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You can scheme all you want. It will be the Heavenly Court who decides who marries who. The Heavenly shadchans work through the worldly agents. It does not matter if the family or inlaws disapprove – or even rage fire – the hearts of all people are in the hands of Ribono shel olam. It is only our mistakes from our past life that causes interference.
Follow the advice of the Chafetz Chaim, befriend the accusers, your road becomes straighter.
Thank for reminding me. I have an eng translation of the Alter Rebbe’s Torah Or, Noam Elemelech, and some discourses of the Rimanov Rebbe I read from time to time.
I’m trying to complete the Tanya for the first time. Almost done…
Oh! I am a big fan of the Shem MiShmuel – original chiddushei Torah. Cutting edge.
And I am delving into the Ben Ish Chai – halacha and derasha. His gematria style alone is brilliant.
Chumash
Neviim
Kesuvim
Aggadah
Midrash
Gemara
Mishna
Halacha
Mussar
Chofetz Chaim
Pnimius Torah
Whoa! I feel for the lady! I know someone here that happened to. He disrobed his yiddishkeit. Luckily the lady remarried. I know the family.
Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Rimanov said learning aggada heals the body. Also, learning Torah aloud heals physical ailments.
Tricky if one can’t speak from a sore throat, perhaps, but try a few words here and there
I have spoken to the good people of Feldhem about reprinting their Rabbi Alshich Tanach bit by bit. Alas, no fruit to harvest on that tree yet. If I had the money I would even offer to finance it! Rabbi Alshich’s commentary are a choshen mishpat in themselves.
Well, if anyone sees them please let me know. Maybe I could buy it off you.
I searched throughout the Yeshiva Uni sale catalogue but couldn’t find them. So asking here, if anyone has seen these books there can they let me know?
Book of Daniel: Shield of the Spirit, by Rabbi Alshich, Feldheim
Book of Iyyov: A Celestial Challenge, by Rabbi Alshich, Feldheim
Or perhaps you might know of anyone who would sell me their copy?
I have searched the world but cannot find them… even libraries won’t sell me their copy… 🙁
Must have these books…
Artscroll is the leading publisher for english material in YOUR OPINION.
Personally, I hold otherwise. Feldheim has published excellent and long overdue translations of sifrei kodesh.
The Ahavat Shalom yeshiva has published magnificent Ben Ish Chai translations.
Shilo House has even translated Kad Hakemach by the master, Rabbeinu Bachya 800yrs ago!! If you can find a copy of one. Old style English speaking, unfortunately, but Kad Hakemach still!
What’s your source for Rabbi Avraham Ibn Ezra’s disagreement? Does the Ramban speak of it in his commentary on the chumash?
The Artscroll Chofetz Chaim A Daily Companion blue book hasa section at the back on shidduch speech – read it.
Do you happen to have these books in that collection.
Book of Daniel: Shield of the Spirit, by Rabbi Moshe Alshich, Feldheim publisher.
Book of Iyyov: A Celestial Challenge, by Rabbi Moshe Alshich, Feldheim publisher.
Shem MiShmuel, by Rabbi Belovsky
Ruach Chaim, by Chanoch Levi
You make B”H $140k american dollars and you’re complaining? Wow. I haven’t made that in 6yrs! I don’t even have children to teach my knowledge to and you’re displeased!
Ok… Rather than berate you I’ll give you some advice.
120yrs after you die you will be brought back to the Court and asked whether you gave your children a Torah education.
Decide now whether you want to ace that exam or keep whinging.
Adding my Mazal tov. Chosson and kalla have the same gematria as chesed and emes.
You don’t have to cry when you daven. Chassidus says to be happy. Those with deeper knowledge will know what happens when one is sad and worse, and what can happen when cheerful.
There’s something weird about this forum. I post comments or topics and they don’t show on the forum page for a very long time. Why does the update system take so long? Ah, who cares…
We are not in pre-war europe anymore. We are in another generation. Don’t dwell on what was. Bnei Torah are not sleeping on seat benches. Or wake up in the night to see the Chofetz Chaim hovering over them with another blanket and some warm milk.
Those days are gone.
As a mashgiach I see how the old european cooks Jewish or non- make food. Oily. Handfuls of sugar. And lets not bring up hygiene…. Why stir a cake mix with a ladle when you have your finger? Just stick it in!
I … ah … don’t eat from that carerer anymore…
[Forehead-slap]
Doesn’t the Talmud say something about this? Or did I read it from one of the seforim of the gedolim? Hmm..,
That not letting your grown up children be themselves and hovering over them is detrimental.
But hey, what do I care? If parents persist in mothering their chicks and the chicks get agitated with them, the parents have only themselves to blame. They keep opening their mouths.
The younger generation did not grow up shoulder to shoulder in shtetls like the previous gens. We are independent and spread out now.
This is a funny topic. Can I add my perutah?
Why haven’t I been successful in meeting ladies say past five years here in Sydney?
Because only ONE matchmaker has thought to ask me what I am looking for in a wife!
