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  • in reply to: If You Could Be ANYONE For One Day,Who Would It Be? #720716

    Hopefully not Moses Mendelssohn….. , this is YWN you know….

    I think I might want to be someone who is suffering so that the next day I can appreciate what I really have and all the brachos HKB”H has granted me. But then again, I really don’t want to be anyone besides me. I am me and I am glad for that! I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s!

    Isn’t there a medresh or something that someone complained about their chelek in life and they were shown a picture of everyone tossing a little pekela into a pile and then choosing one they wanted (it was a package that consisted of all the good and bad parts of their life….all the troubles and all the simchos). Everyone ended up choosing their own because that is what we are meant to have and it is the only thing we can really deal with without collapsing!

    in reply to: Separate Boys and Girls pre-school #738278

    This is quite pathetic really… children at that age do not really know the difference between genders all that much. What, they are about 2 or 3 years old? An excellent teacher I know actually likes the mixed classes because it calms down the wild boys and helps with the overall atmosphere in the class…

    This seems to be a part of the “chumra of the week” club that so many people are members of. We always seem to add on chumras when we can’t even get the basics down! I am not talking about gedarim to make sure you don’t break halacha- it’ when we have gedarim on our gedarim that were put in place so that we don’t violate the gedarim that were made for our gedarim to make sure we don’t violate halacha that kind of confuse me.

    in reply to: Should A Yid Own A Gun? Or Not? #723553

    But will you walk in Harlem or South Central LA (or wherever the gangs are shooting nowadays…)? If the bullets are meant to hit you, they will…

    What is the difference really between locking your doors at night and carrying a gun by day? or keeping a gun in your house? Basically, your argument deals with fine lines on hashkafic topics, meant for another thread….

    in reply to: Opening the Car Door for Your Date #721137

    so right… what is the difference between “frum” and “frummer”? neither one has a real clear definition (just ask around and you’ll get different criteria)….

    in reply to: Should A Yid Own A Gun? Or Not? #723549

    Blueprint- now that was twice you called me “mentally unstable” or “psychopathic”. I am awaiting an apology- that is not a way to treat a fellow human being or a fellow yid. I am in no ways mentally incompetent, insane or psychopathic. How do you know I am not someone you come to for advice all the time? Maybe a Rav or Rebtzn? A teacher? Your child’s teacher, pediatrician, or even a brain surgeon?

    Blueprints- depending on where you live, it might still be considered a time of danger (so you can carry on shabbos). But in many places, you should still own a gun because the statistics show that thousands of crimes each year are thwarted by someone SHOWING a gun, not even using it.

    Midwest 2- How many more people are killed when they could have saved themselves (than “unloaded gun” shootings)? What about all those times when an armed assailant came into a school, shul or university and started shooting? Columbine was a gun free zone. So was Virginia Tech. Didn’t help those students there. If students or teachers carried, how many more lives could have been saved?

    in reply to: This week's Yated Shidduch Forum… #722948

    just a practical question… while some of these ideas may be beneficial, they are only theoretical inasmuch as HOW are you going to get people to agree to this? No way anyone will agree to this.

    What about those people who agree upfront to go on two dates before saying no (unless something really really wrong)… but if you “just don’t feel something” or “its just not right”- wait until after date 2 so that you both can get a clearer picture of the other one and you are not just basing it off of nerves. Then, if I was the girl, and we did pay after 2 dates, we’d really be paying after every guy! maybe if you hit date 4 then you can pay up but i guess it would have to be arranged for each shidduch differently…

    in reply to: DATE NIGHT #720130

    I recently read a book that spoke about the benefits for parents to spend time with each other alone. Firstly, it helps the parents unite better to provide a clear “theme” to their path of raising children. This helps the parents “regroup” to plan out the next stages in their life, the current tasks at hand ect. It also helps to have the parents solidify their “couple” relationship. They are not just “parents” but a “couple” and to have a successful marriage in all aspects, they need to enhance their relationship with each other. It also helps the children see that their parents love each other, and just like they love each other they love their children.

    Just a couple of ideas….

    in reply to: Ahhh…That sound is music to my ears! #719922

    **Good morning

    **Great job! There are so many times to say it- school, work, from family members…

    **why don’t you relax?

    And as many said before- babies gurgling and making their first sounds!

    in reply to: Should A Yid Own A Gun? Or Not? #723529

    AHHH my cover is blown now…I am writing from a locked ward…the sky is full of fish…there are monkeys crawling up my walls… just kidding. I have no mental disorder or other psychiatric condition..

    but seriously, why am I a psychopath? do you even know the definition of that word?

