eclipse

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  • in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697346
    eclipse
    Member

    SO RIGHT:if you would only know what many women are put through in court these days.Angry, expensive-lawyered husbands are advised to say the wife is crazy,abusive,unfaithful(you name it).Husbands that were never home and wouldn’t babysit for 5 minutes so the wife could get out are suddenly demanding full custody of an entire family…JUST TO HURT THE WOMAN.While the burden of proof should be on the accuser,the woman is instead busy trying to prove that all the stories are made up,or gross distortions of kernel events…

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697343
    eclipse
    Member

    ARIES…i like what you wrote,in particular that a person deserves to be respected”in the way they need to be respected”.The Torah tells us to give tzedakah to a rich man who lost his money even to the point of a horse and runners(or something like that).I also want to explain that a t’mimusdige girl who turns to her husband’s rebbeim/roshei yeshiva/SOME rabbonim)is often not taken seriously.Here are just 3 of countless examples:

    1.”HE RAISED HIS FIST,BUT DID HE ACTUALLY HIT YOU?NO?…ALL MEN GET ANGRY LIKE THAT”

    2.”HOTLINES?….ARE YOU THIN?”(over phone obviously)

    3.”HE’S TRYING HIS BEST!””HE LAUGHS AT YOU CAUSE IT’S A NERVOUS HABIT””YOUR HUSBAND IS A TZADIK”v’choolay,v’choolay

    in reply to: Shidduchim Resources #712464
    eclipse
    Member

    TRY THE COFFEE ROOM VA’AD HARABONIM.JUST KIDDING

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697331
    eclipse
    Member

    Lest i be misunderstood,every single almana COULD be a tzadaykes!Of course!Just don’t assume that “grushos”are all wierd/bitter CONTAGIOUS….whatever…you know what i’m saying.

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697329
    eclipse
    Member

    thanks for listening without interrupting,everyone.you have been a wonderful captive audience.

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697328
    eclipse
    Member

    To be honest,the red flags are not always obvious during dating(i just gave NEEDIDEAS a composite of a lot of possibilities).many abusers are great while “winning you over”…and horrific only once they have you and you’re stuck.if it was so obvious during dating…that would make us all pretty stupid to get engaged to them.NEEDIDEAS…ASK HASHEM FOR CLARITY AND FORESIGHT AND YOU WILL BE FINE…hashem doesn’t punish someone who is trying his/her best just because they don’t know better…the main reason some of us needed to have those yissurim was the same reason people have any other nisayon…(yes,all those different reasons)that’s why it would be easier if the general public would not just assume all almanos are tzadaykeses and all grushos are monsters who “destroyed their families”…..it’s like telling a cancer patient:”why are you taking all that dumb chemotherapy?Don’t you see what it’s doing to you?”Am i coming across clearly?

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697323
    eclipse
    Member

    NEEDIDEAS:1.Believe you are worthy of being treated in a way that doesn’t make you feel bad about yourself as a human being.

    2. ALL THE SUBTLE red flags are too generic to post:TRUST YOUR INTUITION.bINA y’SAIRA IS A GIFT FROM HASHEM MEANT TO SELF-PROTECT…iF SOMETHING DOESN’T SEEM RIGHT,LOOK INTO IT.It could be it’s nothing…or you could be right on target.

    3.the more obvious red flags(while dating) are:laughing at your opinions when you are really serious,treating waiters/cabdrivers/sales clerks,etc. with disdain and attitude,doesn’t treat parents or siblings with common courtesy,behavior inappropriate with regard to modesty,has excuses for why only one friend can make it to the wedding,USE YOUR BINA…HASHEM WILL HELP YOU.

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697321
    eclipse
    Member

    but you are100% right that had i had all that ready,the abuser would never have gotten to first base.i was not advised in that direction and did not imagine ever needing it in my wildest nightmares…

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697320
    eclipse
    Member

    yup…been there done that…had no choice…got me pretty street-smart over the last few years…and i’m proud to say that although i was forced into legal proceedings that literally aged me…I always took the high road…did not let the lawyers write even a single exaggeration…and many tzadikim have told me that it will be a z’chus for me…

    in reply to: Jokes #1201231
    eclipse
    Member

    Due to a financial crisis,the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily cut off.

