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shlishy -“When someone eats in McDonalds, he is not even pretending to be frum.”
Wrong, he was pretending to be Frum. He might not keep Kosher when he is amongst Goyim esp. after he was arrested, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t put on a show beforehand. The Frum community has a problem believing we have some very bad people amongst us. This is why a lot want to say -“Oh he wasn’t really Frum”. You can say that on anyone who does really bad Aveiros. The problem is we keep failing to realize that we have problems and problematic people. In order to try to work on ourselves -the first thing we have to do is stop the Denial. With being in denial we can’t even begin the Teshuva process!
Yaela -When was the last time he was in a rehab program and what type was it? And how did this all get started?
SB -“but I don’t think it plays such a large role. And I feel that a woman would be stronger if she didn’t have shalom bayis issues.”
It almost plays the role in its entirety. Almost never does this have to do with Shalom Bayis. Women have peer pressure no matter how good a marriage they have. You’re right though -they should be stronger and not cave in to the pressure.
It sounds like you’re completing a vicious circle. A lot of men when a tragedy occurs blame the women because they aren’t so Tzinius. Really they should look inward, instead of blaming. You’re doing the same thing by saying the women don’t dress Tzinus because of the men. They should look inward instead of blaming!
MP – “”Who knows, if it’s meant to be, then it’ll somehow work out.” And I’m wondering, for her sake, is that healthy? If she has me in the back of her mind, won’t that affect her judgement for her future dates?”
Most of the time it’s just a line people use like a cliche. She has no intention of keeping you in the back of her mind. Or perhaps she is thinking like- sometimes people do come back to old Shiduchim. Maybe a couple years down the road, she would reconsider.
Mike -“the REAL problem is when they go unreported and swept under the rug by “ehrlich” Jews”
Wrong. They are worse than the molesters. The molesters just have sick Taavos, but the protectors have absolutely NO excuse! They are the farthest thing from “ehrlich” Jews!
Yaela – What is he addicted to?
tzippy -“for a full thyroid panel.”
You don’t need the full panel – TSH is good enough.
SG -I honestly don’t know more than you. I never heard of this shtick till you mentioned it. But let me make an educated guess. We all know that the brain controls all movement, some with conscious part and some with the unconscious. To make a movement on top of the constant breathing isn’t a contradiction. One is controlled by the autonomic system, so you can concentrate on moving your hand. Walking and lifting something can be done because the walking doesn’t require that much concentration. Here for each limb to go in opposite directions, both require a lot of concentration, which is impossible. Going in the same direction doesn’t require that much. For example, try riding a unicycle and jugling. You’ll probably won’t last more than 10 seconds. So how can acrobats do it? Because they have practiced unicycling and jugling a lot (not at the same time), so these have become second nature. Doing a movement that is second nature doesn’t require a lot of concentration.
Seahorse – To me; I can’t understand the idea of people giving up. I know many men and women, who weren’t even married one time and have given up. WHY???????
I doubt I’ll ever give up, for my second time, even if it looks bleak!
BSD – “Why is it different then a car accident?”
I posted above the difference:
“Also, this not the same as a car accident, where most people want you to take it to their insurance. They don’t want to go to a Din Torah because when they lose they have to shell it out now with cash. They would rather you file a claim with their insurance because even though their premiums will go up -they can pay it off little by little as opposed to a Din Torah.”
In other words you’re doing them a favor by going to their insurance, instead of Bais Din. I don’t know how you could win in Bais Din right now. Even (which I doubt) if a Bais Din said the 9 y.o is a Bor Breshus Harabim and they would be Muchuyav to pay for his Hezek (damage), why would they have to pay for possible future Hezek (because you’re worried it might scar)?
I doubt any of the posters here know you, so don’t take anything personal. I’ve been in the medical field many years and I’ve closed up many facial wounds. If done by a competent professional, they almost never scar.
I think you are very much overreacting. When the stitches are removed – put on the silicone patches and use a cream that has all the herbs and vitamins packed into one. Wait six months or less, and 99 out of 100, the scar won’t be there. If it happens to be the one time, then you can seek either a Bais Din or a legal venue for compensation. I know when something like this happens, you think you’re the only one, but in reality this happens everyday.
MiddlePath – I don’t know if you need therapy or not, but definitely you need to have a mentor in life. Do you have a Rebbe, parent or even someone older who you’re close to that you can confide to?
