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i once asked someone why women are hardly ever believed that their husbands abuse them (the husband seems so “choshuv”,etc.)why would someone waste so much time running around from one rav to the next begging for a get if it wasn’t true???
one answer was: “one woman’s testimony is not considered aidus except by…”Another one said :”she doesn’t realize it’s not her husband,it’s the little brats(verbatim)”yet another one said:”just be accessible at all times”etc.etc.
my point is:GROWN WOMEN ARE DISMISSED ABOUT CLAIMS OF ABUSE…KAL V’CHOMER POOR LITTLE KIDS.
ironically:if someone accuses someone FALSELY of being abused,the rumors spread like wildfire!!
if i already gave too many details about myself away can i change my username?
can you play “smile” by michoel streicher from the cassette entitled “thank you”
1.don’t bother saving white clothing for more than one season because it oxidizes anyway
2.plastic containers with lids are good because they are see-thru.otherwise labeled AIRTIGHT shopping bags are fine.
3.putting fabric softener sheets in keeps the smell fresh and pleasant.
4.fold it neatly.
5.give away what’s too small for YOUR YOUNGEST and throw out ultra-faded,curly-collared stuff.
6.label specifically:SUMMER 2011-BOYS OR GIRLS WINTER PJS 6X-8
7.DO NOT INSULT PEOPLE BY GIVING THEM WORN OUT OR TORN STUFF.
in response to myself:HEAVEN HELP US
ticket to heaven
the victim business is if the woman is being severely neglected,ignored completely,or any other type of abuse.changing one’s mind about a you-learn-and-i’ll-go-to-work agreement should be clarified and guided by a rav both sides respect.LIKE MANY THINGS–THERE’S NO COOKIE-CUTTER P’SAK:IT’S A CASE BY CASE P’SAK.
when i referred to achzorius…i meant DESPITE all the learning the fellow was supposedly doing…some nasty behavior and emotional cruelty was going on.such a person’s wife is absolutely a victim–BUT NOT OF THE SYSTEM!kollel life can be very beautiful.
long years is right.those who are close to me are confident the truth will evolve but in the meantime …i just keep my dignity as much as i can and a big smile and daven for my personal exoneration.
(sigh)it’s all true what you said,but it never ceases to amaze me…every single elul my most treasured friends call to ask me for mechila when i don’t know what they ever did wrong,and people who did actually harm me(with righteous cheshbonos i suppose) just coast along…i thank hashem that i am careful with people’s feelings and needs.who wants to lose the chance to get mechila after 120?(c”v)
to each his own.i know more than i care to share publicly.a regular businessman has a choice.SOMEONE’S ASSISTANT has less choices where ethics come in.the only choice they have is go along with it or stand up to it and possibly be shown the door.i would never put myself there if i knew about the moral pitfalls IN ADVANCE.
too bad these posts are outa order…that last post…
everyone goes around saying bli ayin hara,kinayna hara,etc.
they don’t realize that if they purposely ruined someone’s shaym tov—at least one person is not seeing them with an ayin tova!
new york courts are a breeding ground for lies and corruption.i’ve seen it with my own eyes.i wouldn’t touch that job(great salary and all) with a 10 foot pole.no offense to the poster,chas v,sholom.
i was the subject of motzi shaym ra and i honestly don’t believe anything anyone says about anyone—unless it’s good.
i wait for my “truth” to somehow evolve and i imagine so does anyonewho has been innocently villified.
yes.rabbi and mrs.nachmen and bella siegal.they host shabbos meals for one and all and have made 15 shidduchim at least.
A.literally-too “oisge’arbit” and “ois’gecheshboned”to take a shower regularly.
B.generally–AN UNKIND AND HIGHLY OFFENSIVE word to describe fine and ehrlich… very,very yeshivish bochurim.
To the guys who look shlumpy–remember kavod hatorah!
