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lets say its “charity for the american public” but who is funding this charity fund? The American working public. Its just like taking Social security at the right time. I think its wrong that people live on food stamps their whole life and never work but I think anyone who pays taxes for most of their life has the right to get back some help for the govt. besides, if you ask me, i would much rather give “charity” to kollel families than others.
I don’t consider food stamps charity for someone where at least one parent is paying taxes. We pay so much taxes- why should only the goyim benifit?! If I have been working for 10 years and then I marry someone who is going to learn, why shouldn’t i take the opportunity to benifit from what I paid? The money is already there- why shouldn’t it support torah learning?!
Some seminaries have started letting girls split an American line/ land line to lessen costs.
Remember, you still want your daughter to be in touch with you and to be able to reach you if needed so a cell is very useful.
What the girls who want to save money do is buy calling cards and use a pay phone for most of the calls and then when just use a cell phone as needed.
A lot of the sems used to text everyone on the same plan but now , whats in is Kosher phones, so they dont text anyway. Most sem’s reccomend a plan but don’t insist on it.
Even if they strongly reccomend, they have no way of keeping track if ppl have different brands.
The important thing is to really compare prices and make sure you know and your daughter knows how much everything costs.
i.e. a 45 conversation can cost you $10. girls need to learn a cell is not for shmoozing with all your friends in America. Also, a lot of companies have hidden charges like charging you $1. to get an informational text and ppl ask for it w/o realizing it.
There are many different plans and many times you can get cheaper if you go with an Israeli plan i.e. Orange, Cellcom, Pelephone vs. an American/tourist plan i.e. Talk N Save, Zap, Holy Land Phones, etc.
The thing with an Israeli plan is they might not explain everything to you and might not speak English as far as if you have questions.
BTW, almost every cell phone plan offers free incoming calls and texts.
The difference in E”Y is that min wage is much lower and it is very hard to get a well paying job. In america, any teenage can get a job in a grocery store/restaurant/lifeguard/counselor/etc… for at least $10 an hour. Here, first jobs are much harder to find and even adults are paid around 7/8 an hour in many jobs and it is a huge adjustment to live off such a salary and very hard if only one parent is working.
there is no best proffesion . its not a one size fits all thing. Every person has their own considerations and their own talents. There are some “better” proffesions as far as less training and salary but not everyone can do everything (well). Every one has to do what they will be happy with.
I am an FFB and am getting married to a BT and am very proud of it.
I find BT (especially who became frum on their own) to be much more real and sincere and growing ppl than FFB who just went through the system and never had any real challenges.
To each their own but I hope you (health) are being facetious when you said BT should only marry BT. Every person has their bashert . One of the causes of the shidduch crisis is exactly what you are doing- excluding whole groups of ppl you or being picky like that without knowing who is for you.
that is all besides the fact that most charedim have at least one spouse working and paying taxes. i think the 16% tax we pay is more than enough to not feel guilty about any money which people get back from the government. we are paying about double what you pay in America so it makes sense that we should be getting more from the governmnet.
Yerushalyim (not a state but the best place to live)
the reason it goes the other way is because similar to a waitress unfortunately, many camps factor in tips as part of a counsleors salary and pay them less than normal on the assumptiont that there will be tips.
i happen to think tips should be for extra hacaros hatov for a good job and not mandatory for everyone.
when i was a counselor (many years ago) , i never had problems with the idea of giving it too the kids to give to the counselor. but, it should be done together with the parent in a closed envelope. i dont think its appropriate for kids to know how much their parents are tipping. i have had kids who made comments about it.
mdjunction.com is a great online support group with specific groups for various health challenges.
ppl are very pushy when you are on dates. if their is nothing horribly wrong, ppl keep telling you to give another try and another try. also, girls are always getting the attitude of the shidduch crisis and if you dont take him you’ll never get married which is a whole problem in itself.
I agree with oomis. not everyone can decide after knowing someone for 4 weeks that they are ready to marry them. if you think about it, that means you have spent about 30 hours in their presence. that is not enough time to really determine if you can get along in every aspect and are right for each other.
Ok, so being from the girls perspective I will not jump at you for the fact that I disagree with you.
but, it depends on how overweight- if someone is obese- like AT LEAST size 16/18 or bigger it makes sense for others to tell. If someone is a size 10/12 (which I have no idea if that is what you are considering then there is nothing that they should say beforehand. You also have to ask the right questions if you want to get answers- i.e. what does she look like, etc.
Additionally, there are many shadchanim who believe that they don’t need to say something which a boy/girl will be able to see for themself on the first date. Why should a girl/boy not be given a chance at all because of being overweight. Someone can still be pretty and have all maalos.
