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For one of my children’s weddings I told the musician that when there is background music (kabalas ponim, dinner) I want people to be able to converse without getting hoarse. “Oh, okay, I can do that.”
What I can’t figure out is why this is a chiddush. People like getting hoarse?
Does anyone have contact info for Safe Music Providers, or some kind of info on what maximum decibel level I should requesting from a band.
C’mon. Imagine is clearly promoting Communmism or at least Socialism.
Imagine all the people sharing all the world.
So atheism goes along with that.
(I use the Imagine company’s Soy Dream, although it does disturb me to do so…)
Music has different effects. A ‘malchusdik’ march evokes one type of feeling, a ‘dvaikusdik’ nigun, another. This is regardless of whether they may resemble music from other cultures. Unfortunately, most of today’s “Jewish” music has its origins in the jungle, the effect being to make people feel and act like …animals!
And as the ‘baal simcha’ or ‘baalas simcha’ you have the right to tell the musician(s) you employ if you don’t want jungle music, and if you don’t want to be responsible for contributing to the hearing loss of your guests.
Lillian Jackson Braun’s series “The Cat Who…”. The Mrs. Pollifax series is adorable, but she also has a few other books I enjoyed but would not give to my children.
Once again, I add my caveat: nothing I recommended should be offered to a child without the mother reading it first.
I have probably read thousands of mysteries and I can tell you there is no book (even by a Jewish publisher) that I would give to my child without reading it first.
That said, I have found the best place to find older & cleaner books is the flea market or thrift shop. Also, since you own it (often for a mere 50 cents) you can free free to rip out a page or two or black out a line or two and still have a satisfactory book. I’ve also bought boxes of books on ebay for a few dollars (particularly if they say ‘vintage’), but I do end up throwing out quite a few. I suppose one could contact the seller & ask about the books, but you could not trust them 100%.
I find the following clean enough for a married woman who is not ready to give up secular novels, but I don’t recommend them for a teen unless you comb through first.
Rex Stout’s Nero Wolfe series is usually clean although there are often subtle references to romances or issurim. I enjoy Mary Stewart very much but I don’t think I’ve given those to my children. Dick Francis writes mostly mysteries around horses & jockeys. You might also look at Mary Roberts Rinehart, Dorothy Gilman, Dorothy Sayers.
Here are some facts I’d like to see:
1. No. of males taken out of the shidduch pool because they are OTD, social misfits, not marriageable material
2. No. of females ditto
3. No. of male baalei tshuva in shidduch pool
4. No. of females, ditto
5. Geirim
6. Females ditto (not sure of correct dikduk – misgayeros?)
I think we would find that because women are naturally more spiritual, the number of women being added to the pool is greater than the number of men, and conversely (also related to higher male rates of autism spectrum, social skills issues. For OTD there can be many other factors.
In any case, the above factors must be contributing to the disparity to some extent. So, if you are wondering where to put your tzedakah dollars, perhaps organizations dealing with keeping boys on the derech, and improving their marriageability, would be more productive!
Any updates? Does anyone know anything positive or negative about Park House Hotel or Plaza Hotel? Thanks
Had this been a shidduch proposed to her parents, researched ad nauseum, and they said yes, it would be a big kashya. Usually when there is a disparity such as you describe, a big red flag would go up: “DID THEY AGREE TO ACCEPT ME WITH ALL MY DISADVANTAGES BECAUSET THEY HAVE A SKELETON OR THREE?”, in which case you might want to honestly ask the young lady what skeletons there might be, so you could make an intelligent decision whether to take them on. (I am saying this for those who might find themselves in such a situation).
OTOH, since it is a ‘boy’s market’, a disadvantage or disparity (or two) might be insignificant. But three?
However, in your case, none of this applies. Since there was no research, the girl liked you before hearing of your trials and tribulations, no such caveat. You just need to be sure that the parents appreciate & accept you with all your baggage, since the lack thereof can be a very big challenge in married life.
Droid, what for? Evidently verbalizing the forgiveness is sufficient, I believe we learn it from the Asarah Harugei Malchus who said they were a kaparah for mechiras Yosef, since, although Yosef told the brothers not to worry, he never verbalized his forgiveness.
Evidently Levi Aron was hit by a car or motorcycle when he was young and may have had some brain damage.
How, exactly, is this different than the Martin Grossman case (other than the fact that he has not yet been convicted)?
I once worked very hard getting a shidduch off the ground. It was a tricky situation so I initially spoke to a close relative, instead of the parents. Somehow others got involved, so, when I never got any acknowledgement from the parents, I assumed they just never knew about my involvement.
