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This is such a touchy topic, & it’s so unfortunate that we have to ask ourselves these questions within our communities. I have personally seen the creation of an addict from the start of their addiction, to their recovery, & after. Most people who become addicts have a lot of underlying trauma which leads them to their path. The average person doesn’t one day decide, “Hey, I’m so bored so you know what? I’m gonna try tripping out on acid, followed by taking Percocet, and then shoot up.” There is usually so much behind the addiction, much deeper than the addiction itself. Once an addict, always an addict, addiction is a form of mental illness. The person may be clean and sober, but they will always be an addict. With that said, dating a recovering addict comes with so much responsibility. Recovering addicts are worthy of dating & marriage just as the next person, addicts are not bad people, & they are most certainly NOT their addiction! There is a lot of personal sacrifice that comes with dating a recovering addict, i.e. If their addiction was drinking, you can’t drink by a Kiddush as it might act as a trigger- even by being at a Kiddush where the alcohol is flowing like water might be a trigger for them. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, or a good thing, that is something for someone to decide on their own personal level. I personally feel that dating a recovering addict can be more than it is worth, as addiction is lifelong battle and in a way, that struggle now becomes your struggle, especially if you end up marrying them. But that is just my personal opinion, everybody is entitled and should form their own when it comes to such a sensitive topic.
…just came upon this. I don’t know why, but I’m really cracking up.
I thought that those signs had to do with the nearby college, not a yeshiva… this is news to me.
I don’t feel that we can put a time line on when it’s the right time for one to get married. However, I do feel that it’s so beyond important that both parties feel ready & not ready because they’re 21 & Chas v’Shalom you’re not married by 22. It’s important that both parties know how to be independent- a spouse wont be there to hpld your hand through everything. Mature enough to handle a relationship. Able to realize that they can no longer be selfish & most importantly, they must be emotionally stable. That’s all that matters. Age is nothing but a number.
I am 18 & looking for a shidduch. Three girls in my class are already engaged & many more are dating. I sit by my phone waiting for a text, a call, someone telling me they think they’ve found a boy for me. It hasn’t happened. Every simcha/social event I attend, I make sure to look my best. Looks shouldn’t have a lot to do with shidduchim- but I’m nowhere near ugly & not to mention I have a stellar personality. I’m not trying to sound cocky, or make myself sound amazing. Not at all. I’m just trying to illustrate a point. I think many people look at a girl/guy & think, “They’re so pretty/handsome, they’re such a great person, they have such a good personality, they must not be struggling at all therefore I don’t have to get involved.” But we all do! Also another thing which I feel contributes to the “crisis” is the emphasis on Yichus. Whether you’d like to admit it or not, yichus plays a huge role in shidduchim. Making it harder for people, like myself that came from religious homes- but not Yeshivish/black hat, whatever label you want to use, but have adopted that way of life. My family lineage is traced back to Dovid HaMelech, Rashi, to the Maharal from Prague… and then people look at my parents and say, oh her dad doesn’t wear a black hat? Her mom isn’t in skirts? She doesn’t even cover her hair?! This girl is no good for my son. It doesn’t even have anything to do with me, I am NOT my parents! I am me! But whenever I’m told this, I just remind myself that everybody rejected Rus- but in the end, she married Boaz.
PAA- sorry, it downloaded funny on my phone.
PAA- I’m aware of the Halacha, however it also says somewhere I can’t bring the exact quote that it doesn’t mean to get plastered off of Grey Goose and Patron, it means to drink more than the norm- so let’s say a normal person has a glass of wine with their meal, so on Purim they’ll drink two glasses… it’s when people start to get drunk off of vodka and the like- is when they start to chip away at the actual mitzvah.
Ik this has been dead for a long time but having an ayin tova is a tremendous help. Listen to R’ Wallersteins shiur on Love & a Lev Tov, great class, it changed my outlook on love & life, it changed me. Really fantastic.
The middos weren’t really there.
I hear that you’re supposed to have a meal with both bread and meat.
I made this post on another post… but I really feel that the level that we are on, drinking should be reserved for true tzadikim. I feel a lot of people abuse the drinking on Purim to an unholy degree.
Dunno if this is a joke or not but I really feel that the level that we are on, drinking should be reserved for true tzadikim. I feel a lot of people abuse the drinking on Purim to an unholy degree.
Too much emphasis on yichus, too little emphasis on the individual. I would rather marry an amazing person with no yichus vs. an ok/not so great person with yichus. Just because somebodies father is a big tzadik/Rabbi, does not mean their child is the same way. One would hope it would be that way, but not all children follow in the footsteps of their parents.
The Yetzer Hara is soooo good at tricking us. Haha, this app is such a joke… would you go swimming on Shabbos? No. Would you play basketball on Shabbos? No. What about riding a bike? No. Would you watch TV if you left it on from before Shabbos and you wouldn’t change the channel? No. So why would you use a cellphone…
Torah613Torah- B”H there are plenty of ways to afford Seminary & my parents are willing to put some of their money towards it… meaning I too, will have to put some money towards it. Same story with college.
I got all my acceptance letters towards the end of January/first week of Feb… they all wanted an answer by now but… I don’t think I’m going anymore.
It’s a sweet gesture. It’s something out of the norm.
Touro Manhattan all the way! It’s the nicest school ever and the dorms are gorgeous!
There’s a difference between getting drunk & getting blitzed and I think when it comes to Purim the line between the two is greatly blurred. You should get drunk ENOUGH to fulfill the mitzvah, but not drunk to the point where you’re throwing up all over yourself & can’t tell the difference between your wife & her sister.
I take biotin for my hair, skin, & nails.
When my grandparents were dating- there was no ‘Shidduch crisis’ because the boy would actually ASK the girl out, and actually SPEAK to her, instead of someone saying ok, “You’ll be good for her, and you’ll be good for him.” Without truly knowing because nobody knows better what you want than you do! You’re parents want the person who they ‘think’ is best for you, but when they’re looking for that person, they might be looking for qualities or a personality type that you’re not! & a Shadchan is not a fairy with a magical solution- if you’re not getting any dates, any phonecalls, get out on the FRUM social scene & meet somebody! There is nothing wrong talking to a girl, and nothing wrong talking to a guy. If you’re college age, I know Touro has a lot of events etc.
I’m so sorry! I just want you to know that there are other people in your situation- you’re not alone at all. I can totally relate, & honestly, most people have no idea that I really have no friends! Sometimes it’s much better to be in your own company than false company.
I’m not sure where you are from, but in Lakewood there’s a very trendy gemach called deja new, nothing in there is over $10! It’s all gently worn stylish clothes and I always find a lot of designer/name brands. I was able to find a blazer with the tags still on yhat read $150 for maybe $5.
I have the exact same issue! I am always one to normally do things last minute- literally. I’ve found keeping a daily planner helpful.