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squeak: My Rabbonim hold that mixed seating is fine, and I go by them. I was quoting a Rav that is respected by chareidim, to show that there are chareidi Rabbonim who held that mixed seating was not only allowed, but even preferable.
derszoger: Actually, in the early 1900s, there was not a large Jewish population in E”Y at all. They were subject to pogroms from the Arabs. Look at what happened in 1929 – there were massacres in Chevron and Tzfas, while the police stood by and watched.
I’ve sang a lot of different tunes at chupos. Some were my idea, others were requested by the chassan/kallah. Here are some of the things I’ve sang Mi Adir and Mi Bon Siach to:
Odcha Hashem Elokai (old tune, not sure from where)
Boei B’Shalom (by Avraham Fried, I believe on the All Star Cast album)
Od Yeshvu (MBD, The Double Album)
Mi Bon Siach (Lev V’nefesh 2)
Mi Adir (Aish)
Machnisei Rachamim
Here are some nice tunes I’ve heard for people walking down to the chuppah (that aren’t commonly used):
Hinei Anochi (Tzlil V’zemer 5)
Al Taster (Shmelke’s Niggunim, then an album called Mimamakim, then Abish Brodt on Machnisei Dimah)
I’ve also heard songs that people wrote themselves and then walked down to them.
ZeesKite, taking on extra chumros to try and make yourself holier doesn’t work. In fact, it says very bad things about instituting unnecessary chumros.
midwesterner: My grandfather also went through the war, although he’s no longer alive now. He did go through Auschwitz, but it was towards the end of the war, and they were no longer tatooing the prisoners. But he did put on tefillin every day!In the camps, he was considered lucky, because he somehow got a heavy coat to keep him warm. Yet, when someone came to him and asked if he could trade something to my grandfather for his coat, he didn’t hesitate. He was offered food this man had somehow gotten and stashed away, cigarettes, and other items this man somehow had. But what did he want? The pair of tefillin the man had access to.
My grandfather was not one to give our major brachos. If we asked him for one, he would just say yisimcha (or yisimech for his granddaughters). Before the Yomim Noraim, he would just tell us, “Hashem should give you a good year, with health and happiness, and whatever is right for you!” But I know that his words went straight up to Hashem!
Thank you abcd2, that was a very well written post, and I agree with it 100%.
R’ Shlomo Zalman Aurbach zt”l was known to tell people that when he wanted to daven at kivrei tzadikim, he went to Har Hertzel to daven at the graves of the fallen soldiers.
R’ Breuer (from KAJ) was against separate seating. He said that if a person couldn’t withstand the pressure to have separate seating at a wedding, at least the younger people who were looking to get married should have mixed seating – he said mitzvah goreres mitzvah, and a shidduch could come out of it.
avhaben: I believe you’re mistaken. I was told by many people, including Rabbonim, that all of R’ Moshe’s children had mixed seating at their weddings.
As for MO weddings, you have no clue what you’re talking about. There is a mechitzah between men and women, and there is no mixed dancing.
As for men seeing the women, I’m not sure about the halachos. Is there an issur of men seeing women dance, or only to dance together? In shuls, there is this recent idea that the women must be completely hidden from view, when this is NOT the halacha. They must just be separated.
I don’t know what the halacha is regarding dancing. I looked in the Shulchan Aruch, and I didn’t see anything about watching a woman dance. Does anyone have a source where it’s brought down?
“This asifa will serve to convince everyone that unfiltered internet is simply a no-no.”
Sure. Let me know how that works out.
Some are, some aren’t. It depends on what goes into it.
Kishka (at least the ones sold in stores) are very unhealthy. Latkes are fried in a lot of oil – pretty unhealthy. There are lots of types of kugel, some of which can be very good for you, some of which can be very bad for you.
Cholent depends on how it’s made. Use a lean meat and don’t add any oil, and it can be very healthy. Beans are a good source of protein.
When R’ Moshe Feinstein zt”l married off his children, the weddings had mixed seating. At the yeshiva dinners 50 years ago, there was mixed seating.