Well, after a few years that no child was born to the couple, I said to my spouse “I am hereby mochel the shadchanus belev sholem”. Not that I ever had a hakpada, but, in case my not being mochel them out loud was a problem, I wanted to clear it up.
Of course, you can guess the happy ending.
So this is not a bubbeh maaseh, but a first-hand account, from my side, anyhow.
OP, I am glad you got paid, I hope it was adequate! Just in case, please say so!
Aishes Chayalos means wife of (plural, feminine) soldiers.
You probably mean Nshei Chayil.
Read up on dysphoric milk ejection reflex & see if it sounds like what you have!
I would suggest shopping for linens first. Once you find something you love, choose a color from the linen.
Weasley & Brother, kol hakovod. I just want to say that it’s very important not to jump madregos but to climb slowly up the ladder, so (almost) never should you take the most extreme view. Too many have done that and failed. Second, it’s super-important to find a mentor who understands you and can guide you. There are so many derochim and many well-intentioned people end up with a mishmash of things that sounded nice but don’t work in real life. May you have much hatzlocha!
Mod, if you will allow me, the ‘mainstream’ litvishe shitah is that you wear hose that a viewer can tell are hose, no specific thickness or color. (That viewer is, genreally, a woman, because men are anyhow clueless, same with a sheitel, women should be able to tell you’re wearing one. Will men be able to tell? They shouldn’t be looking so closely anyhow!)
We went to a local seashore on Chol Hamoed. It was cool enough that there was almost nobody there, and if we stayed to ourselves, there was nothing wrong for the men to see. Except, that there was another frum family there & the wife was sitting on a bench. Perhaps her skirt was long enough when she was standing, but… I couldn’t decide if I should go over & say, “I am sure you don’t realize what’s showing”. In the end I didn’t have the nerve.
Really, I don’t understand it. I just don’t. If anyone can explain it to me????
Men, you don’t tell your wife when something is showing? What, you just don’t care? Or you’re too afraid of her? I don’t understand that either. There’s a nice way to say everything!
Can I ask if anyone is interested in this variation on the theme:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/name-that-tune-1
My current pet peeve is all the phone intrusions about sales, raffels. While it could be I have to renew my do-not-call, somehow I suspect it won’t make a difference….today I listened all the way to the end, as someone suggested to me, and no, there was no “press x to have your number removed from future calls”.
There’s a berry called elder
Which many have found
Does wonders for viri
That seem to abound
Sambucol is one brand
Order from the health food store!
it also comes with zinc
echinecea and more
Refuah shlaima, I wish you
I’ve been there myself
And remember this berry
Keep it on your shelf!
It’s good for prevention
take one time each day
and when you are sick,
take four times they say!
We personally know someone who recently named his daugher Shira & then heard about this tumult. He wrote to Rav Chaim that he heard the Rov does not like the name. He got back the reply “tizrok et hayud” (in other words, call her Sarah). However, he asked an American godol who was a bit taken aback (well, clearly, as we’ve heard, not all poskim agree) … we have not heard the resolution yet.
Yeah, I just got it a minute ago…
Nobody ever posted the explanation to
15,8 S
9,6 T
2,1 O
7,5 T
11,3 ?
Okay, I found the answer, but that doesn’t get us much farther.
Could we have a really small hint?
missme wrote, a few days back,
Whatever might or might not be wrong with trying to have “too many” Chumros, it isn’t 1/1000th as bad as dressing like a prutza.
I just want to point out that if you emphasize chumros too much (in any area), you may be provoking rebellion in some people. Far better to focus on what halacha requires.
When someone reads about kimchis, or an inspiring story about a woman who covered her sheitel & merited a yeshua, they can think, “this is all totally irrelevant to me”.
Far better if said publications would focus on the need to have knees & torso covered at all times. It’s true that it’s tragic that we’ve come to the point that people should have to be told, but it’s obviously a fact!
Anyone know anything about Cape Cod?
Find an opportunity to practice the middah of being dan lekaf zechus every day.
It should be quite simple. Once we could have said, “Imagine if you are going to the Godol Hador for a beracha. Would you be embarrassed to be wearing that?”
Unfortunately, today the eye is so accustomed to seeing inappropriate clothing that this sensitivity may have been lost.
However, one can always ask a respected rebbetzin to judge if an article of clothing is appropriate, and many people do this.
But an important point is getting lost in this discussion. Every community has their standards, which is why international tznius organizations (or even national) are going to confuse or upset people who adhere to the standards of their own community, but are being pushed to accept the agenda of another community. We need to respect one another, yes. Not necessarily to accept the standards of others as our own.