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697317
    eclipse
    Member

    Not being believed is I think (without exaggeration)THE worst part of the nisayon,ESPECIALLY when you are trying to protect children and YOU are blamed for what another person is doing.It’s a good thing we all believe in Hashem…People say “Sheker ayn lo raglayim”…I say:

    SHEKER IS “VROOMING” ALL OVER THE PLACE IN A STATE-OF-THE-ART MOTORIZED WHEELCHAIR.

    One day,we will be zoche to see the demise of Sheker.Then we can all say”here lies sheker”(pun intended).

    in reply to: Birthday gift from the coffee room? #1187365
    eclipse
    Member

    Wanna hear my own made-up “vort”?(I’ll take that as a yes)On Shmini Atzeres,Hashem says,”Stay another day,I don’t want you to leave yet”(kivyachol)Since my nisyonos in life have strengthened my closeness to Hashem,I feel it’s Hashem’s way of saying to me,”I’m doing this to keep you close…so you won’t forget to turn to me”….Kind of like Shmini Atzeres…

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697315
    eclipse
    Member

    My abuser(if I may be so blunt) thrust me into court BEFORE I EVEN KNEW THAT WAS AN OPTION FOR A JEWISH PERSON.THE BEST DEFENSE IS A GOOD OFFENSE… at least you said a grain of suspicion and not a grain of salt.That was wise.

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697312
    eclipse
    Member

    yanky55:true,but it’s usually the other way around.

    in reply to: WHY??? (random philosophical questions) #1115745
    eclipse
    Member

    that was actually fun to write

    in reply to: WHY??? (random philosophical questions) #1115744
    eclipse
    Member

    blinky:1.they hide in the corners of fitted sheets,in the space between the dryer and the wall,they stay in thw washer and dryer unnoticed and become part of other loads,they get stretched/faded so they don’t look like their original “partner’s”pair anymore,etc.a shidduch crisis indeed.one thing is guaranteed–the day you finally decide to throw out all the unmatched socks “for once and for all”is the day Tante Leah from Detroit calls to tell you “you left a bunch of stuff by me the last time you were here…a bib,a pair of tzitzis…AND A LONG BLUE SOCK”…

    in reply to: Who Sings This Song? #1056540
    eclipse
    Member

    i write lyrics and have a portfolio of my own original songs as well….a little gelt never hurt anyone(except for the penny thrown from the c.n.tower)

    in reply to: Composed Songs #713848
    eclipse
    Member

    huh?

    in reply to: One Final Chance #696106
    eclipse
    Member

    i’ve told panhandlers:i’m as broke as you are.may g-d help us both!usually gets a toothless smile after which i run for my life!

    in reply to: Letting go of anger #696098
    eclipse
    Member

    one type of abuse stems from mental illness.that i forgive regularly because it’s clear that person is unwell.the other type stems FROM POOR MIDOS AND A DANGEROUS LAZINESS TO FIX IT(OR RATHER DENIAL).a million times harder to forgive.i beg to differ with your point that you can put on pressure after you’ve forgiven.once you’ve forgiven you will have put it behind you,not still be dwelling on it.the resistance you meet up with trying to stop abuse will just make you mad at OTHER people instead.artchill,have you also found that to be so?

    in reply to: The Most Severe Issue of All #696072
    eclipse
    Member

    emoticon613:we agree don’t we?

    in reply to: One Final Chance #696104
    eclipse
    Member

    That last paragraph(wiy)was right on target.Most people are not aware of:

    A.the “powerful people on the side of the devil”,

    B.nor do they realize how isolating it is when former friends are warned and threatened not to stay friendly to you if they know what’s good 4 them.(“I’m sorry,my hands are tied”…”I got a phone call telling me to stay away”etc.)

