Forum Replies Created
stoner – staying up for the world series and playoffs is only once a year. But…. how many games total does that wind being???
cherrybim – it’s more complex than that. The system that we have in place isn’t working, and needs change – as 70 R”Y feel.
aaryd621 – Hashem also decides who will marry who and there is no crisis!!!! Of course, Hashem runs the world & we have to have bitachon, but what AZ (and the 70 R”Y who signed a kol koraiy) is doing is trying to get the shadchonim to make shidduchim between couples close in age, when possible. You can call it whatever you want – but there are hundreds of girls without dates, and if closing the age gap can help them – why are you opposed to that??
Anyone who ever redd a shidduch, knows it can be just as difficult to deal with the girl’s side as the boy’s. So you really can’t only blame the boys.
While I’m not opposed to a child listening to a ball game, and of course a World Series that the Yankees are playing in….. the games end so late that it can really mess up a child’s next day of learning. Maybe taping it so they can hear it the next day is a good eitza.
Can YWN post a kappitel Tehillim?
A600KiloBear – and a yichus brief that they are related the Admor M’Creedmor!!
Jothar – I don’t know if there are enough as it is. There’s far from an oversupply.
enlightenedjew – mohel, sofer, Rebbi, mashgiach, etc. Why can’t a person make a livelihood doing avodas hakodesh??
artchill – I certainly hope you weren’t. In my opinion – what AZ is doing is only attempting to help. He has written that B”H he’s married & his kids are far from shidduchim. So, by promoting NASI’s message which has the haskomah of 70 Roshei Yeshiva & encouraging people to pay a shadchan for their service – he’s just trying to do his part. He is fighting the fight of others – the hundreds of singles – and HKB”H should give him continued koach to do so!
artchill – whereas you have decided to make fun of AZ, an ehrliche yungerman, be it declared that you have been malbin p’nai chavaro b’rabim.
Most shidduchim are made by family or friends. However, the need has grown for shadchanim as Klal Yisroel has grown. Most shadchanim don’t have a set fee, and are just trying to help. They spend hours & hours helping strangers!! Resumes are needed to be able to have people’s info in an organized format.
To say that it has turned into a full fledged business that includes resumes and fees that rival anything that is seen in the corporate world – is both unfair & simply not true!!
Bemused – it doesn’t have to be huge change. It can be done slowly. If people express their hakoras hatov to a shadchan who put in 20 hours working on a shidduch that didn’t work, and give the shadchan $200 – that’s not a massive change. If you can’t afford that – give the shadchan a bit less. If you can afford more – give the shadchan a little more. It will encourage people to keep redding you shidduchim & in the long run – you’ll wind up benefitting!
As you wrote – change is hard – yes, but sometimes needed…
theShtayger – speak to a chinuch expert. This is a tough question, and I don’t think it’s for the CR.
Y.W. Editor – Bourbon tastes better coming up, then scotch does going down….. VERY TRUE! There’s nothing like a geshmake bourbon!!
starwolf – Luckily, as a Modern Orthodox Jew, I do not have to keep my scotch and bourbon separate. What does being Modern Orthodox have to do with anything? I’m not Modern Orthodox & I also can mix bourbon & scotch. After 10 shots of bourbon – when you lose your tastebuds – any scotch tastes ok…..
When I was a Bochur, not so many years ago, it was quite accepted. The high school Bochurim all did, as did many Bais Medrash Bochurim. Slowly – the Yeshivishe oilam moved to only white. Now, I see a lot of elementary school boys only wering white shirts. What’s p’shat??
A600KiloBear- what does The Admou”r meCreedmoor drink simchas totah & purim?
AZ – the points you are making are excellent. The fact is we need more shadchonim. By paying them for their service – their time & effort – we’ll encourage them to work harder. It just make sense.
mdlevine – those that say aged in Bourbon caskes, like Auchetoshen Classic, shouldn’t be a problem.
mdlevine – just drink bourbons or scotches aged in bourbon casks. Why look for trouble??
artchill – please provide some examples of bad marriages that have come about due to the AGE GAP.
NASI has raised awareness that there’s a numbers problem. They have suggested shadchonim focusing on redding close in age shidduchim. Today, the mother of a 24 year old boy will be more open to hear the suggestion of a 24 (or even 25) year old girl.
