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It’s more awkward when the wife is a professional and her hubby is not: Mr. & Dr. Chaim Cohen (as I’ve seen too often) is plain wrong.
Should be Mr. Chaim and Dr. Chaya Cohen or Mr. Chaim Cohen and Dr. Chaya Levy. Or what about just Chaim and Chaya?
I have tried to do what R’ Paysach Krohn suggested: I keep a list of the eligible (and interested) people I meet and keep them in mind to match them. I haven’t made a shidduch yet. For some reason, most of the people I know are older singles — bachelor men. I don’t have ladies for them because they inevitably want a gal who can still have babies! The idea of setting up Mr. 60 with Ms. 35 is unappealing, both to me and Ms. 35. What’s a potential shadchan to do?
@just my hapence- I think you’re on the right track. Friends should set up friends and people shouldn’t only rely upon the professionals.
@walton157 – I scrape and stack! and it didn’t make a whit of difference to my bashert. We use colored tablecloths, too. What a great shidduch!
“But Zaidy I don’t understand is it your story or moshes story”
“Yonaleh, zat is vat happens ven you let Pupoh into ze Shtory again. Now let me continue.”
Nancy knew that the bein hazmanim radio waves could jeopardize her remaining 6 lives and she would be joining Vladimir in cat-olam haba. Feh! He was a grumpy old cat anyhow and she didn’t miss him much, that old tuna-breathed, mangy cuss. Besides, although she chose to transport everyone to the time of the first bais hamikdash, she realized that the lazy 21st-century humans were unsuited to hard work requiring physical labor other than pushing virtual buttons. She paused to groom her flank then spoke to the crowd.
“People, listen up. And someone get me some catnip. There’s a crisis brewing in Tinseltown, a massive crisis. The holiday movie releases are coming out and, if I must say so myself, they are all B-O-R-I-N-G. No masterful felines (as in “Bringing Up Baby”) and no cartoon cats (as in the intro to “The Pink Panther”).” She licked her tail suddenly with a convulsive movement that caused the humans to shrink back. “We’re here, back in time, to rectify this foul (and I don’t mean chickens or turkeys) situation.”
“Now here’s the plan.”
Suddenly, the coconut spoke to her in a raspy, dry voice from a full-lipped mouth set under the “eyes” and “nose.”
MorahRach- I wish you much nachas from your child(ren)!
Having a new baby is stressful in itself: hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, body changes, new demands on time and energy. Are you getting enough time to take care of yourself??? This will not improve your finances, but will help you feel more like a menschette. This pampering doesn’t have to be costly. You deserve it. It will put you more in the mind of being grateful and being able to speak to HaShem.
Some ideas you can do even if baby is awake:
-Plan a regular get together with a friend(s) who also has a new baby for coffee/tea and adult talk for an hour or two every week. Mommy Club?
-If you have a friend where you can leave the baby for an hour or two, take a nap. SLEEP has a way of changing our perspectives for the good!
-If they won’t help you financially, can you ask your MIL/FIL to come watch the baby so you can take a walk?
-Put on some of your favorite music and really listen for 5 minutes. Sing at the top of your voice.
-Exercise. Especially if you miss the gym. Use bags of rice for weights, or do jumping jacks.
-Do your nails (if you like that sort of thing).
-Visit a nursing home or bikur cholim with the baby. (It’ll cheer them up, too.)
-Get a massage.
-Bubble bath.
-Make a “home date” with hubby. Cook something special and yummy but low budget (look for vegetarian recipes online – beans & rice are cheap), light a candle, put on some perfume, have a drink together, like when you were dating.
IMO, your husband needs to ask his parents for financial help, and you said in your OP that he doesn’t want to talk about it. (The suggestion to ask for a “loan” was brilliant.) This is something between them and goes back further than when you entered the picture. I can understand and feel your resentment. It hurts to be treated unequally, but he’s not the only sibling in the world experiencing this. If he asks the folks and they say no, that should be the end of it, and you and hubby should move on from that point.
As yytz suggested, a very good thing is to pray for the in-laws and the siblings receiving $$$. If you carry a resentment, it will only hurt you and drag down your spirit. Ask HaShem to grant them all you wish for yourself: good health, parnassah, shelter, food, luxuries, etc. You’ll find yourself open to receiving HaShem’s bounty without feeling as stressed as you are. I wish you luck… and this too shall pass.
The noise rivaled the volume of a Miami Boys Choir concert or a band at a chasunah in a too small wedding hall: deafening.
“There is no time,” Henry replied, we have to…
“We have to get back to the original timeline, before the innkeeper’s head was chopped off!” He mixed a forgetfulness potion and prepared mugs for himself and Mohammed. “To the future’s past, drink up, drink up.” Both men lifted the mugs to their lips to drink when there was a banshee wailing at the window and they turned in unison.