    “A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse.”

    Sorry, but I am not antisocial in the least bit. What is amoral about wanting to protect my family? What is criminal about following the (unconstitutional) laws in place? How do you know where I am from, what the laws are in my location? And I won’t have empathy for a cold-blooded killer who attacks my family.

    in reply to: Career Advisor #719660

    I am sorry for implying that. I rushed into thinking… Firstly, I assumed you are female, as many of the posts above implied such. Then, I was assuming you were ready to go into one of these fields, meaning you graduated high school, finished seminary, and were working towards your BA. High school is 18, Seminary is 19/20. College is somewhere around 20-22…. Many people I know who are thinking about careers started their BA… Yes, not everyone who is in the 20-22 age range is ready for marriage but they might be thinking about it….

    I apologize immensely if I hurt your feelings in any way.

    in reply to: This week's Yated Shidduch Forum… #722924

    AZ- the girl that I referred to was not married at that time…

    No one likes to feel like a failure but when the shidduch comes through, you feel better than a million dollars. Knowing the zchus it is, knowing that their eternal happiness is because of you, knowing that their children forever and ever are learning torah and around because of you…

    Application fees are not the same:

    a) they are much cheaper- $60 sometimes

    b) they weed out those who are applying to every seminary. When there are shidduchim involved, there is no weeding to be done because they ALL want a shidduch.

    c) the school ect will be considering you. You get the interview. At least those girls I know of who applied to sem- everyone got an interview.

    d)The fees pay for the plane ticket of the Rav to interview. You see where the money is going- to help the seminary and to pay for mailing the applications! Many seminaries have an American address and they pay to get it to E”Y… expensive!

    Bottom line- you get something out of it when you deal with application fees. The shadchan has no reason or requirement to ever get back to you. I know plenty of girls and guys who went to shadchanim, met, and were either not given the time of day (basically the shadchan checked off boxes and didnt ever meet or talk to the person) or never heard back. when they called (and it was normal, waking hours) they were told “Oh, I am still thinking”. many times it was because they have binders of people and don’t have the time for each one. Yes, you might not know anyone who may be for me but why take my money before you met me?

    Do you get a better chance at finding your beshert by paying money?

    in reply to: The classics, Yidden, and the recent closed thread #719335

    Wolf and Feif Un- you beat me to those comments! 😉

    So long (for now) and thanks for all the fish! I try to follow the Guide and not Panic!

    I didn’t think anyone else here would get the reference…. glad to meet fellow travelers… so is this then the diner at the end of the universe?

    in reply to: Most Informed in the Coffee Room #719099

    Mods, you know I normally do not ask for any threads to be closed. But this one has violated the CR Rules, as set forth by the esteemed mods. Please close this one due to it violating the following rules (quoted):

    1 – Please don’t try to pry out personal information. Any questions or comments directed towards trying to “figure out” a blogger’s identity will not be tolerated.

    2 – Personal email addresses or websites will not be published. Posts that ask others to meet them at “Plonis” will not be approved. Should a blogger continuously try to pry personal information from others, he/she will be booted from YWN

    One user name per person. Period! If there is a need to drop an existing user name and adopt a new user name (e.g. personal information has been compromised), let us know so that we do not unitentionally “out” you.

    If these people know each other from other arenas, please encourage them to have such conversations elsewhere….

    Thank you,


    in reply to: The classics, Yidden, and the recent closed thread #719325

    GAW- I thought it was crude but clever in the sense that it was obviously SATIRE. If you did not put the source on it, many may not have gotten the reference or would have thought you were serious. As I was reading it I thought to myself- I wonder if he read “A Modest Proposal”?

    in reply to: subway seats #873199

    oomis- well said. there is no reason for anyone to act like animals…

    Trying my best- who cares, as long as it doesn’t violate the Torah? There is no halacha that states “I may not be nice to other people” or “I may not ever give up a seat to a man/woman”? Except if you live in NY. Then you are required by the homeowners committee to make sure you are not polite.

    in reply to: Rebbi Smacking Kids #719613

    trying my best- according to a handbook handed out to immigrant families that lists criteria for abuse (googled NY laws on child abuse and found it) it states:

    “Any spanking that leaves a mark or involves hitting your child with an object (like a cane, a coat hanger, or a belt) will be considered child abuse”


    “Discipline that causes excessive pain to the child

    may be child abuse even if you do not physically hit the child.”