My wife lost hare wallet over Pesach at a relative’s house. She said the tefillah, and we put money in he pushkah for R’ Meir baal Haneis. We’re still looking for it a week later…
You can ask my grandmother for a bracha. She went through Auschwitz. The Satmar Rav zt”l said that any Holocaust survivor is a better source than he was!
Do you know why he is doing this? Did something happen to drive him away? Also, what exactly do you mean by OTD? Is he not keeping Shabbos, kosher, etc? Or do you define it as no longer wearing a black hat?
I was once asked to speak at a friend’s Sheva Brachos on about 3 minutes notice. I had no divrei Torah to say, and had nothing prepared. So I got up and said the following (with made up names for the couple):
“I’m sure by now we all know that Avi and Sarah are absolutely perfect. Every speaker has praised them and told us how they’ve never done anything wrong. Well, guess what: it’s not true! As much as we like to pretend during this week, let’s face facts: they’re not perfect! In fact, I can tell you stories about Avi… (pause for a moment)… but I don’t think I will. I don’t know Sarah well enough yet, but I’m sure she’s not perfect either (nothing personal, Sarah – nobody is perfect!)
So what do we do with our imperfect couple? Am I wrong for pointing this out? No! Their imperfections are a fantastic thing! After all, your spouse is supposed to complete you. Where one isn’t perfect, and is lacking, the other one fills in. That’s how they complete each other. They complement each other, and support each other when one is lacking. This is the basis of marriage, and only like this can a bayis ne’eman be built.
My bracha is that they should be able to help each other, to lean on each other, and to complete each other, and in this way, build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael.”
So I started off seeming like I was teasing them, then turned it around.
You need a screen to display it on. Be careful, as this may mean your kids won’t get accepted into a good yeshiva.
If you want to play Dance Revolution, all you need is the Wii console and the game. The game usually comes with the mat.
Eyewitnesses say that they saw Martin attacking Zimmerman. Their stories matched Zimmerman’s story. Martin was also not an angel like his family is portraying him. He was suspended from school for marijuana possession. A deleted Twitter account was found through web archives which had pictures of him dressed as a gang member, making gang signs, and writing very violent messages.
Not all liberals are supporting Martin. They are against the law in Florida. I don’t know enough about it, so I can’t speak for it, but it appears that Zimmerman did follow the law. If you don’t like the law, fine, try and change it. But don’t fault someone for following the law as it exists.
It’s kind of sad, but people actually decided the term “Lady Fingers” wasn’t tznius, so they changed the name.
Health: the letter is written over in full in Sefer Bris Avraham HaKohen, by R’ Rami Cohen. R’ Cohen was the mohel at my son’s bris, and he gave me a copy of the sefer as a gift. My Rosh Yeshiva told me that R’ Chaim Kanievsky recommends this sefer to people who want to become a mohel. He said it’s the best sefer out today that goes through all the halachos of milah. My Rosh Yeshiva was the sandek, and also received a copy of the sefer from R’ Cohen – he was most appreciative!
I don’t remember exactly what page it’s on, but I looked it up last night and put a paper clip on it so I can find it easily again.
Derech: you’re incorrect. I read the full letter of the Chasam Sofer regarding this. He says that metzitzah is not an actual part of the bris. He proves it by saying that someone who had a bris without metzitzah was allowed to eat from the korbon Pesach, a kohen without it could eat terumah, etc.
The Gra said that not eating gebrochts takes away from Simchas Yom Tov. According to him, it would seem that it IS a mandate to eat gebrochts!
Yes, the Mishnah says that metzitzah is a necessary part of milah. Not because it’s part of the milah itself, but for the safety of the child. It also says putting cumin powder on the wound is a necessary part. Why don’t we still do that?
The Chasam Sofer was presented with a case where some children had become sick with sores. The Chasam Sofer said that just as cumin is no longer used because better methods were found to protect the baby, so too metzitzah could change if a better method is found. He says that it is not a part of the actual mitzvah, it is only to protect the child, and we want to use the best possible means to protect the child.