A dark shape filled the window as the wailing got louder. Forty screaming babies couldn’t have made a more chilling sound. “Allah, save us,” Mohammed cried. “HaShem, reveal the mournful creature who disturbs us,” Henry pleaded.
The curtain parted and a shape pushed at its margin. Nancy the cat slid in. “Do not drink from the foul cup,” she hissed. “It is tainted with Brodrick’s curse.” The men dropped their mugs as Nancy pounced on the floor between them.
“Brodrick’s curse?” Mohammed asked. “Is that as bad a punishment as no Internet for a week because I bought Henry’s chair from Gimbles?”
Just as the innkeeper was about to reply, one of the travelers spoke up. “Hush, I just heard a strange noise in the courtyard.” His fellow travelers inclined their ears toward him. “A kind of a clanking, it was. Like iron shackles.”
The innkeeper drew back in fright. “The spies are everywhere. They seek to ruin our town. Quick – tell me where you spent last night.”
“We spent the night in the fields, but were in Michaelovets not a few days ago.” A man with a shaky voice spoke up. “We started out in Poruba weeks ago.” He sighed. “It has been difficult to leave our families behind, but if we do not accomplish our mission, they will all perish anyhow.”
The innkeeper thought a second. “It is not safe for you here. I will have to hide you. If what you heard what I fear it is, the soldiers are coming and none of us will be safe if they find travelers such as you here.” He urged them to finish their drinks quickly and then beckoned them to follow him into a dark entrance in the back wall of the inn.
Mood = input[{chocolate} + {peace & quiet}] – annoyance[{ringing phones}*{honking horns}*{lack of chocolate}]
Everything is better with chocolate!
whoopee!
Go Steelers!
@cb1- I just ran your lyrics to Ben Bag Bag through Google translate. I think I’ll make this the basis of my Purim shpiel.
???? ???? ???? ??????: ?????? ????? ???????? ?????, ????????? ????; ?????? ????????, ?????? ??????? ?????, ????????? ??? ????????, ??????? ???? ?????? ?????? ?????????
Result
Ben BG BG says: Make it uhfkh it, dkhlh it, which skhzi, if ublh it, and not szue, there have qualifications benefit himnh
No polish required for suede, plastic, or canvas shoes! I hear that a choshuva personality – Elvis – was partial to blue suede. Otherwise, let him wear Crocs and sneaks!
The shidduch process looks at qualifications in the same manner as a college looks at a prospective student: GPA, SAT scores, extracurricular activities, legacy status, references. Colleges try to estimate which students are most likely graduate, but it’s not a precise process.
So “qualifications” like scraping vs. stacking, number of crazy uncles in the family, paper/plastic, tablecloth color, and mother’s seatbelt usage are being used as metrics to estimate likelihood of marital success. Sheesh! We may as well be looking at shape of teeth or pronounciation of chOlam vs. chOYlam as qualifiers for marriage!
@postsemgirl- Galus is right! Shidduchim have been relegated to the realm of the insane!!!
@dhl144- keep on having fun! But don’t forget: GET MARRIED!
@Shoe store assistant-
The correct pronunciation for “shoe” varies: Crocs, Louboutin, Clarks, Thom McAn, Nike, Manolo, Ugg, Adidas, Dr. Martens, etc. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I crack myself up I am so funny!
And neither Southern vs. Yankee (or British vs. American) can be said to be more “correct” than the other. It is simply a difference in dialect and/or accent.
Just a linguistic note:
An accent refers to the influence of another language on the speaker’s pronunciation. Example: the speaker for whom Yiddish is the mamaloshen who speaks English with a Yiddish accent. This is not a technical explanation, but it seems to be more of a pronunciation issue, that the person cannot replicate the sounds of the second language as a native speaker would. While I have a good ear for languages, and am told my accent is “mitsuyan,” I cannot pronounce the Sephardic “ayin” as a native Hebrew speaker. And hubby left England 25 years ago but to our ears sounds like he just stepped off the plane. Some people just cannot replicate the precise way the language is spoken elsewhere. Many children raised in bilingual homes (example: my Dominican neighbors) can switch pronunciations easily, speaking English with no Spanish accent.
A dialect is a regional variation of a language, hence Southern American vs. British vs. Aussie, etc. This includes variations in vocabulary (truck/lorry), phrasing (Hi how are you/G’day mate), and specific regionalisms. Example: for “You” plural there’s “y’all” in the South, and “you lot” in England [PLUS: in Pittsburgh, people will say “yinz” or “yunz”]. Dialects can vary within a relatively small geographical area. Examples: how the “a” is pronounced in “wAter.” Pittsburgh- “a” as in “fAther” or “o” as in “cot,” New York- “a” as in “sAw” or “o” as in “office,” Philly- “oo” as in “foot.” I think this is the basis of the “chOlam” vs. “chOYlam” controversy.