    Later it says:


    You should know that under U.S. law, parents and others who care for the child have a duty to protect the child from the danger of excessive discipline.” This includes teachers!

    I think this states clearly- NO BELT!

    in reply to: Should A Yid Own A Gun? Or Not? #723524

    Blueprints- what do you mean? Who knows who will draw and pull the trigger first? Just the fact that I am holding one can very well scare them off as they don’t know if I have a hair trigger or a 5 lb one…

    Just hang up a sign of your most recent target from the range outside your house. Mine will certainly scare them off…

    This reminds me… it has been a little too long since I have been at the range….

    in reply to: STOMACH BANDING #718775

    Health- WELL SAID. Very apropos!

    in reply to: This week's Yated Shidduch Forum… #722912

    What is wrong with people setting up people they know? Why do we need professional shadchanim? I know of a girl who redt a shidduch for a good friend of hers and it worked- she isn’t married and isn’t a professional shadchan! Yes, it is unconventional but why doesn’t it become more normalized? You have a guest over for shabbos, think about your neighbors, friends, cousins or previous guests you might have had! It can still be done tzniyusly- in this case the girl found a male relative or something like that to take over talking to the bochur. She never had to speak to the guy about the shidduch and it worked wonderfully! Happily married and there would be no other way for the couple to have met- different areas, circles, schools, he has no sisters ect…

    I know of other girls who are trying the same way- it is getting more results than professionals…. For this one girl I know, she gets more shidduchim redt via friends and family than via shadchanim (who she has met).

    in reply to: subway seats #873195

    I think the bottom line here is that you should be on the lookout for people to help. A lady is carrying a child? A student (M or F) with a super-sized backpack? Anyone elderly or disabled? Give up your seat. If it is hard for you to stand, imagine someone else…

    Women should not have to give up their seats for a guy, unless he is quite elderly.

    For some reason I have seen goyim be more polite than frum yidden… I have seen an elderly lady, she must be 80 or so, and a goy was the only one to stand up and give up their seat. Why shouldn’t a frum yid take the opportunity to make a kiddush hashem?

    There is no strict reason for either gender to get up for the other unless there is a need- and then GET UP. However, men might want to take into account the fact that I see more women of all ages falling over when the train jolts than men (even boys)… do they want nice, ehrlich BY girls falling on to them? Maybe there is something about the bone structure of men that they are more stable standing up….

    in reply to: Should A Yid Own A Gun? Or Not? #723514

    Blueprints- and if they are armed? It will just get them angry… not a good thing. Better a .45 or a .338 any day.

    AIN- thanks! 😉


    2A (Second Amendment) came right after 1A because it is the only thing to keep your freedoms alive.

    The 4 boxes to protect human rights and freedoms: (1) the soapbox (freedom of speech); (2) the ballot box (the right to vote); (3) the jury box (trial by peers); and (4) the cartridge box (right to bear arms).

    Take away one and we are all doomed… and you can forget all other rights and liberties, like freedom of religion or speech.

    in reply to: Rebbi Smacking Kids #719606

    Oh, and I heard from a reputable source that there is a set of statistics out there that state that when teachers are not paid on time they tend to hit/abuse their students more. On the day that they are late being paid, they hit more than when they are paid. Now, how does this sound appropriate? Where is the love? How are these people able to teach our children Torah?

    Oh, and what is the allowance for a Gemara teacher to potch, and not a math or science teacher? If it is allowable for one, it should be for both.

    in reply to: Rebbi Smacking Kids #719605

    Trying my best- in NY it is called child abuse and CPS must be called if a parent hits other than the following way: They may hit with an open hand (rather than a fist), with nothing in their hand (no belt, book ect), and AS LONG AS NO MARK IS LEFT.

    Other than that, pure and simple child abuse. Even by a parent, let alone a teacher.

    Quick question- anyone out there who is a social worker, teacher, OT, PT, ect- they are required by law (and halacha) to report them to CPS. Abuse is abuse and there is no excuse for that.

    in reply to: Should A Yid Own A Gun? Or Not? #723510

    Remember this : (all heard from other people…)

    *Guns kill people just like pencils misspell words.

