Forum Replies Created
November 26, 2015 12:02 am at 12:02 am in reply to: DIVORCE CRISIS – young couples getting divorced #1200121
I definitely still agree with the first post of the thread.
When I was a kid, Jewish couples did divorce, of course, but it was always a hush-hush affair that was often followed by a total relocation of both former spouses.
By the time I was marriage-age, I’d already seen the divorces of three friends of mine at whose weddings I’d danced. The reasons were varied and always seemed very important at the time, but the common denominator always seemed to be: It Was Just Not Working.
Nowadays, as a married man myself, I have definitely encountered my share of woes and bumps in the road. To me, the only game changer is when one or both spouses don’t WANT it to work. I’ve found that almost anything can be surmounted if both husband and wife are on the same page regarding where they want their marriage to be.
If both want it to work, I’ve seen severely beleaguered marriages bounce back stronger than ever. If even one of them doesn’t, a marriage will dissolve over the proper positioning of the toilet paper.October 25, 2015 7:49 pm at 7:49 pm in reply to: Real talk: Present day frumkeit is aimed at 110 IQ tenth graders #1108326
VM: To be honest, I have no idea what you mean. Not trying to argue; I legitimately don’t understand.
What do you mean by 110 IQ tenth graders?July 14, 2015 11:46 pm at 11:46 pm in reply to: bbarbecues during the nine days #1091715
You and I both know that half if not more of the subjects discussed here would be better discussed between the topic starter and his/her rav.
THAT SAID, my intention is to inspire discussion, as I believe is usually the case on a message board of any caliber.July 13, 2015 10:48 pm at 10:48 pm in reply to: bbarbecues during the nine days #1091713
Specifically, is it even possible to claim “hefsed mamon” when the mamon in question is theoretical? I’ve learned that fear of mockery is insufficient reason to shave, so I don’t know if I have a leg to stand on, here.July 13, 2015 10:43 pm at 10:43 pm in reply to: bbarbecues during the nine days #1091712
Somewhat unrelated, but I am currently seeking advice on whether or not I am allowed to either shave, trim and wear a clean suit for a job interview scheduled during the Nine Days?
The company in question is not Jewish and I have strong reason to believe my looking unkempt would detract significantly from my chances of getting this job.April 23, 2015 11:42 pm at 11:42 pm in reply to: Moshiach Rumors? #1074820
I personally wouldn’t believe anything that fish says, he tells all kinds of tall tales.April 23, 2015 11:14 pm at 11:14 pm in reply to: New Haskamah for KosherSwitch� #1073797
Well, you’ve done it! The first thing I’ve read about the Kosher Switch that makes me smile.February 19, 2015 5:08 am at 5:08 am in reply to: Taivah for movies #1147984
I only want to make one suggestion, here, and that is that the OP should take some time to examine exactly WHAT she wants to cut out of her life by ceasing to watch movies.
I say this because I believe that refraining from things simply for the sake of deprivation will ultimately lead to recidivism. You need to solidify IN YOUR OWN MIND why something is bad for you, and only then will the motivation to stay away from that thing really crystallize.
In other words, don’t stop watching movies because you read in the CR that it’s assur. Stop watching movies because you have identified something about them that you find detrimental to your growth, and because growth is your priority. If you believe that, the logic will fall into place.January 8, 2015 4:35 am at 4:35 am in reply to: What Makes Jewish Music Jewish? #1051311
Yeah, it’s not a perfect metaphor, but the basic idea is intact. Jewish music is the sum of its parts.January 8, 2015 1:50 am at 1:50 am in reply to: What Makes Jewish Music Jewish? #1051309
To answer haifagirl’s original question:
No, there are no specific tones, intervals or notes that are intrinsically Jewish; no more so than there are specific, isolated ingredients that are intrinsically one culture’s food. It’s what is done with the musical ingredients that make the dish.
Jewish music usually morphs over time to resemble the music of its surrounding cultures, with the one key difference being that the goal of the song is historically either D’veykus or Simcha. As someone pointed out above, there may be Jewish songs whose lyrics are angry, but the music itself is usually still upbeat.