The other dozen just matched me what THEY thought would be suitable. I mean, if people don’t bother to ask what is important to me, of course it doesn’t work out.
However, the main matter to consider, ultimately, we have the baggage of our past life to rectify. Only they don’t teach you that in school. You waste time with computer games and tv. Then you turn 30 and wake up, the chitzonim have been dragging you back and hey! gotta fix yourself but now you are late in life and the load is heavy.
Even better, most of the known tzaddikim have passed on in tne 80s and 90s and we are an orphan generation without our grandfathers, surrounded by iphones and shmiras einayim and expected to not stumble.
And I say, it’s not ok. It’s not ok that my young generation doesn’t have the Rebbe or Rav Segal of Manchester or the Baba Sali to advise us.
Don’t hesitate. You must create the
Bitul Torah? Bah. The whole Jewish world used to be farmers and merchants and artisans in Eretz Yisroel, for eg in the Tanach days. Was that bitual Torah? Nonsense. They worked the livelihood and learned when they could.
Even in preWW2 days, the laymen worked as labourers by day, and at night they came to the beis midrash and learned Ein Yaacov or Chayei Adam.
The Talmud even says learn with an occupation.
More importantly, a man without a proper job feels useless. No one will marry him, he himself feels like a loser.
Don’t even hesitate. You go to college or uni. You study and make something of yourself. You earn a proper a job. Make sure your yiddishkeit doesn’t get the backbench. And with your income you support people in need. The Free Loan Fund idea of the Chofetz Chaim, limud Torah, orphans…. Go study and learn!
To the topic poster…
You asked a good question, and your feelings are understandable.
However…
Because, you are close to fire.
The Chofetz Chaim makes it very clear in his holy seforim you are judged as how you judge others.
This is one of the great secrets of the world. Think and reflect on those words very very carefully. You essentially decide your own judgement.
In your situation, it is very easy. You do NOT judge another person. And if you are easy going with people, the Heavenly Court is easy going with YOU.
Wise words spoken. I know that and agree.
Also, who knows what I did past lifetime that I should suffer at their hands? Until I stand before the Heavenly Court and get the fill download, I must hold myself back.
End the day, I have the best teacher. The Vilna Gaon lost his daughtet just before her wedding. He accepted the decree. Can I do no less?
: )
I spoke to artscroll regarding that a few years ago. Rashi is essentially on the notes below. There is a translation project of Tosfos. But the Hebrew was not punctuated. Does it say which Tosfos?
Ri? Rash? Rosh? Rabbeinu Tam? Ritva? etc I’d like to know who I am reading…
I know someone whose inlaws wanted to make a deal about having a milah inside a hospital, not in a shule. When I say being polite but firm to made their business, this is the sort of idiocy I was thinking of. Todate, my friend has had only girls.
Also, when you’re in your mid-20s you’re more polite and effusive. When you’re in your late 30s . . . the nonsense leash you tolerate from monkeys is a great deal shorter. Not after that much life experience. No one tells you what to do. No.
I will be polite and nice and diplomatic … but I will discuss the matter all the same. Upfront at the beginning.
Gents, I lost an engagement from this. I will be making sure they know me and I know them.
Cut off all family contact. Move to a new city. Don’t let any anchor weigh your ship down. Honesty!! Make it very clear on your first date that you have an unfavourable family background, but you want to be the best you can be, to grow in yiddishkeit and Torah. That you want to raise a good family of proper values. SHOW the woman you are different, don’t just talk about a bad situation. And may Hashem open your mazal for the good and have pity on you that you should meet a good lady understanding of your situatio.
I feel sorry for you. For inlaws to violate a married couple’s private time — the penalty should be Heavenly death. If they refuse to stop or get offended — they should die.
I have seen marriages and engagements end because of parental interefence. I have no mercy for such dispicable creatures.
Personally, I am not married but I have seen this many times with others. I will tell any lady’s parents upfront will they respect our privacy or interfere in our lives. If that offends them, well, that answers my question, doesn’t it?
In your situation, if they make an issue, would have prayed they die. Show no mercy to those who want to murder your marriage and shalom bayis. And I think a measure if their Gan Edan should be transfered to you for recompense. Of course, it goes without saying, no children you have will be named after them.
I know plenty of tzaddikim throughout recent centuries who singley or in groups tried to bring Moshiach through special tefillah. They were either told to stop or punished sharply for that.
In the old yiddish days people would bring their own food to the reception.
If they say mum instead of mom do you have to follow along?
You say your kaddish at your own speed – and that’s it. If others want to say theirs faster, it is no relevance to you. Your relative is counting on that kaddish from you to alleviate any judgement. The nicer you say it, the better.
I care nothing about a dowry.
There are parents who won’t approve a woman for their son if the inlaws who don’t have a dowry. Lucky I’ve only read about it. If I were to be in the same room as one I might have blasted them to the stone age….
Despicable people. Interfering in their kid’s dating when they themselves got married.
Lucky I am not on the Heavenly Court.
It for the support of the shule isn’t it? How much is the aircon bill?
Pay the donation from your 1/10 tzedaka. It doesn’t belong to you.