Gadolhadorah

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  • in reply to: dating YOUNGER #1281080
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    There will always be some who try to rationalize children marrying children so they can rush to have more children. If thats there hashkafah, thats fine but as CT Lawyer and others have noted, all the empirical studies that have been done, including those of the heimish tzibur here in the U.S. and Chareidi tzibur in EY, the divorce rates are materially higher for those who marry in the 16-19 age bracket versus those who waited a few years. Yes, its legal, but so is marrying your first cousin in 7 states and it doesn’t make it “right”.

    in reply to: dating YOUNGER #1281043
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    There is no “appropriate” age…its whatever the young man and woman decide its right for them. As more of our young men and women realize the need to obtain the needed education and job skills to earn a parnassah its inevitable that the age of kiddushin will move into the early 20s or later. Some may want to learn and go to college part-time so it will take several years longer to graduate college and finish an advanced degree.

    in reply to: I Hope Trump Gets Impeached πŸŽΊπŸ‘ #1280795
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    To RebYid23
    Chazal (along with Reb Avraham Lincoln) bring down that under certain circumstances a tail can be considered a leg for purposes of extending the length of t’chum Shabbos. Having said that, its not clear if having Hillary instead of Mike Pence as our Supreme Leader will make a tail’s worth of difference in the lives of 99% of Americans.

    in reply to: Heartzig Shavuos davening #1280616
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    As noted above, you are unlikely to find many β€œleibidik” shachris minyanim on Shavuos…most of the potential “celebrants” are barely awake and feel fortunate they can daven with a modicum of kavanah.

    in reply to: I Hope Trump Gets Impeached πŸŽΊπŸ‘ #1280576
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    The best oddsmakers are the bookies in London who are now showing a 38% likelihood that Trump will not complete his 4 year term…problem is that would cover either an impeachment vote (and Senate conviction), invocation of the 25th Amendment following a coup de’ tat by Pence and the cabinet, OR the Trumpkopf simply getting bored and Tweeting one morning that he has sucessfully drained the Swamp, made America great again and is resigning from office so he can go back to NYC and chase chipmonks in Central Park.

    in reply to: Age differences in shidduchim πŸ‘΅πŸ‘¨ #1280207
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    To Joseph….its mamash child abuse to push them into marriage at 13-16, and probably a bad idea before 18 or 19. If you want to troll on this issue, I’m sure you’ll find other to take the bait but unless your having substantial issues of your own, please don’t suggest kiddushin for children

    in reply to: Trump Eating in Israel #1277862
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Personal opinions with a bit of humor/sarcasm/parody/satire….plenty of opportunity for “serious” news on the regular news threads.

    P.S. I’m not a big Tumpkopf cheerleader but always willing to share some thoughts on POTUS’ responsibilities with respect to fine dining and healthy eating.

    in reply to: Trump Eating in Israel #1277704
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    To Yosef: He is NOT a chossid of any particular rebbe but has historically been a good friend and supporter of the Chabad shaliach in 5T who, in turn, recruited the mashgichim to fly over with him to EY to kasher the ambassador’s residence. In fairness, Ambassador Friedman has been a great supporter of many worthy mosdos as well as some settlement groups in Yehuda and Shomron, which were noted at his confirmation hearings.

    in reply to: Age differences in shidduchim πŸ‘΅πŸ‘¨ #1277665
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    You don’t need to remind me that some provisions of state law remain in place from common law predicates from an agrarian society in the 1600s and our politically impotent legislators don’t want to rewrite legal concepts which trigger extreme passions on moral and religious holdings so they leave the status quo. As to our “zaidas and bubbes” marrying as children, not sure if you truly believe that’s a good idea in contemporary society or your just trolling us…either way, its a really stupid idea. Our children should be getting the best possible education in both limudei kodesh and whatever level of secular studies their parents’ haskahfah will allow. They should be allowed to work for a while to accumulate at least a minimal level of savings to support themselves in the event their parents lack the resources to support them. Most importantly, they should be allowed to mature naturally rather than being subject to these bizarre pressures in some circles to marry asap, lest they (especially the girls) be deemed “damaged goods”. One can not hope for good outcomes for anyone who creates such pressures or engages in the lashon haroh about boys and girls in their 20s and 30s who have chosen to defer kiddushin.