In other words: the “Jewish” aspect of Jewish music is the product, not the ingredients. So, to ask if, say, an A-minor is a Jewish note is like asking if a kernel of corn is Mexican food.November 27, 2014 11:36 pm at 11:36 pm in reply to: He would still be alive today #1046254
Syag: I got the part about him being shot while Wilson was in pursuit from Wilson’s own testimony. You’re right, though, that he wasn’t hit in the back. I believe the bullet grazed his fingers, although I’m not sure. Wilson testified that he saw Brown’s body “jerk” before he turned around.
As to your second point: I’d venture to say that Wilson should have waited for the backup that he’d already called in at the start of the incident. (They ended up arriving moments after the fatal shots.) Even in circumstances where a suspect is ARMED but not an immediate danger, protocol is to wait for backup. By choosing to pursue and continue using lethal force against an unarmed person, Wilson was following the protocol for believing another citizen’s life was at risk, a conclusion that is difficult for me to understand given that Brown was heading away from the scene at the time and no longer threatening anyone.
As to the stolen merchandise: Wilson testified to his sergeant that he had not been aware of the robbery when he stopped Wilson; this was indeed publicly available information long before the grand jury’s decision. This testimony was completely changed during McCulloch’s press conference with no explanation.
Bear in mind that I am not in any way endorsing Brown as an innocent. By all accounts and as evidenced by the robbery video, the kid was acting like a thug and trying to flout the law and authority.
Like millions of OTHER unarmed teenagers do.
The reason an “incident” became a “fatal incident” was solely the discretion of Darren Wilson. Brown was not armed, and could not have shot Wilson even had he wanted to. He was a teenage thug wannabe who figured he’d intimidate a cop and ended up paying the ultimate price for being a punk.November 27, 2014 9:24 pm at 9:24 pm in reply to: He would still be alive today #1046251
I am by no means an expert, but I HAVE read up on the case, and here are my thoughts, if anyone cares to hear them:
To my understanding, there are two situations in which a cop is permitted use of lethal force. (Also important to note: “lethal force” means use of a potentially lethal weapon, not a carte blanche to kill on sight.)
1. If a cop feels that his life is in danger.
2. If a cop feels that a felon is violent and is about to put another citizen’s life in danger.
A cop is legally required to perform a quick assessment of the situation before EVERY discharge of a firearm in order to determine if lethal force is still necessary. Sometimes, a criminal who sees that the cop is ready and willing to fire his gun will surrender at that point.
Now, there is evidence that a scuffle took place between Brown and Wilson while the latter was still seated in his car. This much is evidenced by the bruise on Wilson’s jaw. During that scuffle, the gun was fired twice. (Wilson stated that Brown had put his hand on the gun as though to take it from him.) Once the gun had gone off, Brown took off running and Wilson was able to leave his car.
At this point, remember that Wilson was legally required to justify continued use of lethal force. That would mean that he’d need to believe that Brown, though he definitely acted like a thug and a lowlife, was an actual danger to Wilson’s life or that of another citizen.
Wilson then chose to pursue Brown, who was at that time running away from him. He yelled at Brown to stop, and then fired his weapon again several times when Brown did not comply. He saw Brown’s body jerk with the impact of at least one bullet, and then Brown turned around.
This next scenario is where witnesses’ and Wilson’s accounts start to differ sharply. Witnesses say that Brown raised his hands in surrender and ducked his head, then began jogging towards Wilson to be arrested. Wilson says that Brown’s hands were never up, and that he ducked his head in a charge. At any rate, that was when Wilson fired the fatal rounds that struck Brown in his head, killing him.
The way I see it, there are two main reasons that the black community is furious about what happened:
1. They don’t agree that lethal force was necessary, especially after Brown fled the scene after scuffling with Wilson. The discharging of the gun DURING the scuffle was necessary, since Brown was attacking a police officer who was trapped in his own car, but Wilson should not have left his car and continued firing until Brown was dead.
2. They believe that the reason Wilson DID continue to use his gun was that his assailant was black, and he considered use of lethal force against a black person a much lighter affair than against a white person who had acted similarly. In fact, they point to Wilson’s lack of non-lethal alternatives on his belt as proof that this was a police officer who intended to kill someone if the opportunity was right.