    HOWEVER:EACH PERSON MUST BE ABLE TO LOOK AT HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR AND HONESTLY SAY:I DID WHATEVER I COULD.

    in reply to: Who Would You Like To See In The Next Hasc Concert? #816762
    eclipse
    Member

    New theme idea:THE GREAT SWITCH.Have the great veteran singers sing “all the latest hits”in their OWN inimitable styles…and intersperse that with “the latest talents” singing all the golden oldie favorites.IT’S ORIGINAL,THERE’S A FAVORITE STAR FOR EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE…AND THE AUDIENCE CAN’T PREDICT THE PROGRAM AT ALL,SO IT’S VERY EXCITING.And in all fairness to me–if you use my free idea..please send me free tickets for the best seats in the house.thanks!

    in reply to: Who Sings This Song? #1056538
    eclipse
    Member

    if anyone is currently looking for a lyricist…

    in reply to: Composed Songs #713845
    eclipse
    Member

    To the person who asked how much songs go for…it’s really your call,it’s intellectual property,so it depends if you are giving the person permanent ownership of the song or just permission to sing it. it depends if you are also giving an original tune,etc.for years i sold my stuff for practically nothing.i now see it all depends how much you feel it’s worth and how important it is to you to either just get your song out there for the publicity or if you’re willing to hold out for a great deal.by the way about 20 years ago i had the privilege of writing a song for michoel streicher.(wasn’t a hit,but fun to sing)the tune was borrowed from one of his sources.

    in reply to: I miss Mendy #696034
    eclipse
    Member

    the ones we wait the longest for are often from the best.

    in reply to: Vitamin D #715900
    eclipse
    Member

    A doctor told me that being outdoors is a good way to get vitamin D.Are you sure clothing are “in the way”?(Based on your last post.)I would think the body capable of absorbing the vitamin D from any site of exposure.

    in reply to: Letting go of anger #696095
    eclipse
    Member

    artchill:trust me,i know more about abuse than i want to know.and honestly,i don’t see myself forgiving the abuser anytime soon.but some people say they can forgive(and they may be given credit for that).i personally judge “forgivability” by the degree of damage control.too much damage with zero attempt to repair?impossible.BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN A PERSON HAS NOT”MOVED ON”.IT MEANS A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF PAIN STAYS.KIND OF LIKE A WOUND THAT HEALS WELL– BUT LEAVES A SCAR FOREVER.

    in reply to: One Final Chance #696101
    eclipse
    Member

    when someone is very passionate about something they are usually coming from somewhere…meaning it is related to what they may have experienced or are aware of.so while i agree that the first poster is being kind of harsh on the general public…it seems that the heatedness is not meant to insult anyone in particular.

    in reply to: Music, anyone? #696031
    eclipse
    Member

    well,if you are both female,i’m up for anything i can do from my home.

    in reply to: 10 Jewish Music All-Stars #739505
    eclipse
    Member

    i like almost every type of music except kvetchy music.but i love writing lyrics if anyone has a tune they need words to…(nooo…not for free,sorry)

    in reply to: For Frum Girls And Women #696027
    eclipse
    Member

    so right:no,it is not being sold as a dvd,and that is one of the main reasons.also,i was asked by several people to put trailers of the film online,but that also compromises modesty.in general,i have seen more siyata dishmaya when i do things properly.for example about 20 years ago i got a heter to sing an original song i wrote for a male producer (unknown to most) since he hadn’t met me.well needless to say,he listened to the tape,and said “we need to meet to discuss this”.total waste of time,he wasn’t serious about paying me,and stole one of the songs.i never relied on that heter again.20 years later,i would have been confident enough to simply explain what the heter was based on…take it or leave it.

    in reply to: What to Talk About on a Bishow #698622
    eclipse
    Member

    smartcookie:really?

    in reply to: YWN Coffee Room Nightly D’Var Torah #1124924
    eclipse
    Member

    that’s why they say:do teshuva now,avoid the elul rush.nice d’var torah.

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697306
    eclipse
    Member

    dylon:”stuck” is right… and an understatement.A woman trapped in an abusive marriage despite requesting a “get” numerous times is no less an agunah than an agunah whose husband has left her.Well-meaning but clueless people allow the fellow to stay(as he wishes)and unless she is prepared to lose all her kids chas v’sholom…she is “stuck”.

