same hashkafa as me . . . is it necessary to be on the same exact wavelength religiously or could you get married and then grow together and find some common ground where you’re both comfortable?
Also, while I understand one shouldn’t be too picky, I don’t get all this Lazer Wolf talk . . . the man was like twice Tzeitel’s age!!!!
I respect all Jews because we are all made btzelem elokim.
WIY – It’s complicated. Also, during dating, people put on their best acts. Truth sometimes doesn’t creep in till people are not trying to ‘impress’ anymore. And as far as shmirat eynayim, I do not mean just on the streets lol . . . if only that were the biggest problem today!
davening, learning, & shmirat eynayim
WIY, I definitely agree with you, and perhaps more time was needed to learn about each other. However, unfortunately, am yisrael chai makes a true statement – wedding planning is a large part of what brought out a lot of the weaknesses in the relationship. Perhaps I seem naive, but love is no easy thing!!! Look at all the divorces/broken engagements/unhappy marriages of today. I pray I know enough now to find that happy bliss that comes from a happy marriage, but it’s not easy to find someone frum in this crazy world. A good man seems hard to find, unless I quit my job and just go find him? Seems risky to me 🙁
thanks everyone for the advice. I am in my early twenties. I’ve already had 1 broken engagement which was a very embarrassing experience, so I am just very jaded about dating now. I thought I knew him very well, but I really didn’t know him at all. I’ve been on 7-8 dates since, but haven’t really felt anything for these men. I finally just met someone new who seems to be what I have been looking for, but he lives out of the country, lol!
Mommia22: thanks for all the advice! I did actually recently become closer with a friend who is also dating still and my age.
I don’t feel sorry for myself, I just came here for support mikehall12832.
Thanks guys, I guess as some of you pointed out it is an issue of lack of time to learn. As far as why I am looking to marry a man of a certain profession, this is not completely true. I am open-minded. However, I am somewhat of an intellectual and academically oriented, and I would prefer a husband who is as well.
Blaming facebook is like blaming a stick in G-d’s hand.
Thank you it looks great! But I am from out of town . . is there anywhere that has on campus dorms?
You say she had a bad upbringing. You also say she may be the controlling one in her marriage and that she often finds fault in others. It sounds to me like she was emotionally/verbally/or physically abused as a child and probably raised by a parent or parents who did not give her the emotional support and unconditional love a child needs. While you were there for her and helped her get to where she is today, something deep inside her is still wounded from her childhood. Our early childhoods make us who we are today, and change is very hard. You cannot change her if she does not want to change herself.
I’ve been reading it! It’s really a lifesaver; though I haven’t mastered it’s techniques just yet 😛
happiest – is there a way we can talk outside this site? I feel like having a friend in the same boat could help!
I felt that way too 🙁