That said, I’m sure everyone can agree that one should NEVER attack a police officer and certainly never put a hand on his gun for any reason. But the source of the anger appears to be the idea that a white person who had done something similar would still be alive today as well.January 29, 2014 9:41 pm at 9:41 pm in reply to: Normal People ONLY #1029151
What is normal? One might think that the guy on King’s Highway in Brooklyn who sings and plays a giant rubber fish is not normal, but what if that fish is actually a musical prodigy and it is the rest of us who can’t see it?January 29, 2014 12:23 pm at 12:23 pm in reply to: Anyone know of any baalei tzedaka in the Brooklyn area? #1000769
HaLeiVi: Yes. In Brooklyn
Drey kup: Please read the original thread. I have done all of those things.September 2, 2013 10:08 pm at 10:08 pm in reply to: Why Would a Girl Even Want to Learn Talmud? #973842
Firstly, as I’m sure you have already discovered in your research of the topic, there is a halachic distinction between one who teaches a woman Gemara and a motivated woman who wishes to learn it on her own. No less a personage than the Chida writes (in Tuv Ayin) that the original prohibition cited by R’ Eliezer does not even apply in the case of a woman who is truly MOTIVATED to learn Gemara. Obviously, there are further voices of agreement and disagreement on the subject, but I am fairly confident you have studied these, too.
I guess my question to you is: which perceived fallacies and inconsistencies PRECISELY do you mean to resolve through learning Gemara? Rigorous study of Gemara is, as you theorized, rooted strongly in building sound logical edifices and constructing sound arguments. On a purely logical level, it is immensely satisfying to a person with a scientific mind. But here is where I must digress.
Without the basic tenets of belief intact, you may as well be having an in-depth discussion of the ins and outs of Tolkien’s Middle Earth or the Harry Potter series. In other words, you can have an immensely satisfying discussion about something that you are taking for granted to be fictitious. The discussion will be enjoyable, but the MEANING will be absent.
I myself have had a long and interesting journey of belief, and I won’t even be so arrogant as to say that it’s ended. I have learned in my travels that Talmudic Judaism’s logical structure stands on a base of spiritual BELIEF. Why discuss whether or not a divorce is valid if it is handed to one’s wife via a messenger if you don’t believe in the binding nature of that document? Why debate the hidden meanings of extra words or letters in the Torah if you do not believe them to be of divine origin?
My question to you is: what exactly is it that you seek in the study of Talmud? Is it the satisfaction of logical construction or is it the foundation of belief itself?August 21, 2013 1:19 am at 1:19 am in reply to: The Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything #971976
But one cannot know the question and the answer at the same time. 🙂August 21, 2013 1:17 am at 1:17 am in reply to: What is up with "yeneh machalah"? #981589
I believe that the urge to say “yenna machla” actually stems from a good place.
The Gemara often uses euphemisms to avoid describing things that are deemed too explicit or shocking. Probably, the origin of “yenna machla” was not a superstitious ritual to prevent bringing cancer upon oneself, but rather an attempt to euphemistically minimize the shock value of the word.
Unfortunately, what the term mostly succeeds in doing, nowadays, is further stigmatizing an already stigmatized condition within the Jewish world. Cancer is hardly a rare and unspeakable condition nowadays, and to use “yenna machla” to describe all forms of it lumps the treatable in with the terminal and the survivors in with the deceased.August 21, 2013 1:04 am at 1:04 am in reply to: The Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything #971971
1. No-one will ever care about your problems as deeply and as urgently as you do.
2. 42May 1, 2013 10:59 pm at 10:59 pm in reply to: Friends Figuring Out Your Identity #955793
Hey, Shraga18, thanks for asking.
Things are still very difficult, but I’m keeping my head up and trying to make the best of it. Can’t say it’s ever easy, but I have my health and my family, b”H.May 1, 2013 10:21 pm at 10:21 pm in reply to: Friends Figuring Out Your Identity #955790
Some very kind folks in the CR helped my family a little while ago, which they did with the help of my rebbi. I guess those particular people had to learn a bit more about who I am in real life, but the result was some very sorely needed help, and so I can’t say I was too upset. 🙂April 19, 2013 10:09 pm at 10:09 pm in reply to: Teens Talking on Cell Phones in the Street #947363
People bump the weirdest things. I’d forgotten this existed.March 20, 2013 12:40 am at 12:40 am in reply to: 50 Y.O. Women Grocery Shopping In 3" Heeled Pumps On A Slushy Thursday Night? #938908
“I mean, you’re fifty and it’s slushy outside.”March 20, 2013 12:26 am at 12:26 am in reply to: I can't believe its not Chometz! #939080
Potato starch. If you add tons and tons of sugar, it tastes like sugary potato starch.March 20, 2013 12:24 am at 12:24 am in reply to: 50 Y.O. Women Grocery Shopping In 3" Heeled Pumps On A Slushy Thursday Night? #938906
Hey, if we’re already looking at them and judging them, why not be a mensch and walk over and ask?March 8, 2013 1:36 pm at 1:36 pm in reply to: How does one define a rasha? #978523
A rasha is that guy who leans his entire body against the pole in a subway car when it’s crowded to capacity.