    *When seconds count, the police are minutes away.

    *”There is no constitutional right to be protected by the state against being murdered by criminals or madmen.”

    [Bowers v. DeVito, 686 F.2d 616, at 618 (7th Cir. 1982)]


    In 1996 the UKs political elite said that a handgun ban would reduce armed crime.

    When it didn’t they said a ban on air cartridge guns would reduce armed crime.

    When it didn’t they said a ban on replicas would reduce armed crime.

    When it didn’t they tried to ban deactivated guns, but failed because the murder being used as their excuse wasn’t committed with a reactivated gun after all.

    Now that armed crime is way above the 1996 level (pre-bans) they don’t want to talk about it.


    When they took the fourth amendment, I was silent because I don’t deal drugs.

    When they took the sixth amendment, I kept quiet because I know I’m innocent.

    When they took the second amendment, I said nothing because I don’t own a gun.

    Now they’ve come for the first amendment, and I can’t say anything at all.

    in reply to: Should A Yid Own A Gun? Or Not? #723509

    Midwest- Please cite statistical studies that state that “having guns in the house is a lot more dangerous than you think….” I have yet seen an honest study (and I have done research on this topic as it interests me) that clearly states this. All studies I have found state that owning a gun reduces crime, deters intruders etc.

    Trying my Best- I think you would be interested in reading “Guns, Crime and Freedom” (LaPierre) and “More Guns, Less Crime” (Lott).

    Might shake your mindset a little.

    When you read just these two books (I have read plenty others) come back and comment.

    in reply to: Career Advisor #719657

    MA Chavaso- really take a deep look at yourself and get serious. We all have to pick something to do, even if it is living in your parent’s basement and doing nothing….

    But seriously, growing up includes making decisions. If you think you are old enough to get married, be prepared to make many more serious decisions in your life.

    in reply to: Should A Yid Own A Gun? Or Not? #723506

    Charlie Hall- While your story is sad, there are two main comments I would like to write:

    *the average time for police/911 to answer a call is approximately 9 minutes or more. If the intruder is armed, your friend could of been shot and the intruder long gone before the police arrived.

    *your friend could have committed suicide in a number of ways. Are we going to ban kitchen knives? medication (overdose)? ooo-lets now ban sheets and towels because I can hang myself with them! Or crash my car purposely into a tree. or drown myself in a pool or bathtub. Banning guns would not have stopped the suicide- if he did not get help he could have done it in numerous other ways.

    in reply to: Opening the Car Door for Your Date #721093

    WHY should women give up their seats for guys? Have you seen men and women on the subways? Men can balance a whole-lot better than women can (especially when she is in heels). Would you rather a woman falling down or a guy?

    I think you are being ridiculous. women open doors for men? It is a kind thing to do for anyone to hold open doors, but WHY is it a “matter of courtesy and mentchlichkeit” for women to hold doors for men and not vice-versa? Are men immune from being kind?

    in reply to: Should A Yid Own A Gun? Or Not? #723503

    Trying my best- Please give some evidence for the claims you are making. Statistics please? I gave some historical proof (and those who have not learned from history are doomed to repeat it). Would you like crime statistics on before and after banning guns in the same city? I can give those too… ban the guns and the crime rates double. What do criminals, who are locked away in jail, say the biggest deterrent for attacking/mugging/robbing a person is? Not how strong the person is but how likely they are to carry a gun. A debate on the subject can be nice, just as long as both sides stick to the same rules- facts not hysteria.

    in reply to: subway seats #873178

    What is wrong with offering a seat? Is there a halacha against it?

    Firstly, you may never know if she is pregnant. Secondly, it can be a huge kiddush Hashem… you never know how many “looks” I see being given out on the subway when a frum yid sits and someone else stands. If you are strong and capable of standing on the subway/bus and someone else looks like they could use the seat, no matter the age or gender- offer it! I have seen young men and women who look like they would collapse from their bags, mothers with small children, men who look like they will pass out from exhaustion… and I offer a seat to them.

    You never know what physical ailment someone may have and they may not want to open up to a stranger. Just offer if you can.

    in reply to: Can You Say "No" If…. #720108

    Along the lines of what other people have said here…

    It has been found to be statistically important (I dont like to say true cuz nothing really is that simple) about divorced vs. married but unsuccessful/unhappy couples and their kids. Kids can be worse off from the latter than the former. We just spot divorced couples and cannot always tell the others out. Look into every family and while you may never know the story until after a chasunah, you may get a clearer idea about the children’s mental health status.

    in reply to: STOMACH BANDING #718761

    full of rage- MAZEL TOV! It is a big accomplishment!