Also: I don’t know whether Black American speech is a different accent or dialect! Remember “Ebonics”?
More to the point:
It is
- sad and shameful
that Jews ridicule or trivialize other Jews based on accent or dialect. Don’t think it doesn’t happen. I think G-d hears us however we speak to Him. We need to speak together to Him, am echad v’lev echad.
End of lecture and end of sermon.
whatdouthink:- It sounds as just in the space of only 4 weeks, that somehow, you already forgot the Haftoro read on the very 1st day of Sukkos.
In my version of Zechariah as well as in my Machzor, it talks about “Har Nivka” The Mountain splitting as in an earthquake, but there is absolutely no talk of Hurricanes.
boo hoo
Nobody cares where I am.
^ ^/
~
I have glasses for distance, glasses for reading, trifocals just because, and cheapie cheaters from the drug store. After enough l’chaims, I don’t care whether it’s dairy or not!
Just don’t try it with your contact lenses.
Aurora77- some of the posters are giving you quite complicated suggestions. The best suggestion is contact an Orthodox rabbi. If you determine you are halachically (according to Jewish law) Jewish through a valid maternal line, you will have the same learning curve in Jewish practice as you would if you are a gentile and required to (and decide to) convert. You will have the same learning curve, in fact, as many of us who grew up non-Observant and came to Torah Judaism as an adult, so called baalei tshuvah (BTs).
You need some good basic reading material. Two books I found helpful when I was becoming frum (Yiddish for Observant) were “To Be a Jew” by Rabbi Hayim H. Donin and “How to Run a Traditional Jewish Household” by Blu Greenberg.
Don’t get hung up on the nitty gritty of the law and do as my Rabbi counseled: take on ONE thing at a time, ONE thing that you can commit to changing.
And of course, the best teacher is a living human from whom you can learn the subtleties of Jewish living. It’s not all “do this and don’t do that” kinds of prescriptions and prohibitions. There’s a way of talking and interacting in the world that, unless you experience it, you won’t even realize it’s a choice and way of living. There are really people who speak and carry themselves consciously in a genteel manner, according to Torah values.
For example, in speech, a frum person might describe someone as a “not nice” person instead of “bad,” framing things in a positive manner. Or constructive criticism with a gentle edge: I was wearing a wrap-around skirt and my rebbitzen commented that a different style would be more becoming – rather than tell me my skirt was not appropriate. To a child doing something wrong: Es passt nisht (Yiddish – that behavior doesn’t become you; meaning “you are better than that.”) You can’t get this from books.
Learning the laws is the smaller part of the change/conversion. It is learning to THINK like a Jew that will be your life’s endeavor, leading to ACT like a Jew according to Torah. There’s a whole area of learning devoted to mussar – character development. But slowly, slowly. Take baby steps so you won’t be overwhelmed and be daunted by the amount of effort it will take. After 20 years you’ll look back and wonder how you lived any other way.
I’m all for basic scientific research such as the particle physics you disdained in your post. US Government spending for basic research in the past 3 decades has declined precipitously; concurrently, the US is lagging behind its stellar record of scientific discoveries and inventions of the earlier half of the 20th century.
The spending I am totally against is the inanity of the Democratic and Republican conventions!!!! How many tens of thousands of dollars are thrown away on balloons? (Of course, if I were the balloon merchant, I’d be thrilled!) Stop the insanity of these ninnies giving themselves self-congratulatory parties and get the governing people back in their offices!
Syag Lchochma- You DID comment on my comment and make some kind of continuity!!! How can we return the post to something “totally random with totally different subjects”?
Ever go to Wikipedia and click on “random article”? Here’s what I just got:
Soussey-sur-Brionne (France)
Snickers (workwear)
Camp Curtis Guild (Massachusetts Army National Guard)
Herbert Wiesinger (German former pair skater)
Chushiel ben Elchanan (10th cent. president of bet hamidrash in Tunisia)
Yuryaku Seamount (underground volcano west of Hawaii)
I feel smarter already!
@Toi- No, not RTK. yekke2 was right. the first three things JHF said are in every ?????.
You listen to any bochur talking and what do you hear? Complaints about food at the ?????! I’ve heard things from “the chicken was green” to “grateful the day after a chasunah because we get caterer’s leftovers.” I used to have some bochurim come to dinner regularly on Thursdays. Know what I served? Pancakes. Stacks and stacks of pancakes. With butter, syrup, veggie sausages — and no ketchup. Those were some happy boys going back to the dorms for some reason I don’t know. I could have served these guys burnt (kosher) dog food and they’d have lavished my cooking with praises!