If you have real info as to how this has caused bad marriages – please share that info.
artchill – flowers, gift basket, or gift cards? For someone who just spent 20 hours working on your behalf? I agree that it’s certainly a nice gesture, but we want to encourage more people to become shadchonim. “NameBrand” Shadchanim started out as regular people who developed into what they are today. By giving a shadchan a check after he just spent so much time working for you – he’ll try again. It makes sense. It’s a good investment. And it’s the right thing to do.
artchill – just curious, regarding your moshol of a headhunter… headhunters – to the best of my knowledge – make a lot more per “shidduch” than a shadchan. Additionally, while there’s no shortage of headhunters, people seem to feel that there aren’t enough shadchonim redding their daughters shidduchim. So, perhaps the headhunter isn’t a good example. As you wrote, while Shadchanus in halacha is meant as a sign of hakaras hatov, not a fee for services rendered, still – there’s no reason why that hakaras hatov can’t be expressed even if the shidduch didn’t work. We need more shadchonim. Pay them for their efforts!!
A600KiloBear – Chabad doesn’t put up sukkah decorations.
bein_hasdorim – What? UNDERPAID? YES!!! Underpaid!!! Most shidduchim – even the ones that work – require so much work, that if you do the math – the shadchan is getting paid below minimum wage for his efforts. Forget about the ones that the shadchan spent hundreds of hours working on & didn’t work….. I’d like to ask you – which state are you from?
frum 1- Rav Shorr didn’t ban text messaging, as stated in the post heading. And he’s not putting anyone in Cheirim. He just asked that they shouldn’t learn in his B”M. That’s his right as the Rav.
The bottom line is – YOU can Resolve the Shidduch Crisis! Yes, you! If everyone takes it upon themselves to take a few minutes a day to try to suggest a shidduch – it will help tremendously. Never underestimate your own shadchan skills. Most shidduchim are made by relatives & friends. Make this your kabbala for the new year. You can do it as a z’chus, as it is a huge z’chus!!
I think that there’s no reason why a responsible adult can’t make a few L’chayims on Simchas Torah. For many years, Yidden have been doing so. Most people don’t drink on S”T as much as on Purim. They make a few L’chayims & dance Hakafos with a little more Geshmak.
The all-time favorite – ????? ????? ????
A600KiloBear – you forgot the visiting Libyan leader having his tent collapse on him & turn him into farfel!!
I may be wrong, but this question & everyone’s obsession with what time Davening on R”H went till drives me crazy. R”H is two days a year. If it takes a long time – that’s fine with me. I Daven in a Minyan with a great Baal T’fila & the Davening flies by, because it’s so enjoyable. I hope I’m not offending anyone – it’s the Aseres Y’mai T’shuva – but I think that R”H Davening is supposed to be enjoyed, no matter how long it takes. G’mar Chasima Tovah!!
The Baal T’filla makes the difference… if there’s a geshmake davening – the time flies!!
I moved into a house with formica counters & asked my Rav how to kasher them. I’d rather not write how he told me to do it, because that’s his p’sak & your Rav may tell you a different way. So, ask your own Rav.
artchill – I think that it’s very unfair to claim that shidduchim in which they are close in age – which is NASI’s goal – have a higher divorce rate. Inappropriate shidduchim can be even amongst far in age. Shadchonim have to redd appropriate shidduchim – regardless of age. But, if a shidduch is close in age & it’s an appropriate shidduch – there’s no reason to discount it just bacause of age.
mamashtakah – can you tell us where we can get a copy of these rules? I’m very curious….. As far as I know, there’s no rulebook & if there is one out there- I’d love to see it!
YW Moderator-80 – I can’t get you mekoros for many of the things that the Bais Yaakov system has adopted. But, if you look in Rav Falk’s sefer – he brings mekoros for his p’sakim on tznius. The fact remains that mnay, many choshuve women do wear makeup to their chasunos. If there’s a m’kor anywhere that this is ossur l’halacha, it brings a new angle to this discussion.
YW Moderator-80 – I was curious if there’s any real m’kor. If it’s something that has a Halachic basis – it’s a diffrent story than if just a girl school deciding what’s appropriate. I’d really like someone to show us some sort of m’kor, if one exists.
