apushatayid

Kosher Salt works well, when you run out of rock salt.

I still remember “kashering” chickens and livers at home. Our little tabletop clothes dryer where we hung the chickens, mounds of salt draining boards to make sure the blood didnt go all over the place (and in the summer, with no AC the flies). Broiling those livers on a hot summer day, no picnic either. Gribens, I still smell the fat frying.

I think it is gimmel alef and beis where the gemara discusses “chuppa erusin osah”. I believe the sugya is on gimmel, its been a while.

No. Those rishnim were not discussing girls under 12. In the time of the gemara there was erusin and almost a year later nissuin. The gemara mentions that “chuppa” accomplishes nissuin. What is chuppa? Some rishonim say it is the father escorting his daughter to the rishus of the chassan. So, there is a minhag to do so. If the father is escorting his daughter, should her father in law join on the other side, or does it make more sense for it to be her mother?

I think her point is, that it isn’t the childs thing to give away. Its something that should be discussed with parents.

The father escorting his daughter to the chassan is what is called “chuppah” according to a number of rishonim. If a father is escorting his daughter, should the other father accompany them or does it make sense for the mother to do so. There are numerous minhagim to try and me makaim as many opinions of the rishonim as possible. Its best that everone follow their family minhag.

I walked down the aisle at my younger sisters chasuna, because she wanted me to. My older sister adamantly refused that any siblings walk down. In both instances I chalked it up to making the kallah happy. For the record, I was 15 by my older sisters wedding and 21 by the younger and I asked my Rebbe if there was any issue in doing so, he told me, just walk down, don’t do anything stupid 🙂

A purchased poem? Does the kallah know this?

Whats with the almost identical screen name to mine?

I dont want to know the nusach of the note you saw on the flowers, rather am interested if it was a personal note from the chosson to the kallah or was it a generic line he picked up from a friend in yeshiva (or more likely, his sister wrote for him)? If the former, I would worry more about the lack of common sense displayed than the lack of tznius, if the latter, is it any worse than the flowers themselves?

“?? ???? ?? ????? ?? ????? ??????”

Put yourself in the shoes of those who were sitting. How many of them were possibly thinking, I should get up and offer this lady my seat, but by doing so there is a good chance it will create a commotion during the leining of megillas esther. Sometimes when people dont know what to do, they dont do anything.

“Does it apply to any other foods (i.e. cholent)?”

I remember a talk from Rav Chaim Mintz Shlita at a leil shabbos seudah in Yeshiva Staten Island, where he mentioned that cholent is a “maychal shabbos” and should be reserved for shabbos. For some context: He was objecting to the fact that bachurim would go into the yeshiva kitchen on erev shabbos and help themselves to cholent. Aside from the obvious (the yeshiva is makpid and it is considered geneiva) he also mentioned that chulent should be something special saved for shabbos.

I dont understand the commotion. You asked what other people would have done. I told you, what I would have done. I’m sorry you feel it is demeaning, insulting or whatever. I cant, and dont concern myself with what other people should do, I do what I have to do. I cant, and wont assume anything. If I know that I MUST have a seat, I will be sure to be there early enough, to have a seat. Obviously, many people take a different approach.

Interesting. You are quick to point out that they had no excuses to remain seated, yet 20 years later you are still making excuses for yourself why you couldn’t come earlier.

How did the bears mean spirited, outright lashon hara get through our esteemed moderators?

Doc. Why dont you ask your Rav?

I only know him from his seforim. Nefesh Shimshon on Shabbos has enhanced my families shabbos table ever since we bought the sefer.

cocacola. why dont you start with yerachmiel begun. After 30 years, he may be able to point to 1 or 2 boys from his choir who beat the odds and didnt go off the derech

I think everyone is in agreement that it is vital to get information before dating. The disagreement seems to be, exactly what information is vital, prior to agreeing to a date.

“why should guys be the ones to give the answer first,”

Excellent question. My wife and I, DO go to the girl first many times, although we have found that the guy STILL takes his sweet time “looking into it”. One time a guy was taking too much time to look into things so we simply mentioned someone else to the girl, she said yes, the guy said yes within 48 hours and she had a date all set up, when look who woke up, the first guy, that he was interested. We told him, “she is busy now, she put you on her list”, it felt good to say that to a guy.

that most of the people in the CR actually believe most of the things they write.

True. The wife should say, she rather you got up to serve. Very important to always be positive with your spouse.

So, if one only uses cold water to wash their dishes, must one be makpid according to the Taz that the soap have a hechsher? I only use dish soap with a hechsher because my wife insists on it, not because my Rav does. In truth, its hard to find without.

If you think the world is out to get you, and everyone is lying to you and is hiding some big dark secret, unless you are a private investigator you will not uncover all skeletons in everyones closet. Even then, some will stay hidden. There seems to be an obsession with knowing everything there is to know about someone before agreeing to meet them for a shidduch meeting. Every nuance about a persons personality, the personality of the parents, uncles and cousins, this fascination with how other people live, the things they do and how they do it lends an almost vouyeristic quality to todays shidduchim.

RB. I’m not sure what “charliehall post” you refer to, but the last one I read, he doesnt say anything that I adisagree with, nor does he say anything that disagrees with me. Either way, it is my opinion that todays shidduch game, has become an end to itself and not a means. It seems as if the goal is to amass as much info as possible to find that one reason to reject a shidduch. I spoke to a 40 year old guy and 37 year old girl last night (dont know either very well, but have mutual friends of both and I was chosen as the go between to set them up) and both were looking for that one little nugget so that they could say no, I dont want to meet this person.

Just set expectations about how long you believe it will take to get back to someone.

I once said “yes” less than 5 minutes after a girl was mentioned to me. The person setting it up thought it odd. I thought it was very odd that they thought it was odd (no, my last name is not Norton, or Kramden), and had to justify myself. My justification was simply to ask if the following were true. She a baalas middos? Does she have a personality a bit more engaging than a giraffe? Does she walk upright? She doesnt come from a family of axe murderers? All yes? Excellent, she sounds like a wonderful girl, why should I say no? That was 20 years ago when one did not hire the Pinkertons to investigate every shidduch, I can only imagine how odd it would be today. People should stop asking so many questions.

“Has anyone ever retracted a “Yes” b/c the other side was taking too much time?”

Yes. They must have felt very highly of me though (I paid my references well!) because they appealed to my Rosh Yeshiva that I reconsider. After all that, she said no after one date anyway 🙂