We were once on the way to the Catskills the week of the yahrzeit of the Satmar Rebbe zt”l. We are not at all chassidish but I though it would be a big zchus to go daven there. Then I realized I was wearing 3/4 sleeves. This is totally acceptable in my community but I felt it was wrong to go in to a community where it is not acceptable (in fact I believe it may be ossur to go somewhere if your dress does not adhere to minhag hamokom).
At the request of the Wolf, I expose to non-Lakewood-residents (and those not on the mailing list) the information requested.
From BP Weekly – an advertising circular put out by BP Graphics
BS”D
We come to ask the manufacturers and retailers of stockings for women, not to sell stockings that weaken the holy Mitzva of “Tznius”. For example the stocking with the name, n*de [even in 60 denier] and other skin colored stockings e.g. honey and natural [even in 40 denier]. Also, stockings with a denier of less than 30 should not be worn by a bas yisroel, and therefore should not be available in a koshera store.
In addition, inappropriate pictures on the packaging should be covered.
In the Zchus of complying with the laws of our torah Hashem yisborach will bless with holy children, health and prosperity, and the final redemption of Klal Yisroel amen.
Signed on 28 Iyar by three of the poskim of Lakewood.
(Note no signature facsimiles, only names of signatories).
then it says:
DA’AS TORAH OF OUR GEDOLEI YISROEL (from tof shin mem heh)
Wearing stockings is obligatory. No stockings or transparent stockings is prohibited. One must wear stockings, which do not allow the skin to be visible.
Names listed for this are several from Eretz Yisroel and some now deceased, though not all are indicated as such.
Oh, yes, the person who placed the ad was courageous enough to sign his name.
“Ad placed by Yakov EDITED 845-EDITED” although there is no such directory listing. (See Mod’s note below.)
The thing is, normative LITVISHE psak, as I understand it, requires stockings that make it obvious that stockings are being worn. So ANY color other than skin color, in any denier would be permissible, as would a beige or skin color different from the wearer’s skin, or slightly opaque. But someone here seems to have an agenda to ask every store to adopt a certain viewpoint, and anyone whose Rov paskens differently should be compelled to shop in Cyprus, er, out of town or (gasp) on-line…. where no bas yisroel should be, of course.
EDITED. Name and Phone number redacted. (The phone number IS listed in the name of the person shown.)
Speaking of ‘agendas’ (I was) please refer to page 70 of the June 10 BP weekly & tell me, if you can, who the person is who inserted the ad? I personally verified with one of the poskim listed that the parameters listed are not his psak, and I did not get into details of how his name came to be listed.
I am not disagreeing with everything written there. HOWEVER. If you want hosiery stores to cover the pictures on their packages, kindly approach them individually, offer to pay for the stickers & send your daughter to stick them on. You can also call the Jewish manufacturers & ask them to change the packaging, and the offensive name for the skin colored hosiery.
I would appreciate anyone who can go to any of the dayanim and rabbonim listed and find out if they really agree with what is written.
Well, it’s pretty hard to change the rules later. And once she’s wearing that stuff for a while, his eye gets accustomed to it also & he doesn’t see what’s wrong with it. Whereas when they first got married he noticed more??? What I’m saying (like Sarah Schenirer) is that you have to start earlier.
The little kids tznius groups may be a nice idea, I am not sure, because it seems to me that too many people are promoting their own agenda (I recently got something in the mail, & if you think I am thinking about covering my sheitel because of that inspiring story, sorry….)
And with teenagers, well, it’s very hard for parents to say things because we are all scared of upsetting our kids. I once called a woman to ask if I should talk to my daughter about an outfit I did not like (not ossur but not aidel) & she said, “don’t say a word, because the minute she leaves your house she will wear whatever she wants”. And I basically decided to concentrate on having a positive relationship with her & keep my mouth shut even when it’s very hard.
Furthermore (I may be wrong about this) I think most older women have a bit more dignity. It’s the youngsters who are so busy following the styles & getting their clothing to fit ‘just so’ who are much more likely to wear the bad stuff.
You know how they give the chassanim a ten-hour shmuz? So they are told “NEVER tell you wife you don’t like the food she made” and I am sure the young husbands would be scared silly to criticize the tznius of their new bride.
What needs to happen is that someone needs to tell them that if your wife puts on clothing that you find, shall we say, very (overly?) attractive, you should tell her, “Honey, you look so beautiful in that, I’d rather only I see you in it, can you wear it at home for me and not in public?”
Men, do you think you can do this?