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Why? –> Kasha
I’m not sure that I agree with that. I think a “why” question could also be a shaila.
In the exercise I mentioned above, the question “m’nah hani mili” (which, in essence boils down to “why”) was categorized as a shaila since it was an inquiry, and not an attempt at refutation.
The Wolf
Please capitalize HKBH’s name when used.
Thank you.
The Wolf
I actually learned the distinction very early on. My ninth grade rebbe actually had us break down the Gemara we were learning into statements, and label the “type” of statement that was being made.
Among the statement types were: kasha, teretz, shaila, t’shuva, etc. Because of that exercise, I learned the difference at a very early age.
The Wolf
I have a friend that her husband is a Maggid Shuir. She told me that they eat out – but in restaurants out fo the area so that he wouldnt bump into his students
But is that because he’s hiding in shame (because “eating out” is wrong), or is it because he just wants a nice, quiet night out without being disturbed?
The Wolf
CHAZAL say that Rochel wasn’t going to tell Leah about the simanim between her and Yaackov because it was a LACK OF TZNIUS THAT THEY HAD A PRIVATE RELATIONSHIP.
Yes, but that was before they were married when you might argue that it might have been improper to have a private relationship.
Or are you implying that having a private relationship after marriage should also be kept secret? Should people not know that I’m married? Is it a lack of tznius if people know I have a wife? I would think so since your entire analogy is based on the fact that the very existence of a relationship (and not whether or not people know about it) is a lack of tznius.
The Wolf
Ouch! I got a headache just trying to figure that out. 🙂
The Wolf
i entirely retract my last two posts then
So now you *do* have an interest in what goes on in my home? 🙂
The Wolf
wolf likes to be flawless in his logic.
I have never (to my recollection) made the claim to have flawless logic.
(Yes, you qualified it with “likes to,” but then again, I think just about everyone likes to have flawless logic – so if that was your meaning, it would apply to nearly everyone else too.)
love letters between a husband and wife
I feel an important distinction needs to be made because this term gets tossed around a lot.
The notes I leave around the house for Eeees are not long-winded love poems intended to express the breadth and depth of my feeling for her. They are not highly intimate, full of the language of romance and all that. They aren’t “mushy” and the type that would make the average person blush. They’re simple “I love you” or “I was thinking of you today” or things of that nature. They are more general, not intimate at all and, as said earlier, short enough to fit on a Post-It.
The former types of writings, by all means, should probably be kept private and that is the practice in our home. The latter not so.
The Wolf
A) WOuld u hang your bank statements on the kitchen wall and when someone walks in say – “I didnt have u in mind at the time.”?
C’mon… you’re not actually equating an “I love you” with a bank statement, are you? If a stranger comes into my home and sees my bank statement, there is the potential for identity theft. No such problem exists with an “I love you” on the fridge.
Why is it not enough for you are your wife to cover your bedroom walls with love notes. I assume your kids are allowed in your bedroom so they would see it there.
Your assumption is wrong. Our kids do NOT go into our bedroom unless explicitly invited (which is very rare).
WHy does your love and relationship have to hang all over your kitchen.
You make it sound like our entire relationship is on display. It’s not. Our relationship is quite deeper than simple love notes. There’s a certain amount that we allow to be public and a certain amount that is private. I’m sorry if where we chose to draw the line offends you. I’ll be sure not to invite you to my home.
B) Athletes and actors perform their talents in public for benifit of others. They entertain. Are you putting out love notes as a source of entertainment for your neighbors and friends?
No, it’s not for entertainment. But that’s not the issue. You maintained that people exhibit things because they are unsure of themselves. I believe that I have refuted that. And, even if you hold my example of athletes and actors invalid, what about other examples I gave, such as photography. I don’t take photographs to entertain, but I do enjoy showing them. Does that make me (and lots of other photographers, artists and the like) unsure of themselves?
Love notes in the open, and openly speaking about personal relationships is CHEAP.
Again, I don’t believe it to be so. I believe that a certain amount of openness is not inappropriate. Again, you may choose to comport with your wife as if she were simply your roommate in public or even within your home outside of your bedroom. But that’s your choice and if that’s what you want, then all the more power to you. But don’t seek to force your relationship choices on others.
The Wolf
Why do people not do it?
I don’t know the answer to your first question.
