Forum Replies Created
always here – you took the words right out of my mouth!
Mod 80 – I wrote that comment as an immature response to what health wrote. With you specifically in mind I deleted it. At least I thought I had. 🙁
Forgot to guardmytongue
Some people become nurses because they know how to treat people nicely, the rest become doctors, PA’s and NP’s.
Sorry, I’m not usually so nasty but I am so tired of listening to all the ‘shtochs’ from certain posters.
6. Sarah Shapiro
9. – really, or are you joking?
And btw I LOVE that song, and, “I will survive”. But that is VERY much btw.
A sister, (with more redeeming qualities than I ever could have) who died young. I decided to (try to)emulate her middos in her zchus. And definitely my husband. Indirectly, through books and tapes, I have been shaped by Rabbi Dr. Twersky and Rabbi Tatz.
mods – are you sure Bed-Stuy is really Joseph? Isn’t it really in character for him to fess up, is it? And btw, I never even saw a resemblance between you and poppa.
It is Joseph. We have the deleted posts as evidence, you do not. Most definitely Joseph
Health – I try to be VERY careful about what discussions I get involved in and if you weren’t entering the health field I would let this go. For your own benefit, and at your own pace, I recommend you print out this thread and re-read it. Notice your tone, notice the pattern of the content of your retorts and how you chose, at times, to ‘retaliate’ instead of address. I mean well, please don’t be offended, but I am also a health care provider and I know how important a providers attitude is in any healing process. You sound angry and defensive and probably don’t need to be. Everyone hear has opinions and we are all entitled to them, even when we aren’t agreeing.
Maybe Joseph is a dibbuk living in a motherboard. Or the yetzer horah testing our patience and dibbur. Just a thought.
Yes, I am joking.
I don’t think you realize that you guys are making two totally different points. You aren’t disagreeing with each other, you are just mis-hearing each others points (seemingly :)) You cannot always help how you feel about the people you do chessed for or the way they make you feel, and I don’t think you have to enjoy them. But what makes you lose the schar (if I understand correctly)is complaining AFTERWARDS that the person was xyz or that you are sorry you bothered. You don’t lose the schar from being resentful of their behavior or wishing they weren’t so obnoxious, it’s the choice you make when it is done to be resentful or regretful. See the difference?
I don’t really get the ‘checking the profile’ proof, unless it’s just the similarity of the extensiveness. I never pay attention to names when I read posts so I never form profiles, but now that I’ve read that C”H from the pulpit thread I find it facinating. If it was a bunch of different users from one IP address they would have to have been sitting on each others laps! (I know cuz I have 3 users on my laptop and we can rarely be part of the same conversation unless we do just that) But I must say that if the posts are from the midwest, I could swear I recognize the personality as a former schoolmate. I’m just not sure that he would have such a good command of yeshivish dialects/terms.
“I’m bored, there’s nothing to do in bed.”
EH – then let me re-word my point. Babies that R”L are not expected to make it through birth, are already in distress, are showing no vital signs etc are all sent to the hospital to be delivered, and that skews the stats. And btw, neither overdue nor age put you in high risk. And neither was VBAC a high risk issue. With all three I was still considered low risk to the OB and used a hospital midwife.
we call kids who don’t like to exert much energy for anything ‘conservationists’
These posts are so long I don’t even know if they are being read but for some reason I feel compelled to bring up one tiny little point. The stats of mortality in home vs. hospital births has a ridiculous premise if you consider the fact that ONLY LOW RISK PREGNANCIES END IN HOME BIRTH and ALL the high risk pregnancies are added to the mortality stats of the hospital births! (just an annoying point I needed to get off my chest)
You are 100% correct. But my point was that those aren’t reasonable estimates for people in Kollel or teaching. We don’t consider 6 phones, many of us have one unlimited and one pay as you go or prepaid. I assume utilities varies state to state but we pay $400 per month (our house is considerably smaller I assume). Those numbers aren’t unreasonable, but they aren’t realistic for the purchases and lifestyle we have chosen for ourselves. (I never know how my tone comes across in posts so let me add I am not arguing or even disagreeing, just giving a view from ‘my side of the fence’)
And as a post script, now that I have read GAW – I won’t even use the services of others who go off-the-books, I’m with you on that. But my kids don’t go to camp because we can’t afford it. We drive a yeshivishe car because it’s all we can buy, we wear a lot of hand-me-downs and I can’t even imagine what food you can spend 18K a year on, I spend $200 a week on my ‘millions of kids’, 4 kids shouldn’t come close to that.