A rasha tries to win an argument by being louder than you.
A rasha does not make breaks between paragraphs.
A rasha puts pepper in the salt shaker and then loosens the top.
A rasha takes your armrest during a long flight and then falls asleep on you.
A rasha occupies two parking spots.
A rasha eats all the red jellybeans in the bag.
A rasha takes all the cheese off his pizza.
A rasha has loud cell phone conversations in the bathroom.
A rasha sings a lot of slow tunes when he is chazan for mussaf.
Hope this helps.March 7, 2013 12:46 am at 12:46 am in reply to: Coffee Addictions Anonymous #938639
I don’t think coffee has any effect on me anymore. I think it just keeps the coffee levels of my blood stable.March 7, 2013 12:42 am at 12:42 am in reply to: Yarmulkas vs. Baseball Caps (why?) #934977
Mobe613: Maybe I can shed a little light on your evident confusion over people’s reactions in this thread.
In your original post, you wrote:
” Now, i understand that sometimes this is done for safety purposes, and that seems reasonable. However, it seems to me like sometimes many yiddin choose to wear a baseball cap even when there is no sakanna and they just don’t want to be identified as a frum jew. This often happens when young men (or men of any age really) go out in public places that are outside of where frum yiddin usually are, like during a hike in a state park or while on vacation outside the NY area, usually this is also accompanied by wearing clothes that are not usually worn by bnei torah at home (ie like khaki pants or a tshirt/polo shirt.”
This implies that the only conceivable reason you can come up with for a Jew to be wearing a baseball cap/sports garb is “sakana.”
You then go on to address the idea of “young men or men of any age really” donning the garb in question in order to go hiking or on vacation, but you take them to task for this because they are not in a makom sakanah.
In other words, you do NOT allow for reasonable use of sports clothing; on the contrary, you imply that the only possible explanation for it is the wearer’s desire to appear non-Jewish.
Again, READ YOUR OWN POST. You do NOT state that you believe leisure activities to be a reason to don leisure clothing. You specifically state only two possible reasons that–in your estimation–apply to the situation:
1. The person in question is ashamed of looking Jewish.
2. The person in question is preparing for the possibility of doing an aveirah without being recognized as Jewish.
Even when DaasYochid stated, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, that perhaps people don’t want their yarmulkes to blow off, you only conceded, grudgingly, that perhaps this is the explanation SOME of the time.
THIS is why people here are taking you to task. You have already decided that you know the Real True Reason why you saw a Jew in baseball cap. You phrase it in the form of a question, but you are essentially telling us that you already know the answer and would simply like everyone to agree with you so that we can go on to discuss the crisis du jour without having to haggle over whether it is in fact a crisis to begin with.
Most people here seem to think it isn’t.March 6, 2013 10:18 pm at 10:18 pm in reply to: Yarmulkas vs. Baseball Caps (why?) #934966
I’m gonna go way out on a limb here and assume that people wearing leisurely attire while engaged in leisure activities are doing so because they are engaged in leisure activities.
Believe it or not, baseball caps and the bills on them, as well as sunglasses, are intended to protect the face and eyes from direct sunlight, not to transform a Jew into a non-Jew. Likewise, jeans/cargo pants and sneakers are important if one is engaged in an activity that will damage or wear at finer, thinner, more formal wear. T-shirts are infinitely more effective at wicking away sweat and letting in air than a Shabbos shirt. People are dressing smart, not “goyishe.”