However, I didn’t want to know the gender regardless of the halacha*. I simply wanted to be surprised.
The Wolf (who, for the record, correctly guessed the gender of the first and third, but was completely wrong on the second one.)
(*Yes, I know that some people here will call me a rasha for doing what I want regardless of halacha. Too bad.)
You give a teretz to a kasha or to a shaila?
Answer to a kasha = teretz
Answer to a shaila = teshuva.
The Wolf
Why do I have to go to someone’s home and see an “I LOVE U” note on the fridge.
Ah, so now you want to dictate to me how I am allowed to decorate my home and not.
How about this: If I put “I LOVE YOU” up on the fridge, it’s not meant for you. It’s meant for my wife. That you happen to visit a week or two later is really incidental and inconsequential. It’s not put up for you and (shocking, I know), we really had absolutely no thought at all of you when it was put up.
There are only a few select people who we really mean to see it — each other (obviously) and our kids (so that they might have a model for seeing ways in which couples can express love for each other).
Personal spouse relationships are private.
Some aspects of it are, some less so. Or is it your contention that, in public, my wife is no more than my roommate?
The more pple openly feel the need to have to display their notes and openly talk about the love btwn them and their spouse, the less confident and the less they probably love eachother.
I beg to differ with this bit of “conventional wisdom.” I would not be surprised to find that there may well be some people who put on a display to fool themselves about the security of their relationship, but I highly doubt that you (or anyone else) has the data to actually make the general case you are making.
I also suppose that, by the same token, you think that photographers who display their work are not secure in their abilities, athletes who play in public don’t believe they’re any good and actors and actresses are all secretly convinced that they’re no good and are just looking to reassure themselves.
If you are confident with your relationship you dont need to convince others.
Not everything that other people is meant to convince others. If I mail a card to my wife with “I love you” on the outside envelope, I’m not trying to convince the mailman that my relationship is secure.
The Wolf
A kasha is a question that is meant to refute something. A shaila is an inquiry into an unknown.
Example:
Shaila: What’s the din regarding Cholov Yisroel?
Kahsa: How could you say that? Didn’t you agree with Posek X when he said Y?
The Wolf
There is likely a limit of one post per minute per user built into the software. This is probably (although, admittedly, a guess) a way to stop robots from flooding the site with thousands of posts per minute.
In addition, I’m going to guess that someone is a Simon & Garfunkel fan.
The Wolf
Can you please build in a spell checker that can be used before sending in a post? Common practice for any email provider. Thanks
Note: I’m not from YWN and am not an official representative in any way.
The deal is this: YWN didn’t build this forum… someone else did and they simply licensed the technology. Since they didn’t build the forum, they probably don’t have the technical expertise (and, perhaps the permission) to alter it by building a spell-checker into it.
However, if you use Firefox, you will have a built-in spell checker for any website. Firefox has a built-in spell checker for text box fields (like the reply box on this site).
The Wolf
In fact I think women shouldn’t even be invited to the wedding (other than the kallah)
You can go even further… you don’t need the kallah there either. Have her appoint her father as a shliach to accept kiddushin for her. Then she doesn’t have to be there at all.
After the wedding, the father can then drive the kallah to her new husband’s apartment (thus completing the nisuin) in total privacy and with complete tznius. 🙂
The Wolf
Modern-Orthodox, by definition is seeking the least, most lenient, way out form of Yiddishkeit.
Then, I wager, you don’t know the definition of “Modern Orthodox.”
A Machmir, on the other hand is a “Charedi” Jew who is not content with the Shulchan Aruch. He always seeks new “Chumros”.
Well, I suppose a machmir, by definition, is always looking for chumros. But what is the value of always looking for chumros?
The Wolf
Care to explain what the gasping and horrors are all about?
A bit of failed humorous sarcasm on my part. I was responding to the point made by you that a Bais Midrash is supposed to be loud. Your wording made it sound like (although, to be fair, it’s probably not what you meant) that it’s yelling is not a problem because all learning is done in a loud Bais Midrash. I was trying to be funny while pointing out that there are other acceptable venues for learning where yelling at your chavrusa may not be acceptable.
The Wolf
The Navi Yeshaya stated that the Beis Hamikdash was destroyed because of this!
Source, please?
The Wolf
is there a way to spell check your posts before you post them???
Use Firefox. It has a built-in spell-checker for text boxes.
