Forum Replies Created
Klug: “So that the will hear / seed and be afraid and will no longer willfully transgress. How much clearer can the Torah get???? Instill in them fear so they will no longer do this improper act.
What exactly do you think it means????”
Klug, you are forgetting something. This is talking about Hashem instilling fear in grown adults, who should know better, and at that point in their lives if they are transgressing then it is their own decision and choice as educated free thinking adults.
We are talking about little kids, who Hashem doesn’t punish.
Klug probably means well. I’m sure he’s a great parent, and never hits his kids.
He is probably just throwing around hypothetical ideas in order to get clarity, as I’m sure many of us are.
If there was no one batting for the other side there would be no discussion…
Very funny Uncle Ben.
It’s like in Mitzrayim when Klal Yisroel didn’t change their levush. Same idea.
Yes and no
Could be a product of a trauma or abuse etc.
rational- i agree that pictures are uncalled for.
Just don’t agree with your statement “To reduce a bas yisrael to her physical attributes? Horrible.”
Because it’s important that a wife is motzei chein b’einei baalah
Little- thank you for the sources!!
What does it mean when you say bump
So the question is, does חושך שבטו שונא בנו apply in today’s generation?
If yes, what kind of situation does it apply to?
If the Torah says it applies, there must be a situation where it applies to. And in that situation it would seem that not hitting the child would be wrong. As states in the verse חושך שבטו שונא בנו
The Torah doesn’t say “If you want to, you can hit your son.” Rather, from my understanding (although I’ve never actually studied this possuk), it would seem that the Torah considers someone who wouldn’t hit his son in that specific situation(s) a bad parent.
Apparently it is something that we have to do in certain circumstances.
But which circumstances?
And , does this still apply today???
Correct me if wrong, but I think there are instances where Chazal or gedolim have said that certain things don’t apply in today’s generation.
Yes, but what if someone felt they weren’t ready for marriage so they rejected a potential match? Should they get punished by not ultimately marrying their bashert? They were being responsible by not putting someone else in the situation of being married to someone who doesn’t want to be there or isn’t ready for it.
Joseph: We’re discussing older children, not two year olds.
The older children are not touching hot pots…
Does anyone have a definitive answer? I’m wondering the same as poppa- I would think that if Hashem wanted something to happen it would. How can a human being “reject” that which Hashem wants to happen?
klugeryid- the difference between playing with matches and being mechalel shabbos is this:
Playing with matches is a sakanah to the kid’s life and has to be stopped immediately. Like Avram said, its not a matter of discipline as much as it is a practical way to remove child from danger asap.
Being mechalel shabbos:
A. the kid didnt know, in which case its not “bad” because he didnt know and parent needs to teach him
B. the kid did know but doesnt care- so hitting him will not make him care, but maybe resent the parent and resent yiddishkeit. In today’s day bais din doesnt punish people for being mechalel shabbos.
Basically I am repeating what syag said.
Also I’m not a mechanech so I dont know if what Im saying is true but this is what I feel
In today’s generation the answer is love and acceptance and not violence or force. Unfortunately the kids can’t handle anything too strong today
I’m sure you are a great parent 🙂
Why are kids that “consistently obey their parents” a sign of happy and confident kids?
I speak from experience being the child who’s mother forced her to consistently obey. Let me tell you that it took years of therapy to make me feel good about myself and a little bit happy.
Mistykins- I believe you that your kids are the most well-behaved. Are they also the happiest kids? The most confident? Most loving?
What is really most important?
It’s OK to state your opinion when you feel someone did something wrong but please be nice about it!
For anyone on this chat giving mussar to OP, please do it respectfully.
daas- firstly, I got married when I was 22, almost 23. So there’s hope 🙂
Also, I couldn’t help but notice your post on the thread about pictures and shidduchim- you might be passing up your bashert that way. Boys are VERY DIFFERENT in real life. Trust me! I know this from my own experience.
A boy that you would find very attractive in real life might not be photogenic.
If you hear good things about the boy, just go out. Don’t ask for a picture.
That being said, I agree that shidduchim is very hard for single girls in today’s gen. I know lots of nice girls who are 23, 24, 25 and older. It has nothing to do with you personally! It’s the curse of today’s generation and Hashem is the only One Who decides when each person gets married.
Just keep davening to Him and iy’h you should find the right one in the right time.
I hope to hear good news from you soon.
Kids want to have choices. If you let them make decisions for themselves (within reason), you might be surprised at how much more cooperative they’ll get.
An example would be letting your kid decide what time he should wake up for the bus- sit down with him and encourage him to make a schedule (by himself with your help only when asked for) for the mornings- what time will he wake up, eat breakfast etc.
You might be surprised.
Kids just want to feel independent- a feeling we can all relate to i think
Did anyone have an experience where they almost didn’t agree to go out with someone based on their picture, and then they went out and actually really liked the person?
Also, what about the many times when people went out with a potential shidduch and they didn’t like him/her right away, only to end up marrying him/her?
Why limit yourself?
Seeing a picture and then saying no to a date because you didn’t like the picture is not very smart.
So why did you need the picture?
How about consequences/punishment?
In my experience boys NEVER look the same IRL as they do in pic. Nor do they act the way you expected based on the picture.
If you want to know if someone is fat or short or tall or has a tail there are other ways to find out.
The more you have the more you need to give. Maaser is 10 percentJanuary 29, 2019 8:26 pm at 8:26 pm in reply to: If Nassi is wrong, how do you explain why 1000’s of older girls are stil single? #1670769
Shout out to all the singles out there who actually live the shidduch crisis every day.
Davening for you all
I know how hard it is
Sometimes it can take years to make good close friends in a new place.
Just find stuff to keep yourself busy with in the meanwhile and it will happen on its own.
Of course be nice and friendly to everyone you meet, and eventually you will find people you like who like you back.
Donald Trump has posted a few times #fakenews
LolJanuary 28, 2019 9:34 pm at 9:34 pm in reply to: If Nassi is wrong, how do you explain why 1000’s of older girls are stil single? #1669802
The disparity is: Too many girls who want learning boys vs. Not as many learning boys.
If you check out the “working boy world”, there are plenty of older singles there.
Its true that a lot of people dont know who goes with who.
what might work is when you have someone who does understand those nuances, and you ask them if they have an idea for someone, and then you can do the work.
Because lets say you have more time than they do, or more energy.
You can do the part that youre good at.
Just an idea
Unless youre also really busy and stressed 🙂
Thanks everyone, good to hear other peoples points of view.!!
There’s a nevuah somewhere, I forgot where, that at the End of Days the girls will be chasing the boys. this was all planned.
Also, people are too picky. 20 years ago you just married your neighbor down the block and that was it. And you stayed married. No one looked for issues.
But if you want to help, go now and try to make a shidduch for someone you know.
Maybe they can have moderated marriages- even if no one is directly in the house supervising but there can be a professional involved who they talk to on a regular basis.
Making shidduchim has to be more of a priority with people. you probably get a lot of zechusim not to mention $$$