…when you ring your mum just to talk instead of doing it under protest because she’ll nag you if you don’t.
…when you actually call guys by their first names.
…when you don’t coat all of your food in ketchup AND ketchup is not the only condiment you use (except for mayo on the gefilte fish).
…when you realize you haven’t had “mystery meat” on Tuesday for a while.
Don’t forget that the pregnancy and weight gain may have put some pounds/inches on and redistributed your weight. By necessity, our bodies change shape during pregnancy, and not just in the belly: the joints become more flexible, hormonal changes occur influencing where and how fats and protein are stored, and there is increased blood circulation and water retention. This is natural. Don’t believe all of the anti-female, Madison Ave., fashion magazine garbage that is designed to SELL things to consumers. You are wise to try to shape up and eat moderately. But don’t do it at the expense of your sanity, health, or baby’s health!
Your proudest achievement should be being a Jewish mother. Your body was created for this by the One Who is Perfect. Love yourself as you are; Hashem made you this way.
Hold onto THAT one. He sounds like a real keeper… And make him feel like the handsomest, smartest guy in the world, while you’re at it.
Ditto what oomis said! How blessed you (both) are!
And now something completely different:
I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK…
I think the POINT
is that the colored shirt
says something about the guy’s
GENERAL LIFESTYLE.
Lifestyle-shmifestyle. You’re either a Torah-observant Yid or you’re not. Brony, you don’t get it. You’re perpetuating a limited perspective. A colored shirt says NOTHING about the person’s character. I know a Rosh Kollel from a very distinguished line who doesn’t wear only black suits! Tiens (as the French would say)! What Lifestyle does that represent?
And, when talking color, purple, blue, scarlet, and crimson are distinguished because they are the colors of the covering of the mishkan. I don’t think PINK is mentioned anywhere. As far as pink being feminine, it’s a myth. The trend toward “color-coding” babies took off in the early 20th century. In earlier times, babies were dressed in white or other color, and even little boys wore skirt-like apparel. Pretty much after World War II boy babies started being dressed in blue preferentially and girls in pink; but you can read the history as well as I can and see it is arbitrary.
My biggest fear is that I won’t come up with a suitably witty dare and y’all won’t think I’m funny.
<:-*
Is a bug zapper muter on Shabbos?
I knit “wacky” socks.
@PBA – <razzberries>
I’m only sticky when it’s hot & humid outside. Left, right, front, back, top, bottom – I always stick.
do girls think its weird for guys to wear colorful, “wacky” socks
I love it! I’m knitting hubby some wacky socks, in fact!
About the colored shirts:
Hubby wears white shirts on Shabbos and Yom Tov. Hubby and I met on a frum dating site. Well after the wedding he pointed out to me that all of his profile photos showed him in different outfits just to emphasize that he’s not a white-shirt-only guy … but I never noticed! (Actually, the one photo I really liked was in B&W. LOL
I think it’s weird to make such a big to-do over shirt color or “wacky socks.” It’s actions and middos that count. There wouldn’t be such a “shidduch crisis” if we taught our children to ignore the fashion and focus on the personality.
I found the book “My Father, My King” by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin to be a valuable tool in personalizing my relationship with HKB”H. Also the “Praying with Fire” series is designed to assist us to get into our davening and add spark to it. Good luck… and I’d like to read about any successful experiences you have.
If you warp that triangle through another dimension and do a tesseract, combine it with the G-d particle, and pepper it with Higgs bosons, it is possible that enough theoretical physicists will define the triangle in terms of strings and provide other shapes for your idle consideration, such as a 2-sided Mobius strip, a square sphere, and the inside of a donut.
By the way, what is the sound of one hand clapping?
@yita- Thanks!
…and that’s why I’m not dieting (tonight).
So
emthat’s/emwhy I’m on a diet! I just thought I was on a diet because I’m fat!Left hand 3rd finger is American way. When wearing both wedding band and engagement ring on same finger, the wedding band is placed closer to the palm, i.e., closer to the heart. Russians wear wedding band on right hand 3rd finger.
@Nechoma –
emthe second finger of her right hand (the finger where the chassan puts it on her during the chuppah)emThe finger the chosson puts the wedding band is the index finger (pointer) on the right hand in all the cases I know about. Then the kallah transfers it to her 3rd finger left hand at some point.
Dear Popa bar Abby,
Is it true that “On the Internet, Nobody Knows You’re a Dog”? … gotta go… the Gravy Train is getting soggy in the bowl…….
Signed,
My Dog Has Fleas
( then again how many people here understand hebrew and yiddish fleuntly??)
We would have been just as happy with Finnish and Latvian.
woo woo! The sarcastic bunch inflames the serious once again! Score: 1-0!
Frank Sinatra rules!
…er, wrong forum….
Shwekey rules!