Forum Replies Created
unless the person who set it up knows the boy, definitely. Realize that there is absolutely no screening before a guy is allowed on the site and set up. (This applies in the other direction as well)
Not all YU bochrim are the same.
Some are quite yeshivish just in YU because they need the college degree/ familiar pressure/ etc
Because those of us who have days that end at 8PM right now don’t want them to end even later
These are 19-24 year old girls, mostly girls who are coming from YU families not willing to offer support for a learner but have moved to a place hashkaficly where they want someone with the yeshivish values
I know many many girls who are looking for boys who love learning but realize that they need to be working for practical reasons. How can we set up these shidduchim?
I know a lot of students in that situation take classes over winter session so that they can graduate sooner. (I actually have one friend who took them because she wouldn’t know what to do with the 5 weeks otherwise)
It depends what “world” you are asking about. In the YU world it is considered one of the top. In a more Yeshivish place, not so much.There are guys from there who end up going into long term learning. The American part and the Hesder part seem pretty separate hashkaficly from what I hear.
It’s not officially linked to a seminary, but if you are asking who the guys end up marrying/ where their sisters go: Michlalah, MMY, sometimes Machon Raaya. So a wide range, at the junction of Modern Orthodox/YU and Bais Yaakov
also, regarding whoever commented about it being unfair to be asked to switch out of an aisle seat, a simple solution is that people in aisle seats swap rows. if one row is MFM, and the one behind is MMF, and the M at the end of row 1 is bothered, just switch with the woman behind him, and all is good again
I wouldn’t say that this is restricted to Charedi only necessarily, and it is quite logical. When I (as a single female) get on a long flight, I don’t want to have to spend 12 hours smushed between 2 yeshiva bochurim trying not to touch them (yes, I have gotten that assigned seat and traded with someone). Or even if I’m in the aisle. I want to be able to fall asleep without worrying about either I or my male seatmate shifting in close quarters, ending up in a very uncomfortable situation.
We had a similar situation. My grandparents always went to the same family for every yontif and never to us. Within a few years we became the “favorite family”. How? We, the grandchildren, built a relationship with them. I went to visit my grandmother every few weeks, and just sat and visited a few hours. We all made the effort to call every erev shabbos. We would offer to pick them up and bring them over for a stam Sunday night BBQ, and it really built a relationship to the point where I became extremely close to my grandmother and could talk her into coming to us for any yontif. Don’t start with trying to get them to come for a yontif, which means not visiting the other family, start small, just with a relationship for shorter periods, and this will grow too iyH
Is there a chochma behind this?
randomex, the profile doesn’t show because he has a 2 word username. you have to replace the space (that turns into “%20”) with a –
by riverdale I mean the community based around Rav Willig
Passaic, Riverdale, Lower East Side, depending on your definition of yeshivish, washington heights. Queens (KGH and others) Brooklyn has a bunch of frum areas. Depending on how far you are willing to commute there is also Monsey.
you could probably work out a similar system using the highlighting post its. if you auto-piloted over then you move the post it over the beginning of the bracha/ sticking out/ etc and if not you leave it at the bottom of the page. etc
There is a list on chinuch.org that has a list of kosher titles for kids, complete with the reasons why books would be yes or no.
also, whoever it was that said Jodi Picoult- she is an excellent writer, but I wouldn’t call her books “Kosher”, she sticks at least one unnecessary romance in each book and then proceeds to make a few graphic scenes out of it. The only way these books are Kosher is if you have them censored.
bhe, that isnt necessarily true. you could date for a month and as things get really serious, and the shadchan is dropped, and more serious things are discussed, it comes out that it is not shayach
how far away was this restaurant that you spent $100 on gas? is everything ok with your car if you’re going through 2 tanks in a week?
or maybe try something like SawYouAtSinai or YUConnects?
2NI3- that is ridiculous, unless there’s something else going on like a longgoing feud (which should be solved anyway). Sisters are one of the best sources of setting up.
on the other hand, if she says its not a good idea, and not worth even going out because it will be awkward when it doesnt work out…
sfashkenaz, its on one of the journeys cds
goq, chicago is famous for the telshe yeshiva, where I’m from, thats what puts chicago on the Jewish map, because that was the original one there
I think Northwestern might be near the chicago yeshiva, but look into that.
I always find listening to Chevi Garfinkel very inspiring. a lot of her shiurim are up on torahanytime.com
I don’t know if this is what you are thinking of oomis, but there’s a classic dvar torah about how the first 3 were supposed to teach that Hashem exists, the 2nd set to teach that Hashem was in the land, and the third set was to teach that there is nothing like Hashem. And Makkas Bechoros was just to punish.
there are many dvrei torah about how they were middah kneged middah for what the Egyptians were doing to the Jews
Succos (or was it Rosh Hashana, I always get confused) when you are living in the time of Nechemya and people havent made an eruv tavshilin (see the gemara in Beitzah)
how young do you mean by young? no seminary is going to accept a 14 year old, cuz frankly they’re not ready for seminary (most of the time at least) but if you mean 17 instead of 18, most will be fine with that. especially if you homeschooled out of no other options for jewish schooling
logician, I am profoundly insulted by your assumption that working full time means you cant learn. I know a (married) guy in his 20s who learns for an hour or 2 before davening at a 7 or 730 minyan before going to work and also has a night seder chevrusa for a few hours.