Peacemaker – I agree. Also, this not the same as a car accident, where most people want you to take it to their insurance. They don’t want to go to a Din Torah because when they lose they have to shell it out now with cash. They would rather you file a claim with their insurance because even though their premiums will go up -they can pay it off little by little as opposed to a Din Torah.
mommamia -“The one who got set up with over 200 shidduchim, and had sooo many (possibly) amazing choices for a spouse, and I chose THIS one?!?! So be it! What can I do?”
Maybe you did let the right one go, but right now if you are being abused you shouldn’t take it. Please seek professional counseling. Go yourself, even if your husband refuses to go.
This is a very serious situation, nothing to be joked about. Don’t go to anyone besides therapists who have experience with this. Don’t listen to friends, family, etc. Find a very good therapist. Relief is an org. that specializes in referrals.
BSD -Number one – I can’t believe any Rov told you- you can sue. You can take them to a Din Torah. The only way you can win in a Din Torah is if an adult hurt the kid, not another kid or your kid hurt herself.
Second of all -Did a plastic surgeon put in the stitches? Lots of times these wounds won’t scar -they are very good at closing wounds.
Third – If after they remove the stitches – if you use an OTC scar treatment, it might not scar. The best is one that is like a hard plastic covering.
SB – While your statement might be true, it isn’t the reason most of the time. Most of the time women dress the way they do because of peer pressure.
Noone has explained where this word Dolt came from -I’ve never heard it before.
chalilavchas – Just call me a modern day Eiyuv.
But I guess you are trying to put everybody in the Tisha B’av mood!
If s/o feels the seatbelt isn’t Tzinus, at least they should put the woman in the back where it is safer without buckles.
Bitochon – Any excuse not to fast.
Achakeh Lo Bchol Yom etc…
I’d faster believe if s/o would say -if everyone has a proper Tisha B’av and does Richter Teshuva then next year Tisha B’av will be a Yom Tov. This IMO is one of the Soton’s tricks – so people will say why should I try and improve- Moshiach is coming anyway.
Mommamia –
Here is a song/limmerick one of my sons sings to me. –
Here is a table and there is a chair and there is a man who has no hair!
How do you know about Prince William?
be good – Well maybe you should reconsider your offers. Maybe you’re being too picky.
That she won’t have to fast or everyone?
I hope it’s true, I hate fasting. I’d rather party, if it’s a holiday.
And I called for YWN to have a separate Tilllim list for Shidduchim. It was seconded by only one. Does anybody else want to join my call?
“Minoxidil cream 2%.”
Rogaine and it’s shampoo don’t work too well!
“get a prescription for propecia”
This costs an arm and a leg. No insurance coverage. If you also have BPH, then insurance will cover your script. “Kevis” is the same drug topically, but probably just as much money.
If you got the dough, you can watch your hair grow.
If you don’t got the dough -you’ll just have to let your hair Go!
GAW – I could think that your idea of types of yeshivos would make sense, but in our generation it would destroy the Klal. Why?
Because there wouldn’t be enough money for the non-elite yeshivos. Most of the rich people who donate only for Kovod, wouldn’t support the non-elite yeshivos. These would crumble and only the elite would remain. So how many elite are they? Sholomo Hamelech said one out of a thousand. So implementing your idea would have almost noone sitting and learning full time.
So what the yeshivos do nowadays, is either say they are all elite or they say they cater to BT’s. This is the way they financially survive. Some take gov. money as colleges, but that is going to dwindle due to the new budget that is being passed in Congress. Sad, but this is the reality in our generation.
“Brisk is an elite Yeshiva”
Elite in GAW terms wouldn’t include Brisk because they take almost everyone.
simcha613 – Where you live -what type of EMS do they have? Do they have hatzolah or another volunteer group?
LMA – You didn’t answer my question.
Anyway, I don’t recall the Medrash about Avrohom Aveinu talking about Boel Aramis, I remember just about the Bris part, not anything more -are you sure?
“The prohibition of Arayos is the foundation of our connection with Hashem. This is precisely why Bilam Harasha advised Mo’av specificly to be machshil Klal Yisroel through Arayos. As the posuk states “V’Ra’ah Bicha Ervas Davar V’shuv Mei’acharecha”.”
While what you wrote is true, I don’t think Klal Yisroel would have been destroyed by just being Mezaneh. (It’s only a D’Rabbonim.) That is why the Moavite women always took out their Avodah Zorah and said you must do this also and they did!
LMA – “Are you implying that “Lo Sachmod” is more chamur than Bo’el Aramis because it’s one of the Aseres Hadibros?”
Yes. Anything Meforish B’kra is more Chamor than something that at the most is Halacha Moshe MeSinai!