Many ppl will not give it a chance lechatchila but once they see and get to know the girl, will reconsider.
the shadchan should know you and what you are looking for so that if weight is a priority for you she will know for next time.
I taught for 2 years. Woman are paid much less than men (unfortunately) in most schools.
Salary depends on experience, degree, certification, etc… Also it depends on the city (NYC pays more than Lakewood , out of town schools will pay more for degree’s, etc..)
I taught in a school where at times we were 3 months behind in pay checks, so even though they offered a very good salary, it was very difficult to make ends meet while working there.
i dont know much but from what i hear its bais yaakov girls from all over, many from NY. it is supposed to be a very good program and they have a lot of gr8 staff.
some of us are night owls. work till 12 and then sleep all day.
also we are on different time zones- israel vs. america vs. who knows where.
I went through Excelsior College/ Raizel Rite for my B.S
W/o clepping or similar options you don’t have too many (cheaper) alternatives.
-Excelsior College does have an English Comp test which isn’t difficut which if I remember correctly was around 300$ when I took it.
– Both math cleps are relatively simple.
I took a few Jewish subject exams through TTI which you might be able to take even if you are not a member.
Good luck.May 21, 2010 6:02 am at 6:02 am in reply to: Breach in Tznius: Recent affliction attacking Klal Yisroel #1025087
many ppl wear knee highs in america too.
it is a problem but at the very least if peoples skirts are long enough then they realize if their socks are falling down b4 others can see it. most people wear stocking if they wear a short skirt.
more full time teachers is not cheaper.
Most teachers who are part time- (1) don’t get paid breaks like full time staff(2) don’t get benefits which is speaker for the employer , (3) have a lot more energy/patience for the kids if they only see them a couple hours a day.May 17, 2010 10:50 am at 10:50 am in reply to: Breach in Tznius: Recent affliction attacking Klal Yisroel #1025005
Yes- bt take on things as they learn them. but there are certain things that take a while to change over i.e. covering hair. its not something which someone can get used to overnight.
becoming a chozer betshuvah is a process not something which is all or nothing.
it is much easier for someone who is brought up with something as the only option to follow it then someone who knows the other side.
every bt follows a different path depending on where they are learning from. for example, it is very common for ppl to get invited out for a shabbas meal and learn from a family until slowly they get to a point of going to learn in a seminar/yeshivah to learn more.
there is a reason why chazal say that even complete tzadikim dont stand in the place of baley teshuvah because it much harder to start something after 20/30 years of doing it differently.May 16, 2010 4:52 pm at 4:52 pm in reply to: Breach in Tznius: Recent affliction attacking Klal Yisroel #1024939
Tznius is also ben adam lechavero. Who knows how many men can see a woman dressed inappropriately and have taavos?! It is definitely something which affects others.
Additionally, tznius is not something which is done in private. What you wear is seen by all and makes a statement and makes your clothes more acceptable.
No- I don’t think men should be looking to notice the difference. But even though it is a challenge, as women, that is our job to overcome it.
Sorry squeak- didn’t see ur post as I was writing mine but I agree with you.
Additionally, it is a personal decision which e/o should ask their own shaylot about. Not something which any one else should judge or question.
A lot of times it also depends on where you live.
Many people in out of town communities have a very small selection of chalov yisroel.
Additionally, in this day, the Federal government has many legal requirements for listing ingredients (primarily due to allergies) and it has to list what type of milk. Food companies are scared enough that they would generally not be tempted to switch ingredients and a lot of people and reliable poskim rely on this.
i hope everything goes well with the next biopsy. Waiting for results is always so hard .
One thing that helped me while I was struggling was to go on an online support group specific to the illness (such as mdjunction.com). although it is not a Jewish group, i found it a huge help to be able to chat with people going through the same thing. Even though you aren’t going to be able to talk chizuk, you can still vent and hear what others are going through.
As someone else suggested, tapes and CD’s or torahanytime.com or naaleh are a huge help when stuck in bed and can give a lot of chizuk if you listen to the right people.
If you are interested, please ask the mods for my email and maybe we can talk. I have went through my share of health issues and am very familiar with a lot of what you are going through.
Stopping smoking is one of my big fights also and I alwaysa try to talk ppl against it. Having severe asthma when I was younger, I ended up in the hospital from someone smoking at work (which was illegal but that’s another story. )
Seeing a family member needing blood and not having enough made me realize what a mitzvah and how important it is for e/o to di. I and many others in my family have not common blood types so in case of nessecity there is not normally enough in a general blood bank.
there is a big difference btwn giving to magen dovid edom and the american red cross which can and should be taken into consideration.
