I abused my contacts, wearing them for too many hours each day & eventually my eyes developed an allergic reaction to them. This has happened to a couple of people I know. Even after taking a one-year break from contact, my eyes are still very sensitive to them, and I can’t wear them comfortably any more.

as long as it has articles/stories with real depth and integrity, sign me up!

eclipse, do you want sympathy here, or real info?

😉

She should wear a wedding band? Come on!

And what will she do if someone asks her a question about her husband? Make stuff up? and if she gets engaged/married during her time in school? It will become obvious that the whole thing was a charade…and she will have a lot of awkward explaining to do.

This balancing act will continue to be an issue when entering the workforce. You need a way of DEALING with it, not avoiding it!

Each person has to make their own gedarim. It’s possible to be reserved and refined, and still act like a mentsch.

considering that the Yishmaelim are his other children, we probably look pretty good.

happy is over-rated.

anyone need a ride to the swamp? I’m harmless. For an ogre.

I like being a “member”. who needs more than that? A member of the CR! Wow! If I could just get a card that actually PROVES that I’m a member, that would be a thrill.

so many people out there feel sad that they are not special, or not special enough. what is that all about?

hitchhiking is dangerous. picking up hitchhikers is also dangerous. If both parties know each other it’s generally not dangerous, but there could be Yichud issues if it’s late at night or on deserted roads. I think community norms also factor in.

aw, they just closed the one I was most interested in.

eclipse?

Ritalin

The schools say that the parents want it this way, and the parents say they don’t want it this way…what is the real story?

Inquiring minds want to know.

I am Shrek, hear me roar.

think about what you would want your daughters to do.

I was supposed to be doing something productive, and caught in the CR! wow, that was embarrassing.

my 2 cents, for whatever they are worth (probably about 2 cents, actually). Your daughter may be testing the limits of your love for her. It sounds like Dad has already kicked her out, which must really hurt. By keeping her in your home you are not enabling anything she does. You are telling her that you love her, even if she does things you don’t approve of. That love may the only thing that anchors her, today, & in the future.

As far as the other kids…it certainly is tricky. Can you explain to them that Sister is not behaving properly, but that we all should feel sorry for her because she is not happy & is struggling with her Yiddishkeit right now? This way the younger ones know Sister is wrong, and they know that even though you don’t approve of her lifestyle, your love is something they can always depend on. That sense of security is so important…in the long run I think the healthiest message ALL children can ever hear is that you (meaning parents) will always love them & be there for them despite their undesirable behaviors.

Is it possible to set down some house rules with your daughter? If you ask her for the sake of the other children to refrain from XYZ in the house, would she be responsive?

May Hashem give you strength and patience in large measures.

eclipse, if this is not too personal: looking back, could you have seen his abusive tendencies during the dating/engagement period? Was it too well hidden? Or did this develop later into the marriage?

Maybe Obervanteen could benefit from hearing the answers to these questions, but obviously you should only answer if you feel OK with it.

SB, respectable is not the issue.

If an FFB girl is going to cringe every time her husband slips & shows his BT background, she shouldn’t date BTs.

Moshe Rose is obviously a marriage counselor

we must show a certain basic amount of respect to any human being. that is simple kavod habrios.

then there are people to whom we are required to show extra respect i.e. a parent, a talmid chochom, an elderly person.

if you WANT to do more than the situation requires, wonderful.

if you want to give up on the basic respect you deserve, you can decide that for yourself. If it comes from a healthy place, it is good for your middos to be mevater.

but I don’t think it is REQUIRED. If someone takes something that is rightfully yours, you are entitled to try to get it back from them. You have to act properly, but you can stand up for your rights. If someone steals from you, causes you physical harm, etc. you are entitled to seek justice. In the proper way, through civil conversation, beis din, etc.

You are required to treat others respectfully, but the Torah does not require you to accept other people’s abusive behavior. “Turn the other cheek” is from a different religion.

now you can say “I made you look I made you look” in that annoying voice

if you are the kind of person who worries about what people will think, a BT is probably not a good fit for you. Most BTs do not blend perfectly into the FFB world. Their backgrounds are different, and it shows. Almost always there will be something that “gives them away” even when they try their best to fit in.

Some of my best friends are BTs. They are people of courage who endured all types of challenges in order to live frum lives. If you can’t appreciate that, stick with FFBs.

At least she doesn’t confuse “kallah” and “challah”. That would really sound weird. “Have some cake. My challah made it.”