“Do you think Klal Yisroel thought being mezaneh is not a grave sin before Pinchos came around and killed Zimri?”
I have no idea what they thought, but they didn’t know the Din of Kanim Poigim Bo till then!
What is your obsession with Arayos? In my Torah there are 613 and only a few are Arayos!
GAW -“If you can’t become a Gadol, you have no right to sit and become a nothing.”
Is this why you never sat and learned?
They pressure you on the wrong things. I haven’t seen a Yeshiva yet that pressures the guys to go to sleep on time so they can get up for Davening.
“Right now i am eating myself up”
Well this is definitely Ossur -You can’t eat meat in the 9 days!
PBA -“Because that is definitely what you are saying if you say something could happen to someone without Hashem wanting it.”
Those Shittos that say this -I’m only aware that they say this on killing someone. Go back and read all the posts to see whom holds what.
LMA – “I fail to understand why the Torah punishment of an aveira is the measuring stick to determine the severity of a specific aveira.”
Got a better measuring stick?
“Someone who is Bo’el Aramis cha”v invites on himself a world of “Klipos” r”l, whereas someone who is merely mechalel shabbos cha”v does not metameh himself with all these “Klipos Teme’os” r”l,which is the essence of the real Gehinom.”
Well obviously something that is a D’orysa is more important than a D’rabbonom. I guess the D’orysa of Shabbos will attract more Klippos than Boel Aramis.
Did you start learning Chassidus at a young age? Even so don’t confuse yourself on Aveiros -some are just worse than others! Shabbos is in the Aseress Hadibros, while being Mezaneh with a Goy wasn’t written anywhere in the Chumash except by Pinchas to teach us Kanoyim Poigim Bo!
It’s a “Health” pizza and it tastes like it. I’ll never buy it again.
Lomed Mkol Adam – “Check up the Gemara in Krisus which states that one who transgresses a certain sin, its as if he transgressed all the 3 Chamuros. Do you hold that a Bo’el Aramis is less chamur than a one time Chillul Shabbos, just because Beth Din doesn’t give capital punishment for it?”
I fail to follow your train of thought.
First of all -Are you talking about Loshon Hora in your first sentence? And if you are, what does that have to do with anything?
Second of all -Being Mezaneh with a Goy is only a D’rabbonnim, not a D’orysa with Skeela! Just because there is the Din of Kanoyim Poigim Bo doesn’t make it worse than Chillul Shabbos!
You should have just agreed with yitayningwut – he gave you a good defense!
2morecents – Now I can understand your sentiments about phones with the possible connection to the net. But having a phone that can’t – is no different than having/owning a land based phone. Saying such a thing is Ossur no matter what, is “Kol Hamoisif Gorea”!
And no, my cell isn’t just a “kosher” phone with a disconnected net, it’s not possible to get the internet (old model).
Lomed Mkol Adam – “I would say that interenet addiction to immodest sites are just as chamur as texting on shabbos.”
Now how could a possible Lav D’orysa be equal to a Lav Sh’yesh Bo Korais, if texting is a D’orysa? You can say one might lead to the other as certain Mussar Seforim say, but you can’t say they are equal. Go review Masechtos Makos, Sanhedrin and Kreesus.
on the ball – “On the contrary, your quote from the Rambam proves my point PRECISELY. Kipah is applied to murderers NOT BECAUSE OF THE GRAVITY OF THE SIN OVER OTHERS like Avodah Zorah, Shabos etc, but because it has the unique aspect of ‘destroying society’ warranting the immediate response of doing away with whatever is causing this.”
Ok, maybe it’s my fault you KRUMMED up the Rambam because I only quoted the first half. I just figured a Talmid Chochom like you who feels the necessity to get up on his soap box and give Mussar would surely look up the Rambam! The Rambam is just explaining why Kipa is used as opposed to other Aveiros and giving one reason why killing is worse. He later brings a Rayah that killing is worse than Avodah Zorah. This is why I said the Rambam when he says “Chamor”, must mean in Onesh only!
“My point is that people identifying with the Yeshivah/Torah orientated outlook should be crying and at least internally protesting at what’s going on with our kids as much as they would in response to murder.”
I understood your point the first time. But unfortunately, it’s based on a False premise. The Rambam says Klorr that Killing is worse than Chillul Shabbos!
Who are you to argue on the Rambam just to make a point?
HaLeiVi -“Health, you asked earlier who’s whim it should be up to.(!) It shouldn’t be up to anyone’s whim. If they want to have an article about an Hashkafic topic, it should be penned by an Adam Gadol.”