Also, it is just like a blood test. I was nervous before my first blood test as a kid and after that it was nothing.
The only reason I don’t give more often is because my health hasn’t allowed me too because of certain medications i am taking.
otherwise whenever i can i think ppl should make it a habbit to give whenever possible.
platelets is not more painful just a little more time and is no different to me as far as yes/no.
a kidney i would probably give if it was medically ok’d and it was a frum person.
I understand your perspective but from a different angle as a single girl.
It is hard to be alone and sometimes when you see other ppl’s families it just makes you realize what you r missing.
Sometimes, I really am happier eating myself than going out.
I sometimes invite younger girls (such as seminary girls who are looking for shabbas invites) to join me for a meal and that enhances it (and they help with the cooking-lol).
I also have a few families who I am at home with and don’t feel like a guest.
For the seder, I think as a one time thing I would not want to be alone but its up to decide you what ever is best and will make u enjoy the holiday the most.
if someone does not have enough funds to help ppl according to their means (which most people don’t) then it makes sense to look into the cases a little and see who needs it most.
the tution commitees for schools do it.
there are also organizations like kupat hair who do it for you.
but some people go to too much of an extreme (like with everything else). it is not for me to judge that someone does not need tzedakah because they have an apt or something else like that. however, being that in E”Y probably almost every day there is so one who asks me for tzedkaah (either in geulah/kotel/door to door) and i can not give a sizeable donation to each one, then it is considered normal to give a shekel (or whatever minimal pocket change you have) to these people .
OTOH There is a reason why chai lifeline and those type of amazing organizations treat the familys so well with luxuries that many others don’t get (i.e. trip to israel, fancy resorts, parties, etc..) It is because at that stage in their life, people going through illnessess need that type of thing to keep from getting depressed or to keep themselves motivated through everything. That doesn’t mean your money is not tzedakah if it pays for a ticket to six flags. It means you are helping a sibling going through a miserable time have a day to enjoy her self.
Just like in the mishkan everyone donated and the funds were directd based on the person’s kavanah , so too if someone gives tzedakah the right way and with the right intentions it will go to the right ppl and be real tzedakah.
I was hit by a car once while walking my bike across the street at a busy intersection while I had the light. I was wearing a helmet and had almost no head injuries even though I went flying and hit my head. My bike was crushed.
As a side point, I think many times bikers are not careful enough on the road and there are certain places where cars are going too fast and can’t see you and it is not safe to ride.
Its true , Israel is flooded by Americans. First, it depends what neighborhood u live in. Also, sometimes it is nice to just speak in English!
It is nice the amount of ppl who are making aliyah now and i enjoy helping ppl get adjusted.
In some ways you might be right about everyone getting along. Here, there are def. politics btwn askenaz, sfard, chasidich, litvish, etc.
But, I lived in Har Nof in a bldg with chasidim, litvish (me) , dati leuimi, and sfardim and somehow we are were friendly to each other. On an ind. level every one is nice to any Jew, on a group level ppl not as much.
I vote for Jerusalem.
But to be fair, its the only city in Israel that I have lived in…
What is so gr8 abt Haifa? What’s there?
Coming to Israel does not by definition make s/o a better person.
There is no question that (a) E”Y has more kedusha, (b) there is s/t very special about being in a Jewish country which is run according to the Jewish calendar , (c) there are maalos and chisronos in every place you live. To say E”Y is no better than the states is like comparing apples and oranges.
Totally different lifestyle. Much different tayvos and yetzer haros for children. etc… I can go on for pages if I had patience.
I am a 1/2 way regular blogger on days off or if its something of interest.
– as an older single, i don’t live my life to get married. i work, i went to school, i live where it makes sense for me to live, and if things come up then i work it out then. so many ppl seem to think that all older singles should live in ny/nj and be teachers or secretaries for shidduchim.
– that doesn’t mean that i dont’ want to get married. but i know so many people my age who are literally stitting around and waiting. they didn’t go to college because what if they get married in the middle and don’t finish. they don’t try for ajob which would be hard to do when married with kids because what if they get married in the middle. that type of attitude i do not agree with.
– no one is expected to live miserably until they find hte right one. finding the right one is not a 24/7 job. but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have times that are hard for us or lonely like shabbas,, yomim tovim, etc. if we live a normal life, it does not mean that it is less important for us to get married.February 21, 2010 5:31 pm at 5:31 pm in reply to: Destroying Homes in E''Y, the "Israeli" Government… Holy or not? #675009
The Israeli government does good for themselves and we as a side point benifit. Almost nothing that they do is for the Orthodox community unless the orthodox community doesn’t give them a choice.
