Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Unless you count shul, no.
Suggest the parents spend time with the boy. This applies to both father and mother, but should be done separately, as not all activities are suitable for the parents as a pair (mom may like mall outings, father may like eating out.
On the subject of eating out, don’t suggest places that he is likely to be seen by his friends. Splurge for a $35-50 meal and take him to a place that shows him he is worth it. (I did it, and it opened my kid like a book.)
And the worst thing you can say to a kid like this is “think about what people will say when they see you with friends like that.”
Instead, focus on “will these friends help you achieve the goals you have for yourself?” This builds his self esteem, which is most likely not great right now.
And remember: they are not “bad kids”; they are kids doing bad things. Big difference, and it should be stressed.
WiseWoman – much of what you say (aside from the affairs part) is true to some extent. (the affairs part? that I have yet to see)
And while you are right, there are some rough spots to be wary of in summer life, I will say this; Like marriage, when its bad, its quite bad. But when its good, its the best thing out there.
So while you need to be careful upstate (as there is the need to be careful in getting and staying married) the 10 weeks upstate is a lifeline for some people. And for little kids (figure under 10)? Nothing compares. Nothing.
A snood implies more casual (like a bandana print, or one that has D & G embossed on it). A tichel is more dressy (like Hermes or Channel).
As one who has attended many PTAs, when you come in dressed like you mean business, people take you seriously. (this applies to both parents and staff)
When you come dresses in whatever suites your fancy, you’re placing yourself at risk for being underestimated. Its hard enough to get noticed in today’s anon world. Take advantage of every edge you can.
And kids? Oooh boy, do they pick up on these things. Many of our friends are in chinuch, and the ones that make an impressive stance (clothes, grooming, ect) have a much easier time doing their jobs.. becuase they are only fighting one battle, and not trying to overcome perception at the same time.
Sorry to admit it, but we live in an exterior world.
Going up top see the place? Wear boots, if its before May, as most places will have 3-4 feet of snow on the ground.
Also, keep in mind, the snow covered ground hides a lot of the imperfections on the landscape. It might look like a golf course now, but when the snow melts, you get to see how lush (or not) the place really is.
And when you meet the families, ask to see the photos they took the past summer. Nothing tells the story better than kodak (dress code, age of tenants, designer labels or lack thereof, ect)
And twisted – CR life is nothing like bungalow life. 10 weeks upstate is like getting married.. to 100+ families. The politics, the drama, the physc of the players.
Gosh, I could write a book (but can’t, as I’m still behind on my current mini-series)
Now that you mention it, rosh choidesh bentching is probably the only time we do “agree” as a group as the moilad is a fixed time, regardless which zman motzeh shabbos you hold, or how much / how fast matzoh needs to go down.
OK, the netz too is undisputed (but few of us are up for that!)
So while we may not agree how to spell the word, at least this proves we can all be friends (gender-specific only, though)
2-3 years, and I’m flexible on who is the older one too. There is no reason a 23/24 y/o boy should only see as his peer a 19 y/o girl
The main reason I see a 20 year old not being ready (as opposed to girls, who are), is because we demand nothing from the boys, other than to avoid getting arrested. At 20, they are not asked to pursue a carrear, not asked to work, not asked to do anything more complicated than plan their bein hazmanim trip.
Contrast that to a girl, who at 20, will have a job, be in school so she can get a better job, and probably have a savings acct, of her own earned $.
Could we bring 20 year old boys up to speed? If we demanded it. For the moment, this conversation is placed on the back burner until bocher’l is back from EY and sprung from the freezer.
And as far as “chassidim being ready at an early age”, that is to a degree true, but if the couples I know are any indication (and I know plenty of them) their marriages hum along like a well-oiled machine because every facet (well, almost every facet) of their daily routine is micro-managed by their parents. Meals, clothing, travel logistics, ect are all managed for at least the first 3 years.
Doubtful you can find that kind of compliance in the yeshivish world. So, in all fairness to the BY girls, we really need to keep the boys off the shelf until 23-24.
Take it from a veteran; you only want to go to a place where you know someone. My idea of a “yeshivish” place might be radically different than yours.