The story here left out a big piece. Many students are claiming that last year, they were ENCOURAGED to sign up Facebook accounts. Kohl’s had a contest where you could vote for a school on Facebook, and the top 20 schools would get $500,000 each. The school asked parents and students to create Facebook accounts and vote for them.
Now that the contest is over, they’re fining the kids for having Facebook accounts? Crazy!
R’ Shmuel Kaminetzky said yesterday that metzitzah should be done using a tube, not directly with the mouth. In fact, he was surprised to hear that some Rabbonim are against that, and was also surprised that there are mohalim who do it with direct contact.
Don’t worry, I also missed my 5-year anniversary in January. I don’t think you were from the first 10 posters, sorry. I might have been from the first 10, I really don’t know. I did sign up when the Coffee Room first opened, so it’s possible…
A friend of mine told me that yesterday, he ran into Shua Novoseller, the owner of the gym in Lakewood, and asked him about exactly what happened with the Zumba class.
Shua told him that the true facts were actually not stated properly. Most of the Rabbis in Lakewood actually had no problem with it. In particular, he mentioned R’ Matisyahu Salomon, and said that he had no issues with it. He did say that there was one big Rabbi (who he declined to name) who was adamantly opposed to it, and was trying to shut down the class.
Ultimately, R’ Salomon had told him that he should just make a business decision. If he felt he’d gain more customers by shutting down the class, he should do that. If more people would stay/join with the class, then keep it. Shua ultimately decided to shut down the class.
My friend asked him how it affected his business. He said that the month after shutting the class, they had more people sign up than any other month. However, they also had many people cancel their memberships over it.
One thing Shua did mention was that many of the women who left still wanted a Zumba class, and ended up going to non-Jewish, mixed gyms. This just goes to show that once again, adding unnecessary chumros ends up causing more harm than good, and pushes people away.
If you want a natural way to get rid of them, use mint oil. Rodents have a natural aversion to the smell of mint. Soak some cotton balls in mint oil, and place them every few feet along walls, especially where you’ve seen the mice.
Moishy, where are these stories from? Are they written down somewhere?
Last year, I used the R’ Jonathan Sacks one the first night, and the R’ Y.B. Soloveitchik one the second night. I will probably do the same this year.
I met him twice. Once he came to visit my yeshiva, and I only met him for a second. The second time is a better story.
My younger brother is good friends with R’ Scheinberg’s great grandson. When he put on tefillin for the first time, R’ Scheinberg came to the US for it. That Shabbos, I was out walking, and I happened to see R’ Scheinberg walking out of a shul with some people. They were walking in the same direction as me, so I decided to walk near them and listen to what he was saying. One of the men noticed me, and asked me if I was waiting to wish the Rosh Yeshiva a good Shabbos. I wished him a good Shabbos, and also added a mazal tov. The man asked me what the mazal tov was for, and I told him about the great-grandson putting on tefillin earlier that week.
R’ Scheinberg replied to me, “Good Shabbos, and thank you. One day you should be zoche to see the same thing!”
I got home, all excited. I told my mother, “I met R’ Scheinberg, and got a bracha for long life – he said I should see my great-grandson put on tefillin!”
She replied, “Even better, your great-grandson will be frum!”
nfgo3 had asked if anyone could post what the chumros are. Sorry, but I don’t think they’d get approved here. They mainly deal with issues of intimacy between a couple.
Chosson: you’re 100% wrong. Holding your spouse’s hand in your own home is fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, I’d say there’s something wrong if you refuse to do it.
Derech: for the first child, you’re correct. There’s a big difference after that. Many people, even in the yeshiva world, wait a bit before having more kids. Many Rabbonim will give a heter for short-term use of birth control after someone has a baby. Chassidim are far less likely to get such a heter. As a whole, chassidim have far more kids than non-chassidim do.
