Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Joseph – “The Gemorah in Shabbos 62b says that… a women should care about her appearance only to the extent of not being repulsive to her husband.’
I think it would take an awful lot of makeup for a women to make herself repulsive to her husband.
ames- I’m glad SOMEONE got it!
ROB- My example is definitely not true.
Joseph – What about this example: A man once came to the Rav asking him advice. He got 2 job offers, and he wants to know which to take.
The first is Tzniut administrator of the rabbanut, a position in which he is confident that he would be able to change the Tzniut standards in all of Israel, causing the public to only dress Tzniut. If he does not take this job, they will hire someone who does not have his standards and the public who rely on this standard will not dress Tzniut.
His other choice is to be a rebbi in a yeshiva. If he does not take that job, the Yeshiva will hire a different Ben Torah, on the same level as him, so its not as if the kids are going to be less frum.
Which job should he take, he asked.
The Rav asked him, “Do you think, if you take the job as a Rebbi, that you could perhaps convince 2 of your students to learn during a Bain Hazemanim?”
“Yes,” he said. “I think I can do that.”
“Then you should know,” said the Rav, “that two kids learning Torah bain hazemanim as if it were the zman, is much more valuable to Hashem than making the entire Eretz Yisroel dress Tzniut!”
Joseph – “The Gemorah in Shabbos 62b says that a reason for the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash was women used excessive cosmetics”
Exactly my point Joseph, women have improved in areas of Tznius over the years and especially in recent times, Boruch Hashem. Halavai Veiter.
I hope we all improve in our ways the way women have been improving in Tznius.
says who – “of course we have more things to work on but don’t be in denial.”
The mention of tznius in the CR brings them all out yelling in their corners. Tznius issues take up a lot of room in the CR; Chamas doesn’t. Look who’s in denial?
says who – “The main point was why is the level of tznius in general deteriorating”.
It’s not good enough anymore to cover up, it’s how you cover up.
Well, we’ve waited a long time to get this far, let’s wait a bit longer, but with gentleness. M’at m’at as m’silas yesharim says, or else you lose it all.
The dor hamabul was destroyed not because of tznius issues, although it was rampant, but because of chamas: because people cheated on their taxes; because people laundered money; because they double parked their chariots and wasted other’s time; because they plagiarized and attributed other’s works as their own; etc.
So before going off the wall concerning tznius; let’s put our efforts into eradicating chamas. If we can do that, I don’t think tznius will be an issue.
says who – All I’m saying is do what is right and don’t act meshuga.
If you do what is right and you’re a decent person, others will follow.
Everyone has different weaknesses, so if you’re perfect in every respect, then you can lecture others. Work on your own weakness and leave the musser to those who are expert in giving it. Otherwise, it can do more harm than good.
mazal77- Men are weak; they look at women no matter what. As the g’mara says: even an exposed pinky.
mazal77 – So what do you do when you want to take a walk sometimes and are modestly dressed according to Halacha and you are still causing others to sin since it’s so hard for a man not to look at a woman?
mazca – “… you see its all from Hashem”
I have heard from my Rav that with shidduchin, unlike parnossah, no hishtadlus is necessary. We do it to calm our nerves that we’re doing something; but it would happen regardless.
Yes, she’s a nut, so don’t worry about it.
mybat – You hit the nail on the head. Your method incorporates shadchanis with reality and has passed the test of time; the current way hasn’t.
A nistar doesn’t learn in kollel.
telegrok- ” … after which I exercised. Finally, I said krias shema and went to sleep. This morning I woke up, showered, and went to shul. After davening I said tehillim, had a cup of coffee, and went to work. What kind of a Jew am I?”
A Jew that goes to bed all sweated up?
bein_hasdorim: Just curious…I agree that “everyone must have their own Rav”; it’s one of my mantras; but if someone does not have a personal Rav but has other erlich das torah (who is not a das yochid) whom to be someich on, than why go l’chumra rather than l’kula?
AZ: “Suggestion: After three dates each side should give $150 and %50 per date for each further date. If they end up getting engaged a additional gift would be appropriate.”
How about: Nothing now, and $5,000-$10,000 after three years of marriage (held in Escrow). This way the shadchanim receive what they deserve and the candi-dates are seriously considered.
Tznius is not the cause of Shalom Bais issues: Hachnosas Orchim is. When you have a couple over for a Shabbos meal and the husband is articulate and speaks in sentences or the wife is the perfect tz’nuah but is put together well; this kinah I hear from Rabbonim undermines Shalom Bais.
I don’t know if the age thing is the reason or not; my personal feeling is that it’s not.
And even if age is the prime factor; since we’re not going to change human nature, let’s not waste precious time and resources running up that road. Obviously, men and woman are not willing to settle and will continue searching for that non existent gold at the end of the rainbow, until it’s too late.
So why the age gap in the frum world now? Formalized Shidduchin.
Young frum people used to meet each other in informal settings and the age difference was minimal, or it didn’t make much difference since there was the hormonal factor.
And yes, many of today’s Rabbanim and Rebbitzens met this way too years ago; they would like to forget but I was there (Thirteenth Ave, on Friday night and Fourteenth Ave, Shabbos afternoon).