did you really mean 24K for utilities? And 4K for phones? (I pay $100 per month for land and cell. Don’t have more, so I don’t spend more) I live out of NY so Our mortgages are more like $1700-2000 but why so much for utilities and phone? And who leases cars when they have income issues? $1000 plus should be more than enough to own two cars. I think that if you have the lifestyle listed above you may be outta luck. My guess is that those of us living on much less (ridiculously less 🙂 ) aren’t even looking to cover those types of bills because we are buying differently.
“But the medical community is a defensive bunch, they don’t want anyone telling them there is an alternative.”
I was actually gonna say the same thing but the reverse. So much of what frumladygit wrote is based on articles, not facts. The pitocin info, epidural info for starters. I know a lady who almost died from being pregnant! So do we stop being pregnant? And my great grandmother had to take her mother to the mikvah because there were no shomrim, should I ask my mother to come with me too? Do something because you believe in it and let others do the same. What is the point in bringing up one story to disprove ten others? You don’t like the medical field so don’t use it. And I say the same to hospital birth people, there is a responsible doctor on premises at home births, just like when a midwife does a hospital birth, and all your talk about lack of safety is inaccurate . Advocate for what you believe in without putting the others down! I delivered 7 babies in a hospital with midwives and had one emergency c-section and I believe that most of you who had bad hospital experiences should try a different doctor. Our hospitals are nothing like the ones you describe, even with the OBs. Not all frum people are personified by the idiot who yelled at you in the grocery store, and not all home births/hospital births are like the one you lived through or heard about from your friend.
I am surprised by the response to this satirical post. I get offended by almost every conversation/argument in the CR and therefore don’t come often but I thought this was hilarious. I ONLY thought so because the OP was obviously picking things that people DON’T do and was just giving us a laugh at ourselves (himself included). It didn’t make fun of any political group or individual (as opposed to those who were supposedly offended by the rudeness but jumped right in with personal attacks and insults of their own). I cannot tell anyone what to take personally and what not, but I would definitely put my vote in the ‘meant no harm’ column.
After many years of dating I ‘took a break’ from shidduchim to work at a summer job. A month later I ended up engaged to one of the co-workers. He was such a new BT that nobody would ever have considered fixing him up with anyone, but enough time with him proved he was already more connected to Hashem and committed to Yiddeshkiet than most people, myself included. Twenty years later he still amazes me and I have become someone I never would have otherwise. Hashem surely has his ways.
Gosh, thanks guys. I suddenly feel so . . . popular 😉
I assume you’re joking. There is little to no connection between commenting on your posts and being the popular person with the good job and kids. More like some people aren’t used to acknowledging new faces and others go out of their way to be friendly (like blinky!)
Ma Chovaso – thanks for saying that, I feel the same way. I know it’s not intentional but you can find yourself commenting on discussions and only the regulars get answers from each other. I just figured I was too boring to notice but now I’ve heard from you and a friend that it’s not just me :}
We lost a very special friend with a name I hated. I wanted to give the name anyway but he died young and so had the person he was named for. We were told we could use the name and just add another one but I was nervous. In the end the baby was born on the parsha with that name mentioned in it. I figured that was my answer.
Had this problem many times. Once we didn’t want to name a baby after a very beloved grandfather for legitamate hashkofik reasons. And my mother would never have asked me to even though I know how badly she wanted it but we try to name very carefully. I ended up reading three books/magazines during my last month that all recapped the SAME dvar torah about schar for kibbud av v’aim. I felt that it was a sign but couldn’t rectify the issue. In the end he was born over two weeks late on that grandfathers birthday. (After checking with our Rav) we gave him the name which was “Yirachmiel” which means “Hashems mercy” with the kavvanah that Hashem should have mercy on people who have to name babies in order to give their parents kavod. (Even though my mother MORE than deserved it. If my grandfather had not run away from home to escape Torah it would never have been an issue).
oomis – whenever I see your posts I could swear you are my other screen name.November 30, 2010 3:27 am at 3:27 am in reply to: How to know if a thought is from the Yetzer Tov or the Yetzer Hara #713572
I remember being taught that if you feel an urgency to run to do it, it is probably the YH sending you.
