yep, for sure!

no, its the director of the program who is demanding the money and not being so flexible about it… I am not a foster child.

yep… its a ridiculous situation because they knew when I met them that that was an issue for me and it was not going to happen.

the seminary I am currently at prorated my tuition and then gave me a $5000 scholarship, all the money that was meant to be given to them was given to them, but they seem to think more money was “promised to me”, when in reality, they got all the funding that was promised to me…

My rabbi said to call him in a bit to brainstorm about what to do, my educated guess is that I am leaving this program next week, but I don’t know what I am doing.

I have some good news at the moment! I so far have raised $63.50!

K, awesome! Thanks a ton!

i am in israel until sometime next week at the rate I am going…

I didn’t post the note on my door, which may have been a good thing considering the situation that got even worse today. I understand that bullying happens.

I have been bullied on some level since preschool. At first, it was because I didn’t like the “spice girls”, now it is due to hashkafa, the program I am in, and financial.

Daniella, I still talk to people outside of coffee room about this stuff, just as frequently as before I used coffee room.

Note that I am not asking anyone to come up with money for tuition so I don’t have to leave. Its just an extra stressor.

In terms of trying to blend in with the yeshivish community, that is why I try to go to as many chillzones as possible, especially because they don’t have chillzone in my hometown. I was asked to work at Camp Nageela Midwest last summer, but I had to turn it down because I needed money and they don’t pay you anything to volunteer there.

I decided not to post the note on my door because I read it over and realized I wrote it out of anger… The issue in the bigger picture is that there are a bunch of complicated things going on back home with certain people that prevent them from being so accessible to me at this time.

I agree, this situation is much more complicated. I am just under a ton of stress now.

How am I being hard on myself. I am depressed and I look forward to those ulpan lessons. I had to push my mom very hard in order to get her to pay for them. Also, for ten, that threat is completely real, and I am not the one making it.

When I am hard on myself, that means I am able to push myself to becoming more successful. In my case, I think its a good thing.

I personally just want to go home after pesach, and then end my year then. I am being bullied by my school. I have tried finding cute ways to stick up for myself. But they have all failed. So, I just printed up a note that said the following.

“Attention:

I am not intoxicated, so you cannot get away with lying to people about things I didn’t do.

If I can not recall something, that is because it didn’t happen.

That means that you aren’t actually trying to wake me up. You feel that lying is a good cop out.

If you think this is funny, keep in mind that it is assur.

My health is deteriorating as the result of emotional stress.

What you have failed to notice, is that if you look up every single issue I have had in the past month, they all can take root in emotional stress.

The rashes are also part of emotional stress. Therefore, I will not go to a doctor for them.

However, the ones who feel that they have the right to ruin my life over such ridiculous things is the one that should be seeing a doctor.

Bullying will not be tolerated.

You have been warned on many occasions.

This is not meant to be cute- as previous notes appeared to be.

By the way, the door is currently locked.

The Jig is up.”

The only reason I plan on posting this on my door is because I know my madrichot are bullying me. One of them claimed that I had an angry outburst at her this morning when she tried to wake me up. I literally remember waking up to a phone call. I have been having this issue of feeling paralyzed for like an hour after I wake up, and that obviously prevents me from getting out of bed. Also, one who has an angry outburst is pretty much always completely wide awake and would not be able to go to sleep right after that kind of incident…

With the exception of the first time I said I was going to pull an all-nighter, I ended up falling asleep eventually the other times, I just wasn’t sure if I would be able to.

There is one thing that I have discovered that works.

1. Its expensive.

2. Its not healthy at all.

3. It is so unhealthy that it is disgusting.

Brace yourselves for this expensive, unhealthy, and disgusting breakthrough.

Drum Roll Please……

Four slices of bread loaded with butter!

After I bentch, I crawl into my bed and fall asleep instantly.

BUT…

There is a catch…

If I do not crawl into bed right away…

Then I will not be able to fall asleep for the rest of the night.

Any other more practical solutions?

your right, I should probably stop using coffee room.

I mean, I have only seen him this past week because my cousins were here, but I don’t really have time in my schedule to go to a support group. I have so many things I need to carve in my schedule. I know I need therapy, but I am kinda getting sick of it at the moment.

everyone constantly asks me about him because I am in E”Y and I am expected to have an idea of his wherabouts.