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it depends completely on who you have invited. People who can afford it may give you $500 or $180 whether they show up or not. Some people cannot afford more than $36 or $50. And many people give gifts. It would depend on your circle of friends, relatives and very possibly what the “norms” are for gift giving in your community.
i have heard that you are supposed to pay in relation to how much you “cost” the host, so if you are three people who came and ate, you would pay more than one person who didn’t attend. Not really sure how someone cheshbons that but I have no doubt there are many here who have more accurate details on the subject.
that’s not nice, to call me a troll. i think the cr has rules about that!
thank you I.M., just yell if you need me. i might be with a patient but ill squeeze you in
🙂
why should you read the books when i am here for free? besides, i am just too modest. I dont want to intimidate anyone when they find out my true identity
i don’t want to give away any private information but i am actually a very very prominent psychologist who has authored many books and has my name up all over the place. All of you here in the CR are just fortunate to get my free advice, which thousands of others pay hefty hourly fees for.
oh sam, the DSM iv is just so yesterday! and the DSM 5 had to remove tv addiction because nobody has a tv anymore. they just watch tv on their computers.
seriously tho, i will have to mull that info over for a bit. having read every dr. twerski book around and having spent 3 months in psych hospitals (staff, not inpatient) and working with people fighting certain addictions i believe it does not match with what i have been taught/been told/learned “on the ground”. (But if it isn’t in print how valid can it really be anyway? Or was that a different thread?)
hey, in all fairness while i did comment on her style and question her credibility i never called her a troll. I just pointed out that the mods had suggested it…
why not ask the mod who gave you your subtitle.
“The definition of addiction is that someone goes through withdrawal when it’s removed. No one suffers television or movie withdrawal. “
sam – I would be really surprised if that is accurate information
sorry you feel insulted joseph but anyone following the mussar seforim as the gedolei robbonim teach it wouldn’t be able to conceal their anavah even on the internet, and, conversely, wouldn’t be able to conjure gaava in any dimension.
Not that that applies to you, of course, just answering the concept of any random learned Jew being an anav who can somehow display themselves as prideful on the internet.
This post was a direct response to comment from Joseph that seems to have been edited out
hate to burst your bubble joseph but i do believe that your observance of “bishvili nivra haolam” desecrates everything our musser seforim teach us.
I was not aware that you recommended the book. It came up in a discussion as a potential guide for someone who wants to understand religion. The author’s style was recommended. Don’t even remember the context it came up in.
gaw – if only i could bottle that response….I may not be religious left, but such behavior from the right makes me ashamed.
gaw – thanks for saving me the money!
thanks everyone
here’s where i’m a bit confused. so there have been a lot of side points brought up and discussed, but someone with an “unusual” posting style, and the word troll in the subtitle makes a somewhat outlandish statement about smokers = OTD and people are getting crazy offended? really? i mean even knowing how i feel about smokers, the comment was not worth all the headache it seems to have brought about. There are people who say more reasonable things who aren’t taken seriously and this outlandish comment seems to have somehow hit a chord. I would have thought people would shake their heads and move to the next thread. Or at least find a tangent and leave that point behind.
***wondering***
sadgirl- Way to go! and you have an awesome attitude, I have no doubt people are already working on their dan lkaf zchus/judgemental skills *cough*, good luck in your job hunt!
sparkly why do you address people so rudely?
I don’t even know where the bronx is, I don’t know what an “MO community” is and i surely didn’t know you lived in one.
Mammele, I appreciate your concern for her privacy (?) but:
1) I wasn’t asking her about the bronx.
2) She seems quite capable of protecting herself and not answering questions she doesn’t want to answer
so if he takes the 67, about how long does it take from airport to lakewood?
Sisterhood groups or Ladies Auxiliary? now I know you aren’t for real.
Can you see it, is another way of saying, “is it visible”.
3. Is it man made?
sparkly, you still didn’t answer. Are you from Bronx?
heavy on the “alter”
did i make up that random profile? of course. and i didn’t pretend i didn’t
as some random anonymous poster I have no idea what you have. For all i know you are some 19 year old mormon with 10 wives pretending to be an older divorced jewish medical guy with kids. hey, this is the internet.
is the aiport in philly as easily accessible to lakewood? (the newark prices are not working for me)
Your right, its way better to ask anonymous strangers for a ruling in halacha and advice about personal safety than to look for a rabbi in the phone book and call him up.
You’re sarcasm may be out of place. I didn’t say you should ask anonymous strangers for a halachic ruling but you know as well as I do that the anonymous strangers are made up of some trolls, and some real, genuine, kind hearted people. From the feedback you get it is possible to see if your thoughts are ridiculous, or if others are agreeing with you. or if lots of people even find it to be critical. That “anonymous advice” can give a timid person the confidence they need to stand up and ask a question that they thought they might be ridiculed for.