My brother had a great alarm clock. Every morning it beeped really loudly until I couldn’t take it anymore and I would pound him til he got out of bed. I once told him to go get an alarm clock that works and he said, “Why bother, this one has never failed to get me out of bed on time”.
“Put in the yegiah and you will find!”
Sounds pretty obvious what it meant.
(I edited my next comment. I am guarding my tongue)
I recognize so much of my passion in your responses and feel like you deserve more of an explanation than heckles for this exchange. I will say that I learned a life lesson worth sharing – though you will have to come to it on your own. It is that the people who annoy you are doing it because its fun(ny) to them. Answering them is so beneath you. You would have not even bothered sitting next to them IRL, and that is regardless of what kippa they wear. But the need you feel to answer, because now they have dissed you or whatever, I really, really believe that their pigheadedness, onesidedness, rudeness (fill in per the situation) speaks for itself. We all read their comments and roll our eyes and say, “well that was pretty narrow minded (or random or whatever)” and move on. Don’t waste your breath. Legitamate comments deserve responses. Let the personal attacks fall at your feet and step over them.
aries, I must say that now that I have heard the pain you are in by reading other posts I would not say anything at all to hurt you. I spend very little time here so I may be wrong, but I think that you may not realize how strong your bite is. You have made many comments that I find harsh and personally hurtful and have resisted the temptation to answer (and many I agree with but would word differently). The mean responses are probably more because of your tone and wording than your ideas or self. I too lost my mother recently and share some of your other pains as well, but I hear you not understanding that some of the fighting words directed at you are not meant for you personally, they are, IMO, knee jerk responses to the way you sometimes say things.
I hope you find a source of comfort to guide you thru the rest of life’s trials 🙂
and btw – Mod 80 – that was my favorite book. I didn’t even know anyone else had heard of it.
Why do you assume his intent was to ruffle feathers? His comments are what I usually think five minutes after I sign in and two minutes before I sign out. Nothing personal, I think everyone is just having fun, but it’s not for everyone. Instead of trying to change everyone else, I just leave and (as someone just put it) go on with my life.
This sounds like a sensory problem. Is it something different? I have helped many people with sensory problems decrease their auditory sensitivity through overall SI treatment for hypersensitivity and through auditory retraining (I use The Listening Program because it is the most cost effective and I have had the best results with it). It really makes a HUGE difference (note that I said difference, not cure). If it isn’t related to sensory integration processing or dysfunction then this may not be the right solution.
soggy food in the sink!!!!!! Gag!!!!!!!!!
I was telling my 3 year old the Pesach story and he asked if Paroah was still alive. I said no and he said, “That’s too bad cuz he would be good friends with Haman”
my student once asked, “If Avraham Avinu and Sarah Emainu were married, why did they have different last names?”
My 3 year old asked me if we were going to the store. I told him we were going straight home. He was quiet and then said, “You mean we aren’t gonna turn any times?”
Same kid responding to another claiming to be right handed,”Am I a righty or a wrongy?”
I got upset at my three year old and yelled, “Cut it out already!”. My son looked all teary and said,”don’t yell at us, we’re just kids”November 8, 2010 3:27 am at 3:27 am in reply to: Molesters: Why Do Some In Our Community Cover For Them? #711842
I don’t understand bringing children to a mikvah. I thought boys are not supposed to see their fathers without clothes and I wouldn’t want them seeing anyone elses father without clothes.
I can’t tell if your tone is informative or condescending, but my point was not to disagree with you. I just don’t feel comfortable with all these strong comments about the yeshivish world and frum schools when it may be more accurately about the NY yeshivish world and the NY frum schools. People outside those worlds read these posts and I worry about representing us all with such broad strokes. No offense intended.