If someone has a normal 9-5 job, there is plenty of time to learn if thats your priority, and the point is, there are guys who recognize they cant learn full time, but still have the priority to learn when they can
you just need to catch them long enough to ask for a meeting. teachers generally have some time set aside for that, you just need to claim it
it really depends on the teacher and the school. in some schools its totally normal to ask your teacher for a meeting, and the teacher knows how to begin the conversations in those meetings to build the kesher. some, not so much. I found the best way was to ask advice on something and then once you start one conversation they just grow. eventually you invite yourself to their house for shabbos etc etc
so I’m going to disrespectfully agree with popa and fkelly sorta. you need to find someone who is good for you.
I personally found therapy way less helpful than a teacher I was close to. If you have a teacher you trust with some sort of background in psychology thats the best. I found teachers were always the most helpful.
in terms of friends: one piece of advice i heard on this is: if you are going to a friend, you have to make sure she is on a higher level than you on this. But don’t overburden your friend. if its just ranting, then friends, especially older ones, are great (just first check with her that shes ok with it, because not everyone is), if you actually need practical advice, the older the better- meaning go straight to an adult if you can
dash is refering to the concern that according to R’ Akiva Eiger, saying “good Shabbos” might be being mikabel shabbos, so if you say this on friday afternoon at a time where it is possible to accept shabbos, then it might, according to this one opinion, be a problem. (although I do know people careful about this)
What kind of skirt is she looking for?
One method I’ve used is I’ve bought long (like ankle length for nomral people) straight skirts for real cheap, adn then cut and hem to make them the perfect length for me.
The easiest is in the frum stores, otherwise some serious hunting is necessary.
I have seen on Amazon believe it or not.
and every so often you get lucky in random stores, but no guarantee on that one.
The other option is to make your own, learning to sew a skirt is pretty simpleJanuary 13, 2014 2:35 pm at 2:35 pm in reply to: Ketchup-lovers-and- haters alike, I have a question for you! #1019860
ketchup on pizza is actually quite good. especially when you get down to the crust where there is no sauce.
but ketchup on a bagel or cake is just overdoing it
btw keepitcoming, who is this shadchan that has working boys? I want one
wow. keepitcoming. you are saying that any guy whos working can’t be learning part time???
let me tell you a story about a family member of mine: He is 23 and not yet in shidduchim. He plans on finishing his college degree first so he can support his family. but while finishing his college degree he: wakes up vaskin, learns first seder and goes to a shiur, finishing with mincha somehwere around 3 I think. He then goes to college for a few hours, and then returns to the beis midrash for 2 hours of night seder. that is about 9 hours a day of learning. You are telling me that he is a second class citizen because he is planning on supporting his family at the loss of what, 2 hours, from your average kollel guy?
it is very possible for a guy to have learning Torah be his main priority, but also supporting his family. And they realize that it does take a few years to do the training. so waiting until you have no money for food to start the schooling, leaving your family without any income for 3 years, is not that great an idea.
Most of these working guys we’re discussing haven’t just written off learning, they have at least one seder/shiur every day.
regarding girls who don’t want kollel guys being on a lower level:
I’m going to give more information here about myself than I usually do, because I am such a strong believer in this:
I plan on going into Chinuch, because that is a dream of mine. It doesnt pay well to put it mildly. my parents are not able to support me/my family. If I marry a kollel guy, within a few years he’s going to need to start working because I will not be making enough money changing Jewish childrens’ lives to support us. I recognize that its not fair for me to take a guy who could be the next rosh yeshiva and make him work. You’re still saying that I’m on a lower level for recognizing that?
I’m not saying no to a kollel guy because I’m selfish and want to live in a big house. I will be perfectly fine living in an apartment, but I need the money to buy that apartment, and for that he needs to work.
I think you need to find out why she wanted to end this friendship, what about it wasn’t working for her.
It may be that the situation has been changed and this friendship doesn’t really make sense anymore. Sometimes friendships do fall apart as things change, and thats life. Its not easy when that happens, but sometimes thats life, and fighting against it may not make it better.
you dont want her to pretend to become friends with you again and really resent you forcing her into it
so the solution is as shtusim mentioned- there need to be shadchanim focusing on working boys. and if the working boys go to them, and then the girls who want working boys go to them, iyH we will have shidduchim.
so where are these working boys shadchanim?