It appears to me that you are applying your own preconceived sinister intentions to people who may be guilty only of engaging in an outdoor activity.March 6, 2013 12:07 am at 12:07 am in reply to: Rather than Staring Blankly at the Four Walls, You… #934724
In my free time, I like to worry. There’s any number of things I can ponder to get me to that coveted state of heart palpitations. Calm is for wimps. :-/February 27, 2013 2:37 am at 2:37 am in reply to: Avoiding Secular Music #934008
One thing that helps when one is trying to avoid music with an anti-spiritual message is to ask yourself what, exactly, you are looking for in your music.
Jewish artists pretty much run the gamut from cantorial pieces to Eastern-European folk songs to synth/electronica to classic rock to hip-hop and back again. If it’s simply the style that moves you, there are Jewish artists out there who retain the musical style but substitute a more spiritual message.
Figure out what it is you like and plan accordingly. You might find that can even be completely inoffensive, beautifully arranged musical works written by non-Jews. Simply writing off anything for the crime of its being sung in “English” is a very constricting set of parameters to bide by.
Take the time to do it right, especially if you’re someone who loves music.February 5, 2013 2:54 am at 2:54 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001132
I would further like to thank the two people whose recent donations got to me just in time to make Shabbos. You know who you are, and now you know what your tzedaka has done. Thank you, thank you so very much!January 27, 2013 7:23 pm at 7:23 pm in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001131
I want to thank, profusely and wholeheartedly, the person whose donation reached me last week. I want you to understand that I’ve already been able to improve things a bit, such as our food, our electric bill and enough gas to get my wife to and from the doctor–all with the sorely-needed help you sent me.
You wrote that it is important you remain anonymous, and so I will not ask you to identify yourself even in this thread. If you are reading this, however, THANK YOU. HKB”H knows who you are, and I hope that He rewards you beyond your dearest dreams.January 22, 2013 6:33 am at 6:33 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001120
Is there a way I can contact you privately? I really don’t want to post my name on a public forum. Alternatively, you can ask my rebbi how he’d like it to be made out? Sorry for the trouble.January 20, 2013 2:23 am at 2:23 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001115
Oomis, that’s a great idea.
For anyone who’d feel comfortable mailing a check, you can mail it to:
Rabbi Yehuda Shmulewitz
Beis Midrash L’Talmud
75-31 150th Street
Flushing, NY 11367January 18, 2013 6:23 pm at 6:23 pm in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001113
Stam36: THANK YOU. I just got a phone call from my rebbi to let me know that he’d received his first phone call. Thank you for reaching out.
To those of you who feel the need to be relentlessly rude: I have nothing further to say to you. You can sit here and stew and storm and conjecture, but ultimately, if you have any meaningful questions about my situation, you know what number to call. I know it’s fun and perhaps a little vindicating to diagnose people’s life attitudes and madraigos via the coffee room, but remember that words cause pain, and can sometimes strike deeper than fists and feet. Congratulate yourselves while you can, but remember that you and I both will be facing din v’cheshbon after our long and iy”H fruitful lives.January 18, 2013 6:07 am at 6:07 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001107
DaMoshe: Excellent story! Stories of kindness like yours have this dual effect on me wherein I simultaneously smile and feel like crying. 🙂 I guess it’s just touching to know that, somewhere out there, people care.
DaasYochid and downandin:
Fert’s comments only underscore that particular disconnect that the financially solvent have from the destitute amongst us. I think some people still expect rags, soot and charming Cockney accents when they think of “poor.” All I have to say is that I’ve done my part by posting the information of the person who knows of my situation firsthand. Better to direct all clever questions to my rebbe than to try to “catch” me on the internet.
To everyone else:
Shabbos is approaching. To those of you who understand what life is like in my position, you know why Fridays can be a difficult time. It may be too late to help us with this Shabbos, but remember that there will still be one after that and then after THAT.January 16, 2013 11:40 pm at 11:40 pm in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001097
So…just a polite question.
I posted my rebbe’s contact information with the understanding that there were some interested members here who wanted to help. I just spoke to him, and it appears that no one has called him at all in the past week.
I’m sure I don’t need to explain why someone in my circumstances might find it distressing when assistance is implied but not given. I’m just curious to know: is there anyone here who actually wished to help us out?January 3, 2013 12:14 am at 12:14 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001095
Just to be clear, the above is his number at yeshiva, not his personal cell.January 2, 2013 9:54 pm at 9:54 pm in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001094
My rebbe, R’ Yehuda Shmulevitz, has given his permission for his name and his phone number–718 820 4853–to be publicized for all who might want to help my family. He is prepared to receive calls, and ready to verify my situation. You can ask him about his talmid Ari.