Believe me, I do and I have. I just know that there is a lot more to the world than your focus seems to see. I am as passionate as you about the things you speak of and am the first to string up the hypocrites by their toenails. But there are cities out there that don’t operate the way you think everyone is operating. I don’t want to get into the NY vs. not NY politics, I don’t know where you live and don’t know if that is a contributing factor, but so much of what you are talking about is not going on everywhere. We have plenty problems of our own but it isn’t fair to assume we all have the ones you experience.
Aries – I think you should try moving. With all due respect (and I do mean that) what you are saying is VERY true for some places but very untrue for others. Please speak less globally as not all of our cities/schools are as you see them.
I second that, and that includes anonymous CR chat rooms!
I agree that it seems the OP read a different article. It also seems that people (myself formerly included) love the opportunity to blame lousy rebbes for all of the world’s evil. While I agree that many of the kids out there (including kids and siblings of my own) are not resilient enough to withstand some of the stupid comments made to them by educators (or should I say ‘educators’) this was NOT the topic of this thread. People who use the internet and accidentally find themselves looking at porn have a VERY hard time not returning to it. They had no intention of going there and they get drawn in. And as Moq said, the pull is like nothing you know. The late nights staring at the computer are just a hop away, and one kid I worked with was up so late on chats and bad sites he started sleeping through minyan. He felt he probably was just a hypocrite in Gd’s eyes anyway. Unless you know or work with good people who this has happened to (and unfortunately I am in that line of work) you cannot understand. If you are thinking that the whole thing is ridiculous, than you should be thanking Gd because many around you have not been so fortunate. And you didn’t need to be in a bad place or with one foot out the door. Exposure to this type of stuff is addictive. And of the men who are admitted porn addicts, 70% said they were introduced to it online by accident and NOT from looking for it (percentage given at a lecture on addiction)
popa – pas nisht
Been there personally, professionally and as a parent. I spend as much time educating parents on sensory stuff as helping the kids manage. Each kid is different, even though they are so alike, so not all advice is generic. I will throw out a couple tricks I have used with success. First, inside out sock are often as good as seamless. A shoe that is 1/2 size too big will sometimes prevent the sock from being annoying because the toes have more room. I have dealt with tzitzis and button down shirts too. I find there are generally three rules of thumb that I hold consistent.
1) Never avoid the dislike but never force it. You have to ‘keep their toes in the water’ to prevent developing anxiety over the dislikes.
2) Sensory issues on a kid with sensory dysfunction should be treated ASAP by an OT. If you get a good therapist it always works at least a little. If it doesn’t work, switch therapists.
3) Sensory issues on a kid on the spectrum are harder to eradicate but can be ‘accommodated’, ‘dealt with’, ‘worked on’ (choose your buzz word)
The most success I have had is when the child trusts me completely that I will never force these ‘toxic’ things/feelings on him. For those who can understand the language, I tell them that there are things they CAN’T tolerate, and there are things they would rather not tolerate (but in a BIG way) and I will definitely make them do things they prefer not to do but I will NEVER cross the line. When they really trust, they will sometimes meet me an inch at a time.
Sorry for the lecture, I love this subject and autistic kids. I think I was either a gilgul of an autistic person or I was supposed to be one but wasn’t. I think they are the most spiritual beings.
Here’s my huge hashkofik quandry. I believe that it is no coincidence that if you list the things that the sensory kids struggle with the most:
button down shirts
sitting for long periods
you will have a list of how a frum person needs to dress, behave or spend his day. Is this the challenge of our generation?
I was sure we were told on ‘seminary night’ that Mezuraz is starting this coming year (but it sounds like some of you know people who are already there?) and will run from Av til December. It was given over as higher level learning and ‘strong caliber of BY girls’. It is supposed to be a full years worth of sem in a 4-5 month span of time. Sounds awesome if you are in a rush to get back for winter semester, aren’t the ‘sem type’ or don’t get in to a full year program of choice.
Can’t there ever be a thread where nobody feels the need to put someone down or say things that are less than tzanua?
When I have so much piled on my head like that I decide which two things I am going to deal with first. Then I tell myself that I can’t worry about any of the other stuff til I finish with the first two. It gets me started and I deal with it all a bite at a time. And when I start to freak that I have so much more waiting in the wings, I remind myself that I am only focusing on the first bite first. If I tell myself to relax but don’t break the load down it never works.
I agree that it has no place. It bothers me very much.