Ditto for the term “decent bungalow”. I’ve seen places billed as “decent” that would not pass for a tool shed, and seen others that I was told were “decent” and they rival my house in Bklyn.
I know its “only 10 weeks” but getting your family into a place where you don’t mesh will make it seem like time served in Rikers.
Its not an exact science, but essentially, you dice one huge onion, sautee in oil, until its collapsed, add 1 lb of broiled chicken liver, cut up into pieces the size of a grape, add sugar and paprika to taste (there’s probably a touch of salt and pepper as well, but I’m not sure).
Best bet? Buy a small container from a take-out place, so you know what to aim for. Or stop by, if you’re in the area!
Mexican spiced turkey breast, on club, with mayo, mustard and olives. have’nt had one since Feb (I packed it for a flight), and have’nt had one as memorable since.
For the most part, our menu is identical to what’s been listed so far, with one exception: our liver is sauteed in onions, with sugar and paparika.
My son “discovered” this dish at a simcha a while ago, and has taken charge of this item ever since
For me? I aim for tomid. Take today; I was in shul 10 minutes before the minyan started. And I know that the other 50 people in shul get there in time every day, so what’t the bigh deal, right? But for me, its cause for celebration, for me thats reason to be happy
Not every victory makes headlines, but if its something I acheive, I’m b’simcha!
Rexal, vnishmartemmeod, it was a few years ago, and I did’nt have an Oddesy then.
This mixup happens each summer (but thankfully, I was not in any of them!)
August 1967 !
Whoa. That literaly makes you old enought to be my father. Now I regret the way I wrote to you on a previous post.
Sorry, the screen is sometimes deceiving. Moichel?
Take it from someone who is far from rich, killer looks, or yichus (unless yichus atzmi counts).
Putting aside the top 10% of the population, (who are truly rich, and /or stunning) the vast majority of us are as plain as a lb of rye bread, yet satistics show, getting married (and happily, I might add) is pretty much a sure thing.
At engagement time, both of us were page 47 news. Now, 2 decades+ later, we’re prize winners.
Bottom line: don’t despair! Just be yourself, and be prepared to take someone who (like you) has 85% of “what it takes” (everyone has a diff yardstick, so I won’t specify what “it” is) and the remaining 15% is what you work on building.
Won’t comment on yichus, because its too subjective
Not really on topic, but since kapusta asked, I rarely check the news on YNW; I head straight to the CR.
And I find it funny that most of the comments on the “news / home” page are not from the same screen names as you see in the CR. That leads me to believe that the CR folks are to a large degree separate from the news / home page people.
I was walking a trail, stepped off a rock onto what looked like grass.
It was a ditch, and I found myself waist deep in swamp.
Yuck!
Overeducated girls are not a problem.
Undereducated boys are the problem.
“is good for the gender”
Very funny!
I’m with apushatayid. On line is a loosely regulated place, and its buyer beware. The CR does a good job of imposing boundaries, but in the end, its really up to the memebers to behave as we should in speaking.
Well said, Syag. I’m dropping this one. You are right, and I thank you for calling it to my attention.
Yes.. me and 96% of BP. Summertime, in the Walmart parking lot, its not uncommon to see 4-5 in a row. In one colomy I passed on 17B, I counted more than 15, out of about 20-25 vehicles in the entire lot. There is one block in BP that has 8 odyesseys
To make matter worse, many of the silvery / blue ones (anywhere from 2005 – 2010 models) all look so similar… especially at night.
Oomis – Sure thing! Here’s who I’ll be looking for when I walk into the vort; someone whe grew up as a typical 1950s – 1960s era American girl, whose children / child-in-laws are accomplished bnei and bnos torah, whom she is fiercely proud of, 2nd only to the nachas she has from seeing her grandchildren. is more observant now, then she was a child, due to her childrens growth and schooling (as is the case for many of us).She may not have the same “tech saavy” her kids have, but she is no fool. Dressed modestly, yet tastefully, and carries herself and speaks as befitting a mother / grandmother of such a family.
Problem is (similar to the one I have with Blinky) the above bio most likely covers many of your friends, relatives and mechutonim; becuase those are the people you associate with.