Thank you in advance to anyone who wants to help, and thank you to the moderators for allowing (hopefully) information that can save a fellow Jew in trouble.January 2, 2013 5:37 am at 5:37 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001093
Ah, I understand. OK, I will get in touch with my rebbe iy”H tomorrow to ask permission to direct tzedaka for me to him. (I’m fairly new to my shul and, while the rav is aware of my situation, my rebbe has been trying to help me for a couple of years and is much closer to the situation.)
It would not be respectful for me to post his name without notifying him first.
And THANK YOU for being so determined to make a difference. I’ll keep you updated.January 2, 2013 4:10 am at 4:10 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001091
Well, David Bar-Magen is a screen name, and I’d even hesitate to post my actual name on this forum. If, however, I was able to send a private e-mail to you or any other interested parties, I’d be glad to give you my name and that of my rebbe, who is well aware of my situation and has even tried to collect for me before.January 2, 2013 2:27 am at 2:27 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001088
Thank you, I just sent out a general inquiry, as I did not see any way to contact specific people via your contact feature.January 2, 2013 1:55 am at 1:55 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001087
Thank you! What you’ve expressed was by and large my sole reason for posting. I wanted to put more of a human spin on the tribulations faced by those people you run into every day. Yes, there ARE scammers or flat-out liars out there, but many of us are just very, very down on our luck, and are collecting out of pressing necessity, not laziness. Believe me, there aren’t many things more difficult on one’s pride than having to panhandle. It isn’t something that people tend to choose for kicks and giggles.
Sometimes I am lucky enough to run into someone like your mother, and it makes my day! It’s always heartwarming–yet rare–to run into those people who truly shoulder another Jew’s burden and try to make a difference.
I am thus far on a couple of government programs, and am attempting, with the help of the Flatbush COJO, to apply for more or reapply as necessary. While things such as SNAP benefits and WIC are immensely helpful, they do not by a long shot solve our problems. Is there any aid available out there that I’m missing?
That said, thank you for sharing your incredible story. It’s heartening to see that there are others out there who can hear my story and understand what it feels like to lack so much and feel so inadequate as a provider.
Left To Write:
Thus far, I have not been contacted by a moderator and instructed as far as what to do to verify my situation. One poster here wanted to help, but you must understand my hesitation
in posting private, identifying information on the wilds of the internet. If the moderator allows, I will make my information available privately via e-mail. Do you have any suggestions?
Goto contact us and email the YWN editor directly.December 30, 2012 5:38 am at 5:38 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001071
You make some solid points and interesting suggestions. I do say Parashas Ha-man, and I’m interested in which page of the sichos on Beraishis you want me to read. At this point, encouragement and bitachon can only help. Thank you for commiserating, and I hope Hashem grants us both a yeshua in the very near future! (Tomorrow would be nice.)
Lovebeingjewish: I don’t know what the moderator’s policy is on posting contact information in these situations, but if they give me the go-ahead, maybe I can find some way to share that information privately. Also, I am touched by your desire to help, and it means a lot to me. You are a good person.December 28, 2012 5:56 pm at 5:56 pm in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001065
Besalel: Unfortunately, my parents are not much better off than I am at the moment. They help out whenever they can, but are themselves doing everything they can just to stay afloat. They’ve had a major setback this past year, and so their ability to help us has plummeted even further than usual.
My inlaws, on the other hand, are the types of people that simply do not care to offer assistance. They have a very “not living in my house, not my problem” approach to our situation. Which is sad, since my m.i.l. at least is very much in a position to help, yet chooses not to.
Chassidishe Gatesheader: I’m glad to hear that you managed to extricate yourself from a similar situation. I hope that’s me in another year or so. My issue here is that one set of parents lives too far away from my job to live there–and can’t support us, besides–while the other set simply won’t take us.
The Best Bubby: your words warm me, and I thank you for your kindness. Please daven for Yehuda Aryeh ben Chana Toyba. Perhaps your tefillos will rise higher than mine.
Oomis: I’ve long enjoyed reading your posts here, and I thank you for expressing genuine caring and kindness. I hope there’ll be a happy update soon in my future, and I’ll be sure to post again if there is.
