🍫Syag Lchochma

Gamanit – I completely agree. But I guess the mods don’t.

I meant it the other way. I wouldn’t mind if that was my reason for not doing it.

Provided I was not ch”v directly involved, I fear that I would have trouble doing it. If it was only because of how it would change me, that would not bother me, but I think that even when I know something is fact, I lack confidence in my ability to trust myself and that seed of doubt will stop me. I know for a fact that I suffer from over empathizing with people when they are ripped down to their basic human level, but I also believe that this trait is what has given me the ability to love unconditionally, and support children I work with who have done terrible, hurtful things.

On the other hand, if he had hurt children, or if I was a witness, I think it would be no problem at all.

42 – thanks, I never heard that before

I thought you were gonna say that you found out he had helped his wife set the table

Do they sell Romanian hot dogs in Lakewood?

You are waiting for a package from Chicago? Hope it doesn’t get sabotaged by bandits on the way out of the city.

I am SO with you on that one Bookworm. For decades I only fasted on Tisha B’av and Yom Kippur. I must be out of practice if I am complaining about a 10 hour fast.

I thought of that but I think that was my point. You can be beyond sorry that you didn’t put measures into place, but how can you be critical about it? Both situations were rare occurrences, and to whomever said he had been through this 3 or 4 times,that was not 8-10 inches of snow which isn’t effortless even for a city like Chicago. There’s nothing wrong with teaching kids to practice hurricane drills in places that never have them, but to consider investing millions of dollars on shelter and security measures? I don’t know.

Dash – not surprised. This was just something I remember my dad doing 20-30 years ago.

I think I had mine before I knew what they were.

i tried it but i was able to do it. is it supposed to be palm up or palm down?

. . . you come home and your mother doesn’t grab your laundry and start cooking all your favorite foods.

My opinion is that unless you’ve met both the boy and the girl, however briefly, you shouldn’t be the shadchan. Take it or leave it.

If you re-read the circumstances I gave you will see that I was neither offering to act as shadchan, nor redting two people because they are male and female so your disagreement is misplaced.

Hearing enough about someone to believe they MAY be shayach, and passing on the name to the parent is hardly suggesting two random humans.

DY – I had the same thought for a minute there.

I would much rather marry someone who is a carrier than marry someone who is a jerk. Any testing being done for that?

Vogue – how come?

streekgeek – That is so beautiful and so right on. I know I have brought this up in other threads but Rabbi Abraham Twersky also talks about people not wanting to be alone with themselves and what it means about how they feel about themselves.

Shopping – instead of hating that neshama yiseira, think of the guilt as a boost of strength for change. For example, I need to change my eating habits so badly but I really don’t have the energy for that. Now that I am getting older I gain more easily and I feel like I need to be more careful but I am so stressed that I just can’t deal with it. Well I started getting bad stomach aches from breads and fried stuff and had to completely stop eating most of it.

At first I still wanted it and I kept complaining about the pain but the pain was a favor, the impetus I needed to JUST STOP! Now when I think of the pain or the foods I can’t eat I don’t even want to anymore. I don’t dwell on how fat I am, I thank Gd that I now have the boost I needed to work on it!

As Rabbi Wallerstein has said, “Use the fire for good” Take the huge burning anger and frustration with who you are and where you are at and use it to shoot yourself up higher, instead of blowing yourself up.

Lakewood? That sounds familiar. Is that somewhere near Buffalo?

In those situations I am not even offering to act as shadchan, I am simply making them aware of a boy that is worth their time to look into. If they choose to pursue it, they can either bring the name to the shadchan they use, or they can ask me to find a resposible party who knows him. To hear a name and not mention it at all would be silly.

Torah613 – L’Hefech. If I hear a bit about a boy and I think of a friends daughter, I can spend a bunch of time “looking into him” just to find out that she can start “looking into him” as well. Why not say that I just heard a little bit about this boy and you are welcome to see if it is shayach. That way she can find out what she wants to know and I don’t have to spend hours asking questions from people that would have to be verified and elaborated on.

I believe that getting checked is necessary hishtadlus. I also believe that if you think that the reason you are getting checked is to “make sure” that you have healthy children then your belief in Hashem is sorely lacking. So is your understanding of physiology.

We also ate very little of laytzonay’s menu but nothing healthier. Shabbos day we also serve chopped up schnitzel pieces to add to the salad, primarily for those who don’t want the cholent and want a meal out of the salad. We also seve deli roll and sometimes chili.

BachurTzvi – awesome answer! I feel the same way.

That is so petty. I don’t know why people are so bizarre.

My daughter (who will never date popa) and I just got back from a wedding. There were two different shadchanim there who went around from table to table with a local person asking them about each of the girls (name, rank and serial numbers, I presume). It may have been a nice idea, but they were standing in close range of each table, pointing to a girl and talking in undertones, then pointing to the next. Definitely not what I would call appropriate social skills. My daughter thought it was creepy.

Uh oh, I just realized this is post is off topic. Sorry.

It’s fine this time but please don’t let it happen again

fkelly – I don’t post private so I definitely would want to know. Mostly cuz then I would have someone to talk to about CR stuff. If you figured it out because I gave myself away I would want to know before I said something else that was even more personal.