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“beggars can’t be choosers”
when one of my kids did not have a local option of a yeshiva that would be hashkofically appropriate for him I guess that left me a beggar. But it was my kid and his future. I chose anyway.
Behold – the point he had planned on making all along…
her collapsing is hardly as disturbing as her inability to be honest about it (no surprise there)
Person1 – just as an alternate opinion, I thought your point was pretty clear.
In all fairness I don’t think anyone can use the word smoking and healthy in the same sentence and assume people will not be speaking of physical health.
And with a bit of irony to jump at his response (and mine too, shortly) using these words:
“That would be true if you’re a very literal person, or if you’re looking to find fault.”
this statement goes towards posters as well, regardless of the “assumed” meaning based on previous posts.
LF – I was gonna skip this because of the bad memories attached to it but I know that you appreciate kind words so please take this that way — I don’t know why you would be lamenting those posting days (or specifically that persona). I have found this new persona to be real, sensitive, thoughtful and filled with an anivus that makes the words easier to read and accept. I don’t remember the ‘old way’ with any similarity to how you remember it and I am grateful for the way things have been this time around.
“They specifically chose the most densely Orthodox populated areas, specifically with the intent because those areas are densely Orthodox without them overly affecting non-Orthodox customers. “
And you know this to be a fact because….you thought of it so it must be?
It is not discrimination to target a population that has a record of doing what they claim. If the population happens to be frum, or white or black, so be it.
Do we know that they didn’t keep records of every sale and return during every season for every demographic? Do we KNOW that they didn’t make this policy after conversations with individuals who insisted on finding loopholes? Do we KNOW that they didn’t do this as a last resort?
P.S.I’m still sick to my stomach thinking that there are even communities who have people like this in them. It’s really hard to focus on what policies the store may have put into place to protect their merchandise.
you really don’t know or is this one of those news stories we read and then make up changes for?
NC, my gut says yes, and not working alone.
I agree with 2scents and yitay. It makes me very uncomfortable when posters who are obviously male or female address each other specifically with compliments, cute remarks, smileys or other things they wouldn’t say to someone of the opposite gender when in person. Sometimes I find it creepy, but usually it makes me very uncomfortable.
and you shouldn’t read the story either. what kind of craziness is saying that we are all going to read the news stories but we cant believe them so then we are going to just make up our own versions of them all?
and it aint for you to decide which parts each person should be accepting. Maybe he’s right and it really was 40 minutes but really it was a lion in the car and it was in hackensack. oh please.
Just stop reading them. That’s why we don’t buy the jewish papers anymore either.
Joseph it’s nice that you want it to be a short time, but you can’t go off on someone who is reading the story. You don’t know what it was, you know what you would like it to be or maybe you would like to suggest a limud zchus. But to harp on him angrily because he doesn’t share your self constucted version makes no sense.
I still think it is a more respectful limud zchus to say she left the baby in the car thinking she would be right out, then to say she just lost reality for a moment. But since I don’t know, I’m not going to insist you buy my version.
Joseph, unless you tell me you know them or that you were there, your story is fiction. And to me, it doesn’t even make sense. Mothers aren’t dumb, they are just stretched thin. I think the made up, farfetched scenerios do more to hurt her than to help her. Why point out that you have to go out on a limb to come up with a limud zchus.
I don’t read the news, remember? I just have been a mom, surrounded by moms, intimately involved with moms for more than a quarter century. I would assume, respectfully, that your interactions with other mothers and awareness of how they think and work and is very, very limited and highly speculative.
Joseph there are problems with that theory. But it does not benefit anyone to point them out. I also don’t know why it’s important to make up stories about how the baby was left in the car when the others weren’t. Anyone with kids knows that older kids don’t like to sit in the car while anyone with babies knows the temptation of leaving a sleeping baby lie.
Although I never understood it I know many people who left their babies or kids in the car thinking they are “just running in and out”. When they get in, with empty hands, they can get distracted and forget they were in a rush. That can happen and is much easier to believe than many of the above stories.
I’ve even had ‘friends’ who ran to carpool while their baby slept. People get desperate when they are stretched thin.
I am not excusing or even understanding the behavior but it’s not that uncommon. We can pretend it doesn’t happen but we wouldn’t be doing anyone any favors.
You’re basically not going to change anyone’s middos or Hashkafos here
I’m curious to know what you meant by that. It can be highly condescending or just a passing comment. I hope you meant the later.
But I do disagree with you. Your (as in “each individual”) job as a yid is not to work on changing other people. The job of a yid is to change ourselves. Read posts and change yourself. Hear other’s opinions and change yourself. Learn what sets you off and change yourself. Changing other people for the good would involve knowing who you are speaking to and how they ‘tick’. Changing other people for the bad is as easy as being a lousy role model. Our job is to change ourselves.
thank you so much coffee for noticing and caring. Your insight is unmatched. But as you can see by the responses, people not embarrassed to throw darts even at someone who isn’t posting, well i guess that pretty much speaks for itself. i have to say i didnt expect such comments. i can’t say im surprised but i can say i am disappointed. it makes me wonder about the “lishma” of the ’cause’.
And for those who popped up on the other thread unafraid to throw a jab, don’t worry, you are only anonymous to bnei adom.
Baruch Hashem I receive private emails and private comments from people with clarity, who feel no need to publicly step on one head to pat another.
I don’t expect anyone, besides those who already do, to understand things they cannot see, but I am disappointed at the extremes several people will go to to insist that if they don’t see it, than it must not be there.