However, now we think that we can order what we want for shidduchin. Yes, that works if you have real yeshivish yichus or money; no age gap crisis there. But, for the “hamon am”: Get Real and don’t waste your time.
My advice: Marry any person who is a true Yiras Shamayim and that’s it! If you can do that, you’ve won and the rest is window dressing.
NY Mom – The “bain adam l’chaveiro” starts with us. By being wonderful role models in “bain adam l’chaveiro”, the znius model will be imitated as well.
It’s funny, I never worry about my wife competing with anyone; she’s just perfect, as is.
I think if we had a campaign to be machmir on all aspects of “bain adam l’chaveiro”, with no exceptions; all of these other issues would soon end.
My point is; Ain l’davar sof. No matter how women are dressed; you are going to have this issue.
And it’s interesting; years back when “frum women” did not cover the knee or elbow, the men were also of a different mind set and the problem was not on the front burner. I think our women should be extolled for their accomplishments in areas of tznius, not criticized.
Chol Hamoed used to be a time when families got together to visit; for meals/reunions. The frum world has really dropped the ball and deprived our children of this very important tradition.
Concerts-Shmoncerts; Museums-Shmuseums; Shopping; Travel; Zoos; Amusement Parks…is this the Yom Tov message that we want our children to cherish? Or is Yom Tov Chol Ha’moed a time to relax from the pressures of the hustle and enjoy the k’dushas Yom Tov and family?
Is it possible that, for the most part, our single people are just going through the motions of shidduchin, but for whatever reason, have been influenced by the goyish world or other factors, and do not want to marry? And a good portion of those who do not want to marry, but marry anyway due to pressures; are getting divorced?
Talk to your Rav.
Please, before using a Shabbos Goy, become very familiar with the halachos of “Amira L’Akum”, telling a Goy, because they are numerous and if you don’t know the conditions and how to do it, it’s like you are doing the malacha yourself.
It’s interesting to note that many children of modern Orthodox families are rebelling against the values they have been taught and are learning in Kollel, here and in Israel, to the great disappointed of their parents.
Having a l’chaim or two, or three, on Simchas Torah is part of simchas Yom Tov, if you enjoy it and space them out. I enjoy potato kugel on Yom Tov, but too much of it at once is going to get me sick, an achilas gasa, and that is assur. Same with l’chaims. Remember that l’kavod Yom Tov, get the very best.
L-rd, get me high, get me high, get me high. L-rd, get me high, get me higher. Shlomo, we miss you.
Shikur – Name three of your top choices.
Feif Un – Apples and oranges.
Unfortunately, “politics” does enter into what Rav Moshe actually said, and did he also give the group of Rabbonim who initially came to him for a Brooklyn eruv p’sak, a clearance to seek other opinions. They claim that he did, and there’s no reason to think that the Rabbonim were not being truthful, otherwise Rav Menashe Klein would not have given the ok for the Brooklyn Eruv.
Yiftach b’doro k’Shmuel b’doro. You follow the Rabbonim of your time; they have equal weight in p’sak with those of the past.
Does anyone know of any mainstrean shul in Brooklyn where women dance on Simchas Torah; I don’t.
HIE- Do you follow Rav Belsky’s kulos as well? Many don’t.
Shikur- What’s your pleasure; how machmir are you?
If Rav Belsky is your Rav or Posek, then you must follow his advice, otherwise, ask your own Rav (A’sei L’CHA Rav).
“The jewish people are Two percent of America and very few of that two percent is Frum.”
Yes, but, “look at the list of gemachs and look at the list of goyish non-profit organizations”, was your suggestion, not mine.
I have one on my cul-de-sac (dead-end street).
With regard to the Flatbush Eruv; ask your Rav because most people are not qualified to determine this controversial sh’aila d’oreisa on their own. The only way that one can use it is if you get the ok from your Rav.
truthsharer” Come to Ave.J erev Succos where you can buy complete and decent esrog sets for as little as $10.
bein_hasdorim – Supply and demand may be the reason for those prices, if they ran out of hadassim in your area.
I always buy extra aravos and hadassim when I get my esrog since it is a hidur mitzva to refresh and replace them on chol hamoed; and as happened in shul this morning that someone needed them and I was happy to provide.
mosherose- “… you slandered Rav Reisman. You took his name and smeared it through the mud. You should go on your hands and knees and beg forgiveness from him.”
The Wolf’s minhag avoseinu is to play it safe and to be a mench. What’s yours mosherose?
Unfortunately, many people have overwhelming “daigas”, and while they very much want to focus and enjoy the simcha of what the Torah stands for; their worries would prevent them from participating. Boruch Hashem for a little l’chaim, it gives these Yidden the ability and courage, to forget their inhibitions and allows them to become immersed in the simcha as others appears to be.
Unless you’re talking about kids, Yeshiva talmidim should be learning 24/7 and that’s it; chesed should be performed when they are Rabbonim and by those of us who lack the hasmada for learning.
They shouldn’t go anywhere; they belong in the Bais Medrash.
Sh’koach Joseph, that’s pretty clear and doesn’t leave too much wiggle room for innovation.
Maybe meaning to say that if the bochrim were indeed worthy, a bus would come immediately.