    I would like to say kudos to some people in my life who have had the bypass… they have lost the weight of their spouse (maybe plus a kid too…) over a couple years. I know it is no easy way out of weight issues as it takes a lot of self control.

    A23- dieting and exercise alone may not always help some people. The person I know who has had the bypass tried over the course of decades different diets etc. It is not as simple as you think.

    in reply to: Career Advisor #719654

    Psychologists do need a PhD. or a PsyD. to be able to call themselves a psychologist. But there are other jobs that can do many of the same career goals as the psychologist- they just cannot call themselves one. There are many psychology masters degrees out there…What about a Masters in Mental Health? School counseling? Addiction Counseling?

    Some communities have too many nurses, plus you have to like working around blood, changing bandages, bedpans, IVs etc. You also have to be ok with having many people’s lives in your hands… one mistake and you could cause unmentionable amount of damages…

    Psychology- you have the chance to help many people at critical points in their lives. You need to have people skills and a decent command of the language. You do not have to touch people or see blood etc. You also have certain flexibility- agencies, schools or private practice? Children or adults?

    Think- why you want to do a certain job. don’t do it just because hours are convenient or the pay is nice. Yes, they are important but you must also like the job. If you faint at the sight of blood, you won’t be much help to your patients.

    cshapiro- If listening to people will make you insane, you might need to see someone about that… 😉

    But seriously, most psychologists have great mental health to begin with.

    in reply to: Should A Yid Own A Gun? Or Not? #723494

    Oh, and proof that people should own guns and it doesn’t necessarily cause many accidental deaths? If someone was to enter your shabbos table this morning at lunch and place a .45 on the table (fully loaded)- would anything have happened? Would anyone at that table pick it up and start playing with it (even your 10 year old son?) ?? NO. Why? It is Shabbos! We go by a higher authority than just our urges. We might leave the table, but if you would tell your child it is mukzeh, they wouldn’t touch it! It is the person, not the gun, that murders. (In Psychology the term is called projection…)

    Owning guns does not automatically cause household deaths.

    Oh, and by the way, I almost forgot to say this: Of all the proponents of gun control out there, high on the list is Barbara Boxer (D-CA). She has lots of security around her 24/7 as a Senator. But she holds one of the few gun permits handed out in her city. Why should she deserve it any more than you or I do? SHE has private security guards…

    in reply to: Should A Yid Own A Gun? Or Not? #723493

    Quick quote: “Now that we have full gun registration, the streets will be safer”…

    Who said it and when??

    ADOLF HITLER right before committing mass genocide of over 11 million people.

    Who else here supports full gun registration? If Hitler liked this policy, I don’t think I feel so comfortable doing the same.

    Please see http://jpfo.org/filegen-a-m/deathgc.htm#chart

    This lists many genocides perpetrated by gun control lobbyists, from the Armenian Genocide by Turkey in 1915 to China (Red) throughout the cold war (1949-1976).

    “When the gun prohibitionists quote a statistic about how many people are killed by firearms misuse, the discussion sometimes bogs down into whose crime stats to believe and how to count crimes vs. the defensive firearm uses. Death by Gun Control works on a level that nobody can dispute: documented world history.

    In the 20th Century:

    * Governments murdered four times as many civilians as were killed in all the international and domestic wars combined.

    * Governments murdered millions more people than were killed by common criminals.

    How could governments kill so many people? The governments had the power – and the people, the victims, were unable to resist. The victims were unarmed. ” (Jews for the Preservation of Firearm Ownership- JPFO)

    The message is plain: “Disarmed people are neither free nor safe – they become the criminals’ prey and the tyrants’ playthings” (JPFO). When people are left with no means to defend themselves, against other people or their government, millions of people are murdered


    Now, who’s going to go out to the range with me?

    in reply to: Career Advisor #719645

    How about what you enjoy doing? I would hate being a computer programmer but I love…. (my profession). But computers you can do from home, part time, get good money etc. But if you are unhappy with it you will not be doing anyone a favor! Imagine a doctor who doesn’t like blood?