We would be much better off if it was in the hands of people who believe in the Torah.
Just like any politician does somethings which benifit everyone, they do things which benifit everyone.
I don’t think there is what to be gr8ful for. We pay taxes, they represent us whether we like it or not if we want to live here. If we had the option, the frum community could do just as good of a job.
There is still something nice about a heimishe store where you can trust them and get all of the products you want. For example, in a lot of smaller communities, the heimish store is the only place to buy chalov yisroel/pas yisroel products.
In E”Y, I find the makolets to be just as reasonable for certain items as the big stores- Yeish.
Either way, most ppl find that heimish stores are significantly over priced which makes it harder for ppl to support them.
It is up to each community if it is worth it for them to support it enough for it to stay in business. If not, I do not think it is right when 1/2 the community gets together and tries to make the chain stores the “bad guys” for taking the smaller stores out of business and tries everyone not to shop there “for their own good.”
A storeowner can charge what he wants… but then he can’t blame ppl for not giving him business.
The cards are nice for people who you are not going to give to anyway or ppl who wouldn’t have a use for your shalach manot. For example if you are giving someone on a special diet or a diabetic than a card is much more appreciated than food they cant eat. But, I always think it is nice to give back to someone who comes to bring to you. If someone spends a lot of $ bringing you a nice shalach manot and you give them a card which costs $1 it can be a little insulting. Also, because ppl can give cards to 500 ppl it does insinuate (as a pp said) that you are not of their closer friends.
On the other, the situation has gotten so out of hand where so much is expected and ppl are expecting from all their friends and acquaitances in the city.
Giving simpler shalach manot is often one solution. You dont need to spend 10$ on each. Just something cute to spread friendship and say I was thinking about you.
The problem with doing it by number of dates is that ppl will pressure singles into continuing something even when it is not matiim. I have had shadchanim convince me to go on a 3rd date even when both of us were 100% sure that it was not the right one. It is very hard for singles when they have to differenciate btwn who really cares about them and who wants to see something finished and get $.
I agree that most shadchanim are not in it for the money but there is a big dif btwn a “proffesional” shadchan and the way they treat you vs someone who just wants to help.
da- yes it is very hard for a teacher when students are always missing and certain things can be prevented. but, as a teacher it is crucial to be accomodating for all the students who need special services. they feel bad enough having to go for therapy or appointments and it just makes it worse when the teachers give them a hard time.
if it is really difficult, then it is best to speak with the parent and see if anything can be done but if not, there are things which are more important than school work.
i remember coming back to school after having been sick for a few months and still very weak and out of things and all of the teachers kept trying to give me all the work to make up not realizing what an effort it was just for me to sit through the day and i ended up having a relapse because i over did it.
on the other hand, i am a teacher now and i do see the other side and obviously know how hard i and other teachers work. but, i will never make a student feel guilty for being legitimately sick or if he has a once a week appointment. i will work with them and sometimes let assignemnts which are not crucial go.
when a parent has many kids with different specific needs it is very difficult for them to schedule them all out of school. their are many factors including (1) the dr.’s schedule, (2) the parent’s schedule, etc.
Esterh- I will you hatzlacha with everything and will daven for you.
Please don’t let ppl’s stupid comments affect you. Yes, that person was a fool. Yes, they were rude and insensitive and yes it does hurt when ppl say things like that. i personally know that i became very sensitive to comments because there were so many and I was in such a vulnerable position and was so nervous myself that any comment would set me into negative thoughts. sometimes it is theraputic just to vent/ talk to someone close or if all else fails, here in an anonymous forum is also good.
I have so many stories I could write a book! Probably you do to..
I once had something similar when I was coming out of the hospital from a procedures and walking into my house and I was dressed in comfortable clothes and crocs because I wasn’t able to put shoes on afterwards and a neighbor comes and tells me it is inappropriate to wear crocs in the street.
Another time I was coming back from the surgery center and the driver who is also an EMT walks you in and supports you because you are still drowsy and another concerned neighbor called one of my mechanchot from HS to tell them they were concerned that I was letting men touch me.
” At 33 years old, if this girls has some hang up about some family member or some other stupidity she SHOULD seek counseling. ”
I didn’t miss the point at all. We just have different points. I am just trying to say [based on what i know from the little info] that it is not appropriate for YOU or any other person who does not have a close kesher with the girl to suggest that she seek counseling unless she ASKS you for YOUR opinion.