Do you think Gedolim have time to write articles? When you start your mag -I’d like to see how many Gedolim you get to write for it.
“Hashkafa, especially something from the Ikrei Emuna, is not to based on someone’s musings.”
Who said that this was what he based his article on? He based it on the way he was taught acc. to those Shittos who hold like him.
When you make your mag, you will include every Shittah possible.
“If an author would give some psychological advice I think the tables would turn.”
I doubt that, even if every shrink in the world disagreed with the author. He is entitled to his opinion. But in this case, he doesn’t have everyone arguing with him – he has plenty on his side!
Halevi – “Health, I don’t understand. If you don’t agree to my point of view, don’t read it!”
True, but I didn’t know that till I did. After that, I like to comment -my view.
If you don’t like what you read in a certain mag/paper, you might not be able not to not read what you already read, but in the future you certainly don’t have to buy/read that mag!
On the ball – I’m sorry to say you are quite wrong!
The Rambam in Hilchos Rozeach says right after the Mishna of Kipa – (I’ll translate) “We only do this for killing people and not for other people whom have to be killed by Bais Din. If they are required to get killed by Bais Din -we kill them; if not, not.
Even though there are Aveiros which are more Chamor than killing, they don’t have in them the destruction of the world like killing.
Even Avodah Zorah and for sure not Arayos or Chillul Shabbos, aren’t like Shificas Domim (killing)! Because these Aveiros are Bein Odom L’mokom, but killing are from the Aveiros of Beim Odom L’chaveiro and anybody whom has this Aveirah in their hand is a Rosha Gomor, etc…”
By the word “Chamor”, I think the Rambam means worse punishment.
I can understand your frustration about texting, esp. if it is a Dorysah, but screaming Fire and Brimstone never brought anybody back to Yiddishkeit on a long term basis. The saying goes -“You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar”!
Grubber yung -“it means there are sources who regard this as borderline heresy (Reb Aaron Kotler zt”l, for example, related in the name of the Vilner Gaon that this is not the correct view).”
After reading all the posts above it seems that this Shitta is more of a Daas Yochid than the other.
“Such a questionable concept should not be sold by ANYONE as a dovor poshut, without giving the slightest mention of those who vehemently disagree.”
Since this is what they hold, they aren’t required to bring down the other Shittos.
“I personally think that the Ami should stick to recipes, and leave sensitive topics in Judaism to everyone’s respective rebbeim.”
You are entitled to your opinion, but they aren’t going to listen to you because that’s not what sells mags!
If you feel that they aren’t up to your Haskafa standards -you should definitely not buy/read it.
Coming here and trying to make an argument that they are Chazar Treif won’t work because they have at least one Shitta to be Someach on!
And btw, I have never bought this mag in my life.
42 – Eating them is instead of burning them on the altar (Mizbeach).
Halevi -“I agree very much that Hashkafa is a serious thing and shouldn’t be up to some author’s whim.”
So who should it be up to -the editor/publisher? If you don’t think that something you read is upto par, don’t buy or read it.
“If we wouldn’t care about our children, and ourselves seeing Kosher Hashkafa, why do we need Chareidi papers?”
People buy these things because generally they are better than goyishe papers, but there is no guarantee everything in them is upto par. You have to be the Mashgiach on what comes into your home -it’s not the job of the paper/mag.
Grubber Yung – “Needless to say, most frum Yidden with knowledge in basic emuna would be appalled with such a concept being sold as acceptable. that was the fiery discussion I overheard.
These were not mere ‘hockers’, they were upstanding mature yungerleit, who were genuinely bothered by this infiltration of questionable literature and values into their homes.”
I think the yungerleit should spend less time in the coffee room and more time in the Bais Medrash. Even if it is a Daas Yochid that the mag is going by, it’s fine. The mag isn’t a Pilpul Shiur -they aren’t required to bring down every Shitta. If the Shitta that they decided to go by isn’t what you hold -then by all means refrain from buying/reading this mag!
Dr. Pepper – I always thought that the guys/gals who just cut it off without even a word was a lack of Mentchlichkeit. After this story maybe it’s better to do like those people -ya know like send a text -Nice knowing you, etc. If I ever have to break off a girl, I definitely won’t do it in person!
common seichel – While I agree that most kids are spoiled nowadays, I don’t think this causes divorces per se.
If it did most people getting married would end up divorced.
Wolf – Did you ever hear once a joke -twice a dope? These posters obviously don’t read all the posts before posting, but why must you keep leading them on like this? Enough already, get your kicks by doing something else!