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697271
    eclipse
    Member

    how did my post replicate itself?i wish my money would do that!

    in reply to: YWN COFFEE BREAK #696114
    eclipse
    Member

    you all gave very good “teshuvas” to her post…

    in reply to: Music, anyone? #696029
    eclipse
    Member

    you sound female but gotta make sure

    in reply to: Who Inspires You #696301
    eclipse
    Member

    my mother inspired me to be a mensch no matter how everyone else around you is acting.she inspired me to feel real compassion for every human being,and to tolerate other people’s irksome habits which are not their fault(emphasis on not their fault)for example,people with poor hygiene,or who involuntarily spit on you when they talk,or who repeat themselves often,etc.it’s easier said than done but it keeps one humble and kind.she was niftar at age 50,and i wish she was alive today.

    in reply to: Letting go of anger #696093
    eclipse
    Member

    ramateshkolian: Just clarifying:Overcoming marital abuse is not a midas chasidus—if it’s your nisayon in life,it’s an absolute must.And walking around bitter will affect one’s health.But truly forgiving in your heart is something one can only do at their own pace,and does not mean they have been less successful in overcoming and leading a joyful productive life.I’m a great fan of m.a.–but i never heard of that book”from victim to victor”?maybe that was the title of an article?

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697269
    eclipse
    Member

    emoticon613:you are 100% correct.problem is not everyone realizes that people who seem very kind are sometimes very cruel when no one’s looking,plus it’s very common to hear ple say things like”well,it takes two to tango” and “there’s his side,her side and the truth”etc.To a survivor of an abusive marriage those comments are frustrating.even a person who isn’t perfect isn’t necessarily the cause of a necessary divorce.at least that’s what i have observed in life thus far…

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697267
    eclipse
    Member

    emoticon613:you are 100% correct.problem is not everyone realizes that people who seem very kind are sometimes very cruel when no one’s looking,plus it’s very common to hear ple say things like”well,it takes two to tango” and “there’s his side,her side and the truth”etc.To a survivor of an abusive marriage those comments are frustrating.even a person who isn’t perfect isn’t necessarily the cause of a necessary divorce.at least that’s what i have observed in life thus far…

    in reply to: For Frum Girls And Women #696023
    eclipse
    Member

    well this is my first film but i really worked hard with limited resources and my hope is that the film will find favor in everyone’s eyes….

    in reply to: Keeping A Good Posture #699807
    eclipse
    Member

    i was told stronger muscles keep the spine straighter…like with a lot of things-no magic solution!

    in reply to: The Most Severe Issue of All #696070
    eclipse
    Member

    A beard on a mentsh is fitting (if he chooses to have one)…a beard on a non-mentsh is a chilul hashem(and is just a mask).Okay,NOW we can close the thread…

    in reply to: Cancer Survivor Stories #708794
    eclipse
    Member

    My mother was told she had 2 weeks to live–but that the test results would be ready in 4 weeks!!Anyway,we undertook tznius, tefilah, and shmiras haloshon with a passion…and had our dear mother for almost a year…i do remember my mother asking for us to daven that no matter the pain,etc.she should never lose her ahavas hashem.i admire all of you going thru it…surviving and yet still enduring the many littler tzaros that follow(ex.insensitive comments,loss of memory,etc.)MAY HASHEM SHOWER ONLY HAPPINESS AND GOOD HEALTH UPON YOU…IT’S A NEW YEAR..ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.

    in reply to: Letting go of anger #696091
    eclipse
    Member

    it’s definitely a midas chasidus(extra lofty level) to be moichel people who have no remorse…but not required by halacha.and motzi shaym rah is kinda hard to fix even when the slanderer is sorry.especially in this day and age…rumors travel worldwide very swiftly.

    in reply to: What to Talk About on a Bishow #698619
    eclipse
    Member

    HashemLovesYou: The poster prob. meant UNTIL after their[sic]married.(sic means that’s the way he said/wrote it- not that it’s “sick”!)P.S.THEY’RE is also what he meant.

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697262
    eclipse
    Member

    i say this because i know people going thru this…i’m not “stam ploppling”

    in reply to: Divorce Crisis #697261
    eclipse
    Member

    (sigh…)I am happy to hear the temimus in all of your words.

    It is clear,however,that few or none of you have been involved with serious emotional/psychological abuse in the marriage you are/were in…it is far from simple…AND ONE PERSON HAVING HORRIFIC AND CRUEL MIDOS does not automatically make the other partner “selfish”,”egotistical”or equally responsible for the crumbling of the marriage. Some of those victims are traumatized to the degree that they would rather remain alone than risk possibly suffering that kind of degradation ever again.(sigh…sad,but true)

Viewing 50 posts - 2,851 through 2,900 (of 2,914 total)