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The boys school and preschool is nut free, totally. There is a kid who goes into anaflaxic (I have no clue how to spell that) if you eat peanuts and a few hours later talk to him. It’s really scary. If someone is really allergic though then they are normally very careful and carry an epipen around with them.
Potatoes
Vista is clear to use. Everything is right in front of you. It’s basically the same as the others. Do they sell computers that aren’t vista. I just bought a laptop and the ones that i looked at (which was a lot) were only vista.
This is for Smart Women who need a laugh and men who think they can handle it (that’s the title)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…
30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.”
The wife responded, “Allow me to explain.
G-d made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
G-d made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”
The husband said, ” You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.”
Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the “New”[?] Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says……….”HEBREWS”
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
“Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
G-d may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Little Johnny’s at it again….. A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’ After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?’ ‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter?’ asked Little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’
* * * * * * * * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said,
‘Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?’ Little Johnny quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ‘Yes,’ said the policeman. ‘The detectives want very badly to capture him.’Little Johnny asked, ‘Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture ?’
* * * * * * * * * * *
If this brightened your day, don’t let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer! Pass on to your friends! They like Johnny too ya know!
“If things don’t go the way you want, then want the way they go.”
Ponderisms
– Can you cry under water?
– How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
– Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. But it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
– Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
– What disease did cured ham actually have?
– How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
– Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
Why don’t teacher’s play along with our shtick? I mean it’s one day a year that we are allowed to have fun, they can’t grant us that? Sorry all you teachers out there.
What’s the difference if someone talks on a phone in the street? Is it any different if they’re talking to thier friend that’s standing next to them? Why wouldn’t that be appropiate or Tznius? Many adults talk on the phone on the street, what’s the dif?
A husband and wife were in a fight and not talking to each other. They were driving down a country road and they passed by a barnyard full of pigs and the likes.
“Relatives of yours?” asked the husband.
“Yup,” she replied, “in-laws”
Don’t tell Hashem how big your troubles are, tell your troubles how big Hashem is.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is my attitude to the problem.
Why regret growing older, its a privlege denied to many.
Today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.
All Mamarai Chazal are inspiring quotes. (That is not an inspiring quote)
Rosh Chodosh Adar is Tuesday and Wednesday!!!!!!!!
Any idea’s of good shtick?
“If things don’t go the way you want then want the way they go”
Got another random question.
Is it a man thing to make Cholent or something? and a boy thing to make Latkes?
Don’t know if any of these letters are in the word or not but so far,
c, e, i, and r have been guessed.
Thanks, so next question, if the head is facing the door but the bed is not totally in line with the door, is that the same thing. Like the head is facing the wall.
Obama.
History repeats itself only the people change. I got this really freaky email that you’re thinking the whole time that it’s Hitler yemach sh’mo and it’s really Obama. The way America is heading is Socialism.
Is this what you really want from your life though?
Your parents may not know what to do. They may be confused. Why don’t you try to talk with them about what you’re feeling? They may listen to you more then you think. But overall you should remember that all they want is the best for you.
There is totally peer pressure no matter where you live. I don’t think though that living-out-of town has so much peer pressure, I’ve lived out of town most of my life. If anything I think that living-in-town has more peer pressure.
Does anyone know about the Halacha that you shouldn’t sleep with your head to the door or feet?
You could make whatever you like in a crockpot, really. My mother just throws in what she would to make a soup (plus a little more water) and goes to work. By the time dinner rolls around its ready. It does get a little thick though so if you like watery soup add lots.
I have a few:
– if your in a hurry, you may never get there.
– The one who plants the tree is not the one who sits in its shade.
– Don’t fear going forward slowly: fear only standing still.
– If you don’t want anyone to know, don’t do it.
i
asdf – those are cute
How about “it’s the small difference in each of us that makes the big difference”
What type of recipes?
Have this delicious dessert Chocolate Fudge Pie.
You basically melt 6 oz of chocolate chips and 1 stick of marg.turn of the fire and put in 3 cups of icing sugar, 3 eggs, 3 tbsp of vanilla. Put it in a graham pie crust and bake for 30 min on 350. whip up a Richies and 1 tsp of coffee and 1 tsp of vanilla. Put on top freeze it. Take out before you sreve to defrost.
Enjoy
If your whole family dresses up as a theme, then you might want to tie your Shalach Manos to the theme. We know someone that their family dressed up as Mexicans and they gave Salsa and Tortilla chips.
Yeah,
what is greater than G-d
more meaner than the devil
a poor man has it
a rich man needs it and when you eat it you die?
Didn’t they not know that they were doing drugs. They knew that they were doing something illegal but they were not sure what, they thought they were smuggling antiques and the worst thing that would happen to them was they would have to pay the difference.
Random Question:
What would you be if you could have any job for a year? (It doesn’t have to be realistic)
G
Thanks, you know that you really make people feel good with all these welcomes.
Sorry I really am. I did lurk around for a bit before I joined.
Last year we melted chocolate chips and put them in a rose mold on a sick. Tied little cellophane bags over. Put them in a small vase from the dollar store with marshmellows on the bottom. It was cute easy and inexpensive.
Hi