    A good idea is volunteering in the dept. you would like to work in, or shadow a nurse. You can’t really shadow a psychologist but you can talk to one to find out about the profession (privacy rules and would you want to talk to a psychologist with someone watching you?).

    Maybe take a class in each field- do you like biology? psychology?

    Do what you want, not what sounds good or random people who may not know anything about a field comment.

    in reply to: STOMACH BANDING #718753

    I know some people who have had this procedure. Those who have had it- it changed their life for the better.

    If you have some self control it can be life changing. You may not see the same dramatic results as in the bypass, but it is less permanent.

    It changes your life and can enhance your future- less medical problems due to being overweight, more energy.

    Please: Do not ask advice on the CR. This is a serious medical decision that you need to take up with your doctor and family.

    in reply to: Appropriate Workplaces For Women #715278

    Ok- I understand your point. some of my sarcasm was misunderstood.. haven’t figured out how to italics….

    My main point was I was tired of the blame being put on women. There are numerous shiurim being given on women’s requirements. I have not seen any signs for, nor heard from family members, about rabbonim being so adamant about men and shmiras anayim.

    About sheitels- that debate can go round and round. I do not want to get into that whole question- many sefardim hold that even if not wearing a newer sheitel that they must wear a hat on top of it. Chasidim hold you must wear “double deckers” as I have heard them referred to.

    But I have heard rabbonim in effect say that women should wear bags as clothing to make sure that it isn’t too tight. I am sorry- I have a right for people to see I am not a size 63 when I am a size… (not getting into THAT). Men should not be turned on by the fact that i show about what size I am. I am not saying skin tight clothing. In the same note, I have heard rabbonim say women don’t belong out of the house.period. so how are we to support our husbands?>!?!?

    Bottom line- too much pressure put on women and not enough put on men.

    By the way- I edited this because I accidently clicked submit.

    in reply to: A Letter I Sent To Hadassa Chapters in US & UK #714914

    so right- do you know the family? were you a doctor involved? How do you know???? Maybe this child was being hurt by a parent?

    My point is- IT EXISTS. IT MIGHT have happened here. YOU DONT KNOW. There have been many cases, documented in and out of court systems, in medical, legal and psychiatric journals of how many children were harmed by their “loving” parents who were afflicted with Munchausen by proxy. It goes both ways and we dont know. SO STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. Stop making the frum community look ridiculous! Stop talking about something that happened decades ago as proof (Yemenite cases)- who says there are the same administration, doctors, employees as then??? This is a personal family case that should be kept private.

    unless you have documented proof, and please no anecdotal stories, please stop rehashing the old debate.

    in reply to: Appropriate Workplaces For Women #715274

    so right- I am not saying gedarim are not appropriate. I am saying that men should practice “shmiras anayim” as well. Why is it always “women need to do….” instead of how “men should not look, should control their thoughts/eyes/urges”? yes, calling people “mr and ms” is appropriate and should be done- but making the women lock themselves in closets, wear a bag over their head, or dress in potato sacks should not have to be done. If the women are covered (elbows, knees, hair if married ect) and dressed according to halacha then the woman’s job is complete

    Men should not be enticed by little things. Its the man’s problem and he should fix it. teaching tzniyus is important- but the men should protect themselves too.

    in reply to: Older Singles #716481

    mdd- better to be married and divorced rather than never to be married? I think you are exaggerating and are misrepresenting the whole situation. Some people just cannot find their beshe’ert. Want them to marry an ax-murderer? Someone that they will get divorced from right away? Someone who doesn’t match them hashkafically or pesonality-wise? What if a man or a woman just have not been able to find someone they can build their life with- it is not always because of being picky or not doing hishtadlus- there are those who have gone to the shadchanim, gone out with those who seemed perfect on paper ect. Maybe the other person turned them down some of those times?

    in reply to: A Letter I Sent To Hadassa Chapters in US & UK #714908

    Munchausen by proxy is a real disorder. It is not some fictional disorder created by doctors- unfortunately is it really out there and it can happen to anyone. Just because someone was a “happy, healthy, popular girl” doesn’t matter. Just like people can get cancer, people can get psychologically sick. I don’t know the details in this case but as someone with some psychological training, it is scary and it is real. Many children are killed or permanently disfigured because of it- the child may undergo unnecessary surgeries, procedures and take unnecessary drugs. Sometimes it happens when a child gets sick and the mother’s role is completely comprised of caring for the child. (it can happen to a father too, but since mothers tend to care more for the children, it has been found to be more prevalent in mothers). Once the child gets better, the parent is lost as to who they are, what their role is ect. They become ill and then start to have “factitious disorder by proxy”. It doesn’t always happen that the child was once ill, sometimes it was completely brought on by the parent. the parent is emotionally needy- her entire job was taking care of the kid. She got a lot of help, emotional and physical support, and attention/praise for taking care of this child. Many times the mother has little support outside the medical field as it was her entire life with the ill child and she might have had medical training.