Can one of the resident Talmidai Chachomim of the CR please give us a m’kor where it says that this is ossur l’halachah. I’ve been by many choshuve chasunos & I don’t recall the Kallahs not wearing makeup.
A600KiloBear – we’re sorry to see you leave. If you want to stop by for a quick L’chayim on the “Alocholic mixes” thread – please feel free to do so anytime. It’ll be my greatest kovod!August 20, 2009 4:41 pm at 4:41 pm in reply to: Budget Crisis! Bais Yaakov of Boro Park Cannot Open Yet This Year #657913
squeak – the key to survival is to control spending and increase operational efficiency. Have you ever ran a Mosad? Controlled spending and increased operational efficiency won’t cover a Mosad’s expenses. Without outside investments – it’s very difficult, if not impossible. Even if your entire parent body is paying FULL tution & you are making a dinner – you’ll still be short.August 20, 2009 2:59 pm at 2:59 pm in reply to: Budget Crisis! Bais Yaakov of Boro Park Cannot Open Yet This Year #657909
I really think that in order for our Mosdos to continue operating – there has to be some sort of plan for them to invest in outside investments. The Mosdos that have done so are B”H managing in these tough times. It’s very risky, no doubt. But I think it may even be riskier to depend only on tuition & contributions. Before everyone starts screaming “how can we play around with Mamon Hekdesh!!” – please remember that there may be no other choice… Many parents & donors were hit very hard & can’t be counted on to give what they have in the past. I’m sure many of you won’t agree, but just think about it….
It’s really a big problem. It reminds of a guy who complained to me that he has a similar one: one diet never seems to fill him up. So, he goes on about 3-4 diets at once, and sure enough – he’s always full!! Maybe if you & your husband go on BOTH diets – it’ll solve your problem…
I think it’s really a two-way street. The store-owners feel that the customers are difficult people that are looking to rip them off. And the customers feel the same. But, there many exceptions to the rule. I’ve had excellent experiences in Heimishe stores, and terrible ones.
This is very complex. Each case is different & requires Daas Torah what/when/if to say.
oomis1105 – I wasn’t sure what you were implying. You seemed to be giving your own take… You quoted Rav Elyashuv’s reasoning, and then wrote, “the converse could also be true.” So, while I’m sure you din’t mean any disrespect – it sounded that way. But, thanks for the clarification.
BTW, at the end of the day – Minhag Yisroel Torah.
WolfishMusings – Rav Elyashuv’s reasoning wasn’t in your case, as B”H both are still alive. He was reffering to a case that the parent had passed away & attending the marriage of a surviving parent would be disrespectful to the deceased parent.
oomis1105 – the “he” that you are quoting is Maran Harav Elyashiv, shli”ta. You quote him, and then proceed to say “the converse could also be true.” I don’t know, but I think that when one hears a p’sak from the Godol Hador, that should suffice.
jphone – you are right – getting a “yes” from the girl’s side is very helpful. But, it’s not a solution to the problem at hand. We are discussing a much larger issue – getting girls dates. Although, this may help a bit – it’s not a solution.
I apologize if I’m repeating myself, but there is a real problem that people seem to be ignoring. We have hundreds of single girls without dates. Yes, there are plenty of girls who can’t get a date!! We need real solutions to this problem. The general public is starting to see how big this problem has become. By blaming this problem on things like preparation for marriage, sholom bayis, chinuch, and middos – you are missing the problem.
I posted the above letter because it offers an opinion how to solve the number problem in Shidduchim. Preparation for marriage, sholom bayis, chinuch, and middos are also important. But, they have nothing to do with numbers.
Back on this topic – I’d love to hear eitzos as to how we can try to implement the idea of having the girls wait till 20 to date. 100% compliance would be wonderful, but highly unlikely. My suggestion would be – have the Roshei Yeshivos set the example. You would be surprised to find out that many already do this on their own. I redd a Chshuve R”Y a shidduch with a top Bochur, and the R”y told me he isn’t letting his daughter date till she’s 20. He wants her to wait. So, if the R”Y would publicly state that they personally are holding their daughters from dating till they are 20 – the “hamoin am” might follow suit…..