    in reply to: Age differences in shidduchim πŸ‘΅πŸ‘¨ #1277589
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    To Joseph:
    So if we hold by your standards, the parents of an unmarried baas yisroel at the age of 15 should be in full scale panic, have every shadchan in willy and BP on retainer and be flying over to EY for a segulah or tefillah for a shidduch through some rav who charges top dollar but who guarantees 100 percent success …Its scary that some actually think in terms of children of 13 years (aka “adults”)are ready for marriage and making babies…no wonder there is such hysteria in the frum tzibur about a so called “shiduch crisis”

    in reply to: Trump Eating in Israel #1277587
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    To Lowertuition: Its way too soon to focus on either impeachment or invocation of the 25th Amendment…..In the interim, the President should be allowed to enjoy his first (and perhaps only) visit to EY. His first meal should be the official residence of the U.S. Ambassador whose kitchen has just been koshered by a Rav from 5T who flew over to EY with a team of the finest Chassidish mashgichim since there were apparently no competent mashgichim available in EY who could guarantee that the mehadrim standards of our Ambassador Reb Friedman would be met. Since the WH announced today that they’ve cancelled the campaign rally reportedly to be held at Massadah, the President will have sufficient time to dine in style at one of the 40+ McDonalds in EY, many of which also have chassideshe hashgacha, albeit not with McNuggets from chickens with a 5T vaad plumba.

    in reply to: Age differences in shidduchim πŸ‘΅πŸ‘¨ #1277298
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    To ema2five:
    Mazel tov on making it through 27 years and may you have at least 27 more….
    Its unclear why there is so much focus on the possible risks of delaying marriage “C’V” to your late 20s and early 30s rather than openly discussing the real issue of pushing down the age of kiddushin to the teens and then expecting children having children to behave like adults.

    in reply to: Frum Jews in Meron for Lag B’Omer #1277263
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Its hard for those not similarly motivated why yidden feel a compulsion to daven at the kevorim of certain tzadikim without regard to the logistics of getting there and the potential consequences. I’ve never been a fan of the annual rush to Uman for Rosh Hashanah at a cost of thousands of NIS and indirect support for the world’s biggest anti-semitim. Does anyone really believe either Rav SBY, Z’TL or Rav Nachman, Z”TL would intercede with the Ebeshter on their behalf to a lesser degree if a yid davened with kavanah from a different location or on any other day of the year??

    in reply to: Age differences in shidduchim πŸ‘΅πŸ‘¨ #1277111
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    This happens all the time….both should have the independent judgment and maturity to make it work; certainly more so than two teenagers being pushed into a shiduch by their families. While there is no guarantee in shiduchim at any age, there are many reasons why one or both may have deferred marriage while pursuing graduate school, professional training etc.

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    We frequently hear that the importance of having the necessary education and skills to earn a parnassah is overstated and there are “many” successful chareidim that have achieved financial success without even having gone to college, much less earning an advanced degree. Yes, I’m sure there are natural, self-taught entrepreneurs who have made millions but I suspect that is a very small percentage of the Chareidi tzibur. Sadly, the poverty and welfare dependency statistics for many chareidi neighborhoods and communities tells a very different story. Likewise, its true we have always had full time learners, but again, as a percentage of the total, the numbers were much lower in the pre-war alte Heim and in post-War EY and the United State than they are today. While some girls may be fortunate enough to come from affluent families who have the resources to support them, in most cases, the families are already living on the economic margin and the absurdly high costs of a chassanah and then weekly checks to to support a new son-in-law who wants to shteig 24×7 puts them over the breaking point. We need to encourage more girls to get the secular education and job skills so they can be economically self-reliant and revisit the quaint notion of finding some balance where after a few years, a kollel yungerleit will work part time to help support the family while still finding many hours a day to learn as well. That has been our historic tradition and we need to move back towards economic self-reliance across all yideshe families. There is no imperative to marry in your late teens versus early 20s so you’ve had the opportunity to get at least 2 years of college with a focus on employment skills for available jobs that can be done from home (aka computer skills for tele-working).