To the people who label other human beings as “greasy”–WORK ON YOUR MIDAH OF ANIVUS AND AHAVAS HA’BRIOS.
p.s. by me caps aren’t “shouts”–just emphasis.
i went into a teacher store and bought a full-size poster of the most common words and phrases.i have it on a wall at home and pass by it often.so when i heard a lady say “pork”and i hoped she wasn’t referring to me(!),i went home,checked the chart,and saw:”porque”-because.whew!that was a relief.
BPT:
not all kensington ple enjoy looking shlumpy.i don’t live there anymore, but a few of my friends and i invested in ONE PRECIOUS shevy(preserved with love!) because looking like you have a bird’s nest on your head is a chilul hashem.even when i had to tolerate 100% synthetic or 50/50 wigs i washed them regularly,brushed them daily,changed the style once in a while…what if someone said that all guys from your area didn’t wear deoderant…never generalize,sir.otherwise your descriptions were perfect.ha ha ha-that was a joke,of course.
for once i’m glad to have been ignored.my post sounded kinda grumpy.
i sometimes wonder:are my posts invisible?or because they are polite everyone simply agrees with me?:)
the fellow i was married to learned for many,many years with my full consent(and hard work).he was severely abusive. ..i don’t think achzorius is the average midda of “the full-time learner” but it teaches an important lesson.we both wanted the learning(it turned out not for the same reasons,alas).we scrimped and asked neither side for financial support.BUT WITHOUT STRONG BEIN ADAM L’CHAVEIRO -even if you do everything else 100% right… it’s going to unravel.if my daughters want a guy who doesn’t become his own da’as torah,that’s fine with me.an arrogant ben torah is an OXYMORON.(did i hear you say moron?tsk,tsk!)
we learn from the reunion of yosaif and his brothers the following:A.never ostracize a brother or sister B.you may be forgiven if you apologize but it will never be deemed correct.
C.the black sheep is often the “white”sheep in Hashem’s eyes.D.all nightmarish experiences do eventually come to an end,and sometimes the truth is revealed for all to see.E.some damages can be compensated for,but illness or death that results from the tza’ar itself is irreversible(ex.yosaif was held accountable for the part of his father’s suffering that he could have shortened.The shvotim could not go back in time,either,and UNDO all they’d done)F.giving the benefit of the doubt is no cliche!it is the only way to live.(except when kabdayhu vchashdayhu is called for:don’t be maykel on the kabdayhu and machmir on the chashdayhu!)G.the test yosaif passed with potifera shows how exalted he was.yet who was thrown into a pit with snakes and scorpions??)
the mekor for the above is “l’aniyas da’ati”
my mother used to sing it to us.it’s a beautiful haunting melody composed by a great tzadik on his deathbed or wherever he was when he knew he was close to death.i get tearful whenever i sing it because my mother herself was niftar young.i can’t sing it to a man but to a wife or daughter.
can i vent?i’m a single mom looking to move.every yeshivish landlord ended up making up a bogus excuse…the others seemed interested.yeshivish motzi shaym ra takes on a life of its own.meaning mr.x is “CHOSHUV YESHIVISH” yeshivish;and that world seems to be way smaller than i thought…(sigh)
that is why i keep repeating be sincere be honest and don’t make up your own torah.
i don’t know what otd is but i have 100% respect for all jews.i grew up in canada and my classmates were the full spectrum!i hope no offense was taken by anything i wrote because none was meant.(sorry about the caps)
here is a chorus to a ballad i wrote a few months ago:
Good times,right around the corner
Good times,right around the bend
Good times,may be on the way so-
Don’t give up-it ain’t the end.
Please do not plagerize(however you spell it).it’s invisible gezel.
i’m posting it cuz the words should give chizuk.sorry can’t give you “to the tune of”- it’s original.
tuna beigel is the result of a chassidish kid at risk.obviously.but modern yeshivish is EITHER:THE RESULT OF A YESHIVISH KID AT RISK WHO CALMED DOWN AND DECIDED TO REMAIN FRUM JUST NOT EXACTLY LIKE HIS/HER PARENTS OR:THEY WERE RAISED MODERN ORTHODOX AND ARE TOTALLY CONTENT AND UNREBELLIOUS.