I am not trying to play devils advocate but I hate when ppl on the outside judge and give suggestions without knowing everything.
I am not saying she might not have an issue. I am just saying that as a single girl, too many people think that it is in their place to give well meaning advice without knowing the girl personally or without knowing the whole situation. It is not every person on the street to decide that a girl has a commitment issue. If that is the case, it is something which her parents/ mentors can advise her about- not just s/o who once redt her shidduch.
it depends what else she knows about him from seeing him around the community. It could be that she was seen things about him midos wise that she would not find compatible. It could be that she knows the family and there is some red flag to her. Just what she answers a shadchan is not nessecarily the whole picture although in profile it might be what she is looking for.
I personally think its unacceptable to suggest someone go for counseling unless you know her a lot better than you made it sound.
In this dor, it is very common for families to have a child with issues with the system. Kids at risk is very common and happens to the “best families.”
Yes, someone should check into the family. And see how they dealt with the child and if they gave their children proper hashkafah. But you can’t hold it against the sibling that it happened. Especially if they are from a large family and have one sibling who either had trouble with learning or frumkeit issues.
Thanks. Now, B”H I am mostly better although I still have a lot of rehab that I am going through. At least superficially on the outside I can basically walk so I don’t have to deal with questions from other people even though I still have difficulty walking.
At the points where I was not doing well, there were times when I wouldn’t go to chasunos or other things because of people’s comments and I think the more people who realize that the better.
I used to hang out with someone who was dealing with a different nisayon. Her way of dealing with it was to try and use humor.
One year for Purim she made me a t-shirt which had on the back things like “yes, I am still on crutches.” ” no, i don’t know when i will be better.” “yes, i checked into my dr. and he knows what he is doing. “yes, I am taking care of myself.” ” no, i didn’t try this type of alternative medicine or treatment but I am doing the proper hishtadlus .” etc.. it was sad but funny.
B”H one thing that I have recived from dealing with this nisayon was that I have become a much more sensitive person to other ppl now that I realized how much words can hurt.
The amount of insensitive comments I got after being in an accident and being unable to walk for an indefinite amount of time ….
“Are you ever going to be able to walk again? “
” You must not be taking care of yourself properly.”
“I think you chose a bad dr. to do your surgery or it wouldn’t be taking so long. “
“You know you are ruining your shidduchim by going around in a wheelchair. Probably better to stay home or try and fake it while you go out. “
“Come on, I am a good friend of yours. Tell me the real diagnosis. “
“Hashem is giving you this nisayon to show you he loves you. Don’t complain. Be happy with the situation. “
It always seems like a story you hear in the books but one that I never would have thought would happen to me.. In the fairy tales, you always end up liking the wrong person but I don’t think that happened with either of us although I got a good laugh.
In israel it is tpyical for the girl and boy and meet to meet somewhere. Many boys and girls are in dorm situations so it is supposed to be simpler.
I was very nervous that I wouldn’t find him but with some encouragement from the shadchan and simanom [standing by a certain door, black hat, glasses, dark hair, etc..] I went to the hotel. To cut a long story short, someone was standing by the door waiting for me and when I said are you Moshe he nodded his head so we went to sit down. After about 1/2 hour of noticing that he seemed really different than I was told, we both realized that we were with the wrong person. We looked across the lobby to see a bored bachur standing by the door and a girl sitting on the coach. [ I guess they were smart enough to ask last names as well.]
From my experience with shadchanim- there are 2 types. Those who do it lishma [either they are good at it and just started unofficialy or because they want to help the situation] and those that do it as a proffesion.
In my experience of going to shadchanim- 1 out of the at least 15 proffesionals who I have went to called me back with a suggestion. They visit with u for a few minutes, if they think of something on the spot great, otherwise you become another paper in their notebook. I don’t think it has anything to do with $ but they tend to only primarily call back people who they have a personal connection with.
I think there it is nice to give some hakaras hatov to someone who works with you to set you up (1) so they will think of you as grateful/ nice and (2) as an incentive for them to keep trying. However, most singles who are living on their own are not of unlimiited funds and dating already is very expensive [especially for out of town girls] and adding another $50 for each time I went out would make dating way out of my budget.
I just went to a shadchan and they had 3 binders of girls and 1 of boys. I have even called shadchanim b4 who told me they are only meeting boys because they have to many girls at the moment.
People can “blame the girls” or say “we are not trying hard enough” or say it has to do with hakars hatov to the shadchan but limaaseh it is a boy’s world and a lot of people to try with shidduchim for people they are cared about but not everything can be taken care of or fixed with money.