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Every society and religious group has their own “Luddites” who have spiritual and moral concerns with innovations and new technology. While many of us disagree with the decision of the Rosh Yeshiva, I doubt this policy will result in empty seats in the beis medrash since there are more bochurim seeking admission than can possibly be accommodated. Putting aside the obvious issue that those coming out of this yeshiva will lack basic skills for a parnassah,, many of the most exciting and original thoughts in the world of torah learning are only available on the internet so they are denying their students access to daas torah from the next generation of more computer friendly talmedei chachamim.

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    “The kallah’s family giving the chasan a dowry is an age old Jewish minhag’

    The concept of a dowry is NOT uniquely a yiddeshe minhag and many traditional and tribal societies arrange for the girl’s family to initially provide some gift, whether a sum of money, a few goats and cows, or whatever the local minhag. However, once they are married, why is there any rational basis for the girl’s family to continue supporting them, if the boy is a full time learner? The girl may decide to work but the girl’s family may have other children at home to support (both boys and girls) so it makes no sense to have such a unilateral funding obligation. Again, its what people willingly agree to and such practices may be the local minhag but we should be moving towards the next generation where there are opportunities for bochurim to work part-time so as to provide at least minimal support for their families and also provide better education and job skills to girls so they can support their husbands if they don’t want to work even a few hours a week.

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    To Winnie: Why do you say its the minhag for the wife and/or her family tsupport a full time kollel yungerman? I would assume that he would first seek support from his own family first before asking his wife’s to support them and turn to his the machatonim only if his own parents are unable to help.

    in reply to: VIDEO: Rav Lazer Ginzberg Calls Pope Delegation “Aigel” #1273327
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    He is entitled to his opinion but he embarrasses himself by engaging in such hyperbole. Perhaps he has spent too much time watching our national leadership engage in similar name-calling. I’ve read and heard fairly strong arguments on both sides with respect to the meeting; while I think the meeting was a positive the “song and dance show” afterwards was unnecessary.i

    in reply to: Should I Bother Taking My Wife To A Beis Din #1273289
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    After 27 years of marriage, statistics show a very small likelihood that counseling will resolve issues of the sort your describe. Nor do you need another Rav to advise you on the Halacha governing your fact situation since you seem reasonably well informed from the Rav you have previously consulted.. You and your wife are fortunate that you both sound rational, are not vindictive, have loving children and have the resources to move on with your lives as two separate individuals (and perhaps meet new partners). Give the get and begin the next chapter of your life. You are both “youngsters” and ‘by’h will have many healthy and satisfying years ahead of you. Much hatzlacha in whatever decision you make.

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    To CT Lawyer:
    Last week, in one of his first formal actions after being confirmed as Secretary of Agriculture, Sonny Perdue announced he was cancelling a bunch of Obama rules governing school lunch programs and would allow foods with higher sodium, less whole grain and no longer require a Badatz hashgacha for school cafeterias. Perhaps if you wait a few weeks, the school can “bring back Bubbe” to run the lunch program.