I think Problem 1 is partially inherent in the nature of boys and girls- the girls are mature and ready to be adults earlier. some of this is nature, and some of this may be nurture with the girls taught responsibility from a younger age
I and many other girls I know are looking for guys like those you are describing and being given the choice between long term learners and those who value secular studies.
so now I will ask: WHERE ARE YOU GUYS HIDING?????!!!!!!!
I think you need to figure out why he thinks he’s ready to start dating, and evaluate if he is.
there are some guys who are ready to be married at 21, and he can always come back to American and learn here.
but talk to him, ask him why he thinks its time for him to start dating
also, if he has a sister around the same age (or theoretically he could do this with a parent), make him have a conversation THAT DOES NOT CENTER AROUND HIS LEARNING. because that is hwat he will need to do when he starts dating, and he needs to know how. if his mind is still too in the clouds to do this, then he’s not ready.
I did this for a brother of mine, and as much as it wasn’t really fun for me, it took just 20 minutes and it let my parents see that he was ready to enter that real world.
yes, that small group that holds both by the secular calendar and Bais Shammai?
I think that there is a distinction to be made within MO that is not being made here.
There is the group that is using “its ok, I’m MO” as an excuse to be mekil/ over aveiros, bordering on Conservative, except being more widely accepted. But the other group, often called YU Machmir or Torah Umaadah is the group that is MO while still holding (mostly) to Halacha. The ones that do send their kids to non-co-ed schools, dont go mixed swimming,the mothers cover their hairs and wear skirts, some even wear tights. the fathers go to minyan 3x a day and have a chevrusa or 2 every day while doing daf yomi, etc. They are MO because they believe in Torah Umaddah, as a way of bringing them closer to Torah, following The Rav (r’ solevetchik as he is called in those camps).
so the MO bashing on a wide level has got to stop.
(and no, I am not saying this b/c I am MO, but I grew up in a house that was that second type of MO, going to schools of the first type, and very much saw the difference. Yet I still became Yeshivish)
also, regarding what charliehall said that ” Rav Soloveitchik z’tz’l, who qualified as a Gedol HaDor, was an enthusiastic supporter of co-ed schools, founding one himself in Boston”. I think if you read the Teshuva thoroughly it implies that he did not see it as a lechatchila, but rather as a bdieved because this was the only way that the MO parents in Boston would send their kids to his school instead of the secular prep schools. And you can’t say that the fact that he allows it shows that he’s more modern because Rav Moshe, who even you can not deny was a Gadol Hador also has a teshuva about until what age Co-ed education is OK, and under what circumstances.
DaMoshe, i think that if you think he is a troll just because you have never seen a community with these problems, you are very lucky. Unfortunatly there are many MO communities where that kind of stuff is the norm, and the parents dont go to minyan 3x a day, the mothers dont cover their hair or wear skirts etc.
while this is unfortunate and I’m not listing communities, I think that just because you are luckily unaware isnt a reason to call another poster a troll
I feel like I am reading the male parallel to my own story. I too went to a modern orthodox co-ed elementary school. There were kids in my grade who weren’t remotely Shomer Shabbos. I then went to a way frummer, but still MO, all-girls highschool, and realized that I did not like the MO way of life. So I found a teacher to be my “mentor”, who I had discussions with, would go to for shabbos, etc. even in a MO school you probably have a few “yeshivish” teachers, find them and a make a Kesher.
and regarding the learning at the yeshiva: maybe see if theres someone there that has a car and is willing to meet with you closer to your house or pick you up? and remember that problem is only until you get your licence, at that point you can drive yourself to night seder (I have a brother who did that his last 2 years of highschool in exchange for agreeing to stay in the MO highschool through graduation and not leaving for yeshiva)
also, I would suggest slowly hinting this to your parents, not in an obnoxious or demanding way, just enough so they’re not shocked when you want to go to a more serious yeshiva after highschool.
regarding being mad about where they sent you/how they raised you. I was also mad for a number of years, but then I realized two huge benifits I got
1- because I saw so much of that side, i was able to say I didn’t want it and become who I am today
2- the fact that I did get such strong acadamics at a younger age means that school is easier for me, and when I was in college (under parental pressure) it did not take so much time to do the work, letting me spend more time how I wanted
so in short, my answer is, if you think the MO way of life is not for you, then don’t do that, no shame in going one step to the right 🙂
what do you mean by the option of making a book? of making it look like a book or of them printing it for you?
or just that you can export it in something printable?
I’m really not sure because the right-to-left langauge thing may give you a bit of trouble
basicly in publisher it is very easy to make the text boxes where you want them and have the text “flow” from the text on one page to the next if you want to do funky formating with columns or whatever. Word is great if you are doing straightforward, text and footnotes.
both are relativly user friendly and have plenty of tutorials online