    May we see an end to all illness, physical and mental, in the world and may those who are ill get the help they need to recover.

    in reply to: Appropriate Workplaces For Women #715271

    I am deeply offended by the way this post is going. Instead of talking about certain jobs that are friendly to a working mother, we are talking about gedarim that women need to set up. Why not talk about men who need SELF CONTROL? Maybe those women who are working are smarter, both intellectually and how to handle themselves. Women are allowed to work outside the home- who else will bring in dinner if the husband is learning? Oh, and there are not enough teaching/secretary/special ed jobs out there. Or Speech Therapy jobs- so many people are going into these fields that it is impossible to find a job!

    What about jobs where you can pick your clients? Where you work in an open office-setting without closed rooms (so no yichud issues)- like OT or PT? Most of the time they work in larger rooms that can be curtained off. What about psychology- the psychologist picks their own clients (they can specifically work with children, schools, couples ect) and can refer elsewhere if not comfortable.

    Maybe we should switch the theme of this post to a more friendly atmosphere, where women are not hammered to feel like they must lock themselves in a closet. If men would act appropriate, all frum environments would be safer. Men should watch their eyes and not make women cover themselves up with gedarim beyond gedarim. Maybe men should watch their speech and actions as well!

    mdd- why should women wear something that is beyond halacha- just to solve your problems? see a psychologist if a married woman’s sheitel is causing you trouble.

    in reply to: How important in loyalty when it comes to a shidduch? #714161

    If I were the one about to be engaged and I heard this- I would run for my life. I don’t want to be married to a guy who is wishing he was with someone else. If I were the other “wanted dream” girl, I would also run as fast as I can- what if someone else takes the “dream spot”? How could you trust someone like that? How could you marry a guy (or gal) like that?

    That guy needs to leave shidduchim for a while and take a deep look at himself. he needs to do a cheshbon hanefesh and see- why am i getting married? He also needs to consult with his Rav… he is too immature to be getting married.

    in reply to: Why Don't People Drive Normally In NYC?! #715661

    Why do NYers drive crazily? Maybe it is evidence that they are crazy! When I come to NY, I wont drive. The frum people drive so crazily, when mapping out a route to take (since they drive) we specifically avoid 18ave, Ave J…most of boro park…. because there are too many crazy Jewish drivers! Yes, the non-jews are not the best drivers either, but from my experience Frum yidden think that stop signs are suggestions, yellow lights mean “speed up to get through the intersection” and red lights mean “if I had the intention to cross but didn’t pass even the crosswalk while it was green I can just go and block the intersection”.

    I don’t mean ill on other yidden but there should be plenty of people ticketing! ticket all those who block the box (it worked in manhattan), triple park, park by hydrants, dont use their turn signal or do illegal turns.

    Then ticket the pedestrians who cross illegally against the light. Yes, drivers, you still have to stop for them, but they are doing something illegal. I know in some cities they warn you about ticketing pedestrians and there are warnings in the frum community that they will do it on shabbos.

    It stops many accidents and can save lives!

    in reply to: Los Angeles, Yes or No? #1065355

    Just in case this is still a question.. I happened to accidentally click on a wrong button and found this post and I know LA (better than many who wrote on this posting by their answers). I have lots of family there…

    There are many high schools, both boys and girls. I know the girls’ better than the guys’ (family and friends there mostly have girls in the high school age).

    Girls High Schools:

    1. Bais Yaakov, (BYLA)- Only school called BY there but that is not to say the others are not comparable to East Coast BY schools. It is only a high school but it is one of the best high school for yeshivish girls- great, frum, yeshivish girls who do tons of chesed, run chai lifeline programs ect. # in the grade can range from 60-80, and can have 12+ get accepted to BJJ, 12+ to Hadar every year (quite impressive). Plus others who are that type.