You need to read between the lines. Like i said, this may be a troll-post, but if someone is in such a situation and feels like they cannot present it to anyone around them for fear of being accused of being a quitter, that has to tell you something about their surroundings. Bringing up a question anonymously can still take great courage for those people and even anonymous support can give a person strength.
I have asked certain questions here anonymously, knowing i would need to ask a rav, but still wondering if the question is as embarrassing as it feels, or if maybe there are others who have encountered these situations.
you know, health, sometimes the way you talk to people is highly unsettling. Here is a girl stuck in a difficult situation. If she has nobody to turn to and doesn’t feel she can turn to her parents, then she is obviously in need of an extra hand, not a harsh one. I don’t know if this person or her problems exist, but your tone is not appropriate for this situation. And if you really do have daughters, I sure hope you don’t address their cries for help in that way.
yes, but the $90 in both directions would add $180 to the ticket. for that price I may be able to get an expensive ticket to trenton nj and spare him the extra travel.
sigh
I am very grateful for the info tho, i will cheshbon it all in.
thanks so much. how would that compare to nj transit in regard to price?
Where in Lakewood does this bus take you? I am scheduling a trip for someone who is not familiar with the city, and neither am I. Once dropped off is it possible to find a carservice for the final, specific destination?
Thank you, proud and grateful to be here
Thank you all so much, Amen, golfer. iacisrmma, this is my first grandchild 🙂
sparkly, did you come from bronx?
I was zocha to attend a pidyon Haben today of my grandson, B”H. As of today, 100% of my married children have had a pidyon Haben for their firstborn. 🙂
sparkley – do you kinda make this stuff up as you go along? Just curious….
on the other hand…while I don’t like the OP’s wording, I agree with the concept. Just as I would question a tax evader’s being “frum” or a baal loshon Hora as being “frum” or someone who is being over on any other safek issur d’oraysa as being “frum”. Would you marry a guy who drinks too much every friday night or attends kiddush club? No. so why is a smoker different in that context.
Blech.
You’ve decided that because she smoked she’s off the derech.
Wolf, in all fairness, even tho I think she is either trolling or just being highly offensive to most of us here unintentionally, she never said a word about your mother or anyone similar. The (somewhat ridiculous) statement was:
i think “frum” boys who smoke should be considered OTD even if they go to yeshiva and learn all day, etc..
Your mother was neither frum nor a boy when she began smoking.
Thank you Wolf, I hope you saw from my post that I agree with you.
Joseph – I will take your twist in the conversation that was about prospective shidduchim who smoke to mean you are admitting defeat or surrendering. Had you any remaining valid points you would have made them.
Kapusta/Syag 1 Joseph 0
***Joseph being manipulative***
Syag, would you still compare Wolf’s mom,
do you realize how stupid that sounds or do you need it pointed out?
we are jointly not allowing you to play that game.
You made a statement about being stuck or marrying a smoker. We responded. Wolf’s dear mother has nothing to do with this conversation.
I find your definition of OTD to be personally offensive.
seems to be a running theme for her posts
back at ya
when you do things l’shma – like chosing the right torah values for your future home – you aren’t chosing between a smoker and a spinster. I think that statement is disgusting and lacks bitachon on all levels.
And if you have to chose between a girl in tight clothes or being a bum on the street…as if those are the two options Hashem would give you.
girls don’t have a choice? Who are you trying to bait on this one? I wouldn’t allow a smoker into my family any more than I would allow anyone with any other self-serving, self absorbed, inconsiderate, hypocritical midda.
just saying…
apy wrote:
Your 17, in college and dont have the guts to quit, working in (based on the discussion here) a remote basement where it is just you and the doctor, or at times,
sadgirl – everyone is telling you to stand up to your parents, rav etc without having a clue what kind of relationship you have with them. Would your parents be concerned about yichud? If yes, then if you don’t feel able to tell them you are quitting or scared etc, you can tell them you are concerned about being there so often alone. They themselves may say it is a halachik issue and tell you to leave.
You do have to understand, however, that without more info the story does sound a bit off. Dr’s don’t typically leave the office when patients are there, it would be irresponsible and unprofessional. And I don’t remember you saying it was a basement like one poster suggested, is it out in public?
I’m simply relating the reality of what they pasken.
If you believed the Shulchan Aruch and Rambam were correct, you would respectfully leave your personal adjectives out of the “relating”
that doesn’t even make sense