Know what? It covers most of my mailing list too. That’s why I say our orbits are bound to overlap. You might be the future sister-in-law’s Aunt, or a neighbor of the aunt and get invited to sheva bracos, but by hook or crook is a safe bet.
Time will tell!
Best Ima –
The situation you describe happened to me upstate. I was parked in front waiting for my Mrs, and we had a very common minivan. I was the “error” walking straight towards me, but could do nothing to stop her.
She opens the door and gets in. I (with my head dropped to the steering wheel) say, “sorry, you’ve got the wrong car.
Boy, I hope she’s not a CR member!
That, Blinky is VERY funny, and just the kind of situation I would expect you to find yourself in. The volunteering, being so focused on what you’re doing (becuase you don’t do anything half-hearted) that you don’t see the crowd closing in on you, not being brash and just strutting across the floor, yet using your sechel on how to get out.
And the guard was right, a jackpot indeed! I envy your chosson and your in-laws.
WIY –
Any of the cholent places are possible venues, but if you’re over 23, you’re gonna feel very out of place. (That’s why I’m boxed out).
The hate towards flatbush? Nothing of the sort. I just can’t figure out their pre-occupation with clock-watching. That, and the fact that they post zmanim to the minute (example: maariv is 7:28)
I get a real kick out of telling OOT (or Flatbush) visitors to our shul when they ask “what time is maariv” (becuase its not printed on the scedule)and I tell them, “its right after bentching”
“But what TIME is it??” They insist on knowing. The idea of being in limbo drives them wild. As does their obsession with clock-watching.
And as far as “minyanim all the time” besides Landaus, or the occational shteeble, try to find a minyan mincha outside of shkiya time. And you need to allow 10 minutes to get there. In BP, in a 10 minute radius, you can probably find 50 places.
There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home….
“Bubby BP”
As opposed to Babby? Ok, that gives me a clue of what to look for.
And Coke, the “kids” are in yeshiva (boys don’t have off on sunday). As for me and Mrs; we’ll go wherever she says. That’s what sundays look like when you’re married.
“BPT- its very possible you pass me on the street”
Hmm. lets see Blink; Based on what you’ve told us in the CR, I can construct the folloing bio:
Twenty-something, articulate, sem grad, lives in somewhere in NYC, (probably Bklyn, but possibly Queens. Not chassidish, probably wore her hair in a pony thru HS (possibly still does during the week) and down for shabbos, and is probably some sort of special ed profesional. Non-confrontational type, but has strong convictions, and can express her opinion clearly and convincingly when called for.
OK, Blinky, Ive got you narrowed down to one of 300+ people!
That “wagon” riddle is driving me nuts. I’m not due back in the area for another few weeks, so hopfully when I go, the “wagon” is still there.
And Oomis – I fully believe that in one angle or another, we will cross orbits when I start doing shidduchim. Just a hunch, but that’s my guess. Either an aunt, or macheteneste, or a neighbor, or co-worker. Somehow, I just see it on the horizon.
yeah; the “k” (as opposed to ok) is what tipped me off
Same here, Bomb. The trouble is, my kids / wife think its weird to have conversations with people that I cannot see, and also, the whole “chat room” concept gets a bad rap in Bklyn, so for their sake, I try to stay under the radar. Fact is, if any of my “real world” friends read any of my posts, they’d spot me in a minute. One of them even has YWN as his homepage. Talk about seeing the forrest, but missing the trees.
Ok, sorry. From the posts, you both strike me as pretty young (as in under 25) So number of kids aside, you’re still rookies, compared to us geezers
But really, if you’re both seasoned pros, why the dilemna? Kids cry, they fall asleep. End of story.
Besides, don’t beat me up.. get after Sac! (Benadryl ;>
Mice. Sounds weird, because I’m not afraid of bugs, dogs, bad guys. But mickey sends into a fit. Oddly enough, chipmunks, snakes and squirrels don’t phase me at all. But Mice? Forget it. We’ve mouse proofed our house, so at least I’m safe there. But one time, one must have gotten in when the door was left open, and until I caught it, I was a basket case. Maybe if they made some noise when they ran, but since you can’t hear them, I flip when they scoot out from under the fridge. That’s my weak spot.