    2. Chasidish (Different than BY): They have a high school and a girls school. These are the Yiddish-speakers…Their school is quite small, tend to not have every grade so some of this type will go to BYLA. Girls have been known to get married straight from high school (or once or twice in recent past from 12th grade).

    3. Bnos Devorah- New school, only about 5 years old. It is supposed to be BY-type but without “Rabbi Bursztyn Pressure”. Not sure how the school is turning out in the past few years but a school this new may still be finding its feet.

    All 3 above are located in “the city”.

    4. VTC (Valley Torah High School, was once Valley Torah Center, hence the initials that ppl still refer to it by). Location is in Valley. Known to be Chofetz Chaim, but it can depend on the year. It tends to get more of the recent Balei Teshuva or those who are not as BY but still frum and can be Yeshivish. Until Bnos Devorah came around, this was the only real alternative to Chasidish/BY or going to M.O. school. Not sure what “type” go there now that BD is open.

    5. YULA (really YOLA, Yeshiva of LA but was once affiliated with YU so the name stuck). They have both a boys and girls schools but different campuses. This is the MO school in LA- students will go off to Penn ect, and they are MO in general (boys and girls might mix, yeshivish kids may not be able to eat at all their classmate’s houses…)

    These are generals, but there are of course some mixes at each school, you might get someone who started 9th grade in one and switched before 10th because saw it wasn’t a right fit for them.

    DONT WALK THE ALLEYS. Nuff said on that.

    About the billboards- those who live there don’t even notice them. they are there, but living there people can clearly label it as “bad” or “treif” and ignore it. unlike in other cities, we can clearly see treif vs. kosher. After being in LA for a bit, I came to NY and was shocked… I didnt like being here with “sneaky billboards” on buses, subways ect. there is pritzus everywhere (ok maybe not on a farm in Kansas), so being in NY doesn’t stop it. go on the buses in boro park and you will still see what you wish you hadn’t.

    Elementary schools- there are a lot more than high schools and the lines between them are grayer… so ask around! Just because Rabonim send their kids to one school, it doesn’t mean that it is the best. It could be that there were no other options at that time, or they were too far away ect. For example, Ohr Eliyahu just moved into the heart of the frum neighborhood and many students did not go there because of the distance of the old building. But it is an amazing school that focuses on middos, caring about others and being ehrlich. Besides for an unsurpassed education (especially lemudai kodesh!) that many schools can’t compete with.

    Oh, something great about LA? There is a spot in the schools for every child! Yes, people are of course turned away, but you don’t want a girl in BY who hangs out with boys. Unlike in Lakewood, you don’t have dozens or more girls without a seat in high school. BY once had 87 girls in a grade at one point- they just built more lockers!

    Good luck with your decision! Daven hard to make sure its right and best for your family! Don’t just rely on any one person because everyone is biased (including yours truly… I tried to write this as unbiased as possible but it probably snuck in). maybe ask someone who is the opposite of your family and see what they say.

    in reply to: Come Play The Rumor Game! #1164574

    Did you hear about Mr. Blumenthaul who bought a new car- he said was such a great bargain he paid practically nothing! His old car was so noisy you could hear him coming down the street from two blocks away!

    in reply to: Scammed Help #713339

    how did you find out you were scammed? Maybe you can give advice to stop others from falling in this predicament.

    Advice for the future- check out the website to see if its reliable before sending the money. No credit card- they wanted western union? That sounds kind of iffy….

    Advice for now- contact Western Union. You probably lost the money but you never know… I have never used western union so I don’t know what their terms and fine print are.

    in reply to: Come Play The Rumor Game! #1164560

    Wanna hear something crazy? The police were called to the goldmarber’s house when a neighbor heard someone yelling- there’s a high school aged girl who was locked in the closet since she was a baby! When they opened the door she ran away…what a family

    in reply to: WARNING about BEST BUY #714076

    Makes sense because now they may have to sell the item “open boxed” or “floor model” at a lower cost. What if you scratched it? Many other stores have specific return policies- check it out before buying! It might be why they are cheaper to begin with… Office Depot says they charge the restocking fee if the box is missing anything. Both Staples and Office Depot say opened software and certain computer products can only be exchanged for the same title. Target does not allow any returns of opened software and certain electronics.

    Word to the wise: Please check out all fine print before buying anything- saving the few dollars may not be worth it if you need to exchange it for any reason.

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