so right

Why is it that mother’s almost always are granted custody of children (regardless of age)? Is it an offshoot of goyishe society where they do that? And maybe since even some frum people resort to the goyishe courts the mothers end up with custody?

Sjs, The larger problem is the outright violations, not “just sensitivities”. That’s all of our problems. a. areivim zeh l’zeh b. it causes others to sin (which is perhaps the worst sin itself).

646, No, you can’t not look when crossing the street. Or driving. Or 100 other scenarios. And just the act of having seen an improperly clad person is a sin itself. Hihurim are human nature. It can’t be avoided. It it doesn’t occur, I suggest a doctor.

Heter meah rabbonim…

How does the the lav of lo sechanaim work?

Since even those wearing short skirts don’t deny it is wrong, what exactly are they thinking in their head, justifying the unjustifiable??? there is nothing they can answer, not to anyone, especially to Hashem. are they just hoping no one will call them unto the carpet for this terrible thing??

blinky, lets be honest. you’re A) not always going to remember to hold it down and B) even when you do, you’re not always going to be 100% successful. therefore my answer stands.

kapusta, yes, this pandemic (and that is an understatement) is occurring amongst some BY types, unfortunately, as mdd said. (amongst some non-BY girls this issue has long been a problem and even worse.) if you feel one method discussed to cure this illness is ineffective please please share what you feel IS effective. to do nothing or ignore it is certainly not the solution and will leave it untreated and allow it to get worse, as it already has.

popa, so what exactly do you propose be done about this epidemic? actually plague is more apt. the rabbonim have been crying out about it for years. the gedolim have put together tznius symposiums. yet the prutzas keep getting bolder. so the tears of anguish have fallen on deaf ears. the lectures have not gotten us far. teaching about it has fallen short. and you say not to rebuke. what else would at least make a dent?

what actions place a wife into the halachic category of moredes?

well, your question is a bit short on the details. halachicly he can withhold her needs (food, etc.) but it is really situation dependent, and how much the situation deteriorated. sometimes she can be dealt with in a lighter approach, with more positive and effective results.

pots, what makes you sure that the male classmates (in the dance school or exercise class) are not Jewish? and secondly the heter described by others above attributed to R. Moshe seems to apply to something like a lifeguard specifically since that is a potentially pikuach nefesh situation.

WIY: I tend to agree with you (and disagree with aries) in the vast majority of discussions, but here I am having trouble believing you could make such a clear-cut claim. If a girl didn’t tell a prospective shidduch that he isn’t her first, the marriage could be halachicly invalid. That isn’t the case in the reverse, nevertheless not mentioning such a major point, would seem to me, be a breach in trust, protocol, and honesty. Perhaps regarding other (lesser) issues this point would not be applicable, but on such a major issue, it is difficult seeing a way around it.

Midwest2: Apparently the issue lies outside NYC, as your comment demonstrates you don’t “accept” frum NY’ers. Your very comment reflected upon yourself. I notice quite a bit of jealousy by some out of towners.

That being said, one point made was glaringly factually wrong, in that out-of-towners still move to NYC literally in droves. There must be a reason, and the reason continues.

People become “less” prepared for marriage the older they get, and thus the propensity for divorce or unhappiness all the greater as they age and become more “sophisticated.” When they are 18, and don’t expect the world, their expectations are in check. Once they hit 25 or more, there is a tendency for them to have greater, unrealistic, expectations of marriage and their spouse – thus setting themselves up for potential failure. Additionally, they are then more exposed to the outside world and all its negative influences. Frankly speaking, often divorces stem from these unrealistic expectations of couples that married “older”. The “younger” couples grew together, including their expectations of each other, and those marriages tend to be stronger. Bottom line? Getting married young works and is generally speaking the way to go.

Very poignant and so many lessons for our own times.

Why aren’t you as concerned for the uncle’s hurt at having to miss his nephew’s wedding due to his religious principles? And the pain he suffered realizing the family situation he had to endure as a result of abiding by his religious principles. And why, if the other family member, is such a well known respected RY are you reluctant to PROUDLY mention who it is?

Doing what Gedolei Yisroel decree IS NORMAL. Doing otherwise is not. And Gedolei Yisroel clearly and unambigously are 100% opposed to mixed seating at a wedding.

many will, and many won’t – with tragedy as the result. it is the latter we must be concerned with.

No, SJS, the mechitza does a lot. Foolish men going on the wrong side of the mechitza is wrong, and does not negate its utility. You seem to be in weddings where this aveira occurs frequently of men ogling at women dancing, though I have better experience than you whereas it is quiet infrequent. Either way the mechitza belongs.

There are wrong ways to go about shidduchim and making “connections”. Some examples are bars and mixed seating. Unregulated male/female hookups is not a good thing. And once a bad “connection” is made, the emotions rule and breaking it despite determining unkosher information regarding one of the parties can be virtually impossible.

“wants to”? judaism isn’t based on what we want to do, but rather on what the torah wants us to do.

not at all, i just wanted to understand. so the blind man would be okay swimming, since it is a seeing issue, while the husband and wife could not. where does the father – daughter situation fall in this situation?

iow, iiuyc you don’t disagree with the net result, just with the halachic path how you got there.

obviously. i’m not sure why you’re splitting hairs on a technicality. its obvious if you swim with someone, you will see that person in their bathing gear. so the result is if you can’t see them like that, you can’t swim with them.

popa, how is it irrelevant?? if you can’t even see her in her bathing gear, surely you cannot swim with her!

that is when the men are not looking at the women dance; but since there is no mechitza, there will be more “interesting” views.

and of course there is no need to enumerate the terrible sinning that takes place when men and women, especially the young, hook up and continue the relationship inappropriately. thats why we have the separations that are so necessary; we see what goes on in the secular world – and is unfortunately penetrating within our communities, with the obvious disastrous results.