i still maintain strongly that whatever lifestyle you choose…be sincere,honest,and remember not to make up the rules.the labels are irrelevant!
problem/no problem.
plocha(russian)/nyet plocha.
poor/not poor.
potbelly/no potbelly.
parents (supporting)/not (a)parasite.
patient/not patient.
perfect/not perfect.
any right?
i posted it this afternoon
how do i keep tabs on this thread without having to keep scrolling thru old stuff?
didn’t you see my suggested labels and abbreviations?
poppa…you tellin the truth??or are you CT?
if you mean pretty and not pretty shame on you sir(poppa)
(sigh)i wish the labels could be cut altogether.or narrowed down to 3:A.i keep the torah…B.i make up my own leniencies and stringencies as i go along…and lastly:C.i look like i keep EVERYTHING PLUS but the people who live with me might say otherwise except they can’t cuz it’s loshon hora!Abbreviated to:TB=TRUE BLUE(MY LEVUSH MATCHES MY BEHAVIOR-IN A GOOD WAY),OR…CT=CUSTOM TORAH(MADE ESPECIALLY FOR…)
OR…IAAI=IT’S ALL ABOUT IMAGE.OK?
TO REVIEW:TB / CT / IAAI.any takers?
i thought it meant Original Poster
hi i just got a netbook and found this thread.forget the labels:just make sure the person is sincere and consistent.a guy learning in kollel for years and then a magid shiur for years wih a full beard – if he’s missing emes and the yiras shomayim is worse than modern ANYthing.whatever you call yourself or whatever you want others to see you as:be honest and remember not to make up your own rules.
aha…so you’re a kohen.thanks.i’ll be trying to say the whole ribono shel olam t’fila for dreams fast enough…
i write lyrics
i write scripts and screenplays(ie.stage plays and films)
THANKS!i would daven 4 u but i don’t know if you’re a man,a lady,a doctor,…or a pepper.
ARIES:i went to a school out of town and had none of this going on,either.
WIY and whoever else–if you actually read my post…i gave examples of pOsitive and non-oppressive ways to imbue the girls with the “tznius is actually kinda classy”way of thinking.
i’m no mekubal but i was told that being a mensch always pays off somewhere along the road.as far as what people told you about “moving on”…you are a grown-up…and you will sense the right time on your own.okay,this is my last day ..i am giving my computer to a friend tomorrow iy”h…i’ve wasted too much time since I found this cool coffee room.
for a child that wants to fall asleep but simply can’t:someone just told me about melatonin…wish i would have known about it for one of the older kids….maxihealth has it.totally natural,works wonders for a kid that has a hard time falling asleep.plus,he wakes up nice and cheerful and well-rested in the morning.just don’t give it too late.and not unnnecessarily.(if he konks out on his own-great)
ok did i make all the men mad…it’s right before yom kippur…got lots to do…hope i’m not on anyone’s hitlist(mee bacherev…)
ok good luck
oy…you wore me out.”may the best man win”…
yes, a person who takes someone to court/police unnecessarily is a “moiser”.and corruption in courts is an understatement.the lawyers,law guardians,and yes…the well-bribed and politically connected judges…all corrupt.i will never forget a gentile man who hadn’t seen his baby for an entire year…and the man who was arrested on the spot in court for something really trivial…but a good father should want his kids to be primarily by the mother…for heaven’s sake!
so no one likes my idea?(sniff,sniff)
hey,i never asked to be dragged to the secular courts…my significant other refused to go to bais din and served papers.he wanted to hurt me BIG TIME.BUT:since it’s right before yom kippur,i will word this carefully…bais din will listen to a seemingly”choshuve”husband over the wife.with catasrophic results,i might add.so if you have a full beard,payos,and walk around with a sefer in your hand,you will have a great time in bais din.not every bais din falls for the facade…but definitely the majority…who even sanction court if they are told enough baloney stories…
right,so you should know that the courts are all into equal rights for dads,even when it’s NOT so good for the kids to be bouncing back and forth like ping pong balls,coming home late on school nights,being left alone,watching scary war videos…the men DO have more of a chance in court –worthy or not.