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    This historically has been a challenge for yiddeshe parents sending their children to yeshivos and beis Yaakov and it seems to be getting more difficult for parents today. Ultimately, yeshivos must function as a business enterprise and assure their financial viability to serve their respective “markets”. Yes, a yeshiva serves a defined segment of the frum tzibur based on their parents’ hashkafah etc. In some locations outside NYC, Lakewood and Monsey, there may be only a single Yeshiva serving that market, but even in those cases, that yeshiva must accommodate the needs of a diverse range of yidden, in some cases including conservative, MO, yeshivish, etc. and straddle the usual chassidish/Litvish boundaries. In each case, they must calibrate the “demand curve” for their product (aka chinuch in torah and whatever secular studies are required by local law) in terms of what parents can afford to pay for the “product” they will offer. They must also develop a business plan of sorts (formal or informal) to assure they can cover their expenses. This is not a “Field of Dreams” where you open the school and blindly assume the Ebeshter will cover your operating losses with a monthly check from Shamayim. There will always be some parents who may not be able to afford the School’s tuition and part of the School’s cost and expense analyssis must consider how much to allow for “scholarships” and how much “uncollectible” tuition to plan for. At some point, however, they must draw a hard line in the sand and say that without payment of tuition (or agreement to budget plan to pay overdue balances), a student can no longer be accommodated. To do otherwise, would risk the ability of the school to serve ALL students going forward. Its great to be able to bring down a vert from chazal regarding the “obligation” for yeshivos to educate the students without regard to payment of tuition, for the rabbonim to work without pay etc. but ultimately, you cannot pay your bills and keep the doors open by quoting chazal…you need for the check to clear the bank.

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    When you layer chumrah on chumrah, at some point you discourage those who want to comply with the spirit of tzinus, (and ultimately for many other mitzvos) from making the effort since it seems so difficult or hopeless from their initial perspective. Yes, being compliant with mitzvos was not meant to be “easy” but nor was it brought down by chazal that we should use every opportunity to make it more difficult than otherwise necessary.

    in reply to: What's the secret to a good cholent? #1270424
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    For those who are mehadrim on a low-fat, low-starch, low-sodium diet, consider substituting a firm tofu for about half the meat you would ordinarily use and trim the fat from the real meat you do use. Also consider adding some whole grains and carrots for some of the beans and potatoes. Finally, there are some excellent salt substitutes that add real flavor but don’t adversely affect your blood pressure. There is NO chiyuv do use unhealthy ingredients in you chulent nor must you use meat so be creative if you want to enhance your physical well being aka “ushamartem es nafshosechem”

    in reply to: School problem 🏫☹️ #1268915
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    If one is teaching at yeshiva for boys and has not been paid or is paid a below-market salary, there is no chiuv for the rebbeim at that yeshiva to continue working without pay and forego taking another job through which they can feed their own families. That may mean a position in chinuch at another yeshiva or any other position that will provide the requisite compensation. Ifs up to the parents of the talmidim at that first yeshiva to assure that hey pay their tuition so that the teachers are paid on time or if not, to transfer their bochurim to another yeshiva. The obligation on chinuch and limud torah is on the parents; the teachers are not obligated to work without pay.

    in reply to: School problem 🏫☹️ #1268914
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    If one is teaching at yeshiva for boys and has not been paid or is paid a below-market salary, there is no chiuv for the rebbeim at that yeshiva to continue working without pay and forego taking another job through which they can feed their own families. That may mean a position in chinuch at another yeshiva or any other position that will provide the requisite compensation. Ifs up to the parents of the talmidim at that first yeshiva to assure that hey pay their tuition so that the teachers are paid on time or if not, to transfer their bochurim to another yeshiva. The obligation on chinuch is on the parents; the teachers are not obligated to work without pay.

    in reply to: School problem 🏫☹️ #1268790
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Daas Yochid:
    If the reason the rabbonim and morim in this school are striking has to do with their not being paid or that their salaries are not enough to live on, why would it make a difference if their talmidim are boys or girls?? Teachers are working to support their families and the gender of their students doesn’t change that economicreality.

    in reply to: Abeshter #1258682
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    I learned from a rebbe who use the term “Ebeshter” (or at least it sounded like an “E” rather than a long “A”….

    in reply to: shadchan meeting #1253624
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    With few exceptions, a shadchan relies upon her/(his) time to earn a parnassah. They are professionals who should be treated in the same way you would call ahead to reschedule a meeting with your lawyer, doctor, real estate broker, etc. While most will give you a “one-time” dispensation on the theory you forgot the appointment or were unavoidably detained, you should at least apologize for the prior “no-show”. Even if they are doing the shadchanus with no charge, they are still entitled to respect for their time.

Viewing 29 posts - 4,301 through 4,329 (of 4,329 total)