In a place where there is gaavah, the shechina cannot rest.
Joseph – you are capable of bringing understanding to difficult questions when you give answers. I was hoping you would give an answer. that’s all.
LU- I see you responded to something but I want to give you the courtesy of knowing I will not be reading your posts so that I no longer have to be hurt by them.
thank you for missing the point. i would have expected nothing supportive in return. But don’t worry, I start work tomorrow…
joseph, you are 100 percent correct. 100%
the only problem is that that was not her question. I wish you would have answered her question.
“I think it must be a sign that I had been listening to LH “
obviously everyone is entitled to their own cheshbonos but instead of thinking I was subject to someone elses wrong, I have thought of ear ailments to be a sign that I may not have listened appropriately to the words/cries/heart of others. But that’s just my personal thought, we obviously have no idea what Hashem is doing and can only use it as a sign that we have to work on ourselves. That is just an additional message that a person looking to grow can consider.
diamonds are definitely overrated. I got a sapphire because it represents the luchos and is beautiful blue.
yes, that’s a great return. i still cant afford it. Even if it would make me $500,000 in the next ten years I still have to pay for it before that happens.
do you know for an absolute fact that you wouldn’t buy it in six months or in nine months or in a year or in two years if you didn’t copy it?
if this is perfect…. then why did you open this thread 16 hours ago asking us how to become more religious?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
LU – I would like to get an additional degree in an area of interest but this specific request is in regard to needing a master’s, specifically, so I can switch payscales. I do not plan to change jobs, but I could make $9000 more with a graduate degree. Unfortunately loans don’t make it affordable, they just delay the payments. Perhaps if those loans you mentioned that forgive can be so low per month that i won’t feel it…I just don’t think borrowing is an option.
I work in a school so I can get a discounted master’s online for $14000, a great price. It’s a shame I cant do it…
i need to get a master’s degree but i can’t afford it and don’t have time. Does anyone know where i can get one anyway?
p.s. I love college level classes and studying and writing papers so if i could do it online in the middle of the night for free i would do it even if it’s really hard.
considering both my parents reside in a place that is purely emes and spirituality I don’t think it’s even comparable.
absan, if you could add a space after each period (.) it would be very helpful. Thanks.
“I was really inspired by the people who throw out their smartphone and replace it with a kosher phone.”
Torah – my son did just that and I was so proud and impressed. The smartphone was locked from all apps except email and some kosher news feeds but he got rid of it and bought a flip phone.
what here qualifies as motzi shem ra?
“and to direct me what needed to be done around the house”
Good for you, tizke l’mitzvos!
I don’t think i am so strong, i just think that there are different types of people.
I have to many cleints after having babies are on the verge…simply from lack of rest sleepless nights and overworked
I’m sorry. i have to question them being on the verge “simply” from anything. Having a baby is draining, exhausting, emotional etc but it takes some serious systemic problems to put a mom “on the verge”. Maybe there are some family dynamics that can be adjusted to make her life better long term.
If someone WANTS to go away to rest up a bit, as LF mentioned, that’s great. So be it. But if someone needs to get away for 3 days so they don’t have a breakdown, and going home means the one’s who would have helped her get away are no longer available to pitch in then it isn’t about them not being “strong”.
Or they made up a ten dollar bill so that people wouldn’t question the story
Additionally syag’s comment that the children never told her the story makes me wonder too
i don’t know. to me these two comments sound like you are challenging the truth of the story instead of wondering about the bill. I didn’t see the film (I have a problem with the concept in general), did they say that that was the original bill, or did they show a signed bill as a visual prop to go along with a narrative?
“and found myself standing in my kitchen preparing dinner for my husband and two children “
I’m having trouble with this line. Even if the community didn’t get called, and assuming your husband would have cooked if he could, there’s always cereal and milk or sandwiches. I think we have to be careful not to “find ourselves” in unhealthy situations unless it is unpreventable.
(this is not a personal comment TO you, it is a thought brought on by those words)
and as an aside, I got the impression absan was from an american chassidish community, not from israel, but the point you make still stands.
Nechomah – I hear you, and I am happy you had that opportunity regardless of how I feel about it. That was actually my point, as well as a mamin’s, that we should be allowed to do what is best for us, not what other’s believe is best for us.
well said, well said
absan – I think you missed something here. I’m the one who gave birth, not my wife. It’s very nice that you believe that this is the way to bond and give a mother rest, not everyone agrees with this idea and I know many of us who would be devastated at the idea of being separated from our families at that time. I think that if you really are a councelor of some sort, it is imperative you do not push your view of “recovery” on others who may feel very uneasy with it. If you want to forgo the life lesson, all the power to you, but many find peace and restfulness closer to home.
I cannot fathom what your point/need is to make your surroundings be truth instead of making truth your surroundings. Maybe, and this is a guess, in your world (which you’ve clearly painted for us over the years) there is nobody at home to meet a woman’s needs so best to pay someone else to do it somewhere else. In the Torah’s world a father rejoices at the birth of a child and would like to share in his/her first days.
why?
Why?
yup.
absan – perhaps you grew up accustomed to the idea so it sounds appropriate, I personally think your children do not need to be told you need a break from them. There are many appropriate ways to give a new mother the rest she needs without removing her from her home. I did it nine times, Baruch Hashem, and believe I am entitled to my view point. I am also entitled to my viewpoint that your being accustomed to the idea does not make it a good one. And you, of course, are entitled to disagree.