That, and I really can’t overcome my aversion to old people’s skin. I have no problem cleaning bathrooms, cleaning up after floods, changing kids diapers, washing greasy dishes, but the thought of handling old people really takes a lot (and I mean A LOT) of will power.
But when push comes to shove, I’ll bathe an elderly man, but lock me in a room where mice are running around? I’ll be climbing the walls.
Ahh, first time parents.. you gotta love em!
Can’t say I blame you. Every time I cross OP, I feel like I’m visiting a foreign country.. or NNJ.
A few weeks ago, I was caught in Flatbush and needed to find a minyan for mincha at aroud 6:15 (and was several blocks from Landaus). I see a stream of people come out of a shul, and ask,”when’s the next minyan” and I’m told, “9:00”
Without thinking, I said, mincha? And he said, You’re looking for a minyan mincha now? At 6:15? Its past shkiya! We just fininshed maariv! (apparently, they daven mincha and maariv back-to-back).
So off to Landaus I went.
But boy, did it feel warm and fuzzy once I got back arcoss Ditmas!
Funny, as LAST sunday I was in Monsey, but THIS sunday, I might go bike riding.
Still, my payos flying? Nope. Tzitis, sometimes, but payos are not long enough.
But I’ll bet that the chossid on the bike was wondering if you and your family are the elusive BPTs??
Hmmm….?
Wolf –
I’m not quite sure what to look for, but everytime I see a frum person shooting outdoor scenes on high-end photo equipment, I ask them, “are you a baal koreh?”
Doc Pepper –
I’m fully expecting to run in to you one day, and the lightbulb will go off over both of us simultaneously. The only question is, will it be a scene, or a silent exchange, that we both know, but still protect each other’s privacy?
Your sunday excursions seem to run along the same lines as mine, so odds are….
“I dont remember the last time I’ve been in Boro Park”
Then without a doubt, you are (over)due for a visit.
Thursday nite would be ideal; you can shop at Kollel and then right around the corner is VIP.
I mean, you’re already parked in the area. Why let an opportunity go to waste?
“I follow my Rav though.”
We had a similar situation, where we had 6 people ready to daven, and 4 stand ins. (something that is often done in BP)
One of the 6 said, “I’m not davening, its a *beferush MB*.”
I later related this to the rov, and he said, “true. But we don’t always pasken like the MB”
EDITED
For the same reason people sin, yet *know* that its bad for them. False sense of security, becuase they can point out people who do so, yet seem to beat the odds, and at the same time, see people who do not (meaning non-smokers and sin avoiders), yet fall victim to all sorts of trouble.
Bechira is a tricky and powerful tool; use it wisely!
As much as I love a good kula, I was never able to find a loophole for shaking hands with women. And belive me I tried, but no where could I find any posek that gave a green light on this one. Not MO, not anyone.
Sitting on a bus, even between two women, can be mitigated by holding a sefer (or like the Rebbes do when walking in the street, holding a cane). But to shake hands? Looks like this one’s a closed case.
Funny you should mention slurpees, becuase every now and then, I pass the ice cream store on 13th / 45th and wonder to myself, “who in the world has a slurpee emergency and 10:00pm?”
Now I know.
p.s. – tilt the odds in your favor, skip the slurp, and go for cholent tom @ 12. If ever there was a daters shmorgasboard, that is THE place. And if you’re lucky, you’ll spot Lipa and / or Berry after work. If the mood / chevrah is right, they might even conveine an impromptu kumzitz!
Just a mere 2 weeks, and this story is all but forgotten
This is why I made the assetion that when we (meaning klal yisroel)find ourselves in an ais tzorah, we pray for a yeshuah, and when we are saved, we remain eternaly grateful for the nes we were granted.
The umos ha’olam walk away from a miracle, pat themeselves on the back for the “tech wonders” and “unwavering human spirit” and promptly move on to the next sensational story.
When we say, “shelo usani goy” or remember yitziyas mitzrayim, we can say it with pride!