kapusta

So you admit that it’s not a fix-all? 😉

In my experience, much of the effects of the “crisis” (for now, that would be unmarried singles) are being blamed on the age gap without looking at other factors. Perhaps that would have been a better way to phrase it.

Can we do this on another thread? I was enjoying the discussion here.

Thanks. Now we can debate the definition of the word might and why you would put your neighbors possible needs before your own definite needs.

Or listen to yourself talk? Kidding, I hope…

Mazal tov!

DY, I didn’t read thru the whole thing, but this looks like it might be it (or one of them).

http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shidduch-segullah

Mw, I didnt quite get the beginning of that post but I just wanted to thank you for the tones of shalom.

I was very upset by the feel of certain posts (not mentioning names) and as a spectator, the holier than thou becomes very unpleasant sometimes “in the name of Halacha”. A personal request to please read and reread to see how some posts look to everyone else.

Ok, back to cleanup

I think Dutch processed is when they remove the bitterness from the cocoa and when you would use it depends on the specific recipe (I think Dutch processed goes with baking powder and regular goes with baking soda, but its a while since I checked.) I’m pretty sure you can get the Dutch Processed on Pesach from Leibers etc.

Off the top of my head: make a list of things you will need for the seder, verify any minhagim related to cooking and keep in mind which fruits/vegetables require checking.

Just here to add an interesting point on the tochacha thing. The story appears on page 257 of the biography of Rebbetzin Kanievsky. In a nutshell: a baalas teshuva who frequented the Kanievsky home would come to help clean up on Shabbos, including washing dishes which were not needed for use on Shabbos. A grandson noticed and mentioned this to Rebbetzin Kanievsky, who responded that the woman is very sensitive and that she would try to explain it to her over the following few weeks. Someone asked Rav Chaim about this and he responded that the Rebbetzin knew what she was doing and would find a way to tell her the correct Halacha.

Carry on.

Thanks! Hope that post wasnt the exception though, please stick around!!

I don’t remember it specifically, but when I read the thread title, the Mendy Wald tune jumped into my head followed by a Sheker Hachein, so I assume I’m thinking of the same one. I did some hunting on youtube and didn’t come up with much… Only a few different versions of the low and middle parts. It seems to be an Israeli song or at least popular in Israel if that helps at all (but again, its not the high part).

If you have access to any head counselors, camp directors etc you can try there or maybe ask someone like Malky Giniger, Chayala Neuhaus or I know of someone who teaches music in Prospect (I guess theres only one) who might be able to help you. Even better, someone along those lines from Israel. (Miriam Israeli?) If not that, or the band player/your chosson does not have a female relative who you feel comfortable asking to listen/resing, maybe you can find a piano and play it by ear enough for him to get the general tune… Sorry there isnt much here in the way of practical help…

Mazal tov! And its a beautiful song btw.

illuminate the night

And thanks, now its stuck in my head.

Thanks. The side I’m closer with has since gotten married B”H (to someone else). I was not involved in redting or giving information.

A few general points from a single:

If you have information which you are not sure about (such as a medical issue), ASK the single/family when you are first asked to be a reference or you can broach it gently later on (“I’m very happy to answer questions, I’m sometimes asked about ______, is there anything specific about it that I should know?” or you can ask them to update you about several general things, and include that particular issue in the list).

I once had an idea for a shidduch and was aware of sensitive information on both sides (one side pertaining to the single, other side to the single’s family). I asked a shaila about what to say and while on the phone, I asked if it would be ok to give the name and info to the side I know better (the side with more sensitive info, relating to the single specifically). He was very happy with that idea until I got to the next issue, that I was unsure if they would say everything. He was very uncomfortable at that point and did not give me the go ahead.

Any friend (or other reference) wants the single in question to be happily married. Discovering a bottle of pills, cigarettes etc during Sheva Brachos is not generally helpful in starting a happy, healthy marriage. Despite any temptations to “help” someone by not giving info correctly, you are providing an extreme disservice and finding a great way to hurt them (as well as likely going against Halacha).

Note to singles: If you’ve been in the system for a while, you may want to check or change your references.

I speak from experience on the issue in general, not specific to engagement, although I think it would follow the same lines. The best thing is honesty, with sensitivity and empathy. Oddly enough, its a lot worse to hear that someone showed pity rather than just talking openly and honestly. Don’t make her feel like a nebech, just show her that you care and can still be friends. (This may be very important depending on her circle of single friends and her past experiences with single friends getting married.) Tell her that you will keep her in mind for dating opportunities (and actually do so) and in davening. During an open moment, (if its ok with you) you can also ask if she’d like to hold your jewelry during the chuppah and see how she responds. Basically, be open and honest, sensitive, and take cues from her.

Speaking from experience, there is a very fine line between sympathy and empathy and its a VERY easy line to cross, so IMO, being extra sensitive is always a good thing.

Practically, you may want to give her a bit of a heads up and tell her that you’re dating someone seriously so its less of a shock.

I commend you for your sensitivity and thoughtfulness to your friend. Much Hatzlacha.s

Choosing to Care — a Tisha B’Av shiur by Rabbi Yissocher Frand

This was originally from a CCHF presentation and reposted (with permission) on Youtube. I found it to be very spot on and of course, very three weeks appropriate.

I don’t understand. What’s the difference which batch?

If you look at the bottom of the opening post, this thread was originally posted two years ago.

I’ve heard that peppers and some produce from Costco can be problematic.

??

Just until I know it was verified with a rav. Then feel free to discuss it.

Which incorrect assumptions have I made? I could certainly be wrong, but reading off of the way you posted, it appears a question has not been asked. And I don’t have to ask anything because I never said it was ok. I simply said that I was very uncomfortable with the public play by play analysis and that it would be in your best interests to ask a question before continuing, for your sake.

I’m not trying to attack you in public, and I sincerely commend your sensitivity to Kovod Shabbos, I just feel that that sensitivity may be coming at the expense of real Halacha and I suggested that it be verified. Thats all

I’m not sure I agree that an anonymous person offering an (uncomfirmed) opinion behind a screen name qualifies as making a public statement. And I do not believe Halacha differentiates between “stating what feels wrong to you” in public and attacking.

Actually, since no one appears to have asked for your specific opinion (certainly not in public), I think we could call your reaction a (well intentioned) sensitivity to Shabbos as opposed to clear outright Hilchos Shmiras Halashon.

I would strongly suggest that you ask a shaila before continuing, and at least have a warning be added to the thread title.

Maybe but not in this specific context.

Apparently English isn’t clear enough and common sense is not so common.

Thanks for trying, 127.