As for MO views of divorce, nishtdayngesheft is wrong. It’s not done at a whim. You’re correct that there is no stigma attached. We look at a divorced person as a regular person. From what I’ve heard, chassidim don’t. A divorcee is treated worse than the average person. MO doesn’t have a stigma with a divorce. In some cases, a divorce is warranted, sometimes even required. Again, it falls under what I said before about the reason for marriage.
nishtdayngesheft, I don’t really care whether you believe me or not. I’ve been called many things, and some of them are probably true. One thing I’m not, however, is a liar. What I told you is true. If you don’t want to believe me, that’s your problem.
avhaben: I don’t think the Shulchan Aruch says we skip tachnun because of a yartzeit.
smartcookie, read my post again. I never said all chassidim think that way. I said SOME chassidim. I know that my wife was told that by a few women who were in the hospital at the same time she was.
I don’t think all chassidim are that stupid. I think the amount of chassidim that are stupid is probably the same ratio as any other group.
As for b’showing, if you feel that marriage is only to have kids, then a b’show makes perfect sense. I don’t think it’s naive of me to think that. I think it’s naive of some women to think marriage is only about having kids.
If someone comes to me while I’m davening, I ignore them.
If someone comes to me by a simcha, I will usually give a dollar until I’m out of singles.
If someone knocks at my door, it depends on what they’re collecting for. I’ve told people that I don’t support the organization and won’t donate to it. I offer them a drink and a bite to eat, but tell them, sorry, nothing personal, I just don’t support this organization.
nishtdayngesheft: If a MO person had actually told you that, I’d say you have a valid point. However, I doubt anyone actually told you that.
My wife was actually told by more than one chassidic woman that the only purpose for marriage was to have children. My wife asked her, “When you are no longer able to have children, would you tell your husband to divorce you and marry some 18 year old girl so he could have more children?”
The woman responded that no, she wouldn’t like it, and maybe she needed to question what she’d been taught.
hershi: Care to explain why/how?
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I think that some chassidim have a different view of marriage than most people. My wife had conversations with a few chassidic women while in the hospital during her pregnancy (it was very complicated, and she was hospitalized towards the end of it).
The women told her straight out that the sole purpose of marriage is to have children. One woman asked her, “What else is there?” If you go into marriage with an attitude like that, then a B’Show is fine. Who cares if you really like each other? As long as you don’t hate each other, you’ll be fine. Just have kids, and that’s all. Do you love your spouse? It doesn’t matter, just have kids.
If you don’t view marriage like that, dating is important. If a marriage is about two people living in harmony together, building a life together, and not just being about children, then they need to be sure they are able to grow together. They need to complement each other. Dating is better for determining that.
I prefer white desert wines. I wrote this in another thread, this is just copying and pasting:
uneeq: In the shul I daven in, we don’t rush from mincha straight into maariv every evening. There is a break in between, where the Rav gives a shiur in halachah l’maaseh. It isn’t a very long shiur, maybe 15-20 minutes, but it is only on halachos that apply in our daily lives.
As for Baal Habatim not learning halachah, I think the bigger churban is the kollel guys not learning it. After all, these are the people who are supposed to become the next generation of Rabbonim. Let them learn halachah so they can become poskim! Gemara b’iyun is not the only thing that needs to be learned.
In the shul where I daven, if there is a non-regular with yartzeit and a regular within the year, they will ask the regular if he allows the other guy to daven for the amud. I haven’t heard anyone refuse yet.
If there is a yartzeit, they will also have an extra kaddish just for the yartzeit (the gabbai will announce that it’s a yartzeit kaddish). This is done in different ways, depending on which tefillah it is. By Shacharis, the minhag is usually to say one kaddish yasom at the end, after the yom – they don’t say one after Aleinu. When someone has yartzeit, they’ll say one after Aleinu so there’s an extra one. By Mincha and Maariv they’ll usually say a chapter of tehillim at the end, with a kaddish after. If there’s an extra tefillah said that day (l’Dovid, Barchi Nafshi, etc.) they’ll add the kaddish there.
Will they put the quarter million dollar mechitza up?