The Wolf
Where is that Obvious button?
I know it’s obvious to you and just about every other person on Earth. I fear, however, it’s not so obvious to one of our posters who (ISTM) is waiting for someone to give him advice on how to bring his in-laws to be to a Din Torah over a watch.
The Wolf
it’s okay = we forgive you.
There’s nothing to forgive. That I am stupid is just a plain fact.
is that actually chametz?
Play-Dough is made with actual flour and therefore, is actual Chametz. So is your kid’s macaroni menorah from Channukah. But unless your kids’ report card is made out of something very strange, it’s not chometz.
If you want to throw out old report cards, go right ahead — but don’t call that Pesach cleaning.
The Wolf
A Pocket Watch is a Minhag Yisroel, brought down in Ta’amei HaMinhagim, to represent the Shalsheles of Klal Yisroel (continuation of the Jewish people), which is what the young couple is acting on by getting married. Why anyone would want to change such a beautiful minhag is beyond me.
Agreed… and based on what we are hearing from Leizor (and, admittedly, we’re only hearing one side) it sounds like his in-laws to be are being petty.
But, at the end of the day, he has to decide if escalating tensions is worth the watch. As I said above, I’d bet dollars to donuts that ANY rav would tell him that making Shalom with one’s in-laws to be (and certainly not distressing his kallah) is worth far more than the minhag.
The Wolf
Is there a protocal who should say it first and who second?
Does it really matter?
The Wolf
And for the record, I didn’t get a watch or a shas from my in-laws. Eeees bought me a watch from her own money, but even if she hadn’t, I *still* would have been the happiest guy on Earth.
That’s right Leizor — even if I never got a single gift from anyone for my wedding, I would have been perfectly happy. The important thing to me was Eeees — everything else after that is unimportant.
The Wolf
I just want to know. Will these people give the same answers if it were there children who we are talking about.
I answered your question above. And yes, it would be the *very same* answers I would give my own kids.
Other than the ring for kiddushin, no one is *required* to give anything. Period.
The Wolf
I don’t wear nail polish generally because I don’t like it.
I don’t wear it for the same reason.
The Wolf
I’ve managed for quite a number of years with no brain.
(From “If I Only Had A Brain, by Harold Arlen and E.Y. Harburg)
I could while away the hours,
conferrin’ with the flowers
Consultin’ with the rain.
And my head I’d be scratchin’
while my thoughts were busy hatchin’
If I only had a brain.
Oh, I could tell you why
The ocean’s near the shore.
I could think of things I never thunk before.
And then I’d sit, and think some more.
The Wolf
When I asked why the blogger’s brain was such priced at such an astronomical figure while the physician and lawyer brains were so much more reasonable, he shrugged and replied, “Never been used.”
As a blogger, I suppose I can vouch that that’s 100% true (at least in my case).
The Wolf
Lemaysa, what does the choson HAVE to get for the kallah and what does the kallah HAVE to get for the choson?
We answered this for you earlier. You HAVE to get her a ring for the kiddushin. You HAVE to get her a kesubah.
Beyond that, it’s all optional (in the sense that your marriage is 100% valid if you don’t do it). There may be some customs that some communities have on the matter — but again, I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that ANY rav will tell you to dispense with the traditional gifts if it’s going to cause bad feelings.
The Wolf
wolf – everyone knows that men are way too meikel when it comes to pesach cleaning. women have a mesorah as to how to clean for pesach. men forget about: “dust is not chametz” nonsense. you guys might know halacha but you don’t know nothing about pesach cleaning.
Yeah, silly me for not realizing that children’s report cards were chametz. My apologies for having my stupidity on such public display.
The Wolf
Ask your HR department for a list of legal holidays.
The Wolf (who was off yesterday)
When buying merchandise at a retailer, should the customer thank the merchant or should the merchant thank the customer (with a “thank you”)?
Is there some pressing reason why one should not do so?*
The Wolf
* In other words, not to say that is should be required to do so, but is there some reason I should not do so if I wished to?
Eeees and I (granted, we were not and are not professional shadchanim) arranged a shidduch a number of years back for some friends of ours. I got a gift certificate and Eeees got something (I don’t remember what, but it wasn’t anything major). Personally, I would have been okay with even getting nothing.
Yeah, I know… being happy with getting nothing would mean that I’m wicked because I disregard halacha.