Syag L’Chachma: I understand how you feel, and I respect your opinion. Perhaps I am misjudging people for their actions, and of course, I have no way of knowing what in their own lives may be affecting their responses to me, BUT, I just find it remarkably difficult to be dan l’kaf zechus of people who literally humiliate me in the open street. It’s one thing to attack someone who’s posting via the anonymity of the internet–as people have aptly demonstrated in this very thread–but I cannot wrap my mind around being that heartless to a person’s face.December 28, 2012 2:34 am at 2:34 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001047
rebdoniel: Thank you. If anything, people like the gentleman above me only prove my original post about having observed a cross-section of Klal Yisroel and their attitudes towards those in need.
Some people really, truly, don’t understand the pain.
My greatest disappointment is that I honestly expected better from “rachmonim bnei rachmonim.”December 28, 2012 1:46 am at 1:46 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001045
I’m not going to reply to you any further until you post a sound, scientific explanation of your repeated assertions that I am emotionally and/or mentally disturbed. Your response must refer directly to reputable literature on the subject in order to lend credence to what would otherwise be simply ona’as devarim and/or attention-seeking troll-ness on your part.
If you are incapable of engaging your fellow Jews in a respectful, empathetic manner, you should probably not frequent a forum with “Yeshiva World” in its title. There are many other locations on the internet where ad hominem attacks and name-calling may be engaged in with relative impunity. I urge you to peruse these sites as you see fit.December 28, 2012 1:05 am at 1:05 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001043
Also, since this does seem to be coming up now: I’m not a troll. Perhaps a moderator could give me some advice on how I can confirm this, as I don’t want to post personal details, but I am about as legitimately in need as one can get.December 28, 2012 12:53 am at 12:53 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001042
TheBearisBack: Do you normally classify any viewpoint or reaction other than the one YOU’D have given as an emotional problem? Are you a psychologist or trained in diagnosing mental or personality disorders? Please do elaborate.December 28, 2012 12:51 am at 12:51 am in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001041
Wow, there have sure been more replies than I expected. OK, to address some of you.
To many of you who rightly criticized my anger towards those who berate me publicly: you are correct that my “cursing” them is overboard, and I hope you understand that my words were carried on a tide of anger and despair and I agree that I should not harbor such sentiments.
Now, for some specifics:
“OP said when he schnoors he is upset when people only give him $1 instead of $20 . He calls the giver CHEAP for not given the $20. He should be happy the giver gives whatever they give even if its a Penny.”
Firstly, I’d like you to copy-paste the part of my OP where I called those who give dollars “cheap.” Considering how you used big, scary capital letters to call people’s attention to it, I’m sure it shouldn’t be too hard to find.
I certainly did express the frustration that one in my circumstances feels when he needs, say, twenty dollars just to make it through the day and someone throws a crumpled dollar at him. The dollar is frustrating in that it is a drop in the bucket vis-a-vis my most basic needs, but I do not question the very character of those who give it. I’m frustrated, not judgmental.
Shmendrick: Consider this your one and only response from me.
For a self-proclaimed talmid chochom, you seem woefully unaware of the concept of “noseia b’ol chaveiro.” Anyone who refers to the “oy veys” and “sighs” of a fellow Jew as “meaningless” has amounted to exactly nothing in limud Torah, regardless of how often he checks his calendar to see how long he’s been a lamdan. Others have already called you to task for your cruelty, so I’ll not address you any further on this forum, as I’ve been on the internet long enough to know the golden rule: don’t feed the trolls.
A few clarifications, as I may have not been clear enough in my OP.
1. I DO have a job AND benefits, but they are not allowing me to meet my needs. My job is, as some surmised, about 25K per annum in salary.
2. I am active in my community, and my rav is, indeed, trying to help me. Unfortunately, many people still haven’t updated their local news since 2007, and refuse to believe that “young people” of my ilk can possibly be so down on their luck.
3. Additionally, I just want to reiterate that I am NOT, ch”v, ANGRY at people for giving me a dollar. I am frustrated by it sometimes, but it is never a personal frustration; no-one who gives me anything at all gets anything other than a sincere smile and a “tizku l’mitzvos.” Just as I expect to be given tzedaka with kindness, I am careful to receive it with kindness as well. As someone pointed out here, I have no way of knowing whether or not they can even afford the dollar they hand me.