The Wolf
FWIW, when I attended a Yankees game last year with my daughter (as mentioned above), there was, to the best of my ability to discern) no bad behavior at all.
The Wolf
How do you define disrubtive to others? A Beis Midrash is intended (generaly) to be loud. A library is indeed intended to be quiet.
Indeed, but not all learning takes place in a crowded Bais Midrash.
If you’re in a crowded Bais Midrash where you can barely hear anyway, then the chances of you disturbing your neighbor with a loud voice is minimal. If, however, one is not learning in a Bais Midrash (gasp! horror!) then you may well disturb others.
The Wolf
like kids report cards?
Are you kids’ report cards made out of macaroni that you need to throw them out when doing Pesach cleaning?
Or do you mean to say “Spring Cleaning?”
The Wolf
Very often it is out of excitement more than anger. Like the Gemara says, you don’t walk away hating your Chavrusa.
I agree. Nonetheless, even if it’s not out of hatred, I’m pretty sure that in the two cases I gave above it would be wrong to do so anyway.
The Wolf
Wolf, I heard otherwise from one of the biggest poskim in Yerushalayim.
OK. I could very easily be wrong. Lord knows it wouldn’t be the first time in my life.
The Wolf
nor does she know the difference between a rishon and a achron
Why shouldn’t she know what the difference between a Rishon and an Acharon is? It’s not exactly a great pilpul to say that people who lived before X are in Group A and people who live after X are in Group B.
The Wolf
wolf: if you have NO brain you are safe
Well, since I am often told that I have no brain, I guess I am safe in that I am not transgressing an issur d’oreisah.
wolf…i like ur sense of humor.
u made me smile today.
Thank you for the kind words.
The Wolf
Is it a bad middah to yell and scream in learning at your chavrusa?
If it will make your chavrusa feel bad, then yes.
If it will disturb others, then yes.
The Wolf
When it was presented to me it sounded somewhat like the Wolf commented above
Just to be fair (and for the record), I have no idea what “one brain” is and, in fact, never heard of it at all before reading this thread. I was merely taking advantage of the opportunity to make a joke, that’s all.
The Wolf
Hello…READ the question!range of SHADCHANUS!
meaning how much they are paid for their work.
Ah, okay, thanks for the clarification.
Why does the OP think that the Modern Orthodox Machmir crowd (is there really such a defined crowd?) pays any more or less for shadchanus than any other crowd?
The Wolf
I’m asking what the average might be (the midpoint between the low-norm and the high-norm.
Average what? Income? Height? Level of observance? Amount of paprika they put on their chicken? Number of children?
The Wolf
What is the Mod Orth Machmir crowd’s range for Shadchanus?
What do you mean by “range?”
The Wolf
I believe that if you think you missed a word of the megillah you can read it yourself and then catch up quickly to the person who is reading.
Yes, but only if you’re using a kosher megillah.
The Wolf
Things that if a girl said (if I were still single, of course) that would make me lose interest…
“I’m sorry I had to postpone our date from yesterday. It’s just that yesterday Jupiter was in ascension and my psychic told me that it was bad luck to go out on a date then. But we’re good now until next Thursday when Saturn goes into conjunction with Mercury.”
“Would you like to see my collection of potato chips that look like Ernest Borgnine?”
“Well, I have two sisters, both younger, and a brother who is older than I am. Oh, and then there’s the horrible mutant who lives up in our attic. I’m not sure how he’s related, but I know that I dread it when it’s my turn to take the rotting fish heads he eats for lunch up to his room. But now that we’re together, you’ll take my turn for me, won’t you?”
“Well, my favorite mollusk is the octopus, although I suppose the nautilus is quite good too.”
“Have you ever had the rush that comes from playing a game of ‘chicken’ with a cop car?”
“Some people get turned off when I tell them that Daddy’s a mortician, but he’s really not that bad. It’s a job that has to be done just like any other? It’s certainly not that much worse than being a plumber or a sewer worker, right? And, on the plus side, in what other job could a man bring home eyeballs for his kids to play with?”
“Want to go cow tipping?”
“You’re so much nicer than the last guy I dated. All he did was complain when I spit into his drink.”
“As a rule, I don’t go in cars on dates… too much chance for yichud and all that. However, I have a rickshaw